Author's notes:

My utmost gratitude to the people who reviewed Chap 2 and said such kind words - Jin, Sardius, Lola-chan, Ku-chan, Tschubi-chan, Elizabeth, Eeyore, Siberian, Naomi, Atsureki, LittleIsa, Kyri, Adakie, morningwinds, Whisper Reilman, Deathangelgw, deadxdreamer, moonraven, Yoippari, kia, sapu, Dawn Forte, and also Keeshe Kal'daka (hehe…are you seeing stars yet from running in circles?)

You've made me very happy. At the same time I'm rather nervous. ^^;; I hope you'll still like the fic as it goes along, though I can't help thinking that I'll fall flat on my face. Eeps. I'm dedicating this chapter to all of you. But I must warn you first. This chapter was written in haste and I haven't had time to really go over it. The writing style is also different. So don't kill me!

To Jin, Ku-chan, and Sardius: I really can't thank you enough for your confidence and your support. I'm thankful that this fic had brought me great friends like you. *sniffles* And Ku-chan, I still can't believe you got me a Kenken wall-scroll! Wai!!

To Lola-chan: Thank you again for dedicating to me chap 8 of Red & White. It means so much to me. It's a great story and you're a great writer. Don't ever doubt that. ^^

Don't own Weiss. Never did. Never will. Read on folks!

White (tentative title)

Chapter 3 - Pondering in the Rain

---------------------------------------------------------

****** in this chapter indicates a POV change

'blah blah' = thoughts

----------------------------------------------------------

It had been raining nearly everyday now.

What was it that he'd heard some time ago? Oh yes. Some people like rain because it cleanses, and because it has some cathartic effect or something. Cathartic. Heh. What a word. He'd asked what it meant and was told that the rain helped to sooth away pain, weariness and sorrow, especially for those who couldn't cry. Like the Heavens were doing the crying for them. Now why couldn't they just say that straight instead of using some fancy word.

But he never liked the rain. Nope. Rain was not for Ken Hidaka. He worshipped the sun. He always had, and always will.

The sun is his ally. It understands him, and takes part in his charade of sunny smiles, and warm laughter. Rain, however, only dilutes his mask. Heh. Now who's being poetic? Maybe Aya was rubbing off on him.

'Aya…'

Sitting on the wooden benches in the deserted soccer field, Ken sighed and ran a hand through his rain-drenched locks. He had stayed back after soccer practice, and it was now way past dinnertime. And it had started to rain an hour ago, just like it had during the past few days. As if he didn't have enough to dampen his spirit. But strangely, Ken didn't want to get out of the cold wetness, despite the fact that he was shivering. It was late fall, and winter would be coming soon after all.

Thoughts drifting, Ken wondered what Aya thought of rain. He felt that Aya would love it, considering the fact that he had his emotions bottled up so tight that he probably needed some external entity to release it for him. Ken never doubted that Aya has emotions. More than once, he had seen a hint of it in those lovely gem-like eyes. Aya may be all icy and cold, but Ken suspected that deep down inside, Aya has emotions raging that would scald anyone should it be allowed to burst forth. Like molten lava out of a dormant volcano. Heh.

But then again, what did Ken know about Aya? The redhead was still somewhat a stranger to him. Even after nearly a year of becoming his teammate. Even after that three weeks of being so intimate with him.

But that's just it. Physical intimacy. Hell, even through that, Ken didn't know whether Aya was gay or 'bi'. And it had only taken a few drinks for him to find that out about Yohji.

But Ken would take what he can get, or so he had thought. And God only knows how much he wanted to be close to Aya. He had wanted it since the moment he first set eyes on him.

When Aya had come to him those weeks ago, he thought he had died and gone to heaven. The man of his dreams was letting him close. Yes. He had fallen hopelessly in love with his enigmatic leader. He had sensed his pain, his loneliness, the silent plea for understanding, and his heart had gone out to him before he could stop it.

So Aya letting him close, even if it's just in the dead of night, was a start ne? And he would play by Aya's rules for the time being, if it meant getting to know more about him. If it meant Aya was giving them a chance.

But now, even that chance had been taken away.

Drawing his knees to his chest, Ken rested his chin on them and wrapped his toned arms around his legs, eyes focused on the swaying grass, but unseeing.

'What happened Aya? Why did you stop coming to me?'

Aya had ended his nightly visits about three weeks ago. About the same amount of time in hell for Ken as in heaven. In less than two months, the stunning redhead had managed to drag his teammate through both.

And if anything, Aya was even more distant now. And so much colder, if that was even possible.

Ken shuddered, remembering the look - was that disdain, or disgust - that Aya had taken to giving him of late. It was that look that made the normally thrash-it-out Ken hesitant in approaching him. He didn't know what he would do if Aya confirmed the fact that he hates him.

'But what did I do Aya?'

Ken hugged himself tighter, chocolate eyes clouding in misery. He didn't remember doing anything especially wrong, except being his normal clumsy self. He had kept quiet when they were together, just like Aya wished. He had bit his tongue even though he wanted to tell Aya how he felt, knowing that the other probably wasn't ready to hear it. But if Aya didn't acknowledge his presence previously unless Ken was right in his face, he certainly seemed to abhor his presence now.

Ken winced, remembering the events that transpired yesterday. He had merely dropped a pot he was carrying, spilled potted soil all over the floor and trampled over some orchids in the process of clearing up, but that was normal according to Ken's standard of clumsiness. He didn't think it warranted Aya giving him such a freezing glare and announcing that like everything else he did, he was more a hindrance than help. Yohji had gotten irritated at what he termed "Aya's stick shoved up his arse so far that it's poking out of his mouth" attitude and had nearly gotten into an argument with the redhead on Ken's behalf, if Ken hadn't dragged him away.

'What did I do Aya? Or is it what I… didn't do?'

Did Aya expect Ken to do or say something by now about his 'relationship' with the redhead? After all, Aya did, so to speak, make the first move by coming to his room. But Ken didn't know what Aya wanted. Didn't dare take the risk.

Or was it simply just a form of release to the redhead? Now that he doesn't need it anymore he'd stopped coming to Ken? Ken's brow drew together in a frown as his thoughts took a darker path. He then shook his head emphatically.

'No. It can't be. Aya's not that callous…is he?'

Ken sighed and turned his face up to the heavens, letting the rain trail down his sun-bronzed face like tears. Did he read Aya wrongly? Aya was always so tender, gentle, loving even, when they were together. Didn't that hint of the redhead's feelings?

'This is getting nowhere. I'm not letting you go so easy Aya. At least I'm not letting you go without telling you how I feel.'

Screw heartache. He had to know what it all meant. Ken Hidaka was not one to give up without trying. He'll do it tomorrow night. After the mission. It'll be too dangerous to fuck himself or Aya up before that, even though he hoped dearly that that wouldn't be the outcome.

Gathering his grungy sports bag and a net full of balls, Ken uncurled his long legs and stood, cutting a alluring figure in soaked shorts and soccer shirt that clung to the lines and contours of his wet, trim form.

Gazing up at the heavens once again, Ken once more let the rain run down his face. Heh. Maybe he could learn to like the rain after all.

Opening his dark eyes, Ken gazed at the sprinkling of stars that had appeared in the night sky, adamant in displaying their beauty despite the ominous clouds.

'Smile down on me?'

Lost in his own thoughts, Ken did not notice the pair of green eyes in the shadows that followed his every move as he left the soccer field.

**********

It was hard. It was so hard.

But he had to keep at it. He had to make it work.

'I have to do this, Aya-chan.' Aya thought as he gazed at the rain-drenched city outside the window.

He loved the rain. It calmed him down. But not tonight. The pattering of the raindrops only served to add to the confused tumbling of his thoughts, like ice-cubes being swished around in a glass.

And the ice-cubes were swimming in Ken.

After that visit to his imouto, Aya had done the only thing he could think of, the only immediate solution, to fix his mistake of letting Ken in too close. He had cut off all intimate contact. He had attempted to avoid the brunette as much as he could. Not good enough to his liking. He couldn't shun him in the shop or on missions without being too conspicuous.

He couldn't avoid Ken's confused, longing glances. And he couldn't forget the hurt look in those puppy eyes whenever Aya snapped at him.

He still remembered Ken's face yesterday. That spark of anger that had quickly turned to pain when he had cruelly told him he was a hindrance. He knew he had hurt him. Knew that it was uncalled for, especially when the normally couldn't-care-less Yohji had told him what he'd thought of him. Aya's thoughts darkened further when he recalled how protective the blonde had been of the soccer-player.

And yes. He was disgusted. At himself. At how Ken could affect him. Not good enough. He was still weak. And he would have to be stronger, because Ken is too stubborn to stay away with hints, even though they were given none too subtly.

'Why must you test me Ken?'

Aya rested his aching head against the cool window-pane, struggling to strengthen his resolve. His violet gaze turned down towards the street.

A big mistake.

Eyes widening, he took in the form of a very wet, very lovely Ken Hidaka, trudging his way up the path back to the Koneko.

Stifling a groan, Aya turned his head away, eyes closing, as if that could block the sight from his mind.

It was then that he decided he hated the rain.

Moments later, violet eyes turned upwards towards the sky, carefully avoiding the street below, though they knew by now that the figure would no longer be seen.

'Give me the strength I need.' Aya silently demanded the stars above, winking at him with their minute light, before heading to his bed for another dream-filled sleep of a pair of eyes that far surpassed the stars' glory.

The stars blinked innocently, not letting on what they had heard, that night.

-----

to be continued?

-----

Review review review! The button is right below! ^-^