Disclaimers: see chapter 1

III. Steps on the bridge

(Joey:) What happened? One moment Ashley is nice and caring, the next she hits even her closest friends. Maybe she tries to copy me, but that way leads to disaster, and she's going there fast. If I'm the reason for her violence, I have to stop her again.

Who else could it be? Not T.J., that's for sure. He's friendly and calm, unlike her... and unlike the kindergarten terror he had been when I last saw him. She admires him, maybe she's even got a crush... but still hits him. The rest of her gang? Unlikely, the way T.J. described them. Mom and Dad? No, I don't think Flo and Bob would beat her or treat her cruel in other ways - they maybe fail in raising her, but hurt her? Never. I'll have to ask her later. For now, I suspect a teacher. Maybe Miss Finster got worse, but she used to like us Spinellis.

So, where do I go now? I can't visit friends - one group of them got me in trouble, the other got in trouble because of me, and after I attacked Kent both groups turned away from me. Now Professor Kent seems to be the only person besides Ashley who believes in me. Visiting him might cause trouble, so I'll better write him a letter to thank him and show him how I progressed from a violent youth with no future to a trained mechanic.

I'm in the middle of writing when someone knocks on my door. "What's up?"

Bob comes in. "I just wanted to see how you're doing." And what, probably.

"Writing a letter. To Professor Kent."

"Can I see it?"

"If you must." I give him the letter.

He glances over the handwritten lines. "Impressive. You seem to feel only positive about him."

"Sure. I got myself in, he got me out. So I'll thank him."

Bob falls silent and just nods.

"If you think it's OK, I want to finish it now."

He hands me the letter, turns to leave, then turns back. "Joey... I'm sorry."

"It's OK, it wasn't my journal, and you asked me."

"No, I mean, I'm sorry I didn't talk to you more. All of this didn't have to happen."

Maybe he really means it. "Dad... you can't change the past. But we can make the future better, if we try." I try to smile.

Dad also half smiles. "I will try." And then, he leaves.

I complete the letter, stick a stamp on the envelope, and put it in the next mailbox.

When Ashley returns in the late afternoon, I decide to find out why she is so aggressive. If it's because of me, maybe I can change her back. "Can we talk?"

She reaches for the handle of her bedroom door. "You mean about your little game with T.J.?"

"No, about you and your quick fists. I fear that's my fault. You see, back then I thought it was cool to teach you how to be tough, but you know where I ended up."

She has opened her door, but doesn't enter. "It's not your fault. And I don't want to attack anyone. I just want to play with T.J. and the guys, if only people would leave me alone."

"You mean older kids attack you?"

She turns away into her room. "You wouldn't understand."

Oh my god! And she's just eight. "Ashley, wait! I will understand, just talk to me, so we can get that bastard in jail."

She looks back through the door, confused. "You're not talking about T.J.?"

"Of course not. I meant someone who preys on little girls."

"You mean a pervert - no, nothing like that. It's... they're making fun of me."

"The Ashleys?"

"Everyone. Show one weakness, and you're laughingstock."

"Sounds familiar... have you tried to do something against it?" She makes a fist. "No, I mean something else."

"Nothing else worked. You see, at beginning of third grade Mom had me wear a pink dress in school. T.J. told me to calm down, so I just put on my old clothes the next day, but they were still laughing. The guys tried to get them quiet their way, but in the end I had to go and whack them one. That worked."

"You beat up the whole school?"

"No, just the kids who started it. But it took months before they stopped talking about that damn dress."

"How did Mom get that idea anyway?"

"She's trying to turn me into a girl."

Now I am confused. "And you are...?"

"You know, dolls, dresses, nail polish and the like."

"Maybe she should see that the real you is doing fine, too."

"How?"

"Make a deal... say, stop wearing that jacket, and ask for something you really like."

"That would be wrestling... nah, wouldn't work."

"Wrestling with T.J.?" A weird way to express her crush, but if it helps...

"No, silly, watching it on TV. Dad does it, but whenever I come in, he switches over to 'Wonderful Family' or stuff like that."

"Try again today - I've had a talk with Dad, and he seems to be in the right mood. Oh, and one more thing."

"Yes?"

"In school, have you tried the Robin Hood method? I mean, you're strong and tough, you could fight the bad and protect the weak. And you've got your gang of merry men."

"Know what, Joey? Your ideas are weird, but they might just work."

When Mom calls us for dinner, Ashley surprises everyone. Instead of her old blue jeans, she wears a red dress and slippers and even took off her cap. "Hi Mom, Dad, Joey. Like my outfit? I thought it was time for a fresh new start."

"That's wonderful, Pookie", Mom replies, "I knew you would like dresses eventually."

"It's nice - but don't throw away my jeans now, I still need them."

"I won't. Now let's have some Spaghetti with our special Spinelli recipe."

I keep waiting for her question. When we finish dinner, Ashley speaks up again: "Dad, wouldn't you like to watch wrestling with me now?"

He looks over the table to Mom: "What do you think, dear?"

She doesn't like the idea, but apparently decides to argue reasonably: "Ashley... I don't like wrestling, and I think it's too violent for a girl like you."

"Mom, it's just sports. They want to fight. I've seen worse things than that."

"Then you shouldn't have seen those things in the first place."

"Mom, I meant I've seen worse things in school. Do you want me to leave school now?"

Mom gives up. "Okay, if you want it so much you can watch it with your dad. But if it gets too brute, he'll turn it off. Is that OK?"

It is. While Ashley and Dad are watching TV, I'm helping Mom clearing up after dinner.

"She's happy now. That was your idea, wasn't it?" Mom's voice is much warmer now than in the morning.

"Most of it was her idea, I just told her to try it out."

"But how did you do it? She doesn't talk with us much, much less follow our advice."

"She told me how you let her wear a pink dress in school, and everyone laughed. Maybe she didn't trust your sense of good taste anymore."

"I thought the dress would help her to fit in better - I don't know what went wrong."

"Maybe it would've worked for another girl... but Ashley and a", I shudder, "pink dress just don't fit together."

"She's so different sometimes."

"Of course she is. She'll never be average."