Author's notes
Minna. Hontou ni gomenasai. *bows* I've taken rather long to upload this chapter, partly 'cos work is really hellish, and 'cos I had writer's crisis. It's been a struggle trying to find time to write, and it will continue to be so. I will still work on the fic however, and can only request that you be patient if the updates take some time ne? Arigatou na!
Okay. Beautiful flowers (courtesy of the Koneko) to the following people who reviewed my previous chapter and made me so so happy!
Jin and Keeshe (Woohoo! K-E-N), Ku-chan (thanks for getting me the pins!), Lola-chan (Wai! We finally can 'talk'!), Sardius (gomen, Ran still resting ^^;), Rika-chan, siberian, lorien-chan, Bess, Marty, Ash, sara-chan, Katarzyna K Yue, Kyri, LittleIsa, deathangelgw, kia, Tina-chan, moonraven, shime, Ryuu, Erebus and foxtails.
Also hugs to new reviewers of Strawberry and Chocolate: Ash, Rosethorn, Miko no Hoshi, Lady Kickass, tearlesereph, and Yaoke.
*sighs* I hate doing this. Weiss is not mine. If they were I'd be too busy spending time with Kenken to find time to write.
Characters here might be a little OOC. Other than that, read on and hope you like it! ^-^
White (tentative title)
Chapter Six - Comfort in the Cold
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*** here indicates change in POV
'blah blah' = thoughts
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It had been days since he'd heard the front door slam.
He remembered thinking that nobody at the Koneko goes out that late at night…or early in the morning…whatever, unless there was a mission.
The door usually opens at that time to let someone IN. Not out.
And that someone was almost always him, not that he ever slammed the door like that in the middle of the night, unless he wanted his body punctured by a katana.
So he had gone to check. Why he bothered, why he cared, he didn't really know. He just had this need to do it, and god forbid that he said no to his urges.
He wished he hadn't checked, hadn't listened surreptitiously behind closed doors for sounds of movements, for sounds of breathing.
Because his worst fears had been confirmed.
The door had let out Ken.
A certain foreboding feeling and…nervousness?…had swept over him then. Grabbing his coat, he had gone out after the brunette, heedless of the weeping sky. But there had been no sign of him. No matter where he turned, no matter where he looked, there had been no sign of Ken.
The rest of the night…or morning…whatever, had been spent wondering what the fuck had happened, where the hell Ken had gone. He was pretty certain that Ken's disappearance had something to do with the strung-so-tight-you-can-hear-him-twang redhead. But he had shied away from confronting him then. He hadn't been in the mood for music.
When his over-active imagination hadn't provided him with answers, he had spent the remaining twilight trying to fall asleep, while one ear stayed alert for the tell-tale chime of the Koneko's bell signaling the brunette's return.
The chime had barely managed to beat the sun.
But even then, he had wondered if the brunette did indeed return that morning.
If he hadn't known any better, he would have sworn that the one who had returned was just a badly cloned clone. Yeah. The clone of Ken's clone. So badly done that Ken's smooth tanned skin hadn't even been satisfactorily replicated. For there had been one hell of a large bruise marring the right side of the soccer-player's face.
The smiles had been wrong. The look in those beautiful eyes had been wrong. And the way the brunette had been avoiding him…
Wrong, wrong, wrong.
And the genius Kudou didn't know what to do about it.
That frustrated him no end.
Kudou Yohji could charm the birds out of the sky if he wanted to. And he almost always could snap the brunette out of his depressed moods. Granted that some of the times it was a change from depression to anger, but heh, one can't be too choosy ne?
He had only managed to get one sentence out of the brunette that day. Ken claimed that the bruise had been caused by his ungraceful rendezvous with the sidewalk. Yeah right. Kudou Yohji might be a lot of things, but he sure as hell ain't stupid. He hadn't bought that story one bit.
But he knew better than to bug Ken when he was in one of his stubborn moods. He'd only succeed in pushing him further away. And as far as Yohji was concerned, Ken was far enough already.
So for days now, he had only watched. And he hadn't liked what he saw. The brunette was too quiet. And too jumpy. Yohji noticed that any sudden noise or movement would set him off. Ken would whip around, tensed, eyes wide and startled, like he was expecting something, or someone to leap at him. He would relax when no danger was apparent, but the uneasiness never seemed to leave those fathomless depths.
And it worried Yohji sick.
He had watched how Ken avoided Omi as well. Watched how he flinched whenever Aya was near. Watched how his deep brown eyes would settle on the icy redhead with longing, confusion, and a sadness that did not belong in them.
He had also watched how that frigging ice-block ignored Ken's existence.
And it made Yohji so mad.
More than once he had to stop himself from storming up to the redhead and pummeling him silly, while demanding to know what the hell he had done, and was doing, to his Kenken.
Yes. His Kenken.
Yohji had admitted long ago to himself that he had a soft spot for Ken. Still has. How could anyone not fall under the brunette's spell? Ken was so sweet, warm, caring, selfless, hotheaded, clumsy, righteous, naïve, cute…he could go on and on. And Yohji's never one to miss out on beauty.
That night when they had gotten drunk, he had come so close to claiming the brunette for himself. Ken had looked so lovely then, face flushed, eyes shimmering, body so warm as he leaned against Yohji's chest…
He had come so close to claiming the brunette's soft parted lips…if only those lips hadn't whispered out one word longingly…
"Aya."
That one blasted word, spoken in a drunken stupor, had blown to bits Yohji's swirling fantasies.
The blow had hurt. Like a dull ache that had wrapped itself around his heart and numbed it. There couldn't have been any mistake. Yohji had heard too many loving utterances not to recognise one so filled with adoration.
Ken didn't know he had said it though. He thought he had only blurted out he was gay.
Yohji had pulled back then, and had watched keenly. And it was not long before he realised that Ken was a lost cause. The brunette was utterly taken with the redhead. So head over heels that it was a wonder he was not doing cartwheels on the floor.
And when Aya had started going to Ken's room…
Yeah. He knew. Though they didn't know that he knew.
If there was one thing Yohji was a master at, it's accepting defeat gracefully when it came to matters of the heart. He had decided to bow out, but of course, not before thanking his lucky stars that he had not yet sunk in too deep.
In a way he still laid claim to Ken. Ken was still his. His Kenken. His best friend in the whole world.
But now, his best friend was in danger of fading away.
It had been long enough. He would have to talk to Ken tonight.
Even if it meant chasing the brunette to the ends of the earth…
********
The stars have not shown their faces since that night.
It's as if they feared a certain brunette's wrath and had decided to hide themselves. After all, they had failed to smile down on him.
And so an inky dullness was all that the prone brunette saw, while lying on the rooftop of the Koneko. An inky dullness that was reflected in the depths of his eyes.
No matter. He would never wish on stars again. Not after what happened that night.
Eyes quickly clenched shut as the lone figure took a shuddering breath. He would not replay the scenes again. Must they plague him in his waking hours too? Wasn't it enough that they torment his dreams?
For the past nights, he had been jolted awake by two voices.
'Get out!'
'Fucking you would be very entertaining'
The silence of the night was broken by a chuckle from one embittered Hidaka Ken.
The one he wanted didn't want him. The one he didn't want was out to get him. Life's just so full of ironies.
The second voice he thought he could somewhat better deal with. The physical pain had slowly faded, and with it, the despair borne by helplessness, and the fear. Well, a little. He'd just have to be more careful. He wouldn't go down without a fight.
But…
'GET OUT!'
That voice seemed to grow louder each night. Each time, the same pain lanced through his heart, the same choking sob tore out of his throat.
Each time, no matter how hard he fought against it, he cried.
And it seemed that he was destined to replay the night over and over again, until he could answer one question.
Why did Aya do it?
Was it because he had shocked the redhead by proclaiming his love at the wrong time? Was it because Aya was not ready? Should he have waited a little longer?
He had been so angry. But now, now he just felt so lost.
The answer was just a door away, but that few feet, why did they seem to be a chasm?
He was scared. He was truly, utterly terrified. And this fear would not go away.
What would happen to him if Aya said…
What would become of him?
Sighing, the brunette looked up to the heavens. All answers were swallowed by an inky sky.
A creak. The opening and closing of a door. He froze, thoughts scattering.
Then, a familiar smell. Cigarettes and spice. Languid footsteps.
Yohji.
Ken forced himself to relax, despite the fact that he was dreading the encounter.
A body settling down next to his. An action he did not acknowledge. No matter. That did not make the body move away.
"So this is where you've been hiding all night."
Ken closed his eyes, only to wrench them open almost immediately, while coughing and spluttering, as a thick cloud of foul-smelling smoke was blown right into his face.
Shooting upright into a sitting position, he glared at a smirking Yohji, before scooting further away from the blonde, and turning his back on him.
"Ne Kenken, wha'cha doing up here all alone?"
"Go away Yohji."
"No can do. I'm lonely."
Ken could sense Yohji pouting. He almost laughed bitterly again. He couldn't even help himself on that issue. Did Yohji expect any help from Ken?
"Go on a date then. Just leave me alone." He didn't want Yohji around. He really didn't.
He heard Yohji shift, and unconsciously, thinking that the playboy might have taken the hint, Ken's stiffened body relaxed somewhat, only to jerk forward and spin around in a panic when he felt a warm touch on his back.
Shocked and scared chocolate eyes locked on equally stunned emerald ones. No words were spoken, as Ken cursed himself and tried to calm his pounding heart.
"G…gomen. Y..you scared me." Ken mumbled haltingly, lowering his gaze to the floor between them, fists clenching in his attempt to act normal. Act normal so Yohji wouldn't suspect.
There was no reply.
Slowly, Ken lifted his gaze to chance a peek at Yohji, and immediately regretted meeting the blonde's eyes. Narrowed slits of emerald were trained on him in contemplation. He didn't like it. It reminded him of another pair of green eyes.
Pushing himself shakily to his feet, Ken stuttered: "It's late. I…I'm…going to bed." He needed to go. Needed to be alone. His mask would not hold anymore. Not if Yohji kept looking at him that way.
But if Ken was stubborn, Yohji was not someone you could just walk away from either. And Ken was reminded of that fact when a sinewy limb snaked out and caught his hand as he was trying to get past the playboy.
A spark of panic and anger shot through Ken. Wrenching his hand free, he glared at Yohji through haunted, yet hardened orbs, desperately trying to quell the unreasonable fear, and cling onto the anger. Anger was good. Anger would help him stay on his feet for now.
"Don't touch me!" he hissed, backing away towards the door.
Yohji rose lazily to his feet and sauntered towards Ken, his movement not synchronising with the glint of determination playing in narrowed gems. "That hadn't been a problem before. Why is it one now?"
"I don't like it okay! Just leave me alone!" Ken's voice rose in alarm at Yohji's closing distance, and before he could register what he was doing, he had turned and sprinted to the door in a desperate escape attempt.
He succeeded in wrenching the door open a crack before it was slammed back shut by an arm that shot past his head and pressed firmly on the wooden surface. Ken was turned forcefully and then shoved up against the door, the two hands on his shoulders preventing him from going anywhere.
'No! Not again! Let me go!' The fear and panic had returned, sparked to life by the familiar gesture. He wouldn't go down without a fight. He wouldn't. And so blind to the differences in situation, Ken lashed out, struggling, kicking, sounds of protest filling the silent night.
He didn't register his name being called, didn't register the concern in the voice. He only felt the restraining arms trying to win control over him.
' Let me go let me go…'…"LET ME GO!!" The scream cut through the night like a beacon, shattering the silence, and also shattering with finality Ken's charade of normalcy. A choked sob tore out of his throat and he dimly registered the restraining arms leaving him, the 'assailant' backing away slightly.
Chest heaving, Ken took in shuddering breaths. It took him a while before he could clear the fog of fear clouding his brain. Then everything came crashing down again.
Yohji. He had broken down in front of Yohji.
The said man was now standing in front of him, cigarette forgotten on the floor, emerald eyes regarding him in shock and concern, countenance slightly twisted in pain. Pain from what? From getting struck by Ken accidentally? From seeing Ken like that?
No matter. The damage had already been done. He can't hide anymore.
Eyes filling with unbidden tears, Ken let himself slide down the door onto the floor, before hugging his knees, and burying his face in them. He felt so cold, so alone. He shouldn't, 'cos Yohji was there, and Yohji was his friend, but he can't let Yohji know. He just can't.
He didn't know how long he remained like that.
"Ken?"
So soft, that voice. So tentative. Did he really come across as being that fragile?
"Kenken."
He had to look up at that. Though he'd always protested the nickname, he secretly cherished it. It made him feel warm.
Yohji was squatting before him. As dull brown eyes met kind emerald, it was all Ken could do not to give into his tears. Why couldn't that look come from Aya?
His lips trembled as Yohji slowly, very slowly raised a hand to his cheek, as if afraid Ken might bolt again, as if afraid of scaring him. The warm hand gently caressed his soft skin, and unconsciously, Ken leaned into the soothing touch.
"Kenken. Please tell me what's wrong?" Yohji was never one to mince his words. Ken opened his eyes again. He didn't even register closing them. He stared mutely at Yohji, studying the way the cool winter's breeze was playing with tendrils of blonde hair that had escaped his ponytail, studying the slight, comforting smile on his lips, and the gentle, pleading look in his lovely eyes. Eyes that were the same, yet were not…
"Yohji…" Ken whispered.
The next thing he knew, he had fallen into Yohji's arms, burying his face into that strong chest, clenching his own arms tightly around his friend's slim waist. Tears he had tried so hard to hold back finally bursting free, and they spilled from his eyes as if they had never spilled before.
He felt arms tightening around him, forming a protective shield from the world. He felt Yohji nuzzling his face in his hair, and planting a soft kiss on his head, acts of comfort that somewhat soothed his aching heart.
They stayed that way for a long time, until Ken's tears slowly subsided. Even then, he remained cuddled in that spicy warmth, resting his tormented heart, mind, and body, if only for just a while.
"You feeling better?" Yohji's warm breath washed against Ken's ear as he bent down in an attempt to see the brunette's face.
Turning shimmering brown eyes to his comforter, Ken managed a nod, his attempt to smile still not really succeeding. He leaned his tired head on Yohji's shoulder and closed his eyes again as he felt the blonde brushing aside his unkempt bangs.
Yohji had never been so tender towards him before. It felt nice. Yet he couldn't help wishing that it was…
His heart clenched again in pain and he shivered. An action that was noticed by Yohji apparently, for those arms tightened around him again.
"It's him isn't it." Yohji's voice was grave and serious, all tenderness gone.
Ken stiffened, eyes shooting open to stare at his partner. Yohji was looking ahead of him at nothing, face wearing a look that Ken could not comprehend.
Then Yohji turned to him, lips pressed in a thin line, as if holding back anger. "It's Aya."
He didn't like this anymore. He wanted to get away. But Ken found that he could not leave Yohji's embrace no matter how he struggled. His struggles were weak anyways, considering how drained he was. And though Yohji's hold was still tender, it was firm and strong. And Ken knew he wasn't going anywhere. Not until Yohji got his answers.
"I don't like seeing you like this Ken. It's Aya isn't it? If you're not telling me then I'm going to get some answers from him." Determination dripped from Yohji's words, and Ken winced at the underlying rage in the tone.
Yohji made to stand up then, and Ken, desperation setting in, clung to him with all his might, keeping him squatted on the floor.
"No Yohji! It has nothing to do with him!" Ken choked out, voice trembling.
"Then who Ken? Who?!"
Ken bit his lips as tears once more filled his eyes. Who indeed? Aya? Schuldich? Himself? Schuldich was a clear culprit but he didn't want Yohji to know. He didn't want the blonde to worry, to put himself in danger going after the German. 'Cos he knew that that was what Yohji would do for him. So if Yohji wasn't onto the telepath, he would not say a word. He would take care of it himself.
As for the other mess, he didn't really know whom to blame anymore.
Then again, how did Yohji know about Aya? Was he fishing for information? Trying to confirm something he suspected?
Ken raised questioning eyes to Yohji's. The blonde's features softened upon seeing his lovely brown gaze. Smiling slightly, Yohji again stroked Ken's cheek. "I know Kenken. I know you're in love with him. And I know he's been with you all those nights."
Ken gasped, stunned, and he could feel a blush spreading across his cheeks. Not knowing how to react, he lowered his gaze to the floor, stressing his lower lip with his teeth. He blushed harder as he felt Yohji's fingertips on his chin, tilting his face up once more. Once more, he couldn't hide.
Emerald eyes studied him solemnly. "It's okay. There's nothing to be ashamed of."
Ken nodded, not knowing what else to say.
"But it's a shame if he hurt you. And he did didn't he?"
What could Ken say to that? Aya did hurt him. Badly. But why Aya did it, he still didn't know. So he could only look sadly at Yohji.
For the blonde however, that look appeared enough.
"What did he do Ken? How did he hurt you? Tell me damnit!" The blonde clutched Ken's arms, shaking him slightly, voice grim and urgent. Emerald eyes sparked brightly, burning with frustration and pain. Aya must have did something horrible. Why would Ken be so jumpy otherwise? Why would he shy away from touch? Unless there was something else Ken wasn't telling him…
Ken could only stare, amazed at Yohji's display of protectiveness. He never knew Yohji cared so much for him, and it warmed him, as well as scared him. Scared of what Yohji would do to Aya.
"Ken! Talk to me!"
He could not ignore the pain in that voice. He had to soothe it, but he didn't know how.
"I…I don't know Yohji." Ken whispered, eyes pleading for Yohji to understand, for Yohji to calm down. "I don't know what happened."
"What do you mean you don't know?" Yohji's eyes narrowed. He didn't believe Ken. Ken was lying.
Once more, grief crashed over Ken as the night played itself out in his mind again. Hanging his head, he mumbled achingly. "He hurt me Yohji…so much…but I don't know why he did it."
Yohji growled. "He hurt you. That's enough." And he stood up.
"No!" Ken cried desperately, reaching out for Yohji again, tears once more streaming down his face. "Please Yohji, don't! Don't go."
Yohji stood with his fists clenched, body tensed, emotions warring. How he wanted to go. How he wanted to kill that redhead there and then. But how could he leave Ken like that?
"Please Yohji. Don't make it worse than it is." Ken choked, sobbing now.
Squatting back down, Yohji sighed and cradled the broken brunette into his arms once again, his own eyes in danger of tearing. "I can't see you like this Kenken. Why won't you let me help you?"
Ken hiccuped, his face buried against the crook of Yohji's neck, fingers clutching at Yohji's shirt. "It's something I have to take care of myself. Please Yohji…please understand."
Yohji sighed again, absently stroking Ken's back. There was something else Ken wasn't telling him. He could sense it. But how could he push him anymore? He would do whatever Ken asked. For now. He did not want to cause the boy anymore pain. He would give Ken a little more time. But if there was any indication that Ken wasn't able to take care of the situation, Yohji would not be idly standing by.
"Ssshhh. Don't cry Kenken. It's okay. Everything is going to be okay." Other than his warm embrace, Yohji could only offer these empty words of comfort.
"You're not going to do anything right? You won't confront Aya right?" Ken whispered, large brown eyes pleading.
Wiping Ken's tears away with his fingertips, Yohji murmured. "No. Not for now. But you can't go on like this anymore Ken. You have to talk to him."
Ken clutched Yohji tighter, chocolate gaze miserable. "I'm scared Yohji. What if…what if he…"
Unconsciously, Yohji almost crushed the smaller brunette in his embrace. He would kill Aya if he hurt Ken anymore. But he couldn't say that to Ken, couldn't cause him anymore panic.
"I'll be here Ken. I'll always be here."
Ken sighed again, burying his face into the warm skin of Yohji's neck.
'I don't know if that will be enough Yohji, if Aya says he never loved me…'
But at least, for now, as he sank into Yohji's embrace and willed the thoughts, fear and pain away, it was enough…
It was enough, for now…
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to be continued
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