Yay! I'm alive! And I'm updating! Sorry for my absence. Neopets ate my life again. How sad for me, no? Heh. Well, when you have over 600k of neopoints, you do tend to go insane with buying stuff. I'll shutup. Enjoy!
Chapter 4
"Blackjack!"
"We're playing checkers, Zim," Princess Poison said. She shifted uncomfortably in her chair.
"...checkmate?" BowZim said, unsure. He'd never played checkers before. It was very confusing to him, but also fun. He was hyper from all the pixie sticks he had eaten earlier.
"Ugg..," Poison sighed, annoyed. "When your black checker reaches my end of the board, you say 'King me!', okay? Do you understand now?"
"...no."
"You're a complete idiot, aren't you?"
BowZim looked hurt, then clenched his fists in anger. "Your Earth game is too easy for me! It would be unfair to you if I were to play!" He knocked the board off the table, the folded his arms in front of him and stuck his tongue out. Poison watched him, amused. It was fun to tick BowZim off, and easy too.
"That game was stupid," BowZim said, and he scratched at his head. "Why don't we play Twister?"
"I'm tied to a chair," Poison said angrily.
"Oh...heh. I forgot," BowZim said, slightly embarrassed.
"Besides, you're too fat with that shell on your back. You'd probably fall on me and kill me. Fatso."
"Well you....Your...SHUTUP!" BowZim yelled, and he turned his throne around so he wouldn't have to look at Poison. Poison chuckled to herself at his frustration. She saw BowZim shifting around in his throne.
"What's wrong? Can't you stay still?" Poison asked, half laughing.
"I..," BowZim started, but stopped himself, a little embarrassed. He sat on his feet.
"What?" Poison asked again, becoming annoyed. BowZim remained silent. "ANSWER ME!"
"I REALLY have to go to the bathroom!" BowZim cried, and he fell off his throne. Poison laughed at him.
"That's what you get for drinking all the crab juice."
"Shutup!"
Out of nowhere, a door slammed open and a freaky little midget thing with no arms and a huge brown head walked in.
"Where'd that door come from?!" BowZim asked, bewildered. The little midget thing made a chirp sound.
"I am a goomba!" the thing said, its lower jaw sticking out way more than it should. "Quee!" it chirped. "Dib-ario is fighting the Brick guy!"
"So?" Poison said, angry that the goomba had interrupted her fun.
"Yeah, what do I care?" BowZim asked, glaring at the goomba.
"Uhh...if he defeats the Brick guy and goes through some more paintings, you'll have to fight him," the goomba said slowly. BowZim stared at it for a while. The goomba shifted its wait from one foot to the other, uncomfortable.
"Huh?" BowZim finally said, and he scratched at his head. The goomba fell over and groaned in disgust. Poison clenched her fists in anger.
"He said that if that brick idiot doesn't stop Dib-ario, he'll eventually get here, and you'll have to fight him, you big fat doofus!" she yelled hotly.
There was a moment of silence. The goomba started backing up toward the door, feeling awkward. "Well...I'll see you guys later," it said, and it quickly waddled out the door, which vanished after he left. More silence followed his departing.
"...hey Zim, have you ever played chess?"
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"I do have talent! You just can't comprehend it because you're a stupid!" the brick man yelled as he chased after Dib-ario. Dib-ario was running in circles all panicky like. He couldn't figure out how to kill a brick. The brick man fell in an attempt to squish Dib-ario. "A big fat monkey nosed stupid!" he yelled, sobbing. The brick man got up and chased after Dib-ario again.
'This is pointless!' Dib-ario thought as he quickened his pace, waving his arms wildly as he ran. His potbelly jiggled up and down as he ran. The snowman giggled when he saw it. Then he burst into flames and mooed.
"CRITICS MAKE GEORGE ANGRY!" the brick man yelled, even though his name wasn't George. It was Bob. He tried to crush Dib-ario again, but just fell on his face with a thud. He kicked his legs and went into a tantrum. He screamed and yelled and smacked the floor.
As Bob the brick man was crying like the sad, pathetic being he was, Dib-ario spotted the huge Band-aid on his back. The Band-aid was the only thing holding Bob together. If Dib-ario get the Band-aid off, Bob would fall apart and die.
"...and Freddy pulled my shorts down and everybody laughed!..," Bob the brick man was sobbing, thinking about some tragic moment in his life, and he cried harder. Dib-ario cautiously crept up to him and jumped on his back.
"AIIIEY!" Bob screamed, feeling a massive weight on his back. "OH MY GOD, AN ELEPHANT IS SITTING ON MY BACK WITH A FEW HIPPOS! GET THEM OFF! GET THEM OFF!" he said, struggling to pull himself up, but Dib-ario was so fat and heavy that he couldn't budge.
"...I'M NOT FAT!" Dib-ario screamed at the author.
"Ooooh yes you are, you fat hog you. You're greasy hair alone weighs 10 pounds," the author said, and she poked Dib-ario in the stomach with a clown. The clown gave Dib-ario a kiss, Bugs Bunny style, then evaporated in the morning sun.
"...WHAT'S GOING ON?!" Dib-ario screamed, deeply confused.
"I am the author, I can make a clown pop out of thin air if I want. Now shut up and get back to work," the author said, and then the microphone clicked off and she was gone. Dib-ario clenched his fists angrily, muttering to himself about how he would destroy all fanfiction writers when he finally got out of this fic.(~glee~)
Bob the brick man suddenly whined in pain, and Dib-ario remembered what he was doing. He ripped the Band-aid off of Bob's back, who screamed like a banshee, then quickly jumped off and ran away, expecting an explosion of some kind. Bob just split into two pieces, then turned to dust. Dib-ario stared at the dust a few minutes, then cautiously approached it. When he was a foot away, it exploded. A star popped out of the fire. Dib-ario stared at the star, grabbed it quickly, and looked at the sky as the vortex opened to suck him back to the castle.
"I hate you," he called to the author as he left.
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BowZim was hopping from one foot to the other, hunched over slightly and whining. Princess Poison was watching him closely, deeply amused.
"Have you ever been to Niagara Falls, Zim?" Poison asked, grinning evilly. BowZim shook his head quickly, still dancing his little hop dance. "It's this huge waterfall, and the water just rushes from the cliff, gushing out and making waves as it lands. I wonder how many gallons fall from it in a minute. Close to a hundred thousand I would guess."
"OoOOoH!" BowZim whined, and he bit his lower lip, hunching over more and hopping more quickly.
Poison smiled more. "When I went to this one city, there was this place called Flushing Meadows, and-" The door slammed open. The goomba raced in, chirping nervously as it went. BowZim's eyes bulged.
"Quee! Quee! Dib-ario! He's defeated the brick man!" The goomba said quickly. BowZim grabbed him by the neck and glared at him.
"FOR THE LOVE OF GOD AND ALL THAT IS HOLY, WHERE IS THE BATHROOM?!?!" he screamed, shaking the goomba wildly. The goomba groaned and pointed toward the door with his enormous foot.
"Down the hall to the right."
BowZim threw the goomba to the ground and darted out the door. Poison and the goomba watched the door, waiting for his return. They waited 7 minutes, then heard the toilet flush, and BowZim marched into the room with a blissful look on his face. He sat down in his throne and yawned, putting his hands behind his head and closing his eyes.
"Now Mr. Shrimpy Gumby Thingy-ma-bobber, what did you want?" BowZim asked after a minute of silence. The goomba shifted its eyes every which way and paced slightly.
"Uhm...Dib-ario has gotten past...he's destroyed the brick man, sir," the goomba said, and he quickly shut his eyes tight and held up one of his feet defensively. "Please don't hurt me," he said quickly.
To his surprise, BowZim laughed. "What do I care?" he said, grabbing a can of crab juice from behind him. Poison shook her head in disgust.
"He only needs five more stars, sir."
"Oh...that could be a problem. Whatever," BowZim said, throwing the empty can behind him. He cracked his knuckles. "If he DOES get to me, I'LL defeat him myself," he said, and he grabbed a box of Pop-Tarts.
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End Chapter. I hope you all liked it! It didn't take very long to write. It was kinda short I guess, but hey, it's better than nothing. Come back 2 weeks from now or sooner for a new chapter. Later!
-Crystal
