AN: This chapter is dedicated to my two wonderful beta readers, Mithua and Neets! Thank you, thank you, thankyou! And also to Anon., whoever you are, for liking my story so much and being so percistant. ^_^ And don't worry if it takes me a while to post a chapter, I haven't stopped the story. In fact, I have it plotted out all the way to the end, which is around the begining of Harry's fifth year at Hogwarts. ::cringe:: It's going to be a long time before I'm finished. -_-;;;
Warning: this chapter contains major violence! Do not read if that bothers you. I have more than hinted at the way Sirius' dad treats him. And what happens in this chapter is bad enough to make him run away.Anyway, I realized that I hadn't put a disclaimer, so here it is. I own nothing in this story but the plot, and even parts of that are barrowed, especially the Knight bus.
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"I can't except this
All because of you
I've had to walk away
From everything
And I'm afraid to be alone
Afraid you'll leave me when I'm gone
And I'm afraid to come back home."
~ Home, Staind
'I don't want to be doing this, I don't want to be here!' Sirius thought madly as the Hogwarts Express pulled into King's Cross station.
He had been planning to spend the holiday lounging around the common room and pestering Remus, since he never seemed to go home for the winter holidays either. But no. His dad had sent him a brisk letter telling him to come home. 'It even had a stamp on it, how muggle can you get?' he thought bitterly.
The one thing that made him feel slightly better about the whole thing was that his plans wouldn't have worked out anyway. Remus had gotten a similar letter from his family and looked about as pleased to be going home as Sirius. Another plus was that Sirius had managed to convince the quiet boy to sit in the same compartment as him for the entire trip. (And he'd convinced James and Peter to leave the two of them alone.) Okay, so he'd taken Remus' bookbag and refused to give it back until the end of the trip, same thing.
As the train pulled to a final, shuddering stop, Remus looked up from his book and stared at him. Sirius tried to give him one of his best smiles, but it wasn't truly sincere. He was too worried about what would happen once he got off the train.
"Can I have my bag?" the other boy asked tersely. Sirius dug under his own stuff and pulled out Remus' bag.
"Here you go," he said, handing it to him. "Thanks for being such a great conversationalist by the way." He added as Remus left the compartment with a snort. "Have a nice holiday!" he yelled after him, but Remus didn't reply.
"Well, 'bugger off' to you too, I was just trying to be nice," he muttered under his breath as he grabbed his backpack and muggle jacket. He looked around once more and his eyes landed on a book left on the opposite seat.
"'Dark Creatures: a Study of the Lives of the Damned.' Good god, why is he reading this? It sounds horrid," he said, picking it up. "He must have accidentally left it, I'll see if I can find him." He shoved the book into his bag and got off the train. He did look but he never found Remus. Instead, once he'd crossed through the barrier onto platforms 9 and 10, he found his father.
Gareth Black, a tall blond haired man who looked much too young to have a son Sirius' age, stood with his arms crossed looking bored. Once he'd seen Sirius, his father stalked over to him, frowning.
"Where have you been? I've been waiting for fifteen minuets," he said tersely. Sirius looked down at the ground. Explaining would be useless, so he didn't even try. His father was of the opinion that there was no way he could have friend. And, being the delinquent that he was, even if he did have any he'd never do anything nice for them like returning a book.
"Sorry dad," he mumbled. Gareth just snorted at him.
"You got a lot of detentions. They obviously don't know how to discipline you properly." Sirius shivered, whenever his father said 'discipline' it wasn't a good thing, at least not for him.
"I'm sorry, I'll do better next term," he said quickly. His father just snorted in disbelief.
"Yeah right, just don't cause any problems while you're here." He stayed quiet, knowing that any assurances that he would be good would fall on deaf ears or just make his father mad. He always seemed to make mischief, even when he didn't want to.
For the entire ride back to the house Sirius was silent. He wondered how long his dad was going to be civil to him, so far things hadn't been too bad, but they had been in public. Once they reached the apartment, however, Sirius received a shock. The two of them had just gotten in the door when a woman appeared in the hallway.
"Welcome back," she said, smiling at Gareth before turning to the very bewildered Sirius. "You must be Sirius, your fathers told me so much about you." She had her hands clasped together and talked to him in a sugary sweet voice that Sirius had always thought was reserved for small children.
"Your name's not Io is it?" he blurted out and knew it was exactly the wrong thing to say wen he saw the look that crossed his father's face. 'I've been home five minutes and I've already pissed him off, great.'
"No it's Cassie, why?" the woman asked. Sirius just smiled, charming even though it was obviously faked.
"Just checking," he said in his best 'now why would I do that professor?' voice. The woman, Cassie, laughed. Sirius saw his father relax and gave a silent sigh of relief. Maybe being home wouldn't be so bad after all.
I turned out that Cassie didn't live with his father, but that she was thinking about moving in with him and had wanted to meet Sirius before making the final decision. 'poor woman,' Sirius had thought when he heard this. 'She doesn't know what she's getting into.' His dad had only had one other girlfriend that had lived with them, and Sirius had seen why his mother had left them. Gareth treated his girlfriends worse than he treated Sirius, and that was saying something.
To Sirius' surprise, the holiday went rather smoothly. Cassie stayed over a lot and that seemed to put his father on his best behavior. That and the weather was fairly decent, for Midwinter anyway, so he spent a lot of time outside in the snow.
With only one more full day to go till he would be back on the Hogwarts Express, Sirius was congratulating himself on having not made his father angry for the entire two weeks he'd been there. But as he walked back into the apartment after one of his walks he realized that maybe he hadn't succeeded at that as well as he'd thought.
"Where have you been?" his father bit out as he came through the door.
"I went for a walk," Sirius replied defensively. "Um...where's Cassie?" he asked trying to change the subject, but unfortunately this just made his father angrier.
"Oh, she left. And you want to know why? Cause of you, you little shit." His father stood up from where he had been sitting at the kitchen table. "'I don't think he likes me? I like you and everything but I'm not ready to be a parent'" he mocked in a high falsetto voice. "Like she'd need to be?" Sirius started to back away, trying to get to the stairs and his room. His dad look very angry and he didn't want it to be taken out on him. "Where do you think you're going? Aren't you going to apologize?" his father snapped. 'I have to get out of here' Sirius thought, slightly panicked. Gareth hadn't so much as yelled at him for the entire holiday, but that was probably because he'd wanted to impress Cassie, but now that she was gone?
"Uh...sorry, didn't mean to do whatever it was I did!Um...bye." Sirius tried to bolt from the room but his father caught his arm and used the momentum he'd gotten from trying to run off to slam him into the wall.
"You're sorry? You don't sound like it," His father snarled at him. "Maybe I should make you?" He pulled back his fist and punched Sirius in the face. But Sirius had gotten a lot of practice fighting, mostly thanks to the Slytherins, and he rolled with the punch, ducking the second punch completely. He managed to get out from between his dad and the wall and quickly put the kitchen table between them. He belatedly realized that he'd put the table between him and the door as well.
Unfortunately running away only made Gareth more angry. He charged at him and Sirius backed up, too quickly in his attempt to get away, and tripped over a chair. He fell backwards onto the linoleum. Sirius tried to scramble away but his father kicked him hard in the side and he fell back to the ground. He saw his father pick something up, almost absently, from the kitchen counter as he stalked towards him.
Sirius's heart froze in his chest when he realized that his father was holding a knife. Gareth brought his arm down, and the knife's blade cut into his cheek. Sirius flung his arms over his face and backed further into the corner. His father kept swinging at him, fist and knife battering him with increasing ferocity. His father was yelling things at him, but he was too terrified to make sense of the garbled shouts. The attach paused and Sirius looked up from behind his arms.
His father stood over him, the knife raised high over his head. Sirius cowered further back against the wall desperately wishing for his wand. 'Oh, god,' he thought suddenly. 'I'm going to die, he's going to kill me.'
Suddenly they were both startled by a pounding on the front door.
"Mr. Black?!" the shrill voice of their neighbor, Mrs. Gouron, called in concern. "Are you all right? I heard shouting." Sirius was never more thankful that she couldn't keep her nose out of other peoples business.
As his father turned to look at the front door, Sirius bolted past him and down the hall to his room.
He didn't even pause to properly close the door as he dived under his bed and grabbed for his backpack. He hadn't brought much back from Hogwarts, just a few books and the object he was looking for now, his wand.
He had just gotten it out from the bottom of his bag when the door to his room banged open. Gareth stood, panting, in the doorway, but before he had a chance to enter the room, Sirius had brought up his wand and pointed it straight at his father's chest.
"Stay there," Sirius said, trying to sound calm even though his voice and hands were shaking. But his father didn't listen and started towards him. Sirius was relived to see that he had forgotten the knife back in the kitchen. Sirius tried to back up but as soon as Gareth was close enough, he grabbed Sirius' wand.
"Stupefy!" Sirius yelled in panic, and had to move out of the way as his father fell to the floor unconscious.
Sirius just stood there staring at his father for several seconds before he realized what had happened. 'Don't you get expelled if you use magic around muggles?' he thought worriedly. 'Let alone using it on muggles?' He continued to stand there and stare down at his father's still form, his mind jumbled and confused as the adrenaline slowly drained form his blood. His body began to shake and he fell to his knees, letting his head fall into his hands and winced when he pulled several of the cuts on his arms and face.
Shaking and tired he slowly began to think coherently. He'd just used magic on his father; if he was still there when his dad woke up, he probably would be dead. He had to leave.
With that thought in mind he stood on shaky legs and started grabbing things and shoving them into his backpack. Books, clothes, anything that would be useful, anything he would need: because he would never be coming back.
He'd had to use a packing charm to fit it all but he finally had everything he thought he would need from that place. He was to the doorway of his room when he stopped and walked back over to his father. He stood there and stared at him to make sure that he was asleep before nudging him with his foot. When that didn't even get a response he leaned down and took his dad's wallet. He had a handful of sickles in his bag and about fifteen galleons back at Hogwarts, it was a fair amount for a thirteen-year-old, but not enough to buy school supplies or anything important. He quickly took the money out of the wallet and let it fall to the floor before bolting for the door.
He ran down the hall and out the front door, out of the apartment building. He was running out of fear, not that his father would catch him, but at the very idea of what he was doing, of everything he was leaving behind. To a passing muggle he suspected that he looked pretty strange, some tall skinny kid with chin length hair running full tilt with an odd two hundred pounds clutched in on hand and a twig in the other. If he'd had the breath to laugh at himself, he would have.
He came to a halt out of breath with his heart beating a mile a minuet. He bent over, resting his hands on his knees and tried to catch his breath. He knew that he had to go somewhere, if he just wandered the streets he'd get picked up by the police and sent back to his dad. 'James!' he thought suddenly. The other boy really was the closest thing he'd ever had to a best friend, and James'd help him if he showed up on his doorstep. But Sirius didn't know where he lived. He looked up through his hair at the phone-booth across the street and wondered idly if wizards had their names listed in the phonebook. Figuring he didn't have anything else to go on, he stood and started across the street. He didn't get very far though, as soon as he stood his blood flow tried to returned to normal and his head started spinning. When he tried to take a step, he stumbled and in an effort to catch himself cartwheeled his arms wildly. He lost his battle with gravity at the same time a loud bang sounded not far up the street. Sirius managed to catch himself on his arms but his bag wasn't as lucky, it fell from his shoulder and it's contence spilled over the sidewalk. He didn't pay any attention to the large van or whatever that pulled to a stop in front of him as he tried to pick up all his belongings. That was, until someone in purple boots stepped out of it and began shouting.
"Welcome to the Knight Bus, emergency transport for the stranded witch or wizard. Just stick out your wand hand and?" Sirius looked up at the man, who was dressed entirely in purple, as he stopped in his little speech and looked around. His eyes landed on Sirius, or more precisely Sirius' wand, and he grinned down at him.
"What are ye doin' on the ground?" the man asked looking like he was trying not to laugh at him. Sirius ignored that for the moment.
"How much and where can I go?" He asked quickly, pointing at what he now saw was a giant purple bus.
"Six sickles to go just 'bout anywhere, a couple extra if yer wantin a snack or sumat," the purple man replied brightly. Sirius thought about that for a moment.
"If I asked you to take me to James Potter could you?" he asked. When the conductor stood there thinking for a wail Sirius decided to pick up his book from where they had fallen.
"Nope, sorry but I don know a James Potter. Now Harold Potter, I knows where he lives, but I doubt he'd be willing to see you, seein as he's so busy and all?" Sirius sighed, he'd figured that would be the case, but he'd had to try.
As he reached to grab the last of his belongings he looked down at the last book, which had fallen open so that he could see the inside of the front cover. There was a square of parchment with a picture of a stack of books and a quill on it and under that read, in neat, careful script; 'This book belongs to: Remus J. Lupin, the bedroom in the basement, 335 Richmond Lane, Dursley.' Sirius' mouth crept into a slow smile.
"How about taking me to Richmond Lane, Dursley?"
The ride, thought strange, was uneventful. Sirius had found that he had exactly six sickles in his bag, after searching all the pockets and corners, and was very glad that he didn't have to try and pay in pounds. A couple of bangs and some rather scary driving later Sirius found himself standing outside the Lupin's house, trying to figure out how he was going to convince Remus to let him stay, or even not to slam the door in his face.
He'd always been one for the direct approach, so he took a deep breath, march up to the front door and knocked.
He was relived when Remus was the one to open the door but his heat sank at the look of cold disinterest he received form the other boy. A cold knot of dread started to form in the pit of his stomach as Remus' eyes swept down Sirius' bloody and disheveled form and he snorted derisively. He had hoped that, even though they didn't get along too well, that Remus would help him. Maybe he had been wrong.
"Was there something you wanted?" the boy said, his voice dripping with disdain. This was not going the way he'd thought it would. The idea of falling to his knees and begging quickly flashed through his mind, but he decided to see if he could talk his way through this first. He could always beg later.
"I brought your book back," he said, pulling the slightly more battered book from his backpack. He had meant it as a peace offering, a plea for forgiveness for whatever was making Remus look at him with such complete disinterest. The other boys eyebrows drew together in a frown.
"That's not mine," he said shortly. Sirius' eyes widened in surprise.
"Yeah it is," he said, sounding rather desperate. Why was Remus doing this? "It says right here: Remus J. Lupin, the bedroom in the ?"
"Sirius?" a voice said from inside the house, cutting him off. Sirius looked over Remus' shoulder and into the house and saw? Remus?
"You're not supposed to come to the door!" the boy standing closest to Sirius yelled in outrage. But his doppelganger paid no attention to him. He stepped forward, a shocked and worried look in his gold eyes.
"Gods, Sirius, what happened to you?" again he was looked over, but this time he saw the other boy wince slightly as he saw every cut and bruise. Sirius looked between the two boys standing in the doorway. The one at the door was a good three centimeters taller. And when Sirius looked him, meeting his eyes, he couldn't contain his start of surprise. The eyes that glared at him were a boring muddy brown, not the haunted hazel-gold he was used to. He turned to the shorter of the two.
"Remus?" he asked quietly, he really wasn't in the mood or condition to deal with this right now.
"Yeah, why don't you come in, it's? Romulus, move!" the real Remus had turned to glared at the other boy who was refusing to budge from his place in the doorway.
"Mum and dad said you weren't to go near the front door, let alone invite anyone in!" the boy said.
"Romulus, he's a friend of mine," Remus said curtly, forcefully pushing the other boy out of the way. "So mum and dad can just yell at me when they get back." They glared at each other for a moment before Romulus conceded.
"Don't eat him," the other boy shot back at him before disappearing into the house. Remus glared after him, his lips pulling back from his teeth in a silent snarl and for the first time Sirius realized how sharp they looked. Remus shook himself visibly and took a deep breath before looking back at Sirius.
"Um...come in?" Remus said a little unsteadily. Sirius nodded and entered the house, staring down the hall where the other boy had fled.
"Who was that?" he asked. Remus made a rather unpleasant face as he lead Sirius further into the house.
"My twin brother, Romulus." He said with a grimace. Sirius frowned, hadn't there been some sort of story about a guy with that name? Something about twins and wolves?
"Is he a...?" he couldn't quite bring himself to ask the full question, but it was obvious that Remus had understood. They stopped in front of a closet and Sirius watched as Remus pulled out what looked like potion vials and a role of gauze.
"No." Remus answered. Sirius stared at him as he opened the door opposite the closet and ushered him into a rather large bathroom. It was rather surreal, being there. Remus hadn't asked why he was there or what had happened to him. He just went about getting things together to patch him up, acting eerily like Madam Pomfrey.
"Were your eyes brown?" he asked suddenly. And immediately kicked himself, he really didn't want to piss Remus off right now and asking him stupid questions would not help.
"We were identical until I was bitten six years ago." Remus said quietly.
"That long?" Sirius asked softly, that was such a long time ago, Sirius wondered silently if the other boy even remembered anything before he was bitten.
"Yeah," he said, shrugging off the sympathy in Sirius' voice. "Sit," Sirius did, gratefully. He watched as Remus opened one of the vials and put a generous amount of potion on to a strip of gauze. Remus reached out and grabbed on of Sirius' arms and stared transfixed at the cuts that covered it.
"Did you do this?" he asked quietly, his hand reaching out to touch one of the cuts on his shoulder.
"What?" Sirius asked, baffled. Why would he do this to himself?
"Never mind," Remus said quickly, turning to look at the potions and medicines he'd gotten out.
"M-my dad, he got really pissed at me and, well?" he shuddered, the image of his father standing over him, knife in hand, flashed behind his eyes. "Why did you think I did it?" he said, trying to change the subject, if only slightly.
"It's nothing...just...during the full moon, I...well you saw me that morning." Sirius nodded, he had thought he'd seen him that morning covered in his own set of bruises and cuts.
"Oh...but you were fine when I say you during class. I thought I'd imagined it."
"I heal fast and I guess it's not really me, it's the, the wolf, but?"
"It's horrible isn't it," it wasn't a question, and it didn't need to be. The way Remus spoke, the fear in his voice, the shaking of his hands as he wet a washcloth in the sink, 'I wonder what its like to be terrified of something that's a part of who you are?'
"Yes, it's bad." After that neither of them spoke for a long time as Remus methodically cleaned the cuts on his arms and face.
"I'm sorry," Sirius said finally, looking up into Remus' gold eyes.
"For what," the other boy asked looking confused.
"For everything, for making your life hell, for bugging you, for, for what I did when I found out?" Sirius wrapped his arms around himself and looked away, feeling incredibly guilty and hopeless and angry and... 'I will not cry,' he thought fiercely, closing his eyes tight. There was an acquired silence for a long moment and then Sirius felt a pair of arms wrap around him. He turned into the comfort that Remus was offering, burying his face in the other boys shoulder.
"It's alright," Remus said soothingly as he smoothed down the other boys hair, pulling him closer. "I forgive you."
They stayed that way for a while until Sirius calmed himself down enough so he was sure he wouldn't cry. He was sorry, but he wasn't going to be that mushy about it.
They were both startled when a woman's voice yelled at the top of her lungs.
"Remus Julius Lupin! Come here this instant!" Remus winced and he heard him mutter 'bugger' under his breath. Sirius snickered.
"Your middle name is Julia?" he asked, attempting to lighten the mood.
"Julius!" Remus said indignantly. "And so what, what's yours?" he countered.
"Hyperion," Sirius said proudly. Remus stared at him, stifling a laugh behind his hand.
"And your making fun of my middle name?" he asked incredulously. Sirius stuck his tongue out at him. They left the bathroom and Remus led them into a very neat and formal living-room. Two adults that Sirius assumed were Remus' parents were standing in the middle of the room, looking stern. And Romulus stood off to the side with a smug little smirk on his face that made Sirius want to hit him.
"Good lord, what happened to him?" Remus' mother said as they came into the room. "Did you do that?!" she asked, turning on Remus.
"What?!" they both shouted in unison. Sirius stared at her in shock, how could she think such a thing?
"No, Mrs. Lupin, it was. I had an accident." Sirius said quickly, trying not to let his anger at her accusation color his voice. If he was going to stay here, he'd have to convince Remus' parents to let him stay, not just Remus.
"M-Mrs. Lupin, um...I was wondering if I could stay the night, o-or at least barrow the family owl so I can contact James. I-I'm in a bit of a bind and, well, I..." he had to stop and take a deep breath as he realized what he was about to say. And how true the statement was.
"I don't have anywhere else to go."
