Title: Breaking the Ritual
Author: AngelsChilde
Pairings: B/A and C/A
Rating: R
Summary: The Conclusion following Angel's trip to Sunnydale
It's become a ritual by now.
The first night, I had been laying in bed, thinking... ok, brooding, about... well, everything.
And, then, in walks Cordelia. In her hand, she was holding roses. No, not in the romantic, "I forgive you" kind of way. They were roses I had sent to her. Actually, I had sent roses to her everyday since the day she found out about Buffy. She held all 84 roses in her hand, (a dozen a day for a week.) and was standing in front of my bed. She didn't blink as she tossed them to me... maybe that's a bad choice of words. Threw them at me may fit better.
I didn't take my eyes off hers, even as some of the flowers hit me in the face.
Now, what came next confused the hell out of me.
Slowly, Cordelia crawled onto the bed until she was right over me.
"Cordelia, what are you doing?" I whispered. Though, why I whispered, I have no idea. She didn't answer me as she straddled my hips, and began undressing. "Cor-"
She looked at me, and her eyes flashed angrily. "You think you're the only one who needs comfort sex sometimes?"
"Cordelia, not like-"
"Shut up, Angel." She began to unbutton my shirt, but I rolled over and pinned her to the bed, holding her wrists high above her head.
"Stop it, Cordelia."
"Not in the mood? Tell you what, just imagine I'm Buffy, and then we'll both be happy." I clenched onto her wrists tighter, but didn't say anything. We glared at each other for at least a full minute before she finally spoke, "Are you going to do this, or should I go to Wes's instead?" I growled at her, but her facial expression didn't change.
We stared each other down for another moment before I brought my lips to hers.
I'm not quite sure when clothing was actually removed, but sure enough, moments later, we were sprawled on my bed, with the unwanted garments on the floor.
I knew there was no way to be afraid of Angelus now; This wasn't sweet, or loving. It was raw, and needy, and desperate. And how was I supposed to be happy knowing that I was the reason it was like this?
I entered her, and she moaned as she arched her back to accommodate me. I started moving within her, and it took a few moments, but eventually we found a rhythm and our hips moved together.
There's no holding or touching; She didn't caress my face like I always imagined she would, or wrap her legs around me or even really acknowledge my presence. Cordelia was clutching the pillow above her head, moaning softly every time I moved in her.
Her breathing became quicker and more labored, and I knew she would climax soon. She moved her hips faster, and more desperately, and I followed her lead.
A second later, she comes, just a second before I did.
It was nothing like I fantasized. No after-sex snuggling or whispers.
No.
Instead, she waited for just a minute or two while she caught her breath, then said, "Get up."
Reluctantly, I get up and she swings her legs over the side of the bed and sits up. The smell of sex is strong in the room, and I wonder briefly if I would be able to find new sheets before the rest of the crew came back in the morning.
I'm pulled from my thoughts as I feel the bed shift and she stands up. She crosses the room to where I had thrown her panties earlier, and without a word, she slips them on, then continues the hunt for the rest of her clothes.
About five minutes later, she's completely dressed, and I'm still laying naked on my bed, in shock of what just happened, and how she was acting so nonchalant about it.
She doesn't even acknowledge me as she walked to my bedroom door, reached down and grabbed her purse, and is out the door, closing it softly on her way out. I didn't notice that she had left her purse so close to the door... I guess she did it purposely, to make a quick exit.
Anyways, that was two months ago. And ever since then, it's ritual. At midnight, Cordelia comes up to the room, gives me back the roses I sent her that day, and then we fuck. No, not make love or even have sex, just plain fucking. We don't talk and we don't touch, other than the necessary.
And after she's done--and I say 'she' because on more than one occasion, she didn't even let me finish before she got up and left--she'll get up, get dressed, grab her purse and take off.
Then, I'll get up, pick up the roses, and put them in the garbage, and then clean up so that I can go out and patrol the streets.
Cordelia doesn't come to work anymore--she's still calling when she has a vision. Nobody else knows what's going on.
Even Fred, who is usually home when Cordelia stops by, has no idea.
Normally, I would say it adds to the mystery of the relationship. It makes the sex more exciting. But, it doesn't. Whether they know or not, it would still be Cordy coming over nightly to vent her feelings and return my flowers.
My memories are disrupted by my bedroom door opening. I look at my bedside clock. 12:13 am. She's later than usual.
I look up and see her crossing the room, and for the first time in weeks, I speak to her. "You forgot your flowers."
She looks at me for only a moment before she answers. "No. I didn't."
We don't bother to talk anymore as she pulls her shirt over her head, then crawls onto the bed.
*****
It's been about a week since Cordelia stopped bringing the roses. I once asked her what she did with them if she wasn't throwing them at me, but she told me it didn't matter. I didn't try the small talk again that night.
Now, she is laying in my bed. She's still breathing hard and I can smell arousal coming off of her in waves.
I'm surprised when she doesn't jump up and get dressed right away. Instead, she lay for a few minutes. We still weren't talking or touching, but... it felt different this time.
It doesn't last. About ten minutes later, she's up and walking out the door.
*****
I'm staring at my bedside clock. It's past one in the morning, and Cordelia is still laying in my bed. She doesn't talk or move, just lays there, facing the wall. I wonder what the wall would look like with a window.
She'd like that.
Finally, Cordelia gets up and starts to get dressed. As she makes her way to the door, I call out to her. "Cordelia?" She stops and acknowledges me, but doesn't answer. I don't really know if I want to ask what I'm going to ask--I'm afraid of the answer. I ask anyway. "Are we going to be ok?"
She doesn't turn around to look at me as she opens the door and walks out.
*****
It's been another week since I asked--ever since I made such a stupid mistake, she stopped hanging around, and started taking off before she even had the chance to cool down. I'm pissed at myself for opening my mouth.
But tonight, as she heads out the door, she stops and looks at me. "Angel?" She says so softly, even I have to strain to hear her, "We will be."
*****
It's been about 2 weeks since I got my answer. Ever since that night, she started hanging around again.
Tonight, she didn't leave until 4:00 am. It's the longest we've been in a room together. We lay there, awake for about an hour. Then, I could hear her breathing getting even and softer. And I had the best time just laying there, listening to her. She woke up at 3:30. Lay around for about 20 minutes before getting up to go.
And when she did leave, an amazing thing happened.
She said goodbye.
Nothing elaborate--just a simple "goodbye" as she shut the door behind her.
*****
It's been a little over 3 months since I went to Sunnydale.
And in those three months, I've seen Cordelia every night, but every night there is hardly any words, and minimal touching.
But tonight, she walks in the door with a single rose. Suddenly, I'm afraid. She hasn't brought the roses in weeks, why would she start again?
But to my surprise, she just lay it down on my bedside table, and doesn't even offer me an explanation.
Cordelia groans softly as she climbs into the bed, and I realize she's groaning because she's tired. And suddenly, I feel very tired too.
"Hold me." She whispers softly and crawls into my arms.
And I'm so happy to have her there. But I know we can't keep ignoring it. "Cordelia, we have to talk. You know that. We have to have closure with Sunny-"
"No." She says, just as soft as before, but still firm. "Not tonight. Tonight, just hold me. For tonight, that's enough."
I don't argue as I hug her tighter to me, and I can hear her drift off to sleep.
I smile as I look at the clock. 10:37. An hour and a half early.
Slowly but surely, we broke the ritual.
