Let's Explore That-Chapter One: Hawkeye

Doctor Ebony Todd opened her case folder. "Good lord," she murmured. Four cases in one day. "Let's see . . .Benjamin Pierce, John McIntyre, Margaret Houlihan, and Frank Burns." Doctor Todd sighed. She had only been a group therapy leader for two weeks, and already she was finding the sessions tedious. To make matters worse, today's batch was straight from Korea, which meant nightmare after unimaginable nightmare. Doctor Todd rubbed her eyes, and then heard a knock. "Come in."

The four people trooped in. First, a tall, darkly handsome man with eyes as blue as ice sauntered in, hands in pockets. He looked at Doctor Todd and smiled. "Pierce. Hawkeye Pierce. Busy later?" Doctor Todd rolled her eyes. "Name's Trapper," the next guy said. He was tall, like Hawkeye, but had lighter, curly hair and deep brown eyes. Doctor Todd scanned the folder. "Trapper? There's no Trapper listed." Trap grinned. "You'll find me under John McIntyre, sweetheart."

"Can it, McIntyre!" a voice said sharply behind him. Doctor Todd craned her neck to see past Trapper. A shorter man, with no lips and a ferret- like face stood in the doorway with a taller, blonde woman. They were both looking sternly at Trapper and Hawkeye. "Frank Burns and Margaret Houlihan, I presume?" Doctor Todd said, looking at her notes and back up at them. "Yes, address me as Miss Houlihan and Frank as Doctor Burns," Margaret said, speaking for the both of them. Hawkeye looked surprised. "Still a surgeon, Frank? I thought someone would've complained by now." Frank shot him a dirty look. "You see, Doctor Todd, THIS," he said, jerking his thumb at Hawkeye, "is exactly why I'm here today. I suffered nothing but abuse!"

Doctor Todd motioned to the four to sit down in the folding chairs she had set up. As soon as Frank sat down, his chair collapsed and his butt hit the floor. Hawkeye and Trapper burst out laughing. Doctor Todd massaged her temples. "This is gonna be a LONG session . . ."

"Now, Doctor Pierce, why don't you start us off?" Hawkeye stood up, hands still in pockets. "Hello, my name is Hawkeye, and I have a problem." "Welcome, Hawkeye!" Trapper said mockingly. Doctor Todd stifled a laugh. "Go on Doctor Pi . . .er, Hawkeye." Hawkeye cleared his throat. "Well, I first came to Korea in 1950, just after the war broke out. I only did though because I accidentally opened an invitation from Truman to a surgeon's nightmare. That job was no piece of cake, you know. Opening up guys that were nearly blown to pieces, never knowing for sure if you got the last tiny bit of shrapnel out of a guy's intestine, doing all you can and then helplessly watch your patient fade away. All those things were terrible, but they were nothing, NOTHING, compared to the utter boredom we suffered in our spare time."

Doctor Todd had been taking notes, and she looked up, interested. "Now, how could you be bored in a M*A*S*H unit just four miles from the front?" Hawkeye's eyes twinkled. "When we didn't have any wounded or beautiful nurse on our hands, we were bored as hell. We did find a way though to make our long days a bit more tolerable." He chuckled and looked straight into Frank's eyes. "Of course, Doctor Burns here," placing emphasis on doctor, "knows what I'm talking about, don't ya Frank?"

Frank's only response was an animal growl. He knew exactly what Hawk was talking about. Hawkeye went on. "The only way to keep our sanity in Korea was to play pranks. Trap and I just needed a rodent to play them on. We found that rodent the moment ol' Ferret Face slid his beady little eyes my way the first time. It was great. Dumping buckets of water on his head, rigging the showers so they didn't work, trapping him in a foxhole by driving a jeep over him . . .yep, life was sweet." Hawkeye smiled at the recollection, and then grew serious. "Life has its ups and downs though, and in Korea, life was mostly downs. We had a company clerk we called Radar. He always seemed to know when choppers were coming, and they came at the most inconvenient times, usually when my hands were full of nurse. We often spent two days in OR, only to get an hour of decent sleep before another chopper came. A good friend of mine . . .well, he died."

"Interesting," Doctor Todd said, "let's explore that." Hawkeye's eyes were suddenly swimming in tears. "Do we really have to?" Doctor Todd nodded. "Just get your feelings out, okay?" Hawkeye took a deep breath. "His name was Tommy Gillis, and he was writing a book called You Never Hear the Bullet. He stayed a few hours, only to come back wounded. I was the one operating on him . . .it was my fault he died." A single tear slipped down Hawkeye's cheek. Doctor Todd looked at him sympathetically. "Now, Hawkeye, you know as well as I do that's not true." Hawk shook his head. "It IS true," he insisted, "I was supposed to be one of the best damn surgeons in Korea, and I let my best friend die." He had forgotten that Trapper, Frank, and Margaret had been listening, and now he looked around in shock. Margaret's eyes were starting to fill with tears, and she tried to blink them back. Trapper didn't try to stop them; they were just rolling down his face. Only Frank wasn't crying. He was staring Hawk in the face. Doctor Todd wrote something down in her notebook, and looked back up at Hawkeye. "Now, I want you to pay attention to me, because what I'm about to say is very important. Tommy didn't die because of you. He died because a Korean decided to use him for target practice. It wasn't your fault. It wasn't your fault."

Hawkeye wiped a tear away. "Thanks, Doctor Todd. I feel better now that all the guilt's gone." Doctor Todd smiled. "You're quite welcome, Hawkeye." He sat back down, only to have his folding chair collapse. The silence that had permeated the room was broken; Trapper began laughing uproariously, and Frank and Margaret sat smirking. Hawk got up, and grinned ruefully. "Whoops, I think I broke it. Say, Doc, ya wanna go with me to buy another one? Later, we'll go to my place and . . ." "No way," Doctor Todd said, "I'm married. Trapper, you're up next."