Of Awful Wedded Husbands and Pippin's Middle Name
'We are all feathered here today - fwats that say? Oh - to witness the weeding-fwat? -the wedding of Diamond of long sleeves-yesh, they've very pretty, m'dear..'
'What are?'
'Eh?'
'What are?'
'Yer sleeves, m'dear, lovly and long.and Peregrin..'
'Not the middle name, not the middle name, no, not the middle..,' muttered Pip franticly.
'.Longbottom.'
'.Oh shite.'
There was the sound of about 500 hobbits simultaneously snorting into their hankies with repressed laughter. Merry burst out laughing, unable to stop himself.
'.Took . Please will ye re-fwat? - bleat after me. Ay, Diamond of long sleeves.'
'I, Diamond of Long Cleeve'
'Do take Peregrin Longbottom Took...'
(There was that snorting sound again. Pippin told himself to sit tight and just think about being elsewhere)
'Do take Peregrin, er, Longbottom Took'
'To be my awful husband.'
'To be my lawful husband'
'To love and to perish.'
'Love and to cherish'
'In darkness and in light, in happiness and in-fwat?- sadness, with or without mushrooms..,' the old codger rambled.
'Um, are you making these up?' asked Diamond tentatively.
'Ummm.lessee now.nope.' replied Paladin. Diamond continued, gamely repeating the vows.
Paladin managed to get his words marginally better when it came to Pippin's turn, though got one of the vows as ' to love and to ravish', which made all the hobbit children in the congregation ask their Mothers some very difficult questions. And the coughing fit halfway through probably didn't help either.
At the end of the.ceremony.Pippin felt extremely relieved. He felt more like turning and taking a bow for surviving this, than turning and kissing Diamond because he was married to her.
And the first thing Merry said when people had moved off to the benches for the party was: 'I didn't know your middle name was Longbottom.'
'We are all feathered here today - fwats that say? Oh - to witness the weeding-fwat? -the wedding of Diamond of long sleeves-yesh, they've very pretty, m'dear..'
'What are?'
'Eh?'
'What are?'
'Yer sleeves, m'dear, lovly and long.and Peregrin..'
'Not the middle name, not the middle name, no, not the middle..,' muttered Pip franticly.
'.Longbottom.'
'.Oh shite.'
There was the sound of about 500 hobbits simultaneously snorting into their hankies with repressed laughter. Merry burst out laughing, unable to stop himself.
'.Took . Please will ye re-fwat? - bleat after me. Ay, Diamond of long sleeves.'
'I, Diamond of Long Cleeve'
'Do take Peregrin Longbottom Took...'
(There was that snorting sound again. Pippin told himself to sit tight and just think about being elsewhere)
'Do take Peregrin, er, Longbottom Took'
'To be my awful husband.'
'To be my lawful husband'
'To love and to perish.'
'Love and to cherish'
'In darkness and in light, in happiness and in-fwat?- sadness, with or without mushrooms..,' the old codger rambled.
'Um, are you making these up?' asked Diamond tentatively.
'Ummm.lessee now.nope.' replied Paladin. Diamond continued, gamely repeating the vows.
Paladin managed to get his words marginally better when it came to Pippin's turn, though got one of the vows as ' to love and to ravish', which made all the hobbit children in the congregation ask their Mothers some very difficult questions. And the coughing fit halfway through probably didn't help either.
At the end of the.ceremony.Pippin felt extremely relieved. He felt more like turning and taking a bow for surviving this, than turning and kissing Diamond because he was married to her.
And the first thing Merry said when people had moved off to the benches for the party was: 'I didn't know your middle name was Longbottom.'
