** Disclaimer in Part One   ** 

Previous installments can be found at:  www.autumnpenguins.com 

******************* 

"Kitty, you promised last time that it was the end of your necrophilia phase!"  Rogue said exasperated.

"I said no such thing," Kitty said with as much dignity as one can while straddling a corpse. 

"You're exact words were 'its just something I need to get out of your system.'" Rogue reminded her fetishy friend.

"Look, can we talk about this later?  Leader boy here ain't gonna be warm forever."  

"Fine, just find me when you're done and have taken a shower, or five."  Rogue muttered and went back to contemplating the man of her dreams. 

Meanwhile, said man was being given the latest updates on what had happened at the mansion since he'd last been there.  Xavier was leading the way, floating along in midair.  He'd decided that as long as he was a telepath, no chair would confine him.  Instead he chose to float along on a red silken cushion, and set it on the floor at his will.  Logan just shrugged it off, the man had always been weird, he figured he'd just continue to sink into senility as he aged and that was just fine.  On Logan's right was the newly widowed Dr. Jean Grey-Summers. 

"Shouldn't you be burying your husband?"  Logan queried. 

"How can you say that?  I just became a widow!" Jean sniffed. 

Logan just stared at her.  Even with tears on her face, her make-up was still perfect.  He wondered why her mascara wasn't running, and then he noticed the small spray bottle she was holding in her hand.  Apparently, she didn't love Scott as much as everyone had assumed she did.  "We've had the privilege of gaining several young people, and one celebrity.  He opened the door and the three entered a corridor Logan hadn't seen the first time he'd been to the mansion. 

Inside was a very harassed looking blonde.  Logan noticed she was wearing a straight jacket.  "Logan, this is Avril Lavigne."  Xavier said pleasantly.  

"Let me out of here already.  Or at least tell me what holding me here's all about!"  Avril growled.

Jean and Xavier began to snicker uncontrollably.  Logan looked puzzled.   

"We told you what this was ABOOT!" Jean cackled. 

"Oh screw you.  Ya dumb bitch." Avril replied. 

"What's her mutation, and why's she locked up?"  Logan asked. 

"Well, Miss Lavigne is in the music industry, and yet she somehow has the ability to keep her shirt on!"Xavier chimed, clapping excitedly before overbalancing and toppling off his pillow. 

"As to the jacket, she has gonorrhea of the brain.  She's crazy." Jean said seriously.

"There's no such thing!" the singer screamed. 

"Obviously she's highly disturbed in her brain.  She refuses to acknowledge that she's both a mutant and a Canadian.  Although, truthfully I don't know if I would be able to deal with both at the same time."  Xavier said, oblivious to the fact that he was insulting Logan and Avril at the same time. 

"I'm Canadian and a mutant and there's nothing wrong with me either." Logan growled up. 

"Of course not." Jean said with a patronizing look.

"We'll be back to check on you again tomorrow.  If you can't admit your condition, we'll start the torture."  Jean threatened. 

"What?  These chats of ours aren't bad enough?"  Avril shot back. 

Jean just narrowed her eyes in response before ushering the two men out of the room.  She slammed the door with her telekinesis before Avril had a chance to dash out.  "I'll get that Canadian, and her big mouth too!" Jean shrieked, before running off in the direction of her lab. 

Not wishing to hear himself or his countrymen insulted again, he turned to the professor.  "You know who I hate?" 

"The recently departed Scott Summers?"  Charles guessed. 

"No.  The English.  They think they're so smart with their tea and their humor.  Oh, and their arrogance."  Logan said pointedly before stalking out to the mansion grounds.  

"Well, that was uncalled for" Xavier said huffily before floating away to do whatever it was he did all day.  

****************

            Jubilee and Rogue were sitting in the Rec room waiting for Kitty to return, so they could begin their planning session. 

            "Jubes, do you think Kitty has a problem?"  Rogue ventured.

            "What, with the whole humping dead guys thing?  I dunno, it was shocking with Collossus, but it just looses its shock value after that.  Besides, everyone's got their kinks" Jubes shrugged and returned to filing her nails. 

            A few minutes later Kitty entered the room, fully showered to the relief of Rogue.  "Hey Kit, pop a squat," Jubes started, "no, wait you already have" the girl snickered. 

            Kitty shot the laughing girl a dirty look but didn't say anything.  

            "So, I want to get Logan. I need a plan."  Rogue cut straight to the chase.  

            "And you're asking my advice?" Kitty asked in surprise. 

            "Well, aside from boffing dead guys, you've got a solid mind Kitty."  Jubes threw in helpfully.

            "But Logan looks at me like I'm a retarded zebra!"  Rogue wailed. 

            Jubilee and Kitty rolled their eyes; it was inevitable that another Rogue tantrum was approaching them. 

            "Rogue, come back and talk to us when you're done bawling your eyes our."  Kitty said simply as she and Jubilee left the room.

*********** 

            A walk around the grounds had done nothing to improve his mood.  He'd been back for less than two hours and already his sheep had been bitten, he'd killed a man, had his country insulted and began to doubt the perfection of his dream woman.  Could the day get any worse? 

"Bwerjejkekh Wogwenna"the voice of Bobby Drake rang out.   

            "What the hell?"  Logan asked, puzzled by the boy's muttering. 

            "He said, welcome home Logan." St. John said. 

            "Why does he sound like that? What's wrong with his lips?"  Logan went on. 

            "There was an accident a few weeks after you left."  St. John began. 

            "You know Bobby liked Rogue right?"  

            "I figured."  Logan said a little too sharply.

            "Well…………" 

*********

            Bobby had been chasing after Rogue for weeks.  Ever since her arrival, something about the brown haired girl had caught his eye.  He'd been flirting with her, trying to capture her attention in all sorts of ways.  Unfortunately for him, she'd been mooning over Logan, even though the man had essentially left her.  True, it was to find his past, but Bobby used this fact to advantage.   

            He took it upon himself to sprinkle it into conversations on a daily basis.  This day was no exception.  "Hey Rogue, how're you handling Logan's leaving?"

            Rogue whirled on him furiously. "Is that all you can do?  Taunt me with that everyday when you know how I feel?" 

            "I didn't mean to." He said softly. 

            "Well, what did you mean then?" 

            "I mean that I want to kiss you, very badly."  Bobby blurted out. 

            "You mean you don't want to be any good at it?"  Rogue said sardonically.

            "What?" 

            "Never mind, just come here."  Rogue said, pulling him in for a kiss. 

            Bobby enjoyed it for a split second, and then he felt the pull.  Rogue pushed him away, but the damage had been done.  He couldn't feel his lips at all.  

            The effect hadn't gone away in a few hours as Kitty had guessed.  Jean had diagnosed him with feline leukemia, but unsurprisingly, he didn't put any stock into what she said.  His lips had remained without feeling, and Bobby lost the ability to do much more than babble and drool.  He was fed by IV, and St. John had been appointed to interpret for him.

******* 

"Huh.  Well that sucks."  Logan said, and strolled back to the mansion.   

The dinner bell had rung and Logan found himself looking forward to a good square meal.  Although, from all that had changed since his last visit, he was a little apprehensive as to what the meal would bring. Then there was always the matter of the Canadian imprisoned in the mansion.  Clearly, there were quite a few things that needed fixing around here.  For now, Logan shrugged it off and stepped into the dining room. 

***********