Day One
Definitely not my day. Almost got into detention with best friend Ash, when we
didn't want to listen to stupid English teacher's lecture, destroying our humorous
point of view of Lord Of The Rings. Almost got in trouble with Principal in a
Grey Dress. Turned out to be some old man named Mithrandir who got Ash and me
stuck with a heavy book. Don't like this Mithrandir. Not a Wizard Fancier
either.
Day Two
Now got in trouble with Principal NOT in a gray dress, and stuck in detention
with LOTR Mary-Sue b*tch Shea Sandman. Ash and I tried to open the darn lock of
the book and Elrond's disembodied head came out and spitted a blue and red
pill. Will not be tricked by Matrix style of transport. Took the pills anyway.
What a dunderhead, I am.
Day Three
Target locked, reached destination: The Shire. Bad landing though, toppled
right in front of scary hairy-footed hobbit, dancing the Funky Chicken in the
nude. Fainted. Bah. Too many drunk hobbits. Turned out to be Bilbo's 111th
birthday. Yeah right.
Day Four
Frodo Baggins is a nice hobbit. If it weren't for the creepy "Twilight Zone"
zoomy blue eyes, and his annoying friend Sam. Gandalf nice too, if he hasn't
spent all night laughing at me, with Bilbo, since I didn't recognize him as
Mithrandir from detention. Off to Isengard to meet off with Ash. Cannot cope
staying in the Shire with Hobbits drunk, dancing Frodo's funky chicken in the
nude. Good, Frodo seems to be off with Sam to Bree, chasing each other through
the fields, hand in hand. Waitta minute, they're just supposed to be friends,
right? Right?!
Day Six
Escaping off to Bree. Stupid Gandalf has to check his inbox more often.
Apparently, Radagast the Brown has left a note about the Pervy Wraith Fancier
Saruman turning evil, and thus, turning my friend Ash into a grand slam new
spanking RingWraith too. I have to make my reality check more often. Of course
I should remember, Ash will end up in the evil side, since she is allergic to
hobbits. Somehow, looking at Frodo and Sam's intimate relationship, I should be
"more" than allergic. Should be deathly afraid.
Hope RingWraith Ash hasn't gone ahead of me in Bree. Or else I might be having
toasted Hobbits for dinner. Bleaurgh.
Day Seven
This isn't my day either. Damn it. More cargo loaded on my way when I found out
Frodo has taken his "cousins" Merry and Pippin along. Most likely a "rolling
down a grassy slope" relationship, I guess. Bad news is, Shea the Hobbit
Fancier has gotten hold of the Portal Book back in detention, and has landed on
Butterbur's head in Bree. Frodo slipped on the Ring and attracted a
RingWraith-like figure – nothing but Heir to the Throne of Gondor in Strider
disguise, Aragorn. Definitely another Pervy Hobbit Fancier who'd like to take a
peek down Frodo's pants. Am I the only straight person in this world?!!
Day Ten
Damn Strider and his midnight antics. Trying to distract us away from Frodo by
stopping by Weathertop, he got us fighting ominous RingWraiths instead.
Promised to take us to Rivendell, bah! He'll cry for Rivendell once I kick his
lily @$$!!! We'll, too late for whining, Frodo got stabbed by Ash the Living
RingWraith's Morgul Blade when Shea and I were fighting over who's going to
save the helpless Ringbearer. Off to Rivendell this time. What?!! I won't suck
on Frodo's wound to stop the poison flow!!! Whattami, insane?
Day Eleven
Threw a disastrous riot. Had Shea's head slammed down with Sam's Almighty Pan
of Doom. Kicked Strider away and stole his elf-girlfriend's horse so I can get
a sick Frodo to Rivendell as fast as "Whazzam!" before Strider, Sam
and Shea would start arguing on who could undress Frodo and suck on his wound.
Was pursued by the RingWraiths and had some tea with Ash while on horseback. We
got annoyed with each other and started doing a tug-of-war with Frodo. Poor
hobbit. I won in the tug-of-war but Ash started laughing at me because she
thinks I am turning into a Hobbit Fancier. Got so annoyed so I washed her and
her Nazgul friends off with waters from the Misty Mountains. Still on my way to
Rivendell, making sure Frodo doesn't drool unconsciously on my shoulder. Hobbit
drool, ick.
Day Thirteen
Rivendell seems pretty, if only Elrond and Gandalf would stop hollering at me
to get my nose off the Book Of The One Ring. Shea and Sam still fighting over
who's going to bathe Frodo in strawberry bath. Strider claims to be dating the
elfmaiden Arwen, but still sneaks in Frodo's room everynight to suck on his
toes. Still wondering why am I the only one not obsessed with pathetic little
hobbit who lacks heroic type fortitude. Met up with my old friend Zephyr who
got transported to Middle Earth and was under the care of the elf called
Legolas. She claims she tried to stop Elrond and Legolas from nancing on top of
the snow, but found herself doing it. Definitely a pervy elf fancier.
Day Fourteen
Frodo has agreed to bring the stupid One Ring on its last trip to Mordor.
Looked at me and begged me to come along. Called me the Cliffhanger and he
needs me amidst his Fellowship and a bunch of pervy elf and hobbit fanciers
(Zephyr and Shea). With those creepy blue eyes begging me, I am surely NOT
going.
Day Sixteen
Had no choice when Gandalf got annoyed and dragged me by the ear to Cahadras.
Found Zephyr and Legolas nancing atop of snow, like master and apprentice. Got
interested so, started doing it too. Still wondering why Shea, Sam, Aragorn and
Boromir are plotting to kill me. Boromir and Aragorn got in a big fight on who
to carry Frodo up the mountain. Boromir lost, got shoved in the snow, and
landed on me. Bulky old git.
Day Seventeen
V. dark in the Mines of Moria. Felt Frodo clutching at my leg all the time when
Gandalf tried to repeat his pointy hat trick. Sam and Aragorn started hitting
each other with their sword hilts in the dark, maybe trying to pinch each
other. Frodo, useless little git, got so scared, climbed up my back and hid in
my cloak. Felt Shea, Sam, Boromir and Strider trying to cut my head off with
their swords. Something is not so sport with this Fellowship.
Day Nineteen
Gandalf fell in a bottomless pit, dragging the fiery old Balrog with him. Glad
to see such a cute couple. Sad to see old git go. Left stupid old book to me.
Frodo started crying and muttered something about the pointy hat trick. So he
was watching that one after all. Had a huge mushy hobbit cuddlefest outside
Moria. Shea and Zephyr sneezed all over my sleeve, and Frodo was crying on my
cloak. Saw Ash The RingWraith terrorizing Moria. Laughing at me coz she said I
became a hobbit and hobbit fancier magnet. Why are all the mushy icky people
all stuck on me?!!
Day Twenty-One
Lothlorien v. show-off. Thank God Frodo was distracted by the scary Elf-Lady of
the Wood, and Shea, Sam, Aragorn and Boromir has stopped their murder plots on
me. Was taught by Zephyr and Legolas how to do cross-nancing on the snow, and
to my shock, Frodo drew me aside and begged me to bathe him. I am not turning
into a hobbit fancier, and I am not taking the clothes off this particular
hobbit. No wonder why Boromir and Aragorn has teamed up of trying to throw me
down the lagoon.
Day Twenty-Three
Finally off Lothlorien and onto a boat where Frodo couldn't follow me.
Hehehehe, stupid little nasty hobbit. Got stuck on the other boat, peering back
at me with "Twilight Zone" crappy blue watery eyes. Brrrr. Legolas and Zephyr
were talking about water-nancing, had to stop them from trying it, found out
that elves can't swim.
Day Twenty-Four
Reached Amon Hen in no time. Boromir exploded and acted on his pent-up lust for
Frodo, claiming he's gaping at the Ring. Oh yeah, right. Got worried about
Boromir, and found out that he failed to resist a little hobbit cuddle. Bummer,
not another pervy hobbit fancier. Legolas, Zephyr and I met up with orcs and
enjoyed a new technique of nancying. Found out that Boromir was struck out by
orcs, after he tried to stop Merry and Pippin making out with the ugly guys.
Dead by morning. Don't tell anyone, but I broke the Horn of Gondor for revenge
of his plotting to kill me, heheheheh.
Day Twenty-Five
Sent Frodo, Sam and Shea off to Mordor after their failed attempt of cornering
me and making me admit that I am a pervy hobbit fancier too. Messed up with the
Book of the One Ring's writings, and tried to put a lovespell on Frodo and Sam.
Ooops. It might turn into a disastrous love triangle, since Shea's coming
along. Frodo hitting on me, everyone else wants to kill me. Cannot cope. Off to
save Merry and Pippin. Guess that I am stuck nancing with Zephyr and Legolas.
V. interesting, takes my mind off suspense that Aragorn may still be plotting
to kill me with his angry Elendil.
Clefe's Bio: Clefe is a normal high school girl, with a best
friend named Ash. Chosen by Gandalf along with Ash to become the Cliffhanger
duos to control the fate of the One Ring and those who burden it, she is sent
to Middle Earth, but faces dire circumstances. Dire indeed.
