Chapter 17: Ice Ice Baby!

 A hooded figure, all moped up in black, awaited the return of birds under the rock orc cave, under the Twoer of Isengard. Smoke, heat and fire bellowed from the gaping hole under the ground, as the figure looked past the black sky, and up to the mountains of snow, glaring at the beautiful landscape with red flaring eyes like the Eye Of Sauron… as a flutter of terrifying wings flew overhead.

"So, you have chosen the path to cross the evil mountain," Ash hissed under her cloak, as her red eyes ceased to flare, showing black rings around the lids of her eyes, and red veins throbbing on the whites of her eyeballs… all the result of Saruman's eye-popping Nazgul torture… A white figure holding an supreme staff made of smooth granite, stood by her evil Wraith-like self, and smiled up with supreme satisfaction at the flutter of the evil birds flying high up ahead. "So, Gandalf has chosen the path to Cahadras, has he not as what the flock has told you, young Wraith…" Saruman hissed deeply, almost making Ash tremble in shock, after all the horrifying torture…

"If the mountain defeats you, where will you go…" One of the birds dropped something unusual down Ash's black booted feet, a rusty piece of gnawed sausage… back from the discarded lunch Frodo and Sam has thrown away. "What is this…? A little prize?" Ash spoke heedingly with greed, as she sniffed the over gnawed, spoiled piece of meat. "Hobbits… off to Cahadras indeed… What a hungry little surprise…" Ash thought, for she hadn't eaten for days… only living off the thirst for power over the One Ring…

She turned to Saruman, and froze in delirium, trying not to laugh out loud her fruity little Nazgul laugh: The poor old Istari was covered in bird-poo. "Delightful little prize they do bring, don't they, nasty little Nazgul?!" he hissed, trying to remove the wedge in his sticky hair, poking it upwards with his staff. Ash straightened up, and threw the piece of meat aside. "Saruman, I shall continue the quest to Cahadras. I will follow them."

Saruman looked up, and gave up on his hair-poking assessment. "Of course you do…" he said, looking over a bunch of Nazgul huddled over a molten rock, groaning, having a bad stomach-flue over the torture of Saruman, which is over-dosing them with Happy Biscuit Cookies™. "You were wise to get away from this one, Young Nazgul… You will not fail me this time…" Saruman glared wickedly and smiled like a maniac at the hooded invisble face of Ash, making her wave her hand impatiently, at the same time backing off from the old crazy wizard.

"All right!!! Stop the fuzzing, will ya Saru? I'm going to track them down and take back a hobbit or two, with the One Ring unspoiled." And with that, taking a nervous look back at the wizard, Ash took on a new horse, and exited Isengard with a wild-Nazgul shriek.

Meanwhile, another evil bird flew over Saruman's head, sat down his old whitening hair… and gave out a relieving pfffft! Saruman's eyes widened in shock, as white thread of liquid flew down his face. "Get off you nasty bird!!! You %$#@^$* little bird!!!" he screamed, swatting the flock of birds pooing over him with his big granite staff.

~ ~ ~

 "Ughmmm." Frodo groaned, as he took a hard step as the Fellowship hiked through a thick layer of snow, getting up to the snowy mountain. The hobbit takes another delicate step, slips on a bunch of rocks, and falls backward. This fall hits Cleff, who looses her balance and falls over Merry and Pippin, and so on and so forth, hitting Zephyr and tripping the tall and clumsy Aragorn. All the six people were stuck struggling on top of each other, hitting and insulting each other, all in a ball of snow. If Aragorn hadn't stuck his butt up a rock… they would all have fallen off a ravine to kingdom come.

"Clumsy!" "Gangly!" "Slippery foot!" "Hairy feet!" A series of head hitting, punching and insult throwing was heard, as Gandalf halted on top of the snow, leaned on his staff and rolled his eyes. "Hairy feet?!! That's us!!! Let us up, we can't breathe!!!" struggled Merry and Pippin, lying under Aragorn. Shea gasped, and hurried down to Pippin, mustering sweetly "Oh sweet little Pippie, you shouldn't play in dirty snow-" When Zephyr's eyes turned red, pulled a staff out of nowhere, and grabbed Shea on the collar, as the whole snowball of people ended up in a snowball fight. "Oh no you don't!!!" she screamed, hitting Shea on the head.

Cliff, stuck under Zephyr and Merry, angrily grabbed the Baseball-Bat-Of-Doom™ out of nowhere, and joined in Zephyr, beating Shea, and Aragorn to pieces. Sooner or later the snowball fight turned into a big ball of dust (just like what you see in cartoons), and what was left of the Fellowship peered at the smoke of dust, unable to distinguish who's who.

Gandalf groaned and motioned to a stupefied Legolas, Boromir, Gimli and Sam with Bill the Pony, saying, "Will someone put a stop to all this madness?!" The four gaped at Gandalf, as crickets sang in the background(despite the weather). "Boromir?" The old weary wizard suggested hopelessly. Boromir rolled his eyes, and went down the big ball of dust and grunted, "Yes, yes your Stupid Old Man…" Suddenly, a staff hit his head, Gandalf got annoyed. "What did you call me?" Never annoy wizards… An old saying said in Boromir's head. "Nothing, nothing," he grunted as he tried to break up the fight.

Frodo managed to crawl out of the big wrestling-fight ball of dust, and clasps at his neck… to realize that the Ring has fallen off his neck and was lying a few meters up… under Boromir's foot. He was about to get his hands on it, when a stupefied Boromir picked it up, and stared at it as if it was his long lost wife… Cleff, Zephyr, Shea and Aragorn stopped beating up each other, as Pippin and Merry finally took deep breaths, free from the heavy weight. Boromir held the Ring hig enough out of Frodo's reach, as the poor little hobbit jumped up and down, trying to snatch it from Boromir.

"How small a thing could hold evil so powerful," Boromir whispered to himself, as Frodo gived up on jumping hig out of his reach, and was about to give a tantrum. "And this seems to be the best gift I could give my bride-never-to-be…" he added, making Cleff and Aragorn exchange glances and groan. "Ewwww…" Zephyr groaned, as Shea smiled warmly. "Isn't that sweet-" A large piece of the wooden staff Zephyr was holding slammed down Shea's head, knocking her unconscious.

Aragorn got up to his feet and called out sternly at a transfixed Boromir. "Boromir! Give the Ring back to Frodo!" Boromir snapped out of his nasty little wedding dream, and looked down at a watery eyed Frodo, who was minutes away to a tantrum. "Gimme back my Ring!" he fussed in a cute little voice. Cleff and Zephyr exchanged despicable glances and raised an eyebrow.

Boromir broke into laughter, and looked down at a pouty Frodo undespicably. He slowly brought the Ring down, to Frodo's level, when Frodo snapped, and plucked the Ring from his hand like a cranky, little, greedy child. "Why you-" Boromir glared, almost scaring Frodo away, making a motion to strangle; if it weren't for Cleff and Zephyr who snapped, raising their staffs (and Baseball bats), screaming "CHARGE!!!" The two girls jumped over Boromir, and started beating him up black and blue in front of a shocked Frodo, much to Aragorn, Merry, Pippin and Shea's humour.

"Why am I surrounded by idiots?!!" Gandalf finally bellowed. Cleff and Zephyr, quickly put their beatings to a halt, as they looked nervous back at the flaming Istari. Legolas gave a small giggle, mouthing to Zephyr in Elvish "Good work!" but quickly toned down, when he saw Gandalf on his boiling point. Boromir, hardly black and blue, got up, smirked at the two and trotted up the mountain, carrying the big dinner-plate shield on his back. "You children have done nothing but trouble eversince you got here!" Gandalf bellowed, as the two girls quickly glared at Shea and made their "weapons" disappear in a flash of lightning.

"I didn't expect this of you Cliffhanger," Gandalf warned Cleff. "I didn't expect this." And with that, Gandalf, along with Legolas, a weary Boromir, Frodo, Sam and the rest of them, stepped up and continued hiking up the mountain. Aragorn, looked back at Cleff with a stern look, and to her and Zephyr's surprise, he just shrugged, and motioned for Merry and Pippin to follow.

Cleff and Zephyr sank down the snow covered floor and sat there for a minute, looking at the Fellowship moving farther and farther up the snowy face of Cahadras. Cleff sighed, deeply regretting why the heck did she still go with the Fellowship, when Zephyr plopped beside her in the cold snow, taking off a VERY HEAVY backpack, shoving in into the white sheets of hail. "I ought we shouldn't have done that," she strained, as she took the heavy load off her back, with Cleff gaping at it. "Gandalf seems pretty boiled up, you know."

Cleff couldn't take her eyes off the backpack. No wonder why Zephyr was starting to get cranky… it was a VERY heavy load after all… "What have you got in there?! Pots and pans? If you do, you might ought to join a cooking club with Samwise…" Zephyr laughed at this, and unzipped the bag… with lots of snow gear inside. Especially a pair of those tight, light and durable Snow-Boots™ which can help one walk on snow. "Who said only Legolas can only walk on snow?" she said, a menacing grin glowing up her face.

Cleff, who's mouth was left wide open, could only grin back as much as they could.

~ ~ ~

"Oh yeah!!!" A voice overhead Aragorn and Boromir (who are burdened by carrying the hobbits), made them look up and go really really cross. They were already up Cahadras, but there is no good landscapes to be seen. Unfortunately, Gandalf has forgotten about the weather forecast, and now they are plunging into deep cold snow, with Legolas leading the way, since he was light enough to walk on snow… not to mention two crazy teens who got hold of Snow-Boots™ and are busy singing, and dancing, taunting and annoying the others, ON TOP OF THE SNOW!!!

"ICE ICE BABY!!! WHOOOO!!! Tan-tan-tan-tananan-tan, tan-tan-tan-tanantan… ICE ICE BABY WHOOOO!!" Cleff and Zephyr sang, swaying their hips, waving their hands on the snow-filled air, and making faces at a furious Shea who was also busy trudging through the snow. Gandalf rolled his eyes at the two hormonal teens, and continued trudging, when suddenly, snow hanging on top of the cliff overhead was threatening to befall them, and the winds grew stronger, that they all had to stop and look up. Cleff and Zephyr didn't, with Legolas wanting to throw them off the mountain, his eyes strained from rolling them.

"A voice befells the air!" Legolas screamed amidst the strong wind, battling Cleff aand Zephyr's loud singing. ("ICE ICE BABY, WOOOO!!!") "It is Saruman!!!" Gandalf exclaimed, finally maing the two teens shut up. Gandalf tried to to counter-act the voice screaming from far away, seeming to be bringing down the mountain, but, it backfired, and sent a whole avalanche of snow coming down at them.

The whole Fellowship dug themselves out, especially Cleff and Zephyr, who could have bobbed up and found out that their Snow-Boots™ were made of inflatables. "I am sorry!" Cleff and Zephyr chorused, amidst a hopeless fellowship. "It is no use…" the old Istari whispered, as Aragorn and Boromir began to argue about walking away.

"Lets just take the path to Gondor!!!" Boromir suggested, against the howling winds. "We can gte the help of my people!!!" Aragorn, who tried to maintain Frodo and Sam above the snow, shook his head and said, "We're going to get too close to Mordor!!!" Then Gimli repeated the same line that made Gandalf and Cleff fear the most: "Gandalf! Lets go to the Mines of Moria!!! It is the only way there!!!"

Cleff looked at Gandalf, and clutched the Book, lying in a sack, tight in her arms, as the Old Istari shook his head at her. Gandalf seemed to be deep in thought… you know the terror that awaits Moria… darkness…flame and fire…

"Let the Cliffhanger and The Ringbearer decide." The old wizard finally spoke out. Cleff's eyes narrowed towards Frodo, who was almost out cold, clutching the Ring tight around his neck. "I can't take this decision," Cleff whispered. "Please decide now, Frodo." Don't tell me we'll go through the mines.

A deep realization seems to brew in those deep blue eyes till… "We shall go to the mines!" Frodo announced, with matching courage.

Cleff and Zephyr exchanged horrific looks. "Whaaaat?!! You can't do that!!! You know-" Gandalf quickly gave Cleff a warning sign, as Frodo gave Cleff and Zephyr a puzzled look. "You told me to decide!!! Maybe you need to improve your management skills, Master Cleff!!!"

If it wasn't for the inflated Snow-Boots and Zephyr, Cleff could have strangled Frodo. If she even dared.

A/N: I know this sucked. Well, obviously, more Moria trouble is coming up, and I am having pretty decent trouble looking for inspiration. Oh yeah, disclaimers include Zephyr's new Staff-O-Matic™. That was her idea. ^-^