A/N: What is wrong with me?!! Okay, I am still obviously worried about the plot of the supposed-to-be next chapter, "Many Resolutions" so I decided to lay it off for a while and enter this chapter with Preludes. Wonder what happened to Ashlet after being mercilessly washed off the River? Maybe here where you are waiting for. I promise, "Many Resolutions" – which covers a hilarious "romantic" (barfie, barf) encounter with Frodo and Shea which is promised to be wrecked by Cleff, Merry, Sam and Pippin will be out soon. And, with the deal of a great friend (You know who you are! *wink*), a new main character will be making her debut in "Many Resolutions". Guess who?!! Watch out for it!!! I promise, were going halfway here, and its my main target to finish "Manic Depressive" this summer!

Chapter 14: Preludes: Evil Has A Name: Bobo The Clown

You are wise enough to lead this pack of darkness to a cat chase… but you have failed me, Living Nazgul.

A dark figure, in wet, black robes shook it's head, as her mighty grey, menacing steed screeched in her ear, drowning in the cold. "Hmmm… let me rephrase that," Ash mustered, fingering her invisible chin, under her hood.

You have lead Isengard to disgrace… you are not worthy, Living Ring Wraith… not worthy of your name of darkness… and for this flaunt… you must suffer… The Treatment!

Ash shuddered. The wind was cold, and along with what was left of the Nine Nazguls… she ventured back to her dark home… Isengard… after failing an attempt to retrieve the One Ring from the nasty little Halfling…

"Not to mention… all my clothesss are wetttt!" Ash hissed to herself. One of the Nazguls sneezed behind her… leaving trails of unseen sticky booger, from a dead man's nose. Nazgul Ted, the one who had an asthma attack back in Bree, has an ominous asthma nebulizer sticking from his hood… obvious medication.

You have lead Isengard to disgrace… now you must suffer the Treatmentttt –

"Ssssstop repeating Saru's line over and over again, Nazgul # 10," Nazgul 8 hissed, hitting Ash with the hilt of his sword on the head. "You knowwww we Witchkingsss hate the Treatmentttt…" All the Nazguls shuddered. So did Ash, who realized that they have already arrived in Izengard… an angry dark tower looming over the rest of them… looking like a severed dildo-

"Does the ratingggg PG 13 mean nothinnnnggg to youssss?!!" The Nazgul hissed at the author. Cliffhanger raised her hands off the monitor and screamed, "Ok! Ok! If you want slash just tell me?!!" Ash and a few Ringwraiths smirked back at her, and poked some Morgul blades at her… which didn't reach Cliffhanger, stupid Nazguls. "Nyeh."

Ash shuddered, unseen under her dark cloak… red eyes peering high above… cringing in the cold… dripping in water… "Nassssssssty Elvvvvven Freeeeeak…" Nazgul 5 screeched. "WE dooon't dessssserve the treattttmenttttt…" Silence followed, as a soft squeaking screech escaped from under Ash's empty hood.

"What issssss the treatmenttttttt?"

Much to YOUR horror, all the Nazguls shuddered. Ash dismounted her horse, and stumbled backward… afraid of the TREATMEEEEENT… "Ittt issss the mosssst dangeroussss, mossssst envelopinnnng darknessss of painnnn… of whatttt Sauron hasssss ordered Saruman to torture usssss…" Ash shuddered, as she headed for the castle.

"Waiiiiiit!" Panickingly, all the Nazguls dismounted the horses and cowered all around Ash, and started shaking like a bunch of diseased, sissy children. "What are you doing?!! Playing martyr for the ressst of ussss?!!" One hissed, gripping his tight hold on Ash, as it's sharp gauntlet began to sink in her shoulder. "Saruman WILL give the treatment to yousssss!!! Aren't you…" They all shuddered. "Afraid?!!"

Ash's face reappeared under her hood, her green eyes sporting the look of terror. It was unusual to see Nazgul Witchkings looking severely afraid before… especially when you are one of them, and you have all failed Saruman's command…

"We sssshall be in this together!" Ash hissed.

~ ~ ~

Nine dark shadowy figures, sneaked quietly into the dark hall, where Saruman's throne stood still, empty. Like a bunch of hiding children who are afraid of some rather severe beating, the Ten Nazguls, including Ash, tried to cross the dark hall, trying not to be noticed.

The smallest figure, which is believed to be Ash, quickly put a finger to her hood, meaning silence, as the other Nazguls nodded back… except for Nazgul Ted… who's asthma inhaler was starting to malfunction.

Leading an invisible, camouflaged line of floating black linen across the hall… things began to go on smoothly… till Nazgul Ted, who was creeping on the edge of the line, started hacking and wheezing again, and trips on Nazgul # 3, creating a chain reaction… making all the Nazgul fall on each other… creating a big linen bundle in the middle of the hall.

Then the lights snapped open.

A ferocious ear-splitting SQUEAK!!! went through the whole chamber… making the ten Nazguls stick their gauntleted fingers into their invisible, ear-wax filled, big ears. Saruman appeared behind the throne, in his crappy Teletubbies™ PJs, stretching his arms, revealing a cute little RED EYED teddy bear in one arm. An ominous red clown nose was stuck on his pointed red snout… and when he saw the ten terrified Nazguls on the floor, he punched the clown nose and it gave another ear-splitting SQUEEEEEAAAAAK!!!

The Ten Nazguls cowered over each other, shaking, like a bunch of teeny bopper kids, terrified by a ghost on their first ghost-huntinge experience, all sprawled on the floor.

Like that didn't you? Saruman said menacingly, as he ascended down the stairs… flashing out more of his Teletubbies™ outfit, which made the Nazguls cry in terror. You ffuzy little nutballs… you woozie toootie little balck riders… Saruman made this nasty baby talk that made the Nazguls pound on the floor, crying like a bunch of deranged babies, overly horrified. Mortified. YOU NASTY LITTLE FLUFY NAZGULS FAILED TO BRING ME THE FLUFFY WOOZIE CUTIE LITTLE HOBBBBITTTTSSESS!!! Upon hearing this, Ash now held her head in a tremor, shaking like a totally petrified mentally unstable patient with epilepsy. Remember… Ash hates hobbits… and they will never… NEVER be cute… (And we all know Frodo, Merry, Sam and Pippin are, undeniable.)

All the Nazguls held Ash still, to keep her from shaking, as Saruman laughed his @$$ off, looking like a deranged madman. All the Nazguls held still, shut their eyes closed… ready as Saruman stopped laughing like a deranged madman… ready for Judgement Day…

And now for the TREATMENT…

All the Nazguls started screeching on the floor, pounding their hands on the rock, solid mast, screaming their heads off like a bunch of deranged mentally unstable patients who escaped the asylum. Especially Ash, who finally drew her hood, and screamed, "STOP! STOP!" in her normal usual voice, as her face reappeared, flesh and all.

Saruman stopped looking menacingly, and glared at Ash, who has finally blown it off, and returned to her non-Nazgul state. "Now what is it, my Living Ring Wraith?!!" Saruman mocked her. "Isn't it enough that you have failed Sauron, your Lord and the forces of Mordor?!! If you haven't acted like a completed deranged fool (Ash rolled her eyes and muttered, "Deranged: Word of the Day", and glares at Cliffhanger who flashes her innocent smile), and have recaptured the ONE RING OF POWER, you wouldn't be here cowering like a bunch of sissy children right now!!!"

The Nazguls blinked. Ash blinked. "What's your point?!!!"

Saruman growled, and pointed to a door leading to the next room. "ALL NAZGULS EXCEPT FOR THE CHILD!" he roared. The Nazguls all howled in misery, begging for Saruman not to sedn them in to the next room. Ash held her breath, trying to guess what the "treatment" really is… "NOW!" All the Nazguls got up to their feet, defeated, raised their fists to saruman and walked forlornly to the next room, all hood bowed in misery and horror.

Ash stayed in the hall, gaping at Saruman, her now-visible face contorting horror and confusion. "What is this?!!" Ash hissed under her breath, as Saruman, smiling smugly, cuddling his teddy bear sat on his throne, glaring at Ash. "Some sort of Nazgul Revolution? Make us beat each other to death, and poke each other with razing hot pokers soaked in the fires of Mount Doom?!!"

Saruman chuckled and took the little bear next to his face, whispering, "Look at her, Mr. Tuddles… she does not know of our 'little' treatment! Shall we show her? Shall we shock her? Hummm?" He bent his head next to the bear's mouth, cocking his head back and forth, as if he was listening… when in fact, the bear was just smiling… all lifeless. Ash's jaws dropped, as if unhinged… watching The-Once-Great-Saruman-The-White go berserk… now talking to a lifeless stuffed toy shipped out of Mordor's Toys R Us about the plans of torture… Wait a Minute!!!! Is THIS torture?!!

Saruman finally nodded and placed the bear back on his lap, forcing an eager, concerned smile on his weary, old wizardly face, mocking a VERY CONFUSED Ash even more. "Since you are new here, Child Ring Wraith… I should show you the measures of pain… to lifeless bodies of corrupted Wraiths, just like what you are…" He cocked his head to the side and roared, "SEND IN THE CLOWNS!!!"

Ash's eyes bulged. "C-L-O-W-N-S?!!" she screamed, as she stumbled backwards in complete horror. "BUT I HATE CLOWNS?!!" Saruman laughed, and cocked his head back to Mr. Tuddles, the Bear and laughed. "Unfortunately, my cutie wootie friend Mr. Tuddles here likes clowns… Shall we have a little demonstration?!!" Saruman then laughed insanely… as the doors bounced open, and all you can see is the petrified horror frozen on Ash's face.

Ten red and white polka-dotted linen, marched in the room and surrounded a horrified Ash, the only one left dressed in black. Ten squeaky red noses are sticking out from ten invisible, polka dotted hoods… as cries and screeches were heard from beneath it… The Nazgul dressed as CLOWNS!!!

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRAAAAAARRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

The whole hall… no make it the whole Isengard was pierced with the terror of a screeching noise of anger, as a funny circus clown music suddenly blasted out of some speakers… a big clown jukebox Saruman hauled from under his throne. All the Nazgul-Clowns glowered and danced over a petrified Ashley, holding her head, trying to shield all the clowns away… shaking in horror. Poor Ash was screaming her head off… with the EVIL (I meant it!!! EVIL!!!) Saruman laughed his heart out, dancing with Mr. Tuddles in the air…

~ ~ ~

Two Months Later…

~ ~ ~

Saruman stood over Ash, who looked overly guilty, hiding invisible under her hood. He glowered over her, raising his staff, and clanging it down the floor. Nine Nazguls shuddered, standing behind the wall, seriously, about to be PUNISHED…

You have failed me for a millionth time, Child Wraith… You shouldn't have done this to save the wizard, Gandalf's life… if you lead a life of stupidity as Wraith instead…

Ash rolled her red eyes, her face invisible under her hood, fumbling with something in her black robes. Saruman was about to speak out… when a taped voice sounded out of the Child Wraith's robes… not mistakingly from a recorder…

* And now you must suffer the TREATMENT… * The recorder crackled.

A pair of red eyes glared back at an aghast Saruman, as the other nazguls looked at each other and shrugged, seemingly afraid for she has mocked Saruman…

On the contrary, much to Ash's expectation and shock, Saruman smiled… and started to laugh like a bashed lunatic… all over again… making the Wraiths shudder even more. "Well done, young Wraith… it is easy to be prepared…" Ash glared, and threw the tape recorder aside, which flew over the Nazguls's feet and they quickly stomped on the recorder in horror, as if it was an evil deity, till it was nothing but a black crumpled piece of bits… "I have sssseeeen more than you horrrrorr of ssssstupidity… Sssssaruman the White…" Ash hissed, OBVIOUSLY rebelling. "Now send in the clowns."

The Wraiths looked at each other in horror and confusion, and sadly shook their heads to Ash's statement… as Saruman laughed his head off, crying in mirth, hanging on his staff for support. "Ashley, Ashley…" Saruman echoed, mocking Ash even more. "There is more than having the same torture to make a Wraith as hard and tough as possible…" Then his expression hardened. "On the contrary, red noses isn't the menu today." Ash's red eyes widened in horror, frozen in petrification, as she stumbled back again.

Saruman threw his staff aside, and gave the howling, suffering Wraiths, cowering in the corner, a quick signal. In a flash, they all drew their cloaks… Ash let out a horrified squeak from her terrified breath…

Saruman stood there, throwing his long locks aside… in a white boob-tube, see through outfit, tight legged pants… with a breast size! The Nazguls were still invisible, but they wore spandex, their heads covered with a hood, all wearing polka-dotted 80's blouses!!! The horror!!! And with a girlish little giggle… Saruman reached out for his staff… now a microphone stand!!! Ash began to stumble backwards… shielding her red horrified wraith-eyes from the nasty picture standing in front of her… as some kind of familiar music blasted out of the clown juke box speakers…

The Wraiths wailed as they began to do back-up singing… and Saruman threw his locks aside to display his sleeveless, backless boob tube… beckoning sickly to a cringing, wailing Ash, sprawled on the floor, hallucinating… then the nutted wizard began to sing…

UNDERNEATH YOUR CLOTHES

THERE'S AN ENDLESS STORY

Ash wailed, trying to cover her eyes from the disgusting horror that thus stands in front of her… but Saruman-Shakira was too fast… he kneeled on the floor and crawled toward a cringing, cramping Ash… and the next scene is too sick *barf* *barf* to *gasp* write…

THERES A MAN I CHOSE

THERES MY TERITORY

AND ALL THE THINGS I DESERVE

FOR BEING SUCH A GOOD GIRL, HONEY!!!

Saruman still continued singing clear and loud… amidst the choking, screeching and gasping back-up singing of the sickly Nazguls… who started to faint in disgust… and amidst Ash's ear-splitting wails that shook Isengard and Mordor…

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

~ ~ ~

Thunder strikes from the sky. A cute little China bird sitting on a tree in Mandarin, falls dead, popping its poor little birdie toes. A wolf howls endlessly against the full moon. A big colossal tower erodes in all horror. And in Rivendell… Cleff stops chasing Shea with the ALMIGHTY PAN OF DOOM, and pauses…. Immortaly shattered by the screeching wail and scream… that came from a familiar voice… from so far away…

"What is… that…?" Shea gasped… panting, as Cleff stoped to look past the balcony… looking past the mountains of snow… Cleff panted a little bit more, but taking a firm grip hold on the pan… as she approached the balcony… trying to identify the terror… as Shea came by near her, to comfort her…

PANG! "GOTCHA!!!" Cleff slams the pan fair and square on Shea's head… almost getting her unconscious. Shea rubbed her head… and when she regains her sight… all she saw was a maniac looking Cleff… her teeth shining, waving the ALMIGHTY PAN OF – nevermind in all its glory…

 "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Shea's squeal of doom, rhymes with the unidentifies squeal of terror… heard all the way from some other hidden part of middle earth…

A/N: I know this chapter kinda sucked. To Zephyr, hey! The plan is on the move!!! I'll have them all ready by Monday! To Loony, Al or Achoo who might be reading this… HEYA!!!

Disclaimer: By all means… I do not wish to own Bobo the Clown or act and sing like Shakira. I would have evn more nightmares if Saruman, Gandalf or even Frodo (gulpies!) would do it!!!