Notes:
The dreaded third part that I wrote all by myself. I hated to steer it in the direction it goes. I hated the implications I had to put in it. But sometimes our muse directs our fingers, and that's what happened here. Is there a good ending? I don't know. Will there be more after this? I don't know. I wasn't planning on there being anything after this. But when I reread it, something in me told me that I couldn't leave it like this. There has to be an out come to this story. And I think there will be.
.
Again. Thank you for reading...and thank you for all the feed back it's received so far. I'm humbled that you like it. I really am. For those of you that will, R+R. It makes me want to do better.
.
For Tony
.
.
The Story
.
.
Haldir watched the Fair Elf as if remembering a fond and treasured memory, turning slowly to face him completely as he raised the two gloved fingers of his right hand, and traced their tips over the curve of his cheek bone. His action was tender...his gaze, admiring, as it followed his fingers over his jaw, under his chin where they curled, his thumb pressing to the subtle cleft there gently, just under his bottom lip. Only then did he raise his eyes to look into the ocean of blue before him...only then did he dare step closer.
The need had hold of him suddenly, as if something bigger then even they, was pushing this urge in his soul, driving it down deep so that not even his will could dig it up to rid of it in haste. He raised his other hand then, was using it to stroke back the wet locks of Legolas' hair before it completely framed the side of his face. The fingers were lost in his hair, his thumb pressing gently into the corner of his mouth, tilting his face up towards him, even as he leaned in to meet him.
He closed his eyes as their lips touched, his own were parted just slightly. Just enough to offer the moist softness of their inner flesh as he swept them gently over the Prince's bottom lip, before he caught it gently in a soft, lingering kiss. His hands were moving so slowly, the one under his chin sliding down to rest over his heart, the fingers curling there, around the gathered material of Legolas' tunic. The other, he'd moved to trace the fingers over his brow, his cheek, his jaw, in soft, sweeping caresses. It was as if he were seeing him as a blind man would...as though he were feeling beauty, for the very first time, with his finger tips.
With a shuddering breath, Legolas was leaning into him, surprised by the kiss, but wanting it just the same. In all his years, in all of his dreams, it had never felt this way...never felt as perfect as it did right now. Haldir's scent, his taste, the sound of his breath. It was real, not imagined. The feel of his hands on his face, on his chest - even through his tunic it sent a chill up his spine. His own hands made to rise, settling almost timidly against the sides of Haldir's throat, his thumb caressing gingerly against the damp material of the cloak that was gathered there.
Never would Legolas imagine that this would be the last time that he would feel this embrace. Never would he imagine that someone like Haldir would fall. If the thought even touched his mind...maybe he wouldn't let himself get so lost in it...maybe he would have focused on every breath and every caress of his gentle fingers. Maybe he would have stopped for just a moment to memorize every line of the elf's sculpted features. His proud jaw, elegant brow, and sensually curved lips. Maybe he would have been looking at Haldir the way Haldir had been looking at him.
Because...Haldir knew. Haldir knew how important this was. He knew that the sun would rise on the morrow...and that Legolas would be alive, and that he wouldn't be.
He wouldn't be. But how did he know?
It'd been Galadriel that told him.
* flashback*
"The things I have foreseen in my mind, Marchwarden of Lórien, I cannot expect you to understand..." She'd said in her slow, regal manner. "Only that they are dark things...evil things...And there is much death in store for many if I do not ask this of you." Her voice was merely the impression of a whisper.
"I will do all you ask of me." He'd answered her, quieting then as she lifted an elegant hand for his extended silence.
"You are prideful, Haldir of the Galadhrim." She'd recognized, "It is this reason I have thought long about this decision. The people of Rohan have fled to Helm's Deep... they are about to face a battle that they will not win. All lives will be lost." She'd paused then, giving him a chance to react, which he'd done, very quickly.
"I see...what is it you ask? Though I do not understand what this has to do with us..." As soon as he'd said it, he'd wished he hadn't. It was his arrogance talking, of course. But she hadn't seemed surprised by this reaction at all, as she went on.
"It has everything to do with us all." She'd told him. "Middle-earth shall fall under the weight of the army that Saruman and Sauron are combining. And the army that Saruman has unleashed upon the Helm is only a small fraction of it. Ten thousand strong. Against the 300 men, and able bodied youths trapped within those walls." She'd paused then, her hands folded neatly before her as she'd regarded him in a long, considerate silence. "Elrond intends to send our people in. And I am asking you to be our Emissary. The remainder of the Fellowship lies there in wait. They are prepared to fight. Man, and Dwarf, and Elf alike. Side by side..." He'd seemed to consider this with a more serious demeanor, looking away from her, and finding himself staring at the leaves cascading across the talan floor. "I must tell you..."
He shook his head then, as she'd started, and impolitely cut her off, in the kindest manner he could. She'd accepted it gracefully, letting him speak. "I will go." He said then, raising his eyes to look at her. She seemed to be studying him. "I will go...We have a brother there...if what you say is true. And if he finds this cause worthy...than so shall I."
She'd gave a slow bow of her head, and as he'd turned to go, her voice once again stopped him. "Haldir..." He paused in the archway, his back to her, head bowed as he'd listened. "I see the remainder of your regiment-" She'd paused there, as if she weren't sure she should say it, whatever it may be. And then, her hand lay cool upon his shoulder in respect. "-returning without our Emissary."
Her voice sounded sad, withdrawn, and weary with her knowledge. And for a long moment, he'd stood there still, her words repeating over and over in his head, becoming fainter in his memory, overshadowed by the task at hand. This was something all faced in the end...wasn't it? And though he hadn't understood then what it would mean to die, what the impact it would be, he would be ready for it.
"I will not let you down, Arwenamin..." He'd told her softly, his voice a shadow in the strong breeze that found it's way through the tree tops. It'd picked up the locks of his hair, whipped them around his shoulders as he'd turned to face her then, his own eye's mirroring the knowledge in hers. "I will not let the our people down"
She'd watched him as he bowed his head to her will, and then disappeared in a ghost of swirling hair, and cloth.
*end*
He'd thought long about it over the few days that had passed after that meeting. Pined over it even as he'd prepared for it. But he couldn't spare a moment to think about it anymore. Those dreams that plague even the hardest of hearts were being realized to their full magnitude. Those little childhood desires were fading back into being inside him. To love and be loved, that was the hope that many had, and he was not excluded, as he had often been. In Legolas, he saw these things, even as he had seen them before and not noticed. Where his heart ended it's mighty beat, Legolas' picked it up. Where he exhaled his breath Legolas took it in. When one spoke, the other listened as though those words were the final they would ever hear. In this kiss he felt the rush of time wasted fall upon them, felt the heat of the passion unleashed flood through him, and radiate through the blood of the other. Had nothing he done before this been as pure, and good? Had nothing made as much sense to him, as this? He could recall no moment more perfect...no sliver of time held the feeling of being whole as this did. Ah, to of died, and missed it. To of died, and not known what it was to be whole, and complete as he felt right now. He'd never understood before the saying "You complete my being." But alas, here he stood, completed for the first time, in love with the fair Elf in his arms.
They stood chest to chest, heart to heart, breath to breath, and though his eyes stayed closed, Haldir could see Legolas as he never had before. He was seeing him with his lips, his fingers, recognizing him by the taste of his kiss, the sound of his quickened breath in his ears. It seemed the shuffling of their clothing, the careless whispers, and shivering breaths were magnified three fold in the cavern of this hall. Aye, he could even hear the whipping flames of the torches as they sent their heated red shadows across his eyelids, feel the heat of them against the drying strands of the Prince's hair and the smooth satin of his flesh.
'I would love you til I died from it.' Haldir wanted to tell him. 'Til so much filled my heart and exploded it under it's fearful weight.' But no words could be said, not yet...not now as this embrace seemed to go on, seemed to grow deeper, and more pristine. He was lost to it. Lost in him as he should have been long ago. How much time they could have had then.... So many years had gone by, that they could have been combined in common bond. Why had he let himself abhor it until now? Why had he been so fleeting?
But not even the weight of that thought, could hold him from the target the wall presented, and with a turn of their bodies, he had Legolas against it, was using his weight to pin him there as his hands found slow paths over his damp chest. He cursed the armor he wore in that moment, as he could not feel the gentle curves of Legolas body against his, through it - couldn't feel the warmth that radiated from his flesh, nor the feel of his fingers should he choose to place them over his heart.
And it was over his heart that Legolas had placed his hands, feeling the cool and slick metal of his armor beneath them, before he slid them up to absently trace a forefinger over the crescent shape of the brooch that held his cloak together. They would not linger there for very long, however, for they found the platinum strands of Haldir's dripping hair, and it was there they twined and held tight, his head tilting just the slightest bit as Haldir's kisses found homes over his jaw and then his throat.
But it was there they paused as voices in the near distance called for them. The enemy was close...they were out of time.
"Haldir.…" Legolas' voice was shuddering and breathless, soft as the whispering of a new breeze, but no other word's could fall from his lips as Haldir's gloved fingers pressed gently to them - caressing them silent, and tracing their shape delicately as he raised his head to look at him.
"No words...no words..." He pleads, his forehead pressing to the Prince's as their eyes locked in a swirling blue-green ocean of understanding.
* * *
It was there they had to part.
Walking hand and hand, fingers clasped, it seemed they moved in slow motion until the door before them was opened and the reality of the night swallowed them both, taking them in different directions.
Legolas found his place beside Gimli. Haldir took his post beside his brothers. And there they waited as the distant torches of the enemy came closer and closer.
But for a brief time, both reflected on that moment where time had stood still in their empty corridor, where it had been only them together in a timeless place, safe from Uruk-hai, and war, and the hard cold walls around them. Nothing could touch them there. No pain could penetrate. No fates could befall them as long as they didn't move, or breathe, or bat an eyelash. They did not need a sun to light their day, as they had the golden strands of Legolas' hair, and the valley green of Haldir's eyes. They did not need the moon in all his ethereal beauty to gently touch their night, for they had the opalescent glow of Haldir's hair, and the glittering stars in the Fair Elf's soul. In this world, they could live off the others breath, feed from the others skin, and drink from the others lips. The past, the present, the future; hung in perfect balance between their souls, untouched by the cruel hand of time.
Because, beyond the unfair belief that time did not touch the Elves, Haldir could feel it melting away between them, ticking the moments away to his faded star where he would leave this Middle-earth, and the light of this love he'd only just realized.
'Hold on to that.' Haldir thought to himself as his bow was steadied against the wall, an arrow notched against the elf hair string. 'Hold on for as long as you can because there can be no happy ending...There can be no light after this darkness...There can be no more, no less than that moment of perfection, suspended in time...'
Eternal, only in memory.
The dreaded third part that I wrote all by myself. I hated to steer it in the direction it goes. I hated the implications I had to put in it. But sometimes our muse directs our fingers, and that's what happened here. Is there a good ending? I don't know. Will there be more after this? I don't know. I wasn't planning on there being anything after this. But when I reread it, something in me told me that I couldn't leave it like this. There has to be an out come to this story. And I think there will be.
.
Again. Thank you for reading...and thank you for all the feed back it's received so far. I'm humbled that you like it. I really am. For those of you that will, R+R. It makes me want to do better.
.
For Tony
.
.
The Story
.
.
Haldir watched the Fair Elf as if remembering a fond and treasured memory, turning slowly to face him completely as he raised the two gloved fingers of his right hand, and traced their tips over the curve of his cheek bone. His action was tender...his gaze, admiring, as it followed his fingers over his jaw, under his chin where they curled, his thumb pressing to the subtle cleft there gently, just under his bottom lip. Only then did he raise his eyes to look into the ocean of blue before him...only then did he dare step closer.
The need had hold of him suddenly, as if something bigger then even they, was pushing this urge in his soul, driving it down deep so that not even his will could dig it up to rid of it in haste. He raised his other hand then, was using it to stroke back the wet locks of Legolas' hair before it completely framed the side of his face. The fingers were lost in his hair, his thumb pressing gently into the corner of his mouth, tilting his face up towards him, even as he leaned in to meet him.
He closed his eyes as their lips touched, his own were parted just slightly. Just enough to offer the moist softness of their inner flesh as he swept them gently over the Prince's bottom lip, before he caught it gently in a soft, lingering kiss. His hands were moving so slowly, the one under his chin sliding down to rest over his heart, the fingers curling there, around the gathered material of Legolas' tunic. The other, he'd moved to trace the fingers over his brow, his cheek, his jaw, in soft, sweeping caresses. It was as if he were seeing him as a blind man would...as though he were feeling beauty, for the very first time, with his finger tips.
With a shuddering breath, Legolas was leaning into him, surprised by the kiss, but wanting it just the same. In all his years, in all of his dreams, it had never felt this way...never felt as perfect as it did right now. Haldir's scent, his taste, the sound of his breath. It was real, not imagined. The feel of his hands on his face, on his chest - even through his tunic it sent a chill up his spine. His own hands made to rise, settling almost timidly against the sides of Haldir's throat, his thumb caressing gingerly against the damp material of the cloak that was gathered there.
Never would Legolas imagine that this would be the last time that he would feel this embrace. Never would he imagine that someone like Haldir would fall. If the thought even touched his mind...maybe he wouldn't let himself get so lost in it...maybe he would have focused on every breath and every caress of his gentle fingers. Maybe he would have stopped for just a moment to memorize every line of the elf's sculpted features. His proud jaw, elegant brow, and sensually curved lips. Maybe he would have been looking at Haldir the way Haldir had been looking at him.
Because...Haldir knew. Haldir knew how important this was. He knew that the sun would rise on the morrow...and that Legolas would be alive, and that he wouldn't be.
He wouldn't be. But how did he know?
It'd been Galadriel that told him.
* flashback*
"The things I have foreseen in my mind, Marchwarden of Lórien, I cannot expect you to understand..." She'd said in her slow, regal manner. "Only that they are dark things...evil things...And there is much death in store for many if I do not ask this of you." Her voice was merely the impression of a whisper.
"I will do all you ask of me." He'd answered her, quieting then as she lifted an elegant hand for his extended silence.
"You are prideful, Haldir of the Galadhrim." She'd recognized, "It is this reason I have thought long about this decision. The people of Rohan have fled to Helm's Deep... they are about to face a battle that they will not win. All lives will be lost." She'd paused then, giving him a chance to react, which he'd done, very quickly.
"I see...what is it you ask? Though I do not understand what this has to do with us..." As soon as he'd said it, he'd wished he hadn't. It was his arrogance talking, of course. But she hadn't seemed surprised by this reaction at all, as she went on.
"It has everything to do with us all." She'd told him. "Middle-earth shall fall under the weight of the army that Saruman and Sauron are combining. And the army that Saruman has unleashed upon the Helm is only a small fraction of it. Ten thousand strong. Against the 300 men, and able bodied youths trapped within those walls." She'd paused then, her hands folded neatly before her as she'd regarded him in a long, considerate silence. "Elrond intends to send our people in. And I am asking you to be our Emissary. The remainder of the Fellowship lies there in wait. They are prepared to fight. Man, and Dwarf, and Elf alike. Side by side..." He'd seemed to consider this with a more serious demeanor, looking away from her, and finding himself staring at the leaves cascading across the talan floor. "I must tell you..."
He shook his head then, as she'd started, and impolitely cut her off, in the kindest manner he could. She'd accepted it gracefully, letting him speak. "I will go." He said then, raising his eyes to look at her. She seemed to be studying him. "I will go...We have a brother there...if what you say is true. And if he finds this cause worthy...than so shall I."
She'd gave a slow bow of her head, and as he'd turned to go, her voice once again stopped him. "Haldir..." He paused in the archway, his back to her, head bowed as he'd listened. "I see the remainder of your regiment-" She'd paused there, as if she weren't sure she should say it, whatever it may be. And then, her hand lay cool upon his shoulder in respect. "-returning without our Emissary."
Her voice sounded sad, withdrawn, and weary with her knowledge. And for a long moment, he'd stood there still, her words repeating over and over in his head, becoming fainter in his memory, overshadowed by the task at hand. This was something all faced in the end...wasn't it? And though he hadn't understood then what it would mean to die, what the impact it would be, he would be ready for it.
"I will not let you down, Arwenamin..." He'd told her softly, his voice a shadow in the strong breeze that found it's way through the tree tops. It'd picked up the locks of his hair, whipped them around his shoulders as he'd turned to face her then, his own eye's mirroring the knowledge in hers. "I will not let the our people down"
She'd watched him as he bowed his head to her will, and then disappeared in a ghost of swirling hair, and cloth.
*end*
He'd thought long about it over the few days that had passed after that meeting. Pined over it even as he'd prepared for it. But he couldn't spare a moment to think about it anymore. Those dreams that plague even the hardest of hearts were being realized to their full magnitude. Those little childhood desires were fading back into being inside him. To love and be loved, that was the hope that many had, and he was not excluded, as he had often been. In Legolas, he saw these things, even as he had seen them before and not noticed. Where his heart ended it's mighty beat, Legolas' picked it up. Where he exhaled his breath Legolas took it in. When one spoke, the other listened as though those words were the final they would ever hear. In this kiss he felt the rush of time wasted fall upon them, felt the heat of the passion unleashed flood through him, and radiate through the blood of the other. Had nothing he done before this been as pure, and good? Had nothing made as much sense to him, as this? He could recall no moment more perfect...no sliver of time held the feeling of being whole as this did. Ah, to of died, and missed it. To of died, and not known what it was to be whole, and complete as he felt right now. He'd never understood before the saying "You complete my being." But alas, here he stood, completed for the first time, in love with the fair Elf in his arms.
They stood chest to chest, heart to heart, breath to breath, and though his eyes stayed closed, Haldir could see Legolas as he never had before. He was seeing him with his lips, his fingers, recognizing him by the taste of his kiss, the sound of his quickened breath in his ears. It seemed the shuffling of their clothing, the careless whispers, and shivering breaths were magnified three fold in the cavern of this hall. Aye, he could even hear the whipping flames of the torches as they sent their heated red shadows across his eyelids, feel the heat of them against the drying strands of the Prince's hair and the smooth satin of his flesh.
'I would love you til I died from it.' Haldir wanted to tell him. 'Til so much filled my heart and exploded it under it's fearful weight.' But no words could be said, not yet...not now as this embrace seemed to go on, seemed to grow deeper, and more pristine. He was lost to it. Lost in him as he should have been long ago. How much time they could have had then.... So many years had gone by, that they could have been combined in common bond. Why had he let himself abhor it until now? Why had he been so fleeting?
But not even the weight of that thought, could hold him from the target the wall presented, and with a turn of their bodies, he had Legolas against it, was using his weight to pin him there as his hands found slow paths over his damp chest. He cursed the armor he wore in that moment, as he could not feel the gentle curves of Legolas body against his, through it - couldn't feel the warmth that radiated from his flesh, nor the feel of his fingers should he choose to place them over his heart.
And it was over his heart that Legolas had placed his hands, feeling the cool and slick metal of his armor beneath them, before he slid them up to absently trace a forefinger over the crescent shape of the brooch that held his cloak together. They would not linger there for very long, however, for they found the platinum strands of Haldir's dripping hair, and it was there they twined and held tight, his head tilting just the slightest bit as Haldir's kisses found homes over his jaw and then his throat.
But it was there they paused as voices in the near distance called for them. The enemy was close...they were out of time.
"Haldir.…" Legolas' voice was shuddering and breathless, soft as the whispering of a new breeze, but no other word's could fall from his lips as Haldir's gloved fingers pressed gently to them - caressing them silent, and tracing their shape delicately as he raised his head to look at him.
"No words...no words..." He pleads, his forehead pressing to the Prince's as their eyes locked in a swirling blue-green ocean of understanding.
* * *
It was there they had to part.
Walking hand and hand, fingers clasped, it seemed they moved in slow motion until the door before them was opened and the reality of the night swallowed them both, taking them in different directions.
Legolas found his place beside Gimli. Haldir took his post beside his brothers. And there they waited as the distant torches of the enemy came closer and closer.
But for a brief time, both reflected on that moment where time had stood still in their empty corridor, where it had been only them together in a timeless place, safe from Uruk-hai, and war, and the hard cold walls around them. Nothing could touch them there. No pain could penetrate. No fates could befall them as long as they didn't move, or breathe, or bat an eyelash. They did not need a sun to light their day, as they had the golden strands of Legolas' hair, and the valley green of Haldir's eyes. They did not need the moon in all his ethereal beauty to gently touch their night, for they had the opalescent glow of Haldir's hair, and the glittering stars in the Fair Elf's soul. In this world, they could live off the others breath, feed from the others skin, and drink from the others lips. The past, the present, the future; hung in perfect balance between their souls, untouched by the cruel hand of time.
Because, beyond the unfair belief that time did not touch the Elves, Haldir could feel it melting away between them, ticking the moments away to his faded star where he would leave this Middle-earth, and the light of this love he'd only just realized.
'Hold on to that.' Haldir thought to himself as his bow was steadied against the wall, an arrow notched against the elf hair string. 'Hold on for as long as you can because there can be no happy ending...There can be no light after this darkness...There can be no more, no less than that moment of perfection, suspended in time...'
Eternal, only in memory.
