"What, no greeting for an old mate? Ripper, I'm hurt." He actually pouted
at this point.
"You will be! What are you doing here? I thought you were safely in US military custody. Bugger! Of course! The Initiative! And we just handed you straight over to them." Giles said, while slapping his palm against his head repeatedly.
"Rupie, don't do that, please. You might dent yourself." Anyanka turned to this Ethan bloke and glared. "You! I've heard all about you. If you even think of playing any of your little tricks on my man your entrails will be liquid before you can scream. And trust me, there will be screaming. Much screaming." She followed up this little promise with a stabbing finger gesture, that would have had me promising anything, from counting slug candles, to taking out the whole of Arashmahar, armed only with a blunt spoon. It certainly worked on Ethan. He blanched, and held his hands up in surrender.
Of course! It's all come back to me now. Ethan. Demon Giles, crashing cars, getting out of the whelp's basement at long last. The sorcerer geezer Giles was after. Sure I remember something about enchanted chocolate too. I turned to Buffy and asked.
That was a mistake. At the mention of the chocolate, she joined in with Anyanka in the manhandling Ethan contest. She was saying something about "very important shoes, which some people caused her to lose, because they thought tatooing her with a demon's come get me sign would be more fun." More pushing, then "cursed candy making My Mother have sex with My Watcher on the roof of a police car." She'd got her fingers round his throat by the time she was extolling the joys of "taking out on his hide, making her stab her watcher."
Maybe she's spending too much time with Anyanka after all. Well Giles and me both wanted them to be friends. Least they're bonding over something.
We were in the middle of the street, and quite naturally attracting some attention. That's not something we need right now. So it's Peacemaker! Spike to the rescue of all of us. Yep, know it don't seem right. Feels bleeding odd doing it, I'll tell you.
Giles wasn't exactly being helpful in all this. He was watching his girls berate Ethan, with a look of what can only be described as unholy glee on his face. I know that look. I'm pretty sure I patented it - or if I didn't I bloody well should have, I've worn it enough in my time.
So action time. I put a hand on each girls shoulder, and said, "Ladies, Rupert, Tosser, time to move this to a more private location, I think."
Buffy pouted, "spoil my fun. Not fair. When did you become all level-headed guy?"
But she and Anyanka did move back. Giles and I put a friendly arm around Ethan's shoulders, and led him to a nearby restaurant. I say friendly. If he'd tried to run he might have got away, but he wouldn't have lasted. The loss of both arms would have killed him by the time he got to the main square.
We got a table at the back, and made sure Ethan got the back to the wall, unable to escape, position. I ordered some beers, took the menus and waved the waiter away. Gotta keep your priorities straight, you know.
Buffy started the interrogation, with a truly adorable evil grin. "I'm pretty sure I've said this before, but you're in a talk or bleed situation."
I was sitting opposite him, and flashed some fang. Didn't do it for long, not in a public restaurant, and in daylight. But everything still works, which is reassuring, including the look of fear and surprise on the bloke's face. Felt worryingly good. Not something to do too often, I think. But a bloke's gotta help his mates, right?
Rupert leaned over the table, with a smile, and said. "You've met Buffy's fist before. I see you've just met Spike's fangs. Anya, here, would take great pleasure in inflicting great agony on you, for me. You know what I'll enjoy doing to you. Talking is your only option right now. Unless, that is, you want to make us all very happy."
I knew I liked him for some reason.
The threats worked. Ethan started talking. "I would like to point out that this is all your fault." Fists and glares got him continuing." If you hadn't just handed me over to the overgrown Action Man wanna-be." Buffy glared. Giles and I both grinned. "If you hadn't handed me over to ill- legal imprisonment I wouldn't be here. They wouldn't even let me see the British Consul. Disgraceful. No sense of humour either. It was only 1 preztel, and a little bit of magic to stop the boredom. The President survived. I completely fail to see what all the fuss was about."
This bloke is fun. I like him. Wouldn't trust him an inch. But he's fun.
The beer arrived. Giles said, "So you couldn't behave, and they sent you here to help their little plot then, right?"
"You wound me. Not really. It was this, or a long walk in the Hindu Kush. There's no beer there. Not much of a choice really." I can certainly understand that bit of logic. The beer was nice and cold. Went down nice and smooth on a warm day. I'd have done the same.
Buffy chimed in. "You expect us to believe you're a prisoner, who's being forced, against his will, to work for these bad guys? But you're all walking around and stuff!"
It's a valid point.
Ethan made a grimace, pointed to his chest, and said, "I don't have a choice in the matter. They put a tracker come self destruct chip right next to my heart. I misbehave, or make a run for it, the chip goes boom. No more Ethan."
Gotta have sympathy with a fellow victim. Buffy looked shocked. Giles had a weird angry look on his face, like somebody was hurting something of his. Anyanka just supped her beer. She didn't have any illusions about the Initiative to lose.
Ethan continued. "So you'll see, you've put me in something of a quandary. It's all your fault - which makes me feel somewhat unhelpful. I hate them, and want out, but if I help you - which hurts them - I'm dead. Not very good for me all round, is it?" At which he took a long draft of his beer. What do you say to that? I can't think of anything right now. From the silence of Buffy and Giles neither can they.
Anyanka could. She put down her beer and said, "I can remove it, if you give us what Rupert wants. All the information you have. I'll know if you lie. If you lie to me there isn't any dimension too far for me to track you down, and punish you. I am very good at that. I've had a great deal of practice. I can remove it, and send you very far from here. Or you can not help us. Spike's feeling hungry I'm sure." I grinned and flashed the fangs a bit. She continued, "Or Buffy can get the refund on her Halloween outfit, out of your broken and bleeding body." It was a nice dress, if it's the one I think she's talking about. The dance when she became Buffy again was good too. "And I don't think I need to remind you, that my Rupie would love to bruise his lovely hands on your face. I like his hands as they are. You really should take the deal I'm offering."
He did. Only sensible thing to do really. Bloke's a survivor. Takes one to know one.
We ordered lunch. Giles, Ethan and I had a pretty good curry. Anyanka had what smelt like a wonderful pie. Buffy ordered pizza. It bore some resemblance to that staple of the Sunnydale diet, but the cheese was a bit grey, the vegetables not exactly recognisable, and Buffy didn't each much of it.
The information was worth it though. The Cardboards, and their interchangeable mates, were storing their gear in a building behind a monastery, at the stupa at Bodhnath. They had enough leads, from bullying lamas, political favours called in, arm twisting Ethan into location spells, and the like, to be set to go in the next couple of days. It was a small team of 12 - which should be a piece of piss to take out. Payback. It's a nice word. I like it. Chip inflicting bastards. Set me up, threaten my friends will they. They're gonna pay. They were staying at the best hotel in town. Nice to see my taxes go to such a useful cause - well if I paid any that is. Ethan had been getting his own back by raiding the mini- bar, and ordering room service.
We finished lunch. Giles and Anyanka whispered together. We paid up, left the restaurant, and walked down the road to the first dark alley we could find. Giles whispered some words into Ethan's ear, and more loudly told him to speak them to Anya. He did. He said, "I wish that the chip in my chest be removed without harming me, and that I be transported to cool my heels far away from here."
She went veiny, and said, "wish granted."
A chip appeared in her hand, and he disappeared into a portal. If I'd only known earlier how easy it could be...But no, I wouldn't have found what I feel for Buffy, Dawn, got retuned, got a chance to build something lasting, with the woman I love, and with friends and a family. Though it would have been bloody tempting, and with a lot less pain. Guess I better make sure the pain's worthwhile.
Distraction needed. So I asked, "where'd you send him luv?"
"Antarctica. It was Rupie's idea."
Rupie was having a hysterical fit of the giggles, but managed to say, "well, he always rather liked penguins." We all joined him in laughing our heads off.
It took awhile, but we did stop laughing, eventually. Ok it took a very long time. If I was human I might have pulled a muscle. Both Buffy and Giles were clearly at some risk of doing so. But it's so good to laugh. There hasn't been much of it in recent years. It's even better to see her doing it.
I think sheer need for oxygen finally stopped Giles. Though the gleeful grin of a man 1-0 up in an ongoing game remained. Once he'd got his breath, he said, "Oh that was good. I needed that. I've still got it."
"You certainly have, Rupie. In fact..." Buffy interrupted Anya, which was a shame, because there's been too much of that over recent years. But I suppose Giles might thank her for it later, if it was gonna be more juicy stuff to embarrass Rupert with. She did move the conversation onto business though. "So big plan guy, what's next. How do we stop this? It's all big with the yucky and stuff."
He cleaned the glasses. Always a good sign that something's brewing up in that big, squashy, frontal lobe. I was right. He put the glasses back on, and said, "I think we need to split our forces this afternoon. It's clear we need to move quickly. Anya and I should organise the porters, and the transport out to our trekking departure point." He turned to Anyanka, and said, "your negotiating expertise will be invaluable dear. Is that ok with you?"
She smiled at him, took his hand and said, "of course."
Giles turned to Buffy and me. "If you two could go and check out this storage place, and destroy it, that would delay them. I wish we could use this to expose them."
He really should know better. Anyanka went veiny, and said, "wish granted." Some top of the range digital camera gear appeared. She picked up the camera, handed it to Buffy, and said, "photo the evidence before you destroy it. I'll take the memory thing to Arashmahar afterwards. When we get home we'll have the evidence to destroy the nasty plotting guys, or at least stop them." Girl's good.
"One question. How do we get there? Oh two. Any preferences on the means of destruction?" Well I do know a fairly impressive number.
Giles produced a map. One of the little shops, you find in the third world, sold lighter fuel. We walked down to a motorbike hire shop, and got one. Sorted.
Giles and Anyanka set off to bully trekking agencies. Buffy and I set off to expose and fry the bad guys. I love this. I love motorbikes. Always have. The sheer thrill of speed always does it for me.
"You will be! What are you doing here? I thought you were safely in US military custody. Bugger! Of course! The Initiative! And we just handed you straight over to them." Giles said, while slapping his palm against his head repeatedly.
"Rupie, don't do that, please. You might dent yourself." Anyanka turned to this Ethan bloke and glared. "You! I've heard all about you. If you even think of playing any of your little tricks on my man your entrails will be liquid before you can scream. And trust me, there will be screaming. Much screaming." She followed up this little promise with a stabbing finger gesture, that would have had me promising anything, from counting slug candles, to taking out the whole of Arashmahar, armed only with a blunt spoon. It certainly worked on Ethan. He blanched, and held his hands up in surrender.
Of course! It's all come back to me now. Ethan. Demon Giles, crashing cars, getting out of the whelp's basement at long last. The sorcerer geezer Giles was after. Sure I remember something about enchanted chocolate too. I turned to Buffy and asked.
That was a mistake. At the mention of the chocolate, she joined in with Anyanka in the manhandling Ethan contest. She was saying something about "very important shoes, which some people caused her to lose, because they thought tatooing her with a demon's come get me sign would be more fun." More pushing, then "cursed candy making My Mother have sex with My Watcher on the roof of a police car." She'd got her fingers round his throat by the time she was extolling the joys of "taking out on his hide, making her stab her watcher."
Maybe she's spending too much time with Anyanka after all. Well Giles and me both wanted them to be friends. Least they're bonding over something.
We were in the middle of the street, and quite naturally attracting some attention. That's not something we need right now. So it's Peacemaker! Spike to the rescue of all of us. Yep, know it don't seem right. Feels bleeding odd doing it, I'll tell you.
Giles wasn't exactly being helpful in all this. He was watching his girls berate Ethan, with a look of what can only be described as unholy glee on his face. I know that look. I'm pretty sure I patented it - or if I didn't I bloody well should have, I've worn it enough in my time.
So action time. I put a hand on each girls shoulder, and said, "Ladies, Rupert, Tosser, time to move this to a more private location, I think."
Buffy pouted, "spoil my fun. Not fair. When did you become all level-headed guy?"
But she and Anyanka did move back. Giles and I put a friendly arm around Ethan's shoulders, and led him to a nearby restaurant. I say friendly. If he'd tried to run he might have got away, but he wouldn't have lasted. The loss of both arms would have killed him by the time he got to the main square.
We got a table at the back, and made sure Ethan got the back to the wall, unable to escape, position. I ordered some beers, took the menus and waved the waiter away. Gotta keep your priorities straight, you know.
Buffy started the interrogation, with a truly adorable evil grin. "I'm pretty sure I've said this before, but you're in a talk or bleed situation."
I was sitting opposite him, and flashed some fang. Didn't do it for long, not in a public restaurant, and in daylight. But everything still works, which is reassuring, including the look of fear and surprise on the bloke's face. Felt worryingly good. Not something to do too often, I think. But a bloke's gotta help his mates, right?
Rupert leaned over the table, with a smile, and said. "You've met Buffy's fist before. I see you've just met Spike's fangs. Anya, here, would take great pleasure in inflicting great agony on you, for me. You know what I'll enjoy doing to you. Talking is your only option right now. Unless, that is, you want to make us all very happy."
I knew I liked him for some reason.
The threats worked. Ethan started talking. "I would like to point out that this is all your fault." Fists and glares got him continuing." If you hadn't just handed me over to the overgrown Action Man wanna-be." Buffy glared. Giles and I both grinned. "If you hadn't handed me over to ill- legal imprisonment I wouldn't be here. They wouldn't even let me see the British Consul. Disgraceful. No sense of humour either. It was only 1 preztel, and a little bit of magic to stop the boredom. The President survived. I completely fail to see what all the fuss was about."
This bloke is fun. I like him. Wouldn't trust him an inch. But he's fun.
The beer arrived. Giles said, "So you couldn't behave, and they sent you here to help their little plot then, right?"
"You wound me. Not really. It was this, or a long walk in the Hindu Kush. There's no beer there. Not much of a choice really." I can certainly understand that bit of logic. The beer was nice and cold. Went down nice and smooth on a warm day. I'd have done the same.
Buffy chimed in. "You expect us to believe you're a prisoner, who's being forced, against his will, to work for these bad guys? But you're all walking around and stuff!"
It's a valid point.
Ethan made a grimace, pointed to his chest, and said, "I don't have a choice in the matter. They put a tracker come self destruct chip right next to my heart. I misbehave, or make a run for it, the chip goes boom. No more Ethan."
Gotta have sympathy with a fellow victim. Buffy looked shocked. Giles had a weird angry look on his face, like somebody was hurting something of his. Anyanka just supped her beer. She didn't have any illusions about the Initiative to lose.
Ethan continued. "So you'll see, you've put me in something of a quandary. It's all your fault - which makes me feel somewhat unhelpful. I hate them, and want out, but if I help you - which hurts them - I'm dead. Not very good for me all round, is it?" At which he took a long draft of his beer. What do you say to that? I can't think of anything right now. From the silence of Buffy and Giles neither can they.
Anyanka could. She put down her beer and said, "I can remove it, if you give us what Rupert wants. All the information you have. I'll know if you lie. If you lie to me there isn't any dimension too far for me to track you down, and punish you. I am very good at that. I've had a great deal of practice. I can remove it, and send you very far from here. Or you can not help us. Spike's feeling hungry I'm sure." I grinned and flashed the fangs a bit. She continued, "Or Buffy can get the refund on her Halloween outfit, out of your broken and bleeding body." It was a nice dress, if it's the one I think she's talking about. The dance when she became Buffy again was good too. "And I don't think I need to remind you, that my Rupie would love to bruise his lovely hands on your face. I like his hands as they are. You really should take the deal I'm offering."
He did. Only sensible thing to do really. Bloke's a survivor. Takes one to know one.
We ordered lunch. Giles, Ethan and I had a pretty good curry. Anyanka had what smelt like a wonderful pie. Buffy ordered pizza. It bore some resemblance to that staple of the Sunnydale diet, but the cheese was a bit grey, the vegetables not exactly recognisable, and Buffy didn't each much of it.
The information was worth it though. The Cardboards, and their interchangeable mates, were storing their gear in a building behind a monastery, at the stupa at Bodhnath. They had enough leads, from bullying lamas, political favours called in, arm twisting Ethan into location spells, and the like, to be set to go in the next couple of days. It was a small team of 12 - which should be a piece of piss to take out. Payback. It's a nice word. I like it. Chip inflicting bastards. Set me up, threaten my friends will they. They're gonna pay. They were staying at the best hotel in town. Nice to see my taxes go to such a useful cause - well if I paid any that is. Ethan had been getting his own back by raiding the mini- bar, and ordering room service.
We finished lunch. Giles and Anyanka whispered together. We paid up, left the restaurant, and walked down the road to the first dark alley we could find. Giles whispered some words into Ethan's ear, and more loudly told him to speak them to Anya. He did. He said, "I wish that the chip in my chest be removed without harming me, and that I be transported to cool my heels far away from here."
She went veiny, and said, "wish granted."
A chip appeared in her hand, and he disappeared into a portal. If I'd only known earlier how easy it could be...But no, I wouldn't have found what I feel for Buffy, Dawn, got retuned, got a chance to build something lasting, with the woman I love, and with friends and a family. Though it would have been bloody tempting, and with a lot less pain. Guess I better make sure the pain's worthwhile.
Distraction needed. So I asked, "where'd you send him luv?"
"Antarctica. It was Rupie's idea."
Rupie was having a hysterical fit of the giggles, but managed to say, "well, he always rather liked penguins." We all joined him in laughing our heads off.
It took awhile, but we did stop laughing, eventually. Ok it took a very long time. If I was human I might have pulled a muscle. Both Buffy and Giles were clearly at some risk of doing so. But it's so good to laugh. There hasn't been much of it in recent years. It's even better to see her doing it.
I think sheer need for oxygen finally stopped Giles. Though the gleeful grin of a man 1-0 up in an ongoing game remained. Once he'd got his breath, he said, "Oh that was good. I needed that. I've still got it."
"You certainly have, Rupie. In fact..." Buffy interrupted Anya, which was a shame, because there's been too much of that over recent years. But I suppose Giles might thank her for it later, if it was gonna be more juicy stuff to embarrass Rupert with. She did move the conversation onto business though. "So big plan guy, what's next. How do we stop this? It's all big with the yucky and stuff."
He cleaned the glasses. Always a good sign that something's brewing up in that big, squashy, frontal lobe. I was right. He put the glasses back on, and said, "I think we need to split our forces this afternoon. It's clear we need to move quickly. Anya and I should organise the porters, and the transport out to our trekking departure point." He turned to Anyanka, and said, "your negotiating expertise will be invaluable dear. Is that ok with you?"
She smiled at him, took his hand and said, "of course."
Giles turned to Buffy and me. "If you two could go and check out this storage place, and destroy it, that would delay them. I wish we could use this to expose them."
He really should know better. Anyanka went veiny, and said, "wish granted." Some top of the range digital camera gear appeared. She picked up the camera, handed it to Buffy, and said, "photo the evidence before you destroy it. I'll take the memory thing to Arashmahar afterwards. When we get home we'll have the evidence to destroy the nasty plotting guys, or at least stop them." Girl's good.
"One question. How do we get there? Oh two. Any preferences on the means of destruction?" Well I do know a fairly impressive number.
Giles produced a map. One of the little shops, you find in the third world, sold lighter fuel. We walked down to a motorbike hire shop, and got one. Sorted.
Giles and Anyanka set off to bully trekking agencies. Buffy and I set off to expose and fry the bad guys. I love this. I love motorbikes. Always have. The sheer thrill of speed always does it for me.
