For Simon Camden, time passed. Girl's State, Guy's Sectionals (in which he
placed 9th) and then Guy's State and swimming was over. His life fell into
a rhythm and the seed that had been planted by all that had gone before
began to germinate.
He slept little and ate less. He worked hard, and his grades stayed high. He stopped wearing an earring and started participating in class. He began to smile at his teammates, both male and female, when he passed them in the halls, and one day his father gave him enough money for the letter jacket he had earned.
At the Center, Simone worked with the children of the women who had come for safety. He learned he had to be gentle, he learned to comfort the children who cried too much and the children who cried too little. He learned to be responsible and to forget himself. In short, he finally became what he had been waiting all his life.
Simon Camden was now a man.
And so it was March, and then April. During one of their few joint breaks, Simon asked Eliora the least of the three questions that had been on his mind. "So what do you do here?"
"I'm the resident jester."
"Huh?"
"The jester was usually the one person in the entire court who could tell the truth with impunity. So I tell truths."
"And that means?" he questioned the girl who could be and never was his fallen sister.
"I'm with the kids who are a little younger than us and the girls our age who are running from boyfriends."
"Do I know them?"
"Maybe," she shrugged. "Some of them."
"Do you mind if I ask you a question?" Simon asked, his heart beating faster.
"NO. But I may not answer."
"Why do you work here?"
"I'm paying a debt. I can see in myself that if things were different, I could very easily be someone who needed this place. As it is, I am someone who hits back."
And Simon remembered Ray and William and Eliora. The wordless gestures and the current that flew between Eliora and William. And he remembered Lucy and prayed for strength to ask one more question.
"But why are you here?" Eliora asked first.
"Ray told you about my sister, right?"
"A little. That she's gone now."
"Yeah. Ummm. She left because her boyfriend, someone all of us wanted her to marry was hitting her. And had broken her soul."
"Oh," she put her hand on his shoulder. "I'm sorry. Is there anything I can do?"
"Yeah, actually. You are a lot like her in some ways. Could you tell me why you would hit back and Lucy just stood there?"
Eliora began to speak, as if form far away. "I've had low self-esteem on and off for years. I go through bouts where if I met someone like your sister's tormentor I would accept it. And yet I have parents and friends and a boyfriend who have always supported me when I was falling apart. I may have wanted to be invisible, but they wouldn't let me. Perhaps it's personality. I've always been a little violent. Maybe luck, that I met Ray and William when I did. Before I met them, I didn't know what it meant to have supportive friends. So I can't tell you why her and not me. I don't know why not me."
Simon said nothing. He hadn't really expected this out-pouring of a near- stranger's soul. And yet that wasn't an answer. Mere chance had destroyed Lucy? That wasn't fair!
"Simon, it's not your fault. You couldn't have known."
"How can you say that? Why didn't I see?"
"Did it ever occur to you to look for something like this?"
"No."
"Then it isn't your fault!"
Simon turned away, and Eliora fell silent. Then he spoke, "All I can do is not be Kevin!"
"And you to know that that is enough."
Half-crying, Simon looked over his shoulder. "And maybe someday I will. But I don't now!" He walked away, leaving all the rest of his old self behind him.
He slept little and ate less. He worked hard, and his grades stayed high. He stopped wearing an earring and started participating in class. He began to smile at his teammates, both male and female, when he passed them in the halls, and one day his father gave him enough money for the letter jacket he had earned.
At the Center, Simone worked with the children of the women who had come for safety. He learned he had to be gentle, he learned to comfort the children who cried too much and the children who cried too little. He learned to be responsible and to forget himself. In short, he finally became what he had been waiting all his life.
Simon Camden was now a man.
And so it was March, and then April. During one of their few joint breaks, Simon asked Eliora the least of the three questions that had been on his mind. "So what do you do here?"
"I'm the resident jester."
"Huh?"
"The jester was usually the one person in the entire court who could tell the truth with impunity. So I tell truths."
"And that means?" he questioned the girl who could be and never was his fallen sister.
"I'm with the kids who are a little younger than us and the girls our age who are running from boyfriends."
"Do I know them?"
"Maybe," she shrugged. "Some of them."
"Do you mind if I ask you a question?" Simon asked, his heart beating faster.
"NO. But I may not answer."
"Why do you work here?"
"I'm paying a debt. I can see in myself that if things were different, I could very easily be someone who needed this place. As it is, I am someone who hits back."
And Simon remembered Ray and William and Eliora. The wordless gestures and the current that flew between Eliora and William. And he remembered Lucy and prayed for strength to ask one more question.
"But why are you here?" Eliora asked first.
"Ray told you about my sister, right?"
"A little. That she's gone now."
"Yeah. Ummm. She left because her boyfriend, someone all of us wanted her to marry was hitting her. And had broken her soul."
"Oh," she put her hand on his shoulder. "I'm sorry. Is there anything I can do?"
"Yeah, actually. You are a lot like her in some ways. Could you tell me why you would hit back and Lucy just stood there?"
Eliora began to speak, as if form far away. "I've had low self-esteem on and off for years. I go through bouts where if I met someone like your sister's tormentor I would accept it. And yet I have parents and friends and a boyfriend who have always supported me when I was falling apart. I may have wanted to be invisible, but they wouldn't let me. Perhaps it's personality. I've always been a little violent. Maybe luck, that I met Ray and William when I did. Before I met them, I didn't know what it meant to have supportive friends. So I can't tell you why her and not me. I don't know why not me."
Simon said nothing. He hadn't really expected this out-pouring of a near- stranger's soul. And yet that wasn't an answer. Mere chance had destroyed Lucy? That wasn't fair!
"Simon, it's not your fault. You couldn't have known."
"How can you say that? Why didn't I see?"
"Did it ever occur to you to look for something like this?"
"No."
"Then it isn't your fault!"
Simon turned away, and Eliora fell silent. Then he spoke, "All I can do is not be Kevin!"
"And you to know that that is enough."
Half-crying, Simon looked over his shoulder. "And maybe someday I will. But I don't now!" He walked away, leaving all the rest of his old self behind him.
