Author's Note: Back we go to the Fellowship of the Moron...err Ring.
***
Elrond and all of the Elves were there to see them off. They looked quite pleased that Neo was going, though Trinity wasn't sure most of their joy had to do with the ring. She smirked and grabbed his arm as he went in the wrong direction.
The hobbits seemed quite cheerful as well though she suspected it was probably because they didn't have much more of an inkling than Neo about what lay ahead. They also were still under the illusion that Trinity was interested in them.
Cypher was still trying to convince Switch to talk to him. She was pretty annoyed with him after everything he said about how they should keep the ring. Trinity herself was slightly suspicious. She had seen his little pow-wow with the Men from Gondor. All except the one who Legolas had said was Boromir's brother; Faramir had seemed delighted that he would be the one to go in Boromir's stead.
Gandalf hadn't said much yet, just led the way with Neo right behind him. Neo had wanted to go first, but Gandalf had reasoned with him. And by reason, Trinity meant bribe. Neo was now the Official Carrier of the Wizard's Pack.
Gandalf got to go first and do less work and Neo got to feel mighty. Though it was lucky he didn't see that even the hobbits were laughing behind his back.
When they rested for the night, Gandalf asked to speak to Neo in private, so Trinity sat down at the fire next to Switch who sat down by the Dwarf and Elf. The Hobbits had gone to sleep. Evidently they were exhausted from only getting to eat twice a day.
"So...how much further away is Mordor?"
Everyone else laughed and Trinity felt kind of stupid, but oh well.
"Quite a distance, Trinity," Legolas said with a smile. "Why? Are you tired already?"
"Hell, no."
"I just hope your friend is fully aware of the challenges that lie ahead."
"Oh, trust me, he isn't, but that's okay."
"So what do you guys do for fun around here?" Cypher asked suddenly.
"Well, we could sing or perhaps we could indulge in spirits..."
"...Are you gay, Legolas?"
"Well, of course I am. We are doing quite well. I don't see why I should be otherwise."
Trinity and Switch glared at Cypher as he howled with laughter.
"Did I say something wrong?"
***
"Now, Neo, I thought it might be best if we talked alone."
Neo really hoped the old man was coming onto him.
"I just want you to know that what you are doing is very brave and that you must make sure you are up to the challenge. If the slightest problem goes wrong, the others and I will be there to help you, of course, but I want you to know that we're all counting on you."
The old man was hitting on him. Oh gross. Neo nodded reluctantly.
"I...think I'll be fine, Mr. The Grey. It's just a ring after all."
"....Why don't you just call me Gandalf?"
Oh great. Now they were on a first name basis.
"It will be a long, perilous journey, we all must become good friends and work together to see the saga through."
Neo nodded. This guy was starting to sound like Barney's cousin Garney the big Grey Dinosaur. All this 'I love you, you love me, let's take the ring to Mordor' nonsense. Oh well, hopefully the old guy would see that Neo wasn't interested in a relationship and they could go back and join the others.
He nodded and nodded as Gandalf continued to talk about the road ahead and where it led. Hey, that rhymed. That reminded Neo of the rock song he wanted to make of that One Ring poem.
"Neo?"
"Yes, Mr. The---err..Gandalf?"
"What are you humming?"
"Oh, it's this rock song I'm going to write about the One Ring."
"Rock song?"
***
After chucking a small rock at Cypher's head, Switch pulled the Elf aside and explained what gay meant. Legolas blinked and looked a bit irritated and embarrassed.
"It's my hair, isn't it?"
"Your hair?"
"Well, it must be, look at it."
"....Your hair is very nice, Legolas, but I assure that it's merely because---"
And then like a dying animal screaming into the night, she heard someone singing loudly, obnoxiously and...horribly out of tune.
"ONE RING TO RULE THEM ALL, ONE RING TO BIND THeeeeeeeeeeeeEM!!"
Legolas covered his ears. "What in Middle Earth is that wretched sound?"
Switch sighed. She could only assume the worst. Neo was singing a rock song of the One Ring poem to Gandalf. And he wasn't even singing it right... "I think...it's got to be Neo."
"That boy is going to wake the very dead with his wretched cries," Gimli said crossly rising to his feet. "Where's my axe?"
"ONE RING TO SOMETHING ELSE, EVIL EVIL SAURON EVIL EVIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILL!!!!"
"Gimli!"
"He is obviously being attacked by a wild beast of some sort," Legolas said, hands still covering his ears.
"No, unfortunately, I think Switch is right."
"NOTHING WILL SAVE US FROM THE BINDING RIIIIIIIiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiNG!"
"Ah! We're under attack!"
Switch sighed as the hobbits began running about like they were under siege.
***
"Well? What do you think?"
Neo was very cross when he came to the end of his song and not only was Gandalf cringing and covering his ears, but he looked quite unimpressed.
"Well, Neo, my boy, I hope you do not decide to unleash that plague upon the people of your world. Shall we go back to camp?"
"You know, just because I'm not interested in sexually doesn't mean you can't appreciate my singing."
Gandalf blinked as Neo walked away.... He was starting to feel horribly old and horribly annoyed. Oh well, Neo couldn't help being...well, an idiot. At least as long as Neo was safe, the ring was safe. Neo had no idea what the ring was capable of.
Still, maybe the boy was just inexperienced. After all, he had been put through a lot. Gandalf sighed. The sooner, they got past the mountains the boy would be better.
***
tbc
