AN: As you could tell from the previous chapter, this in not your normal Sirius/Remus fic. This chapter is from Sirius' POV, and let me tell you now that that boy has some serious issues. (::blinks at that sentence, groans:: That pun was NOT intentional.) I love him dearly, but I've read one too many fluffy, happy story were Sirius is so perfect and wonderful and, in my opinion, that takes all the fun out of him. (not that I don't like those stories, I've just sort of overdosed on them) And thank you so much to everyone who reviewed! I can't believe so many people liked it! ^_^
"I try to cancel out,
Whatever I can't laugh about.
So what does that say?
There can't be anyway.
I've done my worst and no one knows.
One more day to fool them all.
One more day to drop the ball.
One more day to fade away.
Fill a head with sand just to make it better.
I had the chance to beat it in but I never.
I should have taken it right then.
One more day to fool them all.
One more day to drop the ball.
One more day to fade away."
~ Tip, Finger Eleven
Sirius sat on the floor of his dormitory for a long time, just looking at the place where Lupin had been. And, after a long moment, he started to laugh.
"You wouldn't know it by looking at him, but that girly little bastard's got one mean punch," Sirius said out loud, rubbing absently at the slowly forming bruise on his jaw. Who would have thought that such a fragile little thing like Remus Lupin could beat him in a fight? And he had lost, he knew that. There had been no way he could have broken the other boys hold on him. But the look that he'd had when he'd pinned him… Sirius shivered.
For a split second, he had actually thought that Remus was going to kill him. And he had liked Remus looking at him like that. So focused, like he was the only thing that mattered in the world. Even if it had been tinted with homicidal rage.
His stomach rumbled, reminding him that it was time for dinner and that he'd better get down to the Great Hall soon if he didn't want Peter to finish off his portion as well.
"And to think," he muttered to himself. "I came all the way up here to say sorry to him, too." He'd seen how upset the other boy had been after potions so he'd followed him back to their room. But as he entered the room he'd heard Remus' sweet, melancholy voice say how much he hated it here and had felt a pang of sickening sympathy and guilt. He knew it was his fault that the smaller boy had it so rough. He made sure of it, in fact.
But in that moment he had wanted nothing more than to comfort the other boy. To hold him close and sooth all the pain that he had caused him away. And that had scared him much more than he wanted to admit.
So he fell back on insulting him instead.
He knew that he and, on his urging, James and Peter made the other Gryffandor's life a living hell any chance they got. They had to… He had to.
He wondered what his father would say. 'Hey, dad! There's this guy at school, he's a site cuter than any of the girls, even the sixth- and seventh-years. And I really like him, even if he is a prissy little prick. But he hates me cause I pick on him all the time just so he'll take his nose out of his books and actually look at me.' Yeah, right, his dad'd beat the shit out of him. Not that he didn't anyway, when Sirius was home, but telling him something like that would definitely make it worse.
He stood up and headed down to the Great Hall, wincing every few steps. Damn, he hurt. But it had been worth it. His face split into a stupid grin, remembering the feel of the other boy's body as they had fought on the floor. And he'd been shirtless too.
Sirius had never seen him like that before. The other boy had always changed either behind his curtains or in the bathroom. He had always thought it was strange, all the other boys in the dorm had quickly given up on modestly way back in first year. But Remus had always hidden. 'And not without reason,' Sirius mused. With a scar like that… It certainly looked like he'd been attached by some sort of wild animal. And the scar had been huge, so whatever had attached him had to have been massive, either that or Remus had to have been smaller. 'If that were possible,' he thought with amusement. And he was always so sick, maybe he had caught something from it, that scar had looked suspiciously like a bite. 'maybe he has rabies,' he thought, snickering to himself. 'He certainly acted like it tonight.'
Sirius froze. He could see the door to the Great Hall just up ahead, but something was bugging him. Something he'd read, had it been for Care of Magical Creatures? No… It had been for Defense Against the Dark Arts … something about being bitten. He looked up at the ceiling, trying to pry loose the half-formed memory, when his eyes landed on the moon shining through a window high over his head. The nearly full moon. The memory fell into place and he gasped, standing there and gawking at the moon in shock. He couldn't be… With all thoughts of food gone from his mind, Sirius took off at a run for the library.
He didn't slow down until he'd reached the shelves on the far side of the library. They held the care of magical creatures textbooks and sources and, farther down, books about darker, less cuddly animals, like the ones in the muggle horror movies he used to watch.
'Vampires and How to Avoid Them'…no. 'The Wendigo: Truth and Muggle Fiction'…nope. 'Wraiths, Bogarts and Other Things That Go Bump In the Night'… no that's not it either. 'Werewolves: A Guide to the Lycanthropic'…
Sirius' hand paused over the book. He had to be wrong, didn't he? The school would never admit a… a… say it, he hissed silently to himself.
"Werewolf," he whispered, heart beating hard in his chest, before grabbing the book and hurriedly checking it out. More certain than ever that his suspicion, no matter how absurd, was correct. Leaving the library as fast as he'd come, he ran all the way back to the Great Hall.
"Where have you been?" James asked him as Sirius sat down at the Gryffindor table just in time for dessert. "And what did you do to your face?" Sirius blinked at him.
"What's wrong with my face?" he asked indignantly.
"You've got a split lip a black eye and at least on good knot forming on your jaw." James said, scowling. "What'd you do? Try and take on Crabbe and Goyal again by yourself?"
"Nah," He chuckled, remembering the last time he'd done that. He'd been in the hospital wing for three days, but it had been worth it. "I got into a fight with the loon. And I was late cause I had to stop off at the library." He held up his book as proof. James and Peter just gawked at him.
"Lupin did that?" Peter squeaked out, looking frightened.
"Yeah, he…" But Sirius let his sentence hang as his eyes scanned the table for the small figure of Remus Lupin. "He isn't here," he mumbled.
"We haven't seen him since Potions," James said between mouthfuls of lemon custard. Peter started to snicker.
"You see the look on his face when we dumped the newt's eyes on him? That was classic." Peter giggled. James just smiled around another mouthful. But for once Sirius didn't smile back.
"Maybe we should lay off of him for a wail," he said suddenly. "Besides, I think we've been neglecting those Slytherins. Their starting to get too smug." James just looked at him, disbelieving.
"Why? Just because he beat you up?" he asked in disbelief.
"He caught me by surprise!" Sirius said indignantly. "And…" 'Why can't you just leave me alone?' Gold eyes looking down at him with hatred and pain. A tortured white scar on otherwise perfect flesh. He looked down at the book he was still holding. "I think there's more going on with him than he lets on." He said quietly.
James and Peter looked at him closely before James reached out and put his hand to the other boy's forehead.
"Are you feeling okay? Maybe that scrawny little git hit you harder than you thought?" Sirius batted his hand away and stabbed his fork down onto his plate. The scraping of metal against ceramic met his ears and he looked down at the table. There was no food on his plate like there had been only a minute before, apparently everyone else had finished and all the leftovers had been packed off to the kitchen.
"Not fair!" he cried, looking up to the high table to see that even most of the teachers had left. But his pouting was cut short as an evil grin crossed his face.
"Uh-oh, I now that look," James said with a laugh.
"Kitchen raid!" Peter said excitedly. Sirius gave them a look. "Aren't you two full?"
"Nope!" they cried in unison. Laughing, they all got up from the Gryffandor table and tried to look like they were headed for their common room before ducking down the stairs to the kitchens.
It was a quick trip. All three of them knew the way by heart, they'd been sneaking down to the kitchens ever since first year. They did it so often to grab extra snacks that it was a wonder they weren't all the size of blimps. Stop at the big picture of fruit; tickle the pear; it was all done on automatic.
They weren't really paying attention as they walked into the kitchen. Sirius was trying to defend his reputation after having admitted that someone as scrawny as Remus Lupin had beat him up.
"he pinned me to the floor, and I couldn't move, I'm telling you he's a lot stronger than he looks!"
"He had you pinned to the floor did he?" Peter said in a suggestive voice, wiggling his eyebrows at Sirius.
"Quiet you!" he said, swatting at him. "I gave him a pretty good pounding, I bet he's got bruises even worse than mine." He said proudly.
"What bruises?" James said. The other two looked at him, but his gaze was fixed on something further into the kitchen. Or rather, someone.
The very subject of their conversation was seated at a small wooden table. He had frozen at their entrance and his eyes had gotten progressively wider upon hearing what they were talking about. And he didn't have a mark on him.
"What are you doing here?" Lupin jumped at being addressed and hastily stood up.
"I-I was just leaving," he stammered, trying to slid past them and get through the doorway. James stepped in front of him, his arms crossed over his chest wearing a thunderous expression.
"Where do you think you're going,"
"Let it alone, James." Sirius warned putting a restraining hand on his friend's shoulder. Remus looked up at him and for a moment their gazes locked and Sirius could have sworn that his heart skipped a beat. But by the time it had started beating again, Remus was already out of sight. There had been something in that gaze. Sirius stood looking after him for a long moment lost in his own thoughts.
His stomach growled, braking him from his thoughts and he James and Peter were soon to busy trying to eat everything the house-elves gave them for him to think about much of anything.
