AN: Apparently many people thought that with chapter four I had concluded
the story- Ah ha ha. I wish. :P I have 12 chapters total to post, so stay
with me here. Posting this one just so everyone knows that this story is
indeed, not done. That is all.
.................Chp 5.................... AC 197 July
Relena walked out of the gray and white building. Her smile was so bright many people on the street had to suppress the urge to blink. She did it. This was her last day of therapy!
After her attempted suicide Relena knew that she needed to talk to someone and she didn't exactly have Heero's home phone number. So she came here to the private office of Dr. Whitenburg a highly recommended therapist.
She was of course, incredibly nervous the first day. She remembered it so clearly.
"Yes?" the women at the reception office asked.
"Oh um yes I'm here to see Dr. Whitenburg. I believe I made an appointment."
"What's your name please?"
"My name is Relena Darlian" She had chosen to go by her lesser known surname. If she had gone as Relena Peacecraft this little trip would be all over the tabloids in a red hot minute.
"Ah yes you can go right in Ms. Darlian, Dr. Whitenburg is waiting."
So Relena adjusted her purse took a deep breath and walked into the room. She was surprised to see that the room was not gray and formal as she had expected but it was pastel yellow and white. The combination reminded her much of her kitchen at home and she found herself relaxing.
An older man around 50 or so turned around. He was of a sturdy build, had steel gray hair that was a bit curly and a smile that fit well with his face. 'He reminds me of the classic grandpa' she mused.
"Ah you must be Ms. Darlian!" He boomed in a jovial voice reinforcing her first impression of a grandfatherly figure "Come in and have a seat!"
Relena walked over to the worn overstuffed sofa grateful that the man was so personable. Her immediate liking of Dr. Whitenburg made her feel much more comfortable and she knew that the more comfortable she was the more she'd open up.
" So Relena......may I call you Relena?" He asked, an almost comical hesitancy in his voice.
"Relena's fine, Dr. Whitenburg." Relena said not being able to keep the smile off her face.
"Oh call me Joe. So Relena what brings you to my office?"
Relena felt the smile slip off her face as she recalled the past 2 years. But they would get into that later. Best now to work on the most prominent problem.
"Well...you see " Relena was having a little bit of trouble just launching into the subject. She breathed deeply gathering herself. " A few nights ago" she said forcing herself to tell this man. She may like him but it was very hard to trust a person you just met. "A few nights ago I was on a business trip. I had a nightmare. It was about the war. You see I lost many things that I held dear in that war including my father and home" Relena explained, cleverly skirting around the fact that the dream had been about the Cinq Kingdom.
She was not about to tell the whole story. It would jeopardize not only herself but the other Gundam piolets. "And well all of a sudden I just couldn't be in that room anymore. It felt as if my hopelessness and emptiness would suffocate me. I left and just ran, and by some chance I ended up by this bridge and I, um...well I jumped. I almost died. If someone hadn't seen me do it. They ah, jumped in and pulled me out. I had a little talk with them and I thought that maybe I should see someone about it."
She had been looking at her hands throughout the whole explanation. Now she dared to peek up at the doctor knowing even as she did it that she shouldn't have because she already knew what she'd see. Shock and distaste. And he'd say you're so ungrateful. Look at all you have. And then she'd be shamed. She was mildly surprised when all that met her wary eyes was a thoughtful expression and concern.
"Why did you jump Relena?"
A simple question...many answers.
" I guess I just.....I don't know....my only good friend had passed away 2 months ago. I am an orphan and my brother hasn't shown his face around in 4 months. I had no one left so I figured what's the point?" Relena had fallen silent then not knowing what else to say, desperate for another human being to understand what she was going through.
"Relena I have one question to ask you…Now that stranger cared enough to risk certain death to save you. That one stranger saw you jumping and knew it was a mistake, and that you had something left to live for. Do you, Relena? Do feel that you have at least one reason to stay?"
Prussian blue eyes and awkward embraces fluttered through her mind.
"Why…yes"
"Then live for that reason Relena. Know that if you go, you most definitely will be leaving that someone or something behind."
The months that followed for Relena were healing ones. Dr. Whitenburg had suggested group therapy was best when coping with the losses of loved ones. So she had joined the group in addition to her sessions with Dr. Whitenburg. And it had really helped.
She hadn't seen Heero since then, but she felt strong enough to stand on her own to feet now. And everyday she thanked him for jumping into that river after her. To open her eyes up to the beauty of life. She sat down on a park bench closing her eyes, sighing and reveling in her emotional triumph.
"May I sit here?" a voice tinged with amusement asked.
Relena cracked open her eye to see Conner. A robust man of 20, she knew him through group therapy. He had lost his sisters in a tragic car accident she remembered.
'Go ahead" Relena said lightly, making room for him on the bench.
"So today was your last day"
"Yup, I think I'm ready to move on in my life. I can't let my sorrow consume me. I will always miss my family but I'm sure they wouldn't want me to waste my years being sad."
Conner nodded agreeing with her on this matter.
"I'll miss you at group nights."
Relena mentally raised her eyebrows at this remark. It sounded very suspicious to her. She decided to play it safe. That is, completely ignore any implications he was trying to make.
"Is that so?" She replied.
"Well you know I kinda...I don't know, I always liked to hear what you have to say, it always sounds like a powerful speech."
Relena chuckled momentarily before regaining her seriousness. It wasn't hard to see that Conner might have a romantic interest in her. But as of yet she didn't really want a relationship. She was sorta putting herself on hold for someone. 'You know who!' a little voice piped up. 'Yeah, so sue me I'm getting to the part where I go head over heels. I should be allowed a SLIGHT indulgence.' The little voice hurrumphed before falling silent.
But anyway, she didn't want to lead Conner on and then hurt him when she didn't want to get involved. So she decided she should address this matter right now.
"Conner do you like me?" She said rather bluntly.
"Well yes. You very nice and have a good amount of intelligence." He teased, one corner of his mouth lifting to form a, very cute, lopsided grin.
Relena sighed mentally. She just didn't understand why she couldn't fall in love with nice handsome guys like Conner instead of elusive, emotionally confusing ones. She caught herself. Did I just say LOVE!? She panicked and then decided that the only reason the word came to mind was because she was speaking hypothetically. Of course right at the wrong moment that little voice popped up laughing and yelling 'YEAH SURE!.'
Relena decided not to listen and then realized that Conner was looking at her funny and that she had just argued with herself. She blushed a bit before forging onward.
"I mean do you like me, romantically speaking." She winced at how callous that had come out. She looked over at Conner to see a expression of pure disbelief on his face.
" No!" He choked out as he started laughing a little.
"Oh good....I didn't want to have to break your heart." Relena said, now teasing, a cheeky grin on her features.
" I mean now that I think about it I can see where you got the impression that I was interested you but that's just how I am. I come off a little strong. I'm sorry if you thought...."
Relena raised one hand effectively stopping his apology.
"Please don't apologize" She said good naturedly " I am actually relieved. Not that you aren't a great guy it's just that I have someone else right now. The reason I asked is because I didn't want to lead you on or anything."
"No, no, I assure you it's nothing like that. It's just, you remind me a lot of one of my sisters.....Kim... and well because of that I hold affection for you."
His face was now melancholy as if he were remembering something meaningful but sad.
"You miss your sisters terribly don't you" Relena said sympathetically.
Conner nodded, a miserable look coming over him as a few tears spilled from his eyes. Relena debated for a minute on whether or not she should comfort him but her nurturing side got the better of her and she embraced him.
"It's ok to miss them." She whispered soothingly.
He pulled away from her.
" I know.......thank you" he whispered.
"You 're welcome to call me if you need to talk. I may not be attending group anymore but I'll be here when you need me. And I would be delighted if you and I became friends."
Relena now understood why she had always been able to relate to Conner so easily. He was much like she had been.
"Friends....would be great."
They smiled at each other, each feeling as if the world were a little more bearable, unknowing that a camera snapped away from nearby bushes capturing the heartfelt scene.
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.................Chp 5.................... AC 197 July
Relena walked out of the gray and white building. Her smile was so bright many people on the street had to suppress the urge to blink. She did it. This was her last day of therapy!
After her attempted suicide Relena knew that she needed to talk to someone and she didn't exactly have Heero's home phone number. So she came here to the private office of Dr. Whitenburg a highly recommended therapist.
She was of course, incredibly nervous the first day. She remembered it so clearly.
"Yes?" the women at the reception office asked.
"Oh um yes I'm here to see Dr. Whitenburg. I believe I made an appointment."
"What's your name please?"
"My name is Relena Darlian" She had chosen to go by her lesser known surname. If she had gone as Relena Peacecraft this little trip would be all over the tabloids in a red hot minute.
"Ah yes you can go right in Ms. Darlian, Dr. Whitenburg is waiting."
So Relena adjusted her purse took a deep breath and walked into the room. She was surprised to see that the room was not gray and formal as she had expected but it was pastel yellow and white. The combination reminded her much of her kitchen at home and she found herself relaxing.
An older man around 50 or so turned around. He was of a sturdy build, had steel gray hair that was a bit curly and a smile that fit well with his face. 'He reminds me of the classic grandpa' she mused.
"Ah you must be Ms. Darlian!" He boomed in a jovial voice reinforcing her first impression of a grandfatherly figure "Come in and have a seat!"
Relena walked over to the worn overstuffed sofa grateful that the man was so personable. Her immediate liking of Dr. Whitenburg made her feel much more comfortable and she knew that the more comfortable she was the more she'd open up.
" So Relena......may I call you Relena?" He asked, an almost comical hesitancy in his voice.
"Relena's fine, Dr. Whitenburg." Relena said not being able to keep the smile off her face.
"Oh call me Joe. So Relena what brings you to my office?"
Relena felt the smile slip off her face as she recalled the past 2 years. But they would get into that later. Best now to work on the most prominent problem.
"Well...you see " Relena was having a little bit of trouble just launching into the subject. She breathed deeply gathering herself. " A few nights ago" she said forcing herself to tell this man. She may like him but it was very hard to trust a person you just met. "A few nights ago I was on a business trip. I had a nightmare. It was about the war. You see I lost many things that I held dear in that war including my father and home" Relena explained, cleverly skirting around the fact that the dream had been about the Cinq Kingdom.
She was not about to tell the whole story. It would jeopardize not only herself but the other Gundam piolets. "And well all of a sudden I just couldn't be in that room anymore. It felt as if my hopelessness and emptiness would suffocate me. I left and just ran, and by some chance I ended up by this bridge and I, um...well I jumped. I almost died. If someone hadn't seen me do it. They ah, jumped in and pulled me out. I had a little talk with them and I thought that maybe I should see someone about it."
She had been looking at her hands throughout the whole explanation. Now she dared to peek up at the doctor knowing even as she did it that she shouldn't have because she already knew what she'd see. Shock and distaste. And he'd say you're so ungrateful. Look at all you have. And then she'd be shamed. She was mildly surprised when all that met her wary eyes was a thoughtful expression and concern.
"Why did you jump Relena?"
A simple question...many answers.
" I guess I just.....I don't know....my only good friend had passed away 2 months ago. I am an orphan and my brother hasn't shown his face around in 4 months. I had no one left so I figured what's the point?" Relena had fallen silent then not knowing what else to say, desperate for another human being to understand what she was going through.
"Relena I have one question to ask you…Now that stranger cared enough to risk certain death to save you. That one stranger saw you jumping and knew it was a mistake, and that you had something left to live for. Do you, Relena? Do feel that you have at least one reason to stay?"
Prussian blue eyes and awkward embraces fluttered through her mind.
"Why…yes"
"Then live for that reason Relena. Know that if you go, you most definitely will be leaving that someone or something behind."
The months that followed for Relena were healing ones. Dr. Whitenburg had suggested group therapy was best when coping with the losses of loved ones. So she had joined the group in addition to her sessions with Dr. Whitenburg. And it had really helped.
She hadn't seen Heero since then, but she felt strong enough to stand on her own to feet now. And everyday she thanked him for jumping into that river after her. To open her eyes up to the beauty of life. She sat down on a park bench closing her eyes, sighing and reveling in her emotional triumph.
"May I sit here?" a voice tinged with amusement asked.
Relena cracked open her eye to see Conner. A robust man of 20, she knew him through group therapy. He had lost his sisters in a tragic car accident she remembered.
'Go ahead" Relena said lightly, making room for him on the bench.
"So today was your last day"
"Yup, I think I'm ready to move on in my life. I can't let my sorrow consume me. I will always miss my family but I'm sure they wouldn't want me to waste my years being sad."
Conner nodded agreeing with her on this matter.
"I'll miss you at group nights."
Relena mentally raised her eyebrows at this remark. It sounded very suspicious to her. She decided to play it safe. That is, completely ignore any implications he was trying to make.
"Is that so?" She replied.
"Well you know I kinda...I don't know, I always liked to hear what you have to say, it always sounds like a powerful speech."
Relena chuckled momentarily before regaining her seriousness. It wasn't hard to see that Conner might have a romantic interest in her. But as of yet she didn't really want a relationship. She was sorta putting herself on hold for someone. 'You know who!' a little voice piped up. 'Yeah, so sue me I'm getting to the part where I go head over heels. I should be allowed a SLIGHT indulgence.' The little voice hurrumphed before falling silent.
But anyway, she didn't want to lead Conner on and then hurt him when she didn't want to get involved. So she decided she should address this matter right now.
"Conner do you like me?" She said rather bluntly.
"Well yes. You very nice and have a good amount of intelligence." He teased, one corner of his mouth lifting to form a, very cute, lopsided grin.
Relena sighed mentally. She just didn't understand why she couldn't fall in love with nice handsome guys like Conner instead of elusive, emotionally confusing ones. She caught herself. Did I just say LOVE!? She panicked and then decided that the only reason the word came to mind was because she was speaking hypothetically. Of course right at the wrong moment that little voice popped up laughing and yelling 'YEAH SURE!.'
Relena decided not to listen and then realized that Conner was looking at her funny and that she had just argued with herself. She blushed a bit before forging onward.
"I mean do you like me, romantically speaking." She winced at how callous that had come out. She looked over at Conner to see a expression of pure disbelief on his face.
" No!" He choked out as he started laughing a little.
"Oh good....I didn't want to have to break your heart." Relena said, now teasing, a cheeky grin on her features.
" I mean now that I think about it I can see where you got the impression that I was interested you but that's just how I am. I come off a little strong. I'm sorry if you thought...."
Relena raised one hand effectively stopping his apology.
"Please don't apologize" She said good naturedly " I am actually relieved. Not that you aren't a great guy it's just that I have someone else right now. The reason I asked is because I didn't want to lead you on or anything."
"No, no, I assure you it's nothing like that. It's just, you remind me a lot of one of my sisters.....Kim... and well because of that I hold affection for you."
His face was now melancholy as if he were remembering something meaningful but sad.
"You miss your sisters terribly don't you" Relena said sympathetically.
Conner nodded, a miserable look coming over him as a few tears spilled from his eyes. Relena debated for a minute on whether or not she should comfort him but her nurturing side got the better of her and she embraced him.
"It's ok to miss them." She whispered soothingly.
He pulled away from her.
" I know.......thank you" he whispered.
"You 're welcome to call me if you need to talk. I may not be attending group anymore but I'll be here when you need me. And I would be delighted if you and I became friends."
Relena now understood why she had always been able to relate to Conner so easily. He was much like she had been.
"Friends....would be great."
They smiled at each other, each feeling as if the world were a little more bearable, unknowing that a camera snapped away from nearby bushes capturing the heartfelt scene.
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