All this country hopping we've been doing I keep losing track of time. Least with the All new! Improved! Non-combustible! Me, losing track of time isn't gonna cause a nice bush-fire anymore, or instant flamey death. Suppose I should get a watch at some point. But right now all that matters is seeing the sun rise, over the closest I'm ever likely to come to the Garden of Eden, with the girl I love leaning comfortably against me. She's even awake, which is a bonus.

It's good to give her a break. She's breathing all nice and her heart rate's all relaxed now. Needed the break myself. But know we gotta get back to the Shaman and whatever it is he needs to do to her. Need to get back to see if Rupert's ok too, and if Anyanka's returned. Besides can't stay here too long, not and avoid the deadly killer leachesl. Really must stop watching Blackadder re-runs. I'm sure at some point I'm gonna tell the whelp he's beginning to resemble the baby eating Bishop of Bath and Wells. Mind you at least he won't be able to snipe back. Might start missing that…Nah.

I looked at my girl and she nodded. Gave her a hand up as her foot had gone to sleep, curled up as she'd been. Of course as soon as she stood on it the pins and needles started up, and she had to start jumping up and down. A slayer can jump pretty far too. Think we startled the wildebeeste, what with all the loud "ouches", yelps and "Spike, why didn't you get me up sooner, this is all your fault!" coming from Buffy. But she wasn't hitting me, so I didn't take it personal like. Just let her work it through, and when she finished gave her my arm, like Mama taught me. She took it. Big Yey! Then we retraced our steps back to the hut.



After a nice little walking safari in the fresh morning air we got there. Found no Anyanka, a worried looking Rupert, and a Shaman sitting ready with some funky smelling powders. Guess it's time for Ebuffiny Part Deux - This Time it's Personal. Bugger!

So I asked the Shaman "Another nice drive mate?"

"Not this time. Hers will be different to yours. She has already had much of what she needed to know. She just needs some reminders, clarifications and a few little extras. A nice walk this time. There is a spot nearby that doesn't see the tourist landrovers and is away from the village. We don't want the screams disturbing the children." He replied.

Buffy, Giles and I all looked at each other on that last point. Bummer! But all three of us sucked it in, breathed deeply and nodded at each other. Bring it on! Nothing my girl can't cope with. Bloody hell the grave can't keep either of us! Reckon it'd have a bloody hard job with Watcher Boy too. Especially when up against a very possessive vengeance demon an all.

So, he gathered up the powdery stuff, and we followed him. Ended up just where Buffy and me just came from. Inn't ironic? No, not thinking that. Otherwise I'll end up with that bloody song playing in my head all day.



Shaman sat Buffy down under our tree, took my and Rupert's hands, and started doing the mojo. Felt something warm flowing between us three, and a bleeding weird feeling of openess of my thoughts. No barriers between our minds, but not intrusive like. Not like when Red kept forcing her thoughts into my head that summer.

Didn't last too long. Thank goodness. Not sure that's a feeling I'm ready to spend too much time sharing with the Watcher, or even Buffy. A bloke's mind should be private you know. Already had too many people poking around in it.

He let go of our hands and waved me and Rupert away. Don't want to leave her. Know it shows in my face 'coz Rupert gives me a rueful look. He don't wanna either. But man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. Be worth it. We give each other a very light punch on the shoulders and walk off together down another path. Before I go I see the Shaman pouring the powders in a circle around Buffy and chanting.



We found a tree and sat down in the shade. Rupert got his flask out and we both had a much needed nip of scotch. He hates this too, written all over him.

In the distance I could hear the screaming. Bloody demonic hearing, sometimes it's a curse. I put my head in my hands while I tried to keep myself together in front of Giles.

He gave me back the flask and said "It's always hard to leave a person you care for to suffer, even if it's for their own good."

Passed him back the flask, and couldn't resist it "didn't have a problem leaving me mate." Well it had hurt. Being left alone repeatedly 'll do that.

He took a swig and came back. "Believe it or not. It wasn't easy. Surprised me actually. I knew what was coming and knew you'd pass, and I don't really understand it, but leaving you there was strangely hard. Don't know if it was the summer, or some hellmouth related amnesia spell thing, but no, not easy. Not easy at all."

At which we both started to get overly embarrassed, sniff, he cleaned his glasses, and we had to change the subject. The mutual embarrassment related conversation break lasted a long time. But the screaming continued, and we both needed a distraction, before either of us headed back down that path to stop it.

So, after another little swig I ask "any sign when Anyanka's coming back?"

That induces a glowering, oops, mouth foot problem again. So I continue "you know 'coz friends, concerned for friends. 'Coz that's all we are, and all we're gonna be…and don't want friends to be in trouble, wanna help. Think you two are great together, and well concerned like."

He lightens back up and takes the flask, swigs it gown and "thanks, I know that. Anya and I have talked about recent events. She says you were a good friend to her. Thank you for that. Of course if you even think…"

After both hurried and heartfelt denials on my part he continued. "No sign. I must say I am worried." He took another nip. "She has done so much good recently I do worry about D'Hoffryn. But…if she is in trouble we sort it out!"

"Too bloody right we do mate" and I raised the flask to that.



Of course right then the air shimmered and Anyanka appeared.



She kissed Rupert, nodded to me and listened to the screams. She took the flask off me and said "I love the sounds of screaming in the morning." Knew we shouldn't have gone to see Apocalypse Now Redux, but it had seemed a nice bit of light relief at the time.

She turned to Rupert and said "D'Hoffryn wants to see you. He wants to make sure I'm not making another big mistake." Giles face paled. Meeting the parents just took on a truly hellmouth twist. "Oh, and he wants to know all about these horrible men out to exterminate all the demons. So you have to come now." She tossed the flask back to me, took Giles hand and they both disappeared.



Of course that left your truly on his own with the sounds of my beloved screaming, with the sounds of crying mixed in now. Sometimes I hate my un- life. Not sure which is worse though, being here, or being interrogated by a family of vengeance demons who've just had to take back all the wedding presents from the last relationship.



Took the last swig out of the flask and tried to chill. Failed miserably. Tried pacing, didn't work either. Refused to brood. Opted to take a slow walk back. Can't leave her there, gotta be there as soon as it's finished. And I'm not like Rupert, I don't have the mojo, or the briefing, to know when it's finished.



As I got back it seemed to be finishing. The Shaman was clearing the powders. Buffy was crying but looking up at me. I looked at the Shaman and he nodded to me. I ran straight over to Buffy and she threw her arms around me. I held her and let her cry it out.

As I stroked her hair I looked up at the Shaman. He said "she'll be ok now. Take as long as you need. I need to go back and check on your witch friend. When you are ready return." I nodded and he walked away.

We stood there for a long time. She eventually calmed and gave me a brave smile. I asked her "wanna talk about it pet?" Know it's not her thing to talk but I do think it'd help.

She surprised me. She nodded and motioned for us both to sit down. Think it's taken a lot out of her. So we sat back down under our tree, facing each other, our hands gripped tightly together.

She started. "Still processing it all. Not sure I'm gonna be coherent Buffy but I'll try. Some of it wasn't too bad. Relived the epiphanies I've already had over and over again. With the Shaman in my head making sure I understood their meanings, over and over again. Felt the pain, made the connections. Felt again how hungry I felt as a vampire, when that kid made peoples nightmares come true. How I wanted to eat my friends. You lived with that and still cared for me, and for Dawn. How did you do that?"

"Awkward sod me pet. Always have been. You were a vampire? And I missed it?"

"Before you came to Sunnydale, Spike. That was just the first, and not the worst. The worst..the worst was…I was you when you were taken by Glory. Everything she did to you, everything you felt, I felt it. What I said to you afterwards, and how I forgot it. And how I never said "Thank You.""

"Don't have to pet. Didn't do it for that." I hate she had to go through that. Bloody hated going through it. Never would have wanted her to.

"Over the last hours I relived sending Angel to hell to save the World, and knowing I had to do it. I knew death and the threat of it, and that I wanted to live and to love. I felt every man I loved leave me, and I learnt it wasn't all my fault, it takes two, and sometimes it only takes one, whose not me. I even had Angel turn human and take back the day without even asking me, because he couldn't take not being the big strong hero. That one hurt, a lot.

I got taken through all my relationships and how I hurt Giles, Dawn and everyone, and how I shut down. I've been torn open again, I feel raw. But I feel. I felt every blow I inflicted in you in that alley, like it was me, and how you felt, then and later.

The First Slayer and her advice that was fun on repeat. It seems I got her wrong. You're my gift. Of course saving the multiverse was still a good thing, but apparently if you me and Dawn had nicked that Porsche you fancied we'd have outrun Glory." She gave me a half smile half grimace.

"We live and learn pet. Well unlive here I guess. Can't change stuff, can just move on, make the best of things. Some things I'd change in a non- existent heartbeat but being re-tuned, nope I'll keep that. If I'd nicked the Porsche maybe we wouldn't be here both all epiphanied up. Maybe we'd have killed each other. Who knows the way we both were. We gotta chance now. Don't we pet?"

She kissed me lightly on my closed lips. I think my eyes nearly burst out of their sockets as I leant back and looked at her. She said "We do, I think we do, now."