A few annoying author's notes before getting on with the show: This is where the R rating comes in: lots of swearing. For those of you who read Chapter 1 when I first posted, Alliance Technologies is now in Las Cruces since there's a huge government complex there, making it a much more logical setting than Lordsburg. And of course, I only own Alia and those surrounding her that weren't created by Stephen J. Cannell, etc. Now on with the story!
****
Back at the apartment, Hannibal stubbed out his cigar and hung up the phone. "Well, Alia Benekopoulos worked at Alliance Tech's Las Cruces, New Mexico, lab until she disappeared a week ago," he told an agitated BA. "Apparently her supervisor, Gordon Jones, is offering a hefty reward for her return. It seems Alia was working on several top-secret projects that rival nations would pay through the nose for copies of the plans, and whenever someone calls asking for Alia, the call is immediately transferred to Jones. Looks like Alia and her story check out after all."
"I still don't like it, Hannibal," BA growled. "She lied to us!"
"I understand that, BA, but I believe that she was just testing us. We already had a bunch of guys impersonate us. And, as I said before, we really need that six grand. All those charity gigs drained us of most of our supplies and cash."
Suddenly a man and a woman's shouts echoed down the corridor of the apartment building. Face practically kicked in the door cradling his red, slightly swollen left hand with Alia still yelling at him. Murdock walked in behind the bickering couple covering his ears and rolling his eyes. Both Hannibal and BA shot him quizzical looks, trying to figure out what happened during the rescue mission.
"Blondie sucks!" Alia hollered in Face's ear. "One Way or Another is like It's a Small World: once you hear it, it won't get out of your head!"
"Oh yeah, and David Bowie and Queen are better?" Face shouted back.
"At least they don't seem to have a lack of lyrics!"
Face stomped over to the freezer, grabbed an ice pack, and held it on his left hand. "You know, you didn't have to try to break my hand over music," he grumbled.
"I told you not to touch my radio, but did you listen, no!" the brunette shot back. "Besides, if I wanted to break your hand, or anything else for that matter, I would've succeeded!"
Finally, Murdock stuck two fingers in his mouth and let out an ear-shattering whistle, silencing the bickering couple. The pilot sighed. "Colonel, they've been like this since I met 'em at the VA an' now I've got one gonzo headache from lisnin' to 'em yell at one 'nother for the entire ride here."
Hannibal tried to suppress a smile. "Losing your touch, Lieutenant?"
"No!" Face retorted. "This woman is a psychopath! She used Molotov cocktails to get everyone to evacuate the VA."
"You are such a pathological liar," groaned Alia. "It was only one Molotov cocktail. Can't you even get something that simple straight?"
Hannibal paused in the middle of lighting another cigar. "Let me get this straight, Face. You set fire to the hospital instead of scamming Murdock out?"
"I didn't do it!" replied Face, exasperated. "Alia keeps Molotov cocktails handy in her car trunk and decided to use one of them instead of busting Murdock out the less destructive way."
"Hey!" Alia retorted. "I got Murdock out without injuring anyone, didn't I? You know, it would've taken half the time of one of your pathetic cons and no one would've seen us if you hadn't popped my shoulder out of joint and stolen my keys!"
"Face!" exclaimed Hannibal with half feigned shock. "That's bad for business! How is it going to look when someone hears that we abuse out clients?"
"But, Hannibal!" Face whined.
"No buts, Face. We need to get moving if we want to be near Phoenix by nightfall."
"We goin' to Arizona?" asked Murdock.
"No, New Mexico," Hannibal replied.
Murdock's round, chocolate eyes lit up. "Roswell, New Mexico?"
"We're not going that far east," answered Alia. "I live in a town near Las Cruces."
"Aw, man! I wanted a chance at seeing some aliens!" moaned the pilot.
"Well, the neighbor's lawn gnomes look pretty damn weird," Alia added quickly. "And there are plenty of illegal Mexicans hanging around."
Hannibal clapped Murdock and Face on the back. "C'mon, guys," he said as he puffed on his cigar, "we have a lot of ground to cover. Jones and his lackeys should be on their way here as we speak."
Alia almost fell on the floor as she tried to hop up onto the counter. "Why would my boss and his men be heading for LA?" she asked suspiciously. "I didn't leave a trail for them to follow. I'm not some dumb ass chick, though some of you might think that." She glared at Face.
Hannibal smiled his patent "on the jazz" grin and removed the cigar from his mouth. "I called up Alliance Tech's Las Cruces lab to check your story while you were out. It turns out your boss, Gordon Jones, has a hefty reward for any information on your whereabouts or for anyone who brings you home in one piece. I told him that I'd be bringing you east on Interstate 10 to Las Cruces, New Mexico, alone. Jones undoubtedly sent some of his henchmen to intercept us halfway through the trip to nab you."
"Are you fucking nuts?!" cried Alia. "They're going to fucking kill me, dammit! Why the hell do you think I came here in the first place? You're supposed to keep them from murdering me, not hand them the gun to shoot me with!"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa there!" Murdock interrupted the brunette's tirade. "Let me get a few things straightened out. One: I'm the one who's nuts! Why else would I spend ten years in the psychiatric ward in the VA hospital? Two: Hannibal's plans may not seem like they're gonna work, but they always do. Three: Your language is as bad or worse than anythin' I heard in 'Nam!"
"Hey, if you had psychos trying to kill you and your only hope was a whacko guy, a guy who hates your guts, a suicidal leader, and a guy that looks like a bearded dyke, you'd be swearing your head off too!" Alia retorted.
BA snarled and lunged for the brunette, his gold-encrusted fists swinging dangerously close to her face. Alia squeaked in terror, grabbed Face by the arm, and threw him at the enraged sergeant as a human shield. While she tore off towards the other end of the apartment, Murdock and Hannibal tried to restrain BA, and Face attempted to block the black man's blows with his arms.
"BA, calm down!" said Murdock as he struggled to pin the sergeant's right arm to his side. "Leave Faceman alone! Besides, you can't kill our client!"
"She already paid us our normal fee," replied BA as he ceased beating on his fellow team members. "Why can't we kill her?"
Face opened one eye to make sure the black man wasn't going to hit him again, then lowered his arms. "BA has a good point," he said. "Why can't we let him kill the jerk and bury her out in some back lot, or at least let him slap her around a bit?"
"Because you think I'm cute?" Alia called from the bedroom.
"Yeah, cute like a vampire rabbit!" Face retorted.
"You mean like the white one in Monty Python's Search for the Holy Grail?" asked Murdock.
"The one that bit off the guys' heads?" Face questioned. Murdock nodded. "Yeah, that's Alia all right. The whole squeaking bit cinches it."
"You squeaked when I smacked your hand, wussy!" retorted Alia as she poked her head out from the bedroom.
"That was not a squeak!" Face replied defensively. "That was a gasp of pain."
"Uh, no, Face," Murdock interrupted. "That 'EEK!' was definitely a squeak."
"Whose side are you on, Murdock?" the lieutenant muttered.
Alia sauntered out of the bedroom and into the kitchen. "He's on the side that will help him get laid," she purred. "Something that seems to be totally alien to you, Peck."
Face glared daggers. "Why you little --!" he growled as he charged for Alia. Murdock tried to grab his friend as the brunette dashed back towards the bedroom door, but Face shook him off. The lieutenant closed in on Alia, but she reached the bedroom first and slammed the door in his face. Face had too much momentum and couldn't stop on the linoleum. He hit the door with such force, he fell to the floor.
Normally Murdock wouldn't have laughed at his friend's pain, but the whole scene was so comical that he couldn't help himself. It started with a small chuckle, then escalated to a full-blown cackle. Shit! Murdock thought. I'm gonna hafta run like a jackrabbit too if I don't shut myself up!
Face lay spread eagle on his back, trying to figure out whom he should kill first. Hannibal didn't make things easier by grinning ear to ear. For once it seemed that the only one on his side was BA. "Why me?" moaned the lieutenant. "Why do these things always happen to me?"
Hannibal walked over to Face and offered him a hand while trying unsuccessfully hide his smile. Alia poked her head out of the bedroom again to survey the situation. She smirked, "You make yourself such an easy target, Peck!"
"Face, you do have to admit that you walked right into that one," Hannibal replied as he hauled the lieutenant to his feet.
"More like you ran into it!" Murdock laughed.
Face straightened his suit and adjusted his tie. "I'm definitely not getting paid enough to put up with this abuse!" he muttered. "Are we going or not?" The sooner this is over, the better.
"You have a point, Face," Hannibal replied. "It's getting late. Everybody get your stuff and meet at the van in five."
"Uh, you mean besides me, right?" asked Alia.
Hannibal turned to their client and asked, "Are you coming with us or not?"
Face almost danced a victory jig, but decided to save it. Instead he smiled hoping that Alia would be remaining behind for whatever reason.
"I'm not getting in a moving motor vehicle with BA!" stated Alia. "I saw how you drive that ugly ride of yours. There's no way I'm riding in that van!" BA growled threateningly. "Besides," the brunette added quickly, "I have to get my Mustang back home."
"I ain't ridin' in any vehicle wi' you drivin'!" BA shot back.
"Looks like we're taking two vehicles," Hannibal mused as he finished his cigar.
****
Ten minutes later the team and their client assembled in the parking lot beside BA's van and Alia's Mustang. Alia had taken off her leather jacket and changed into jean cutoffs while the men gathered equipment. She scanned each of the men from head to toe and laughed as they loaded guns, ammunition, and other supplies into the rear of the van.
Face tossed a duffel into the back. "What's so funny?" he sneered. He'd hoped she would trip down the stairs and break her neck, but no such luck.
"You guys are going to fry in Las Cruces!" smiled the brunette. "Do you have any idea how hot it gets in June? You have to open car doors with oven mitts! A tailored three-piece suit isn't the best thing to be wearing. Why else would I be wearing shorts?"
To taunt me with those legs of yours, Face thought. Such a shame that legs like that had to come with that mouth of hers.
"Now Hannibal and Murdock here have the right idea," Alia continued. "Cotton breathes and safari gear is made for hot climates."
"All right," announced Hannibal as he shut the rear doors to the van, "time to move out!" He climbed into shotgun as Face jumped into the back. BA and Murdock crossed paths as they headed for their usual seats.
BA glared. "Now I don't want to hear nothin' 'bout no invisible things, Murdock! I get enough crazy talk from that fool we workin' for, got it?"
"Aw, BA, that's not very nice of you to be callin' Alia that," the captain replied, smiling mischievously. "Besides, Billy don't take up much room."
"Knock it off with your imaginary dog, fool!"
"Hey, Murdock!" called Alia from the front seat of the Mustang. "You and Billy can ride with me. I could use the company and Billy is such a cute dog! What kind is he anyway?"
"It's imaginary! There ain't no dog!" hollered BA as Murdock skipped towards the Mustang with Billy. The pilot opened the back door to the car and Billy jumped in. Looks like I'm gettin' the girl this time 'round, he thought.
Alia turned around in the driver's seat to scratch behind the invisible dog's ears. "He won't jump out will he, Murdock?" she asked.
"Nah," replied Murdock as he plopped into the passenger's seat, "Billy likes the wind. He doesn't get much in the van. Besides, he seems to really like you."
"And I really appreciate the company," purred Alia.
BA honked the van's horn. "Git movin'! We ain't got all day!" he yelled out the window.
"What's your problem?" Alia hollered back. She jumped up in her seat, balancing herself with one hand while making a variety of rude gestures with the other. "You jealous of Murdock or somethin'?"
"Hell no!" BA replied disgustedly.
"Then you wanna fight me? 'Cause I can bust up your kneecaps real good!"
Murdock interrupted Alia. "Let's just drive lead like we're supposed to, please?"
In the van, Hannibal leaned over to BA. "Just ignore her. She knows we've got to go now or not at all."
"You can beat her up later, BA," Face added. "I'll help."
"Guys, guys, guys! If you two hate our client so much, why did you agree to take the job?" asked Hannibal.
"You're the one that decides what jobs we take, Hannibal," BA answered.
"And Alia didn't show her true colors until we went to get Murdock," added Face.
"You're just sore that she seems to be impervious to your irresistible charm," Hannibal smiled around his cigar. Actually, I think she's too smart to be his type, he thought, but I won't tell Face. That's a little too harsh.
Finally Alia started her Mustang and pulled out into the pre-rush hour traffic with BA following close behind in the van.
When the convoy had made it safely onto the interstate, Alia shouted over the roar of the wind to Murdock. "I'm sorry for my behavior this afternoon. To put it bluntly, I couldn't help being my natural bitchtacular self."
"You know," replied Murdock, "you could try being a bit nicer to Faceman and BA. They're great guys once you get to know 'em." Just don't get too friendly with Face, if you know what I mean.
"I tried, but BA's made up his mind that I'm not trustworthy," said the brunette. "I tried to explain that I had to make sure that the A-Team wasn't an urban legend or some sort of con for bleeding hearts, but I didn't convince him. Face, on the other hand, is much more complicated. Sure, he's charming and good-looking, but he doesn't seem to want to treat me as an equal. He's obviously a guy who considers women to be playthings. Frankly I want to be regarded as a human, just like every other sensible woman in the free world. I'm sure I can get that sort of treatment from you, Murdock. You come across as a fun, well-mannered guy."
Alia took a hand off the wheel and pretended to reach for the shifter, but instead grabbed the pilot's knee. "So what does H.M. stand for, anyway?" she purred. "Handsome Man?"
"Nope," Murdock replied, completely unperturbed on the outside, "Howlin' Mad!"
"I don't believe that one bit! From what I've seen so far, I'm crazier than you."
"Now that I find hard to believe."
"I set fire to the VA with Molotov cocktails I keep in my trunk to get you out."
"Good point, but I still maintain my name is Howlin' Mad Murdock."
"C'mon! No parent would name a child that! What's your real name? Is it Henry? Harry? Humphrey?"
"Humphrey? What kind of name is that?"
"Humphrey Bogart ring a bell?"
"How could I forget Bogie? Now I feel dumb."
"Oh, Murdock! You're definitely not dumb! How could you possibly think that? I read your military file before I came here to hire you guys. You are one brilliant man."
Murdock blushed. "Aww, you don't really mean that, Alia!"
"Of course I do! Tell me the truth; do you hate your first and middle names?"
"I don't remember."
"How can you not remember your own name?"
"Intermittent memory loss. Didn't you find that stuff in my file?"
"The part about the intermittent memory loss, yes. Your full name, no, which struck me rather strange. Why isn't that on file?"
" 'Fly me to the moon,' " Murdock sang, " 'and let me play among the stars…' "
OK, I guess I'm not going to get it out of him now, thought Alia. She put her hand back on the wheel and said, "You like Sinatra too?"
"Of course! Who doesn't like Frankie? 'Let me see what spring is like on Jupiter and Mars,' " continued the pilot.
"You've got a great voice, Murdock. 'In other words,' " Alia joined in, " 'hold my hand.' "
"You're pretty good yourself. 'In other words, baby, kiss me.' "
Suddenly Alia pecked Murdock on the cheek before he could react. "Thanks, amigo," the brunette murmured as she turned her attention back to the highway. The pilot stared wide-eyed for a moment, pondering the mercurial natures of women and realizing he was in for one hell of a ride.
****
To be continued…
