Author's notes:

Please take some time to read this.

Oh Gods. I dunno wat to say. *bows very very low* Thank you so much to all my reviewers. I'm so touched I'm really at a loss for words. I didn't expect that I would get that many reviews for the last chapter. They are all very precious to me. Thank you for taking the time to encourage me to go on. Erm, the piles of snow comment wasn't meant to force you guys to review or anything and I hope no one took it that way. I was just getting discouraged as the chapters were getting harder to churn out, mostly 'cos I have so little time and am so tired. I hope you would still take the time to tell me what you think about this and future chaps ne? *hugs*

These are the lovely people: Jin, Rika, Keeshe, Marty, Ku-chan, Lola-chan, Sardius, lorien-chan, Daystar Shade, Moonraven, Ash, sara-chan, kami-chan, Cece, Shavica, Ayako, siberian, chibi koneko, Yaoke, Whisper-chan, Sniffles, Isa-chan, Midori, malie, yosomi, kiske, kia, Mimi, Tanja, deathangelgw, Carter Tachikawa, fuzzish, lupin, ember-fang, collida, fumie, missk-chan, Eeyore (long time no talk! ^^), and last but not least, Yoippari.

Warning: OOC for all Weiss boys except for Ken ('cos he's unconscious and it'll take a genius to write an unconscious OOC Ken. hehe) Also, this chap is rather short as compared to the prev one. I kinda did this in a hurry, as I didn't want to let u guys wait for tooooo long. ^^;; And I wrote it with a frazzled brain. So gomen if it doesn't meet your expectations. And gomen for screwed tenses.

The Weiss boys are not mine. If they were, then Kenken would have appeared in episodes one and two of Gluhen! Grrrrrr!

By the way, a tidbit (erm, Jin, hope you dun mind me writing this here. Gomen. I'm just too excited!) : I was just told by Jin who was told by Ponder that Seki-san and Koyasu-sama are apparently officially together in real life! Wai!! Wouldn't it be great if it's the case! Hmm…a whole new perspective on Ran and Ken's relationship. Wonder if that means a higher chance of having RanKen shounen ai in Gluhen. *LOL* Well, a girl can always hope ne? ^-^

White

Chapter Ten - Angel in my Heart

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'blah blah' = thoughts

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It was strange, how certain images seem to fuzz and blur and yet loom in your mind's eye.

How all sounds would fade and all you could hear was a faint buzzing. How your surroundings would take on an ethereal glow, like you were being surrounded by soft light. How time seemed to stop.

So surreal…

It was surreal how certain details, like colours, could suddenly become so distinct, so magnified. How the brown and black and red stood out like beautiful and painstakingly illustrated brushstrokes on a white canvas.

Brown locks, speckled softly with frail snowflakes, flirting sensuously with the wind…

Long, dark, almost feminine lashes resting delicately on pale cheeks….

It had seemed so unreal, like he was gazing upon a heavenly painting of an otherworldly being, taking a short respite in the snow-covered landscape of our world.

It was angelic. It was beautiful.

Despite the red oozing sluggishly and staining the pristine pureness, despite the blue-tinged pallor of once golden skin and pinkish lips…

So deadly beautiful…

And it was an image that stayed with him, the coldness from it seeping into his veins, his heart, his soul.

He was being warmed now, as he sat with his head bowed, a blanket draped around slim shoulders, hot drink cradled in his long, trembling fingers. It was futile though. The cold came from within.

A warm hand rested on his knee, silently offering comfort. A comfort he could not feel, did not have the right to take.

He deserved to freeze to death.

And so he allowed the image to stay on freeze-frame behind closed lids, lips pressed tightly in a thin line to prevent any grief from slipping out and dissipating in the heavy atmosphere within the white hall.

He deserved to bear the grief full-force.

He could not really remember how he had made it here. It was a Kritiker establishment. A hospital. A place he hated.

He only remembered tears silently leaving warm tracks down his cheeks as his fingers brushed soft bangs away from cold skin. He only remembered thanking the cold for slowing the flow of red as his fingers fumbled to stop it, fear and panic sinking in when he realised the figure before him was barely breathing, heart barely beating.

He didn't remember how he had managed to call for help. He only remembered bundling the angel up in his coat and cradling him tightly in his arms as he waited, silently mouthing unintelligible words. He only desperately wanted to protect the frail creature from harm, desperately wanted to prevent him from leaving.

He knew that he never wanted to let go. That he would never make the mistake of letting go again.

But he was made to. The angel had been taken from him. Not that he had put up much of a struggle. He had been in too much shock.

He was undeserving. He knew that. But please, he wanted his angel back.

His angel. His Ken…

Like always, the name brought forth memories, memories of a brash, stubborn, and oh-so-lovely boy. A boy with molten chocolate* eyes. A boy who laughed easily, angered easily, trusted easily, gave easily.

A boy who hurt easily.

How could he have forgotten that? How could he have forgotten that it was the brunette's intense emotions that had intrigued him in the first place? How could he have even thought that a man like Ken would turn his affections to another easily, once having given them willingly to a person he deemed deserving?

How could he have been so self-absorbed? So blind to Ken's torment. To his own feelings.

Ken had melted his ice. But he had stubbornly, stupidly, clung onto the remaining shards of cold. And the shards had now cut him deeply. Both him and Ken.

He had fatally wounded the one who loved him so faithfully. Just because he had been too cowardly, too afraid. Afraid of loving and losing again.

A bitter chuckle escaped him. How ironical that the person ensuring that he would face the threat of losing that love was nobody but himself.

"Aya-kun. Are you okay?" The hand on his knee clutched tighter as a small voice broke the silence. Omi. Why was he still showing concern for one so undeserving? Why was he so forgiving?

No. He was not okay. He didn't know if he would ever be okay again, if he lost Ken.

There was no way he could deny it now. Not after sitting in the cold with the lifeless body of the brunette in his arms. It would seem that the cold had finally managed to wake him up. Finally made him come to his senses. The intense pain and emptiness in his heart dared him to challenge the truth again. He didn't want to deny it anymore. Ran didn't want to deny it anymore. He loved Ken. Why was it that he could only admit it when he realised that Ken might really leave him forever? When did he become so lost in being Aya?

What was it that Aya-chan had once laughingly said to him?

'Baka ni tsukeru kusuri wa nai!'*

Another chuckle, even as tears stung his eyes. She didn't know how right she was. He was such an unredeemable stupid bastard. She must be so ashamed of him now. He had sworn to protect his loved ones. But what had he done to Ken?

A wave of dizziness swept over him as he found himself suddenly hauled to his feet by the front of his shirt, blanket slipping, paper cup falling to the ground. Haunted violet orbs opened to stare dully into intense, furious green.

"What are you laughing about you bastard?" The grip on his shirt tightened as he was hauled closer to an enraged face.

"Yohji-kun! Dame! Hanase yo!*" A frantic voice called out from beside him, even as a pair of hands struggled to free him from his teammate.

The green gaze never left his. A voice colder than any he had ever heard. "Stop shielding him Omi. He deserves to die for what he did to Ken."

"Yohji-kun. Onegai. Not now."

"Urusai!"

He was shook out of his haze by a sob. "Please Yohji-kun. For me. I can't take much more of this. Not with Ken-kun…Ken-kun…." The hands left, and quiet, broken sobs filled the hallway.

A pause. Then he was bodily thrown back into his seat. Detachedly he watched the blonde cross the passageway only to slam his fist repeatedly into the opposite wall, then sag against it as if defeated.

'I'm sorry.'

It was not the first time the blonde had set himself on him. Yohji had burst through the hospital doors earlier, with Omi at his heels. The angry blonde had headed straight for him, sending him sprawling onto the floor with a hard punch to his face. The blonde had then towered over him, yelling obscenities and punching him in his gut numerous times before he was hauled back by hospital personnel, still screaming, eyes blazing.

Omi had placed himself between them, teary blue eyes pleading for the eldest teammate to calm down.

He had stayed slumped on the floor, letting Yohji's words lash at him like whips.

'Are you happy now Aya? Are you?!'

'You fucking selfish bastard!'

'Ken is so stupid! So stupid! To love a fucker like you!'

'If he doesn't make it, I'll kill you Aya! I'll kill you!!'

He remembered thinking that Yohji would never have the chance. He would kill himself if he lost Ken.

He had stayed slumped on the floor even after the blonde had struggled out of his restraints and stormed out of the hospital, presumably to kill himself with nicotine. He had vaguely registered being helped to his feet by a somber Omi, who had then stayed by his side.

Yohji had returned now. But obviously, he was still distraught, still angry. How could he not be?

A door swinging open. His eyes snapped up. Energy surged through him and he stood as he saw the man in blue garb. A doctor. Violet, green and blue gazes locked onto the man with black hair and blue eyes.

"I'm Dr Hasegawa. Are you with Hidaka-san?" A deep voice intoned calmly.

He couldn't speak. It was as if his throat had clenched up. His heart was beating furiously. But no matter how he tried to read the doctor's features, there was no hint of what news he brought.

"Sensei. How is Ken-kun? Is he alright?' A shaky Omi, sitting straight up in his seat, managed to ask. Yohji had also moved closer, fists clenched, body tense.

"My colleagues are doubling up re-warming efforts on him as we speak. I'm here to let you know briefly his condition."

"So how is he?!" Yohji cut in impatiently, taking another step forward.

"Hidaka-san was in stage three hypothermia when he was brought in. I'm afraid that it had progressed to stage four shortly after his arrival."

What did it mean? He didn't understand. What was he saying?

"Cut the medical crap and talk sense! What stage four? How is he?!" Yohji's eyes glinted dangerously.

A pause and a frown. It seemed like an eternity.

"This would sound bad, but please, remain calm."

Sound bad? What did he mean? Please, let Ken be alright?

His heart stilled though when the doctor resumed speaking.

The words echoed in his brain. He felt light-headed. His fragile self-control shattered into tinier little pieces around his feet…

Ken's heart had stopped.

It had stopped.

The brunette had gone into cardiac arrest. CPR had not worked.

Ken was clinically dead. What was left for him?

He vaguely registered through his pain-filled haze the doctor continuing on to say that whatever trauma Ken had gone through had made him even more susceptible to the hypothermia. But they were not giving up yet. They could only determine if Ken was really gone when his core temperature was brought near normal and CPR still elicited no response.

No. What did he mean by Ken really gone? Ken could not leave. He couldn't leave.

More words were coming out of the doctor's mouth, but he barely heard them.

"Hidaka-san had lost a lot of blood. We have taken care of his wound and his broken wrist, but are unable to administer any transfusion or medication at this point of time." A sigh. "I'm sorry. If Hidaka-san does not show any effective cardiac rhythm and remain totally unresponsive to all treatments after his core temperature has risen, there will be nothing more that we can do."

So simple. So clinical. Like it was not the life of the brunette he was talking about. Like it would just be the closing of a file on a fallen Kritiker agent if Ken was gone.

It took a while for the words to sink in. Then all hell broke loose.

Yohji launched himself at the doctor, pinning him against the wall, effectively strangling him, all the while yelling at how dare he be prepared to write Ken off. Omi stared dazedly into thin air, mouth open in shock and disbelief.

And him? There was only one thought in his mind. He needed to be with Ken, needed to call him back from wherever he had gone. And so propelled by that single conviction, he determinedly headed straight for the door separating him from his beloved. Yes. His beloved. Was it too late to call him that?

A flurry of movements. Running footsteps. Hands on him, grabbing at his clothes, impeding his progress. He struggled fiercely, too blind to see anything past his tears except that door that he had to go through. It was so close. He had to get to it. His Ken was waiting for him behind that door. He needed to go to him.

But he was being dragged further and further away, his feet sliding against the linoleum. No! He needed to see Ken! He clawed at the hands on his shirt, his arms, his waist. But they wouldn't budge. And so he stretched his hand out instead, desperately reaching, straining for the door handle.

Why was it so far away? Why was Ken so far away?

Against his will, he was thrust into his seat again. He struggled desperately to stand. Movements beside him indicated that Yohji was also being manhandled in a similar manner. And they were both losing the fight.

A sudden weight on his chest, hands wrapping around his waist, tears wetting his shirt. A pained cry tore through his muddled thoughts. "Yamerou Aya-kun. Yamerou. Onegai.* You're not helping Ken-kun this way."

Then, just as quickly as it came, all the fight slipped out of him. He was left exhausted, emptied, drained. He stilled, eyes staring at nothing. He was not helping Ken. He couldn't help Ken.

Nobody moved after that statement. Not even Yohji.

Coughing. So loud in that suddenly quiet hallway. His eyes were drawn to the sound, coming to rest on the doctor leaning against the wall, hand to his throat. Pained blue eyes raised to meet his. Eyes filled with understanding…and sorrow?

"I know how you feel. Trust me I do. We will do our best. But your behaviour will not help in any way." The gaze shifted to settle on the blonde beside him. "Go ahead and tear this place down if you want him to die."

No. He didn't want Ken to die. He would wait. He would wait for Ken to come back to him.

A shift of weight away from him. He watched tiredly as Omi approached the doctor. Tears stung his eyes again as he heard the pain in his teammate's soft, trembling voice. "Please help him sensei. We can't lose him."

A softening of the older man's gaze as blue met blue. A hand lifted to rest on blonde locks. A reassuring smile, but no words spoken. Then the doctor was gone. Gone through that door. Gone to Ken.

He let his head slump against the wall. He let his eyes fall shut. He could see Ken better that way. He heard a muffled, choked curse from Yohji as the blonde staggered to his feet and stumbled through the main doors into the cold night again. Unlike Omi, who had once again taken a seat by his side, it would appear that the playboy couldn't stand to be near him.

There was nothing more that he could do now, except pray to the ones he had lost before to help him. To spare him the pain of losing another one so important to him. To let him keep the one person he just realised meant more to him than any pride, any ego, any dignity, any fear, any misguided intentions.

He was undeserving. He knew. But he needed one more chance. One more chance to let him say what he should have said to Ken so long ago.

'Gomenasai Ken.'

' Aiishiteru. Zutto.'

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to be continued

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* molten chocolate - To anyone who is interested, I will, hopefully, in the near future, have a website called Molten Chocolate Dreams. As the name suggest, it's Ken-centric. What to do? I'm obsessed with him. *LOL* Wish I had time to work on it though. I'm holding Ana, who is designing the site for me as a prize, back 'cos of my horrible work schedule. *sighs* Wish I didn't have to work.

* "Baka ni tsukeru kusuri wa nai" - "(You) are so stupid that no medicine can cure (you)."

* "Dame! Hanase yo!" - "No! Let go!"

* "Yamerou Aya-kun. Yamerou. Onegai." - "Stop Aya-kun. Stop. Please."

Once again, please leave me a short note before you leave? Sankyuu.