Title:  The Enemy Cipher Walks In & Says "Trust Me"

Author: Glaurificus, featuring Linoge

Disclaimer: We don't own any of JJ's characters.  And that's a good thing, 'cause that would involve owning Haladki.  Ewww.

Summary: Light parody of a few days in the life of Sydney.

Rating: PG for some volatile language.

Distribution: E-mail first, so that we can visit.

Authors' Note: Feel free to e-mail either Glaurificus (sd6_freelancer@hotmail.com) or Linoge (linoge0069@yahoo.com) if you have any comments. Also, thanks for all the reviews (especially Ice and GataFairy! Whoever you are, you rule!).

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The scene opens with everybody's favourite secret agent walking up the steps of the Maison D'Etre B & B.  Nicely tailored suit, shiny Rolex, it's James Bond!  However, Sydney is right behind him & she knocks him out with a baseball bat.

SYDNEY:        Ha ha!  The spoon is mine!

BOND [groaning]:        Why does this always happen to me when I'm on vacation…? [passes out]

Gingerly stepping over him, Sydney opens the door & walks into the small lobby.  A bell-hop greets her.

BELLHOP:      Take your bags, madame?

SYDNEY:        I only have my super-swank purse.

BELLHOP:      And you wouldn't even have to carry that if you worked for me.

SYDNEY:        Sark!

The bellhop points a gun at Sydney's head and removes his hat to reveal Sark.

SARK:             So, will you consider dating er, I mean, working for me?

SYDNEY:        I thought you were dead!

SARK:             Ha ha!  I managed to teleport out of the way of the blast.  How do you think I get to you on every one of your missions?

SYDNEY:        That's creepy, and I'll pass. [kicks him in the groin] I have a mission to do. [kicks him again & steps over him]

DIXON [on com]:        Sydney, are you O.K.?

SYDNEY:        Yeah, it was just Sark, again.  So where's the spoon again?

DIXON:           In a drawer in the kitchen, at the end of the hall.  Now remember, the combination for the drawer is: "Pull."

SYDNEY [rolling her eyes]:      Thanks.  I'm going radio-silent.

DIXON:           Why do you always do that just as you're about to get the info or the stuff?

SYDNEY:        …Uh…That's classified information.

DIXON:           O.K….wait a minute!  Why'd you take so long to answer?

SYDNEY:        …No reason…

DIXON:           O.K….wait a minute!  Are you just trying to shut me up?

SYDNEY:        …No, of course not.

DIXON:           O.K….wait a minute-

SYDNEY:        Dixon!  I don't have time for this!  Now, just keep it down.

DIXON:           Sorry.  You know, you can feel free to bring me some cookies…

SYDNEY:        Fine.  Going radio-silent.

DIXON:           But you never answered-

Sydney turns off her SD-6 com and turns on her CIA one.

SYDNEY:        Locker Room, this is Cheerleader.

VAUGHN:       Go ahead, Cheerleader. [Kendall snickers in the background]

SYDNEY [under her breath]:   Why the hell did I agree to that call sign?

VAUGHN:       What?

SYDNEY:        Uh…hope I make it home for dinner time.

VAUGHN:       Oh, O.K.  Do you have the spoon?

SYDNEY [finds spoon]:           Yes yes yes.

VAUGHN:       Do you remember the plan?

SYDNEY:        Yeah, yeah.  I give the fake copy to Dixon, and let the CIA have the real one, which I give to you in the warehouse, along with several of the aforementioned sub-textual glances.

VAUGHN:       You're forgetting the cheerleading outfit.

SYDNEY:        I'M NOT WEARING THAT GOD-DAMN OUTFIT!

VAUGHN:       Ow!  Stop shouting!  O.K., O.K., you don't have to wear the outfit!  Jeez!  Midol, anybody?

SYDNEY:        Ugh!  I'm heading out.

VAUGHN:       Copy that, Cheerleader. [Sexily] See you in the warehouse

Sydney rolls her eyes and turns on her SD-6 com.

DIXON [humming]:      Oh, you're back.  Got the spoon?

SYDNEY:        Check.  Counterfeit spoon and peanut butter cookies coming your way.

DIXON:           Great.  Are they home-baked or store bought, 'cause I really like it when-hey!  Wait a minute!  Did you say, "counterfeit" spoon?

SYDNEY:        Uhh…Going radio-silent!

Cut to SD-6 Headquarters.

SLOANE:        Great work, Sydney.  Although I don't think I'll ever know why Rambaldi went to all the trouble of having his spoon made in Taiwan and then shipped to France…

SYDNEY:        Uh…just another Rambaldi mystery!

SLOANE [sitting down next to her]:     You know, you can always come to me to talk, even if it's just about what pair of shoes you bought today. [kisses her hand] Black pumps are classic elegance.

SYDNEY [about to vomit]:      Thanks I…uhh…gotta use the ladies room…Bye!

Sydney runs out the door.

SLOANE:        Damn!  Shot down again! [goes back to desk]  Oh well, bathroom cam, here I come!

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A/N:     Sorry to all you Bond fans out there, but I just never liked the guy.  Misogynistic philanderer [shakes fist, ducks behind wall to hide from angry Bond fans. Wipes brow].