Let's Explore That-Chapter Four: Margaret

"Okay, Margaret, shoot." Trapper clutched at his heart. "Oh, she GOT me! Is there a doctor in the house?" Hawk leaned over Trapper, who was playing dead, and glanced at his watch. "Either he's dead or my watch is broken." Doctor Todd was about to explode. "Hawkeye . . .Trapper," she said, trying to hold her anger and annoyance, "SHUT UP!!!!!" Hawkeye and Trapper shrunk back into their seats. "Yes, ma'am." Doctor Todd sighed deeply, and then motioned for Margaret to begin. "As you can see, these two have only three hobbies: drinking, having sex, and joking around! They were CONSTANTLY giving Doctor Burns and I a hard time." "Oh, like you guys weren't giving each other a hard time," Hawk said with a wink.

Trap was about to say something, but a look of warning from Doctor Todd silenced him. "Continue, please Margaret." "Pierce and McIntyre did a discredit to the military by never appearing in uniform, disobeying orders from superior officers, and showing up in the most public of places!" "The supply tent," Frank added, "doing God knows what with a nurse!" Trapper crossed his legs. "You know what." Margaret glared at him. "As I was SAYING, they never got their act together." Doctor Todd nodded. "Okay, let's explore that."

Hawk, who had been sitting patting his hands on his thighs, spoke up. "I'll tell you why we acted the way we did. That behavior kept us going through the hell that is war, otherwise you would've found both of us lying dead in our cots, each with a revolver, silencer on!" Frank sneered. "Not that I would've cared." Doctor Todd looked up in shock. "Frank, I don't want to hear another word from you. Understood?" Frank gulped nervously. "Un . . .understood." "Good." Margaret kept talking. "Doctor Burns is right, Doctor Todd. These doctors were just around to cause trouble. Always playing not-so-practical jokes on people, just for a laugh. They never behaved with proper military decorum."

Hawkeye choked back a laugh. "Proper military decorum? You call putting ten bullets into a Korean just because he happened to be on the wrong side proper military decorum? I heard about a Korean kid whose truck ran out of gas. He found an American camp and asked for some more. The guy in charge asked if he was North or South, and the kid said North. The officer pulled out a gun and blasted the kid." Doctor Todd was saddened, and turned to Margaret. "He's right, you know. War isn't proper military decorum." Margaret, who also looked saddened, faltered. "Well . . .I guess you're . . .oh God, I can't say it . . .Hawkeye, you're right." Hawk and Trap glanced at each other, stunned. "She . . .she actually said I'm right," Hawkeye said, and stared in awe at Margaret.

Doctor Todd closed up her notebook. "Well, I'd say this meeting was a . . .uh . . .comparative success. We all reached a breakthrough. Hawkeye, you've come to terms with your friend's death, Trapper, you're going to be completely honest with your wife, Frank, you're going to stop acting like a baby, and Margaret, you now know that war is not anything to be glad about." Everyone nodded solemnly. On their way out, Hawk paused, and turned to Doctor Todd. "Say, what did you mean by comparative success?" "I . . .well . . .other groups weren't nearly as dramatic as this one. Yeah, that's it." Hawkeye smiled. "Sure, whatever you say. Thanks." He gave a mock salute, and then closed the door behind him. Doctor Todd went over to her desk, opened the top drawer, and pulled out a bottle of aspirin. She popped the lid off, let a few slide into her palm, and then tipped her head back and swallowed them. She collapsed into her chair, emotionally drained.