AN: Sirius makes a few realizations and James studies wail chewing him out for being an idiot. I'm sorry this chapter is short, but I really want to get to chapter eight. And thank you so much to everyone who's reviewed! I've become a bit of a review junky, so please keep 'em coming! Also, I am assuming that 'poof' is of about the same crude and derogatory level as the American 'fag'. I'd use that except that they're British and I can't have Sirius running around calling himself a cigarette, now can I.


"No better feeling than escape
Avoid the feeling so you're
Collapsing in again
You found what makes it sore
You triggered off the feelings
That you felt before
All the guilt pulls away
If only forever."


~ Temporary Arms, Finger Eleven


Sirius rolled over and shoved his pillow over his head, trying to shut out the guilt and worry that were keeping him awake. Words kept repeating themselves in his mind using Remus' voice; 'disowned' 'werewolf camp' 'Wolfsbane'… 'you get used to it'… His voice had sounded to broken. Cold and detached, like he didn't care anymore what happened to him.

And he had been so sure that he and James were going to march right down into the common room and tell everyone what a horrible monster he was.

He remembered how scared Remus had been this morning when he'd confronted him. Now that he thought about it, he knew why. And why someone as normal as Remus would stand there and let themselves be kissed by someone like him. Sirius knew that if their positions had been reversed he would have done just about anything not to be sent back to something that sounded like hell. Not to be sent back home.

But it wasn't like he was actually going to tell anyone. He'd just liked having that much control over the other boy, because usually Remus tried to pretend he didn't exist.

It had been nice when Remus had been noticing him. That he had kept looking back over his shoulder at him during transfiguration. That he had actually listened when he had wanted to talk to him instead of ignoring him and leaving the room. He, James and Peter could make the entire Great Hall burst into laughter and Remus would still pay absolutely no attention to them…to him.

That's all he'd wanted, really. Remus' attention.

He turned over and pressed the pillow into his face to muffle his growl of frustration. What was wrong with him! Why was he acting this way? What was it about Remus that made it so hard for him to think?

Remus was sweet and shy and quiet…but not, at the same time. He shivered, one hand reaching up to touch his throat, where he was pretty sure he still had bruised from Remus' teeth.

He was a bundle of contradictions and mysteries, and finding out about his condition had only mad him that much more interesting to Sirius.

And that kiss, the one at dawn, not that forced thing at lunch though that had had interesting results too. It had been mind-numbingly amazing. When he had imagined doing that with girls it hadn't even come close. In fact, even when he imagined it with girls now, it didn't come close. They just weren't as interesting.

He groaned and pulled the pillow tighter over his head. Like his life wasn't tough enough as it was, he'd had to go and through lusting after a teenage werewolf into the mix. 'Wonderful,' he thought sarcastically before turning over and trying again to go to sleep.


~ Becoming an Animagi is a very complicated process consisting of a combination of charms, potions and transfigurations. It must be done in the proper steps, and at the proper times, to insure that nothing goes wrong with the end transformation. Wail transfiguring someone else into a toad is relatively easy, turning oneself into an animal and then back is much more difficult. For you have to be able to still think as a human in the animal form to work the change back, otherwise you are stuck as the animal permanently. Once this has been accomplished, the first transformation to and then from the animal form, the animagi can then change almost instantaneously, its form indistinguishable from that of a true animal's. ~

Sirius paused in writing his essay. 'I wonder if Remus' wolf form would be able to tell it was me, if I were an animagus.' He wondered absently before realizing what he was doing. He was thinking about Remus. Again. With an annoyed huff Sirius banged his quill against the desk in frustration.

"Problems?" asked James, his eyes still fixed on the parchment in front of him.

"Yes," he snapped. "How can you concentrate like this?" he said fiercely. James raised an eyebrow.

"Like what?" he asked mildly. 'With him sitting right over there!' was what Sirius wanted to say. It had been nearly a week and the three of them, he, James and Remus, had been acting like nothing had happened. Like nothing had changed. Remus and James were doing an exceedingly good job of it too.

But all Sirius wanted to do was walk over to the smaller boy and shake him. To try and jar him out of his self-contained shell and have him look at him again. But he couldn't tell that to James, he was on thin ice enough as it was.

His eyes betrayed him however, as he snuck a glance at the only other person in their section of the library. He turned back to find James staring at him.

"You really have a problem with him, don't you," he said rather sharply. "It's not like he can stop being…it," he said, making a vague gesture with his hand, as if to clarify what he could bring himself to put into words. Sirius looked indignant.

"That's not the…problem," he said turning back to his essay.

"Are you still mad at him for lying about that whole kissing thing, cause I think he only said it to get you mad." Sirius looked at him with wide eyes. He thought that Remus had been lying? Sirius looked over at the boy across the room again.

"He…he wasn't lying James. But I do think he said that just to piss me off. Worked really well too." James blinked at him owlishly before leaning across the table so that if was less likely that they were overheard.

"You really kissed him, then?" he hissed, genuinely curious. Sirius started writing his essay again, pressing so hard with his quill that he tore the parchment and sprayed ink onto his essay and hand.

"Bloody hell," he muttered under his breath. He looked down at his ruined essay and shrugged. "Yeah, I guess…" James cleared his thought and he looked back up at him. James didn't look too happy.

"Why?"

Sirius turned scarlet and looked back down at the table.

"Sirius…" James said, loosing patients. Oh, god, what was he supposed to say? 'Yes, James, your best friend is a poof. But don't worry, you're safe. I only seem to like werewolves.' Hardly seemed appropriate. What had been the reason he'd given Remus? Oh, right…

"Well, I figured that if I had to give him my word to keep his secret and everything, that he should give me something too." He said lamely.

"Sirius, there's a word for that. It's called blackmail," James said shortly. "And if I remember correctly, that's illegal even in the muggle world." Damn it! Why did James have to be so logical and so…so right all the time.

"I know that!" he snapped looking anywhere but at James. This wasn't helping at all, James was just succeeding in making him feel like an utter heal.

"I repeat: why?" James asked again. "You could have made him give you just about anything. Why that?"

"It was four in the morning, I wasn't thinking clearly." Sirius muttered defensively. James pushed his glasses up on his nose looking at him with a piercing stare that made him sweat. What was he thinking? But before Sirius could figure that out, James blinked at him with a rather bemused expression and then started to chuckle softly.

"What?!" Sirius asked hotly, he didn't see anything about their conversation that would be so funny.

"You fancy him," he pronounced before dissolving into laughter again.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm a poof, laugh it up," he grumbled. But James was looking at him in confusion.

"What's a poof?" James asked, looking genuinely confused.

"You know, a queer, a guy who likes guys," he clarified.

"Oh, that's what I thought. But you said it like it was a bad thing, so I was confused." This had not been how he had thought he would react.

"Wait," now it was Sirius' turn to look confused. "People in the wizarding world don't think it's a bad thing?" he had never thought of that, everything else in the wizarding world had it's own rules, why not this as well?

"No, not really," Sirius frowned slightly, that had been the same 'not really' James had given him first year when he'd asked if people thought it mattered that you were pureblood or not. Which meant it did matter, just not to everybody. "Why? Do muggles?"

"Yeah," he said, as if it were obvious. "So wait, that's okay with you?" he asked, looking shocked.

"Sure," James said with a shrug. "Just don't hit on me, my bread isn't buttered that way." Sirius gave him a faintly disgusted look.

"Sorry James your not my type." He said, smiling slightly in relief.

"Right, cause you only have a thing for werewolves." Sirius sputtered, that had been a little too close to his own thoughts not that long ago.

"So, you like Remus. Now that that's clear, tell me again why you were being such a bastard to him?"

"I wasn't thinking!" he said fiercely. "I can't think around him, he mucks up everything." James chucked again. He turned back to his parchment and wrote something down with a flourish and then started to put things back in his bag.

"Okay, I'm done." He said smugly, looking pointedly at Sirius' half done essay. They both jumped as someone cleared their throat behind them. They turned to find the Librarian giving them an evil basilisk-worthy glare.

"I'm going to have to ask you to leave, you're being loud." She said primly. They both grinned at her and quickly packed up all their things.

"Come on," said James. "I'll help you finish up your essay in the common room."

With one last look to Remus, who was still reading in his corner, Sirius followed James out of the library.