Disclaimer: If I was in any way affiliated with Gilmore Girls, Amy Sherman
Palladino, The WB, or anything else, this thing would not be here. Besides,
I'm a broke teenager. Same thing goes for the song references that will be
made in this story.
A/N: I appreciate the reviews that I have received and would like more, hehe, me greedy. Sorry if this took a little while but with school and stuff, it's hard. Plus, I had a nasty case of writer's block for this story.
Will You Be There For Me?
Chapter Three: You're Not Alone
Jess is sitting on the bridge with Rory's journal in his lap. He is thinking about whether or not he should open it and is curious if he even wants to see the contents of the journal. He knows that it is something that Rory guards very closely and how hard it must be for her to have given it to him. Carefully, he opens the journal to begin looking through it and hopefully find some answers to his many questions.
The first thing that Jess reads is what appears to be a typical journal entry. ~*~ February 10 Another day at hell is over. I swear, I am only going to Chilton to please my mom and grandparents. I just wish that I could still be going to Stars Hollow High where I have some people that I could describe as being my friends. Sure Paris and a couple of other people are nice to my face, but I know that it's just an act, but I still play along to make everyone else happy. Sometimes I wish that I wasn't as smart as I am or how people think I am. I don't even want to go to Harvard. Sure it's a great school, but it's what other people want, not me. I want to be able to enjoy my time in college and Harvard would just mean me staring at book after book, hour after hour.~*~
After that entry about Rory and school, he turned the page and saw a sketch of a girl sitting in a corner with her knees pulled up to her chest with a blank expression on her face. In front of the girl rested masks that had different expressions on them ranging from happy, upset, frustrated, and pleading. The only color in the picture of black and white were the blue dots that were in the eyes of the girl and the different masks. Underneath, Rory had written, "Which one will I wear next?"
Jess: (mentally) Is that really what she feels she has to do? She thinks that she has to conceal how she really feels to make everyone else happy?
Curious about what else he would find in the journal, Jess kept reading and looking. The next couple of pages were photos that she or other people had taken and she had written comments for them. Out of the group, there were a few that stood out to Jess, but mainly was the picture of him and Rory on her birthday. It was while she was blowing the candles out to her cake and she had drawn little bubble to represent what she was thinking and it said, "If only he knew..." Underneath, Rory had written more describing how she felt about Jess. ~*~I swear, sometimes he is the only thing that keeps me going. Everyone can drive me insane except for him. He means so much to me that I would never be able to intentionally hurt him, which means I could never hurt myself. Time after time I have had a razor in my hand hovering over my wrist or a bottle of pills in front of me, but just before I did anything I would see his face. If only he knew that he has saved me many times...~*~
Jess: (mentally) She's right. It would hurt too much if anything ever happened to her. How come I never saw that she was hurting so much? How could I have been so clueless?
Intrigued by what he had seen and read, Jess kept looking through the contents of the journal. The pages after the picture of him and Rory were filled with various quotations and song lyrics. Many of them were related to feelings of isolation and depression and thoughts about death. Then, what Jess saw made his heart shatter.
It was a recent picture of Rory and she had drawn on her right arm with a red marker. There was a long horizontal line going from her wrist to near her elbow. Underneath, in the blood red marker, she had written, "This is how I should do it next time..."
Jess: (mentally) Oh God. She's cut herself. How the hell did I not notice any scars? How the hell could she do something like that?
Jess continued to look over the contents of the journal, which contained more entries, lyrics, and pictures. Most of which scared the crap out of Jess and made him genuinely concerned about Rory's state of mental health since she was continually writing about how much she hated the way that people placed expectations on her and wished that she could have the strength to take her own life, but knew she never could because of Jess.
As a reached the end, there was a steady stream of tears coming from Jess's eyes and staining the pages as he read what was written. Finally, he came to the latest entry, which was particularly longer than the others. ~*~March 16 Well, I never thought that things would be able to get any worse than they already are, but they have. Deep inside of me, two secrets grow and I'm so scared to tell anyone about what is going on. I have no one to talk to that would actually understand what I am going through mentally. Minute after minute, hour after hour, day after day, I can't think about much more than how alone I am in this fucked up and unfair world. Sure the people of Stars Hollow care, but do they really and truly care? Their lives would be fine without me in it. I wouldn't be the mistake that my mom made when she was a teenager. I would just be a memory if things were the way I wanted. Maybe mom and Luke would actually gain the courage how fucking head over heels in love they are. Jess would be able to concentrate on his writing and wouldn't have me to distract him. He wouldn't have to worry about looking out for me or making me happy. Instead, he would be able to focus on the important things, not just little Rory Gilmore, the mistake that should have never been made and girl who does nothing but fuck up. I love Jess so much that it hurts me to know that I have become so dependent on how one person thinks and feels about me. Now, it's even worse...Guess this would be a good time to reveal the other secret. I'm repeating the mistake that brought me into this craptastic world. Yeah, perfect Rory Gilmore, princess of Stars Hollow, is now a statistic. Another pregnant teen in the world. Instead of having to only worry about getting through another day, I have to worry about my kid and how everyone will react to the news. I'm sure that'll be lots of fun. I can see it now, Luke threatening to kill Jess, Babette constantly asking me how I'm doing, Sookie making tons of food, Taylor preaching about how kids should be more responsible and think about the possible consequences of their actions. The worst will be my grandparents. I was supposed to be the shining star of the Gilmore family that would erase the mistake that mom made. Instead, I'm just going to make things worse. I'm going to be stuck in this town forever with all of the insane people who also call this place home. The worst thing is, I'm going to be taking Jess and this kid down with me. Instead of only one person being involved in the mess that is my life, there are now three. How am I going to tell everyone? I already hate how they treat me, now it's going to be even worse. I know that I will love this child with all of my heart, but I'm still a child. How can I be expected to be somebody's mom when I'm only in high school. The worst things that I should have to worry about are tests and papers, not making it through each day or taking care of a child. Why can't I wake up from this dream? Why does this have to be my reality? Why do I have to be the focus of attention for so many people? Why can't I just get away from everything that is wrong and live how I want to? Why? Why? Why? ~*~
Jess: (mentally) I, I, I'm going to, to be someone's f.f.father? Holy shit. Good surprise, but still a surprise. Rory's right about Taylor and how he'll react. God, he'll probably discuss it at a town meeting. I can see it now, "They are the perfect example of how we need to be more careful with what we expose the youth of Stars Hollow to and we must watch more closely. Their mistake will serve as a lesson for their peers about what can happen if they act before they think..." I need to tell Rory that she is much more than a distraction in my life. She has to know how important she is to me and how much I love her. I need to tell her that I will be there for her no matter what happens. Sure, the baby was unexpected, but this can be the biggest blessing in disguise. I really gotta talk to her about everything, let her know that she isn't alone...
With that, Jess closed the journal and immediately took over for the Gilmore home. He ran past the townspeople, cut through a couple of yards, and soon found himself standing on Babette and Morey's yard. He slowed down to catch his breath and clear his mind to prepare himself for what he was about to do.
Jess slowly made his way to the front steps, and soon found himself knocking on the front door, hoping to see Rory's face appear on the other side.
Jess: (knocks again) Rory? You there?
There is no answer and Jess decides that he will just open the door like he has done before. Once again, he is greeted by the sound of music coming from Rory's room. He cautiously walks over to her room and opens the door to see Rory in the same position that he saw he that morning. The only difference is that now she has her eyes closed and tears slowly traveling down her face. Jess walks over to the bed and sits next to her. When she notices that someone is sitting on the bed with her, Rory slowly opens her eyes. You can tell that she is glad that Jess is the one that is with her.
Rory: (says weakly) So, you read it?
Jess: (voice is soft and he is trying to hide his emotions) Yeah. Ror, I want you to know that I love you so much and you are much more than a mistake or distraction.
Rory: (she slowly props herself up and faces Jess) Jess, I'm just a screw up who has managed to do more damage than can be repaired.
Jess: Don't say that. You are a wonderful person who has touched the lives of so many people. I can honestly say that my life would be a mess if I didn't have you. You help to complete me. You calm me down, help me focus on important things. If you weren't in my life, I would probably be the world's biggest slacker that did nothing but read. You make my life worth something Rory, don't ever let yourself believe that you are worthless because you aren't. Not to me. Not to Lorelai. Not to Luke. No one. You are a gift to so many people...
Rory: Jess, I'm scared.
Jess: I know.
Rory: I hate being like this and wish that I wasn't. I don't want to have a child and have them go through what I do. I don't want anyone to experience this pain.
Jess: Rory, I'm here for you, for the baby. I want you to know that I will never leave you. I love you too much to do anything like that. I will be here for you to help you get through this. I know that it was hard, but all you had to do was ask. I'll do my best to help you fight this and get through it.
Rory: Jess, you have no idea how much that means to me. I love you so much and need you. I need you to help me. I never want to think about leaving this world again. I need to make an effort to change the things that do nothing but hurt me.
Jess: Whatever you want to do, I will be there beside you, helping you. I know that once we tell Lorelai, she will be right on the other side of you to support you. Too many people love you to leave you behind.
Rory: (embraces Jess) Thank you so much Jess.
Jess: Ror, you don't have to thank me, not for this. I can't just sit by and watch you hurting. I care about you way too much.
The two sat on Rory's bed for a long time just hugging in silence except for when Jess word offer Rory words of comfort and love. They were only interrupted by Lorelai's entrance into the house.
Lorelai: Mini Me! Where are you?
Jess and Rory remained on the bed and did not move when they heard Lorelai's outburst. Instead, Rory held Jess even tighter and whispered, "I'm scared" into his ear.
Lorelai: (she's standing by the doorway to Rory's room) Rory? Jess? What's going on? Is everything okay?
Rory: (she looks up at Lorelai) Mom, there's a lot of stuff that I have to talk to you about...
Lorelai: (goes over to Rory and sits near her) Sure sweets, I'm here.
Rory: I don't know how to tell you everything. I mean there's so much.
Jess: (retrieves the journal from where he had placed it) Here, read the last entry. That explains everything.
Lorelai takes the journal from Jess and begins to read about the pain the her daughter had silently been suffering through by herself. She soon begins to cry realizing just how hurt Rory was and still is. She is silent while she continues to read the entry and her only reaction is when she reads the part about the baby, which is just a simple look at Rory showing how much she cares and understands parts of what she is going through. Soon, she is done reading the entry and closes the journal and places it down on the bed.
Lorelai: Ror, I am so sorry that I had no idea about what was going on. I'm sorry that you felt like you had no one to turn to when you needed it the most. I'll do whatever it takes to help you and the baby. I love you with all of my life and don't want you to hurt anymore. You shouldn't have to go through this alone. I know how much some of that can suck and I will be here for you no matter what happens.
Rory's response is simple. She leans over and embraces Lorelai and buries her face in her mother's neck.
Rory: Thank you mom.
Lorelai: (gently rocking Rory back and forth) Rory, sweetie, you do not have to thank me. I'm your mom and I would give up my life to make sure yours was one without pain and suffering. I just want you to be healthy and happy. We'll do whatever it takes to make that happen.
Rory: I love you so much. (she pulls away from Lorelai and turns to Jess) Jess, I just want you to know how much it means to me that you're being this supportive. Thank you, the both of you.
Jess: Ror, don't worry about anything. We'll get through this together. You are not alone in this anymore, remember that. Lorelai and I both love you so much that we will do anything to help you through this.
The three just sit on Rory's bed and hugged for a long time and think about everything that had happened that day.
A/N: Well, I'm kinda stuck with where the story should go from here. I know this chapter was supposed to be a little longer and stuff, but I didn't want it to end up dragging on so I just put the more basic things in there. Sorry if parts are repeated, but this chapter is the result of me being bored out of my mind at midnight. Please review and tell me what you think about the story so far. I don't know when I'll be able to update next since school is getting really annoying and harder since I am literally failing chemistry. Please please please review!
A/N: I appreciate the reviews that I have received and would like more, hehe, me greedy. Sorry if this took a little while but with school and stuff, it's hard. Plus, I had a nasty case of writer's block for this story.
Will You Be There For Me?
Chapter Three: You're Not Alone
Jess is sitting on the bridge with Rory's journal in his lap. He is thinking about whether or not he should open it and is curious if he even wants to see the contents of the journal. He knows that it is something that Rory guards very closely and how hard it must be for her to have given it to him. Carefully, he opens the journal to begin looking through it and hopefully find some answers to his many questions.
The first thing that Jess reads is what appears to be a typical journal entry. ~*~ February 10 Another day at hell is over. I swear, I am only going to Chilton to please my mom and grandparents. I just wish that I could still be going to Stars Hollow High where I have some people that I could describe as being my friends. Sure Paris and a couple of other people are nice to my face, but I know that it's just an act, but I still play along to make everyone else happy. Sometimes I wish that I wasn't as smart as I am or how people think I am. I don't even want to go to Harvard. Sure it's a great school, but it's what other people want, not me. I want to be able to enjoy my time in college and Harvard would just mean me staring at book after book, hour after hour.~*~
After that entry about Rory and school, he turned the page and saw a sketch of a girl sitting in a corner with her knees pulled up to her chest with a blank expression on her face. In front of the girl rested masks that had different expressions on them ranging from happy, upset, frustrated, and pleading. The only color in the picture of black and white were the blue dots that were in the eyes of the girl and the different masks. Underneath, Rory had written, "Which one will I wear next?"
Jess: (mentally) Is that really what she feels she has to do? She thinks that she has to conceal how she really feels to make everyone else happy?
Curious about what else he would find in the journal, Jess kept reading and looking. The next couple of pages were photos that she or other people had taken and she had written comments for them. Out of the group, there were a few that stood out to Jess, but mainly was the picture of him and Rory on her birthday. It was while she was blowing the candles out to her cake and she had drawn little bubble to represent what she was thinking and it said, "If only he knew..." Underneath, Rory had written more describing how she felt about Jess. ~*~I swear, sometimes he is the only thing that keeps me going. Everyone can drive me insane except for him. He means so much to me that I would never be able to intentionally hurt him, which means I could never hurt myself. Time after time I have had a razor in my hand hovering over my wrist or a bottle of pills in front of me, but just before I did anything I would see his face. If only he knew that he has saved me many times...~*~
Jess: (mentally) She's right. It would hurt too much if anything ever happened to her. How come I never saw that she was hurting so much? How could I have been so clueless?
Intrigued by what he had seen and read, Jess kept looking through the contents of the journal. The pages after the picture of him and Rory were filled with various quotations and song lyrics. Many of them were related to feelings of isolation and depression and thoughts about death. Then, what Jess saw made his heart shatter.
It was a recent picture of Rory and she had drawn on her right arm with a red marker. There was a long horizontal line going from her wrist to near her elbow. Underneath, in the blood red marker, she had written, "This is how I should do it next time..."
Jess: (mentally) Oh God. She's cut herself. How the hell did I not notice any scars? How the hell could she do something like that?
Jess continued to look over the contents of the journal, which contained more entries, lyrics, and pictures. Most of which scared the crap out of Jess and made him genuinely concerned about Rory's state of mental health since she was continually writing about how much she hated the way that people placed expectations on her and wished that she could have the strength to take her own life, but knew she never could because of Jess.
As a reached the end, there was a steady stream of tears coming from Jess's eyes and staining the pages as he read what was written. Finally, he came to the latest entry, which was particularly longer than the others. ~*~March 16 Well, I never thought that things would be able to get any worse than they already are, but they have. Deep inside of me, two secrets grow and I'm so scared to tell anyone about what is going on. I have no one to talk to that would actually understand what I am going through mentally. Minute after minute, hour after hour, day after day, I can't think about much more than how alone I am in this fucked up and unfair world. Sure the people of Stars Hollow care, but do they really and truly care? Their lives would be fine without me in it. I wouldn't be the mistake that my mom made when she was a teenager. I would just be a memory if things were the way I wanted. Maybe mom and Luke would actually gain the courage how fucking head over heels in love they are. Jess would be able to concentrate on his writing and wouldn't have me to distract him. He wouldn't have to worry about looking out for me or making me happy. Instead, he would be able to focus on the important things, not just little Rory Gilmore, the mistake that should have never been made and girl who does nothing but fuck up. I love Jess so much that it hurts me to know that I have become so dependent on how one person thinks and feels about me. Now, it's even worse...Guess this would be a good time to reveal the other secret. I'm repeating the mistake that brought me into this craptastic world. Yeah, perfect Rory Gilmore, princess of Stars Hollow, is now a statistic. Another pregnant teen in the world. Instead of having to only worry about getting through another day, I have to worry about my kid and how everyone will react to the news. I'm sure that'll be lots of fun. I can see it now, Luke threatening to kill Jess, Babette constantly asking me how I'm doing, Sookie making tons of food, Taylor preaching about how kids should be more responsible and think about the possible consequences of their actions. The worst will be my grandparents. I was supposed to be the shining star of the Gilmore family that would erase the mistake that mom made. Instead, I'm just going to make things worse. I'm going to be stuck in this town forever with all of the insane people who also call this place home. The worst thing is, I'm going to be taking Jess and this kid down with me. Instead of only one person being involved in the mess that is my life, there are now three. How am I going to tell everyone? I already hate how they treat me, now it's going to be even worse. I know that I will love this child with all of my heart, but I'm still a child. How can I be expected to be somebody's mom when I'm only in high school. The worst things that I should have to worry about are tests and papers, not making it through each day or taking care of a child. Why can't I wake up from this dream? Why does this have to be my reality? Why do I have to be the focus of attention for so many people? Why can't I just get away from everything that is wrong and live how I want to? Why? Why? Why? ~*~
Jess: (mentally) I, I, I'm going to, to be someone's f.f.father? Holy shit. Good surprise, but still a surprise. Rory's right about Taylor and how he'll react. God, he'll probably discuss it at a town meeting. I can see it now, "They are the perfect example of how we need to be more careful with what we expose the youth of Stars Hollow to and we must watch more closely. Their mistake will serve as a lesson for their peers about what can happen if they act before they think..." I need to tell Rory that she is much more than a distraction in my life. She has to know how important she is to me and how much I love her. I need to tell her that I will be there for her no matter what happens. Sure, the baby was unexpected, but this can be the biggest blessing in disguise. I really gotta talk to her about everything, let her know that she isn't alone...
With that, Jess closed the journal and immediately took over for the Gilmore home. He ran past the townspeople, cut through a couple of yards, and soon found himself standing on Babette and Morey's yard. He slowed down to catch his breath and clear his mind to prepare himself for what he was about to do.
Jess slowly made his way to the front steps, and soon found himself knocking on the front door, hoping to see Rory's face appear on the other side.
Jess: (knocks again) Rory? You there?
There is no answer and Jess decides that he will just open the door like he has done before. Once again, he is greeted by the sound of music coming from Rory's room. He cautiously walks over to her room and opens the door to see Rory in the same position that he saw he that morning. The only difference is that now she has her eyes closed and tears slowly traveling down her face. Jess walks over to the bed and sits next to her. When she notices that someone is sitting on the bed with her, Rory slowly opens her eyes. You can tell that she is glad that Jess is the one that is with her.
Rory: (says weakly) So, you read it?
Jess: (voice is soft and he is trying to hide his emotions) Yeah. Ror, I want you to know that I love you so much and you are much more than a mistake or distraction.
Rory: (she slowly props herself up and faces Jess) Jess, I'm just a screw up who has managed to do more damage than can be repaired.
Jess: Don't say that. You are a wonderful person who has touched the lives of so many people. I can honestly say that my life would be a mess if I didn't have you. You help to complete me. You calm me down, help me focus on important things. If you weren't in my life, I would probably be the world's biggest slacker that did nothing but read. You make my life worth something Rory, don't ever let yourself believe that you are worthless because you aren't. Not to me. Not to Lorelai. Not to Luke. No one. You are a gift to so many people...
Rory: Jess, I'm scared.
Jess: I know.
Rory: I hate being like this and wish that I wasn't. I don't want to have a child and have them go through what I do. I don't want anyone to experience this pain.
Jess: Rory, I'm here for you, for the baby. I want you to know that I will never leave you. I love you too much to do anything like that. I will be here for you to help you get through this. I know that it was hard, but all you had to do was ask. I'll do my best to help you fight this and get through it.
Rory: Jess, you have no idea how much that means to me. I love you so much and need you. I need you to help me. I never want to think about leaving this world again. I need to make an effort to change the things that do nothing but hurt me.
Jess: Whatever you want to do, I will be there beside you, helping you. I know that once we tell Lorelai, she will be right on the other side of you to support you. Too many people love you to leave you behind.
Rory: (embraces Jess) Thank you so much Jess.
Jess: Ror, you don't have to thank me, not for this. I can't just sit by and watch you hurting. I care about you way too much.
The two sat on Rory's bed for a long time just hugging in silence except for when Jess word offer Rory words of comfort and love. They were only interrupted by Lorelai's entrance into the house.
Lorelai: Mini Me! Where are you?
Jess and Rory remained on the bed and did not move when they heard Lorelai's outburst. Instead, Rory held Jess even tighter and whispered, "I'm scared" into his ear.
Lorelai: (she's standing by the doorway to Rory's room) Rory? Jess? What's going on? Is everything okay?
Rory: (she looks up at Lorelai) Mom, there's a lot of stuff that I have to talk to you about...
Lorelai: (goes over to Rory and sits near her) Sure sweets, I'm here.
Rory: I don't know how to tell you everything. I mean there's so much.
Jess: (retrieves the journal from where he had placed it) Here, read the last entry. That explains everything.
Lorelai takes the journal from Jess and begins to read about the pain the her daughter had silently been suffering through by herself. She soon begins to cry realizing just how hurt Rory was and still is. She is silent while she continues to read the entry and her only reaction is when she reads the part about the baby, which is just a simple look at Rory showing how much she cares and understands parts of what she is going through. Soon, she is done reading the entry and closes the journal and places it down on the bed.
Lorelai: Ror, I am so sorry that I had no idea about what was going on. I'm sorry that you felt like you had no one to turn to when you needed it the most. I'll do whatever it takes to help you and the baby. I love you with all of my life and don't want you to hurt anymore. You shouldn't have to go through this alone. I know how much some of that can suck and I will be here for you no matter what happens.
Rory's response is simple. She leans over and embraces Lorelai and buries her face in her mother's neck.
Rory: Thank you mom.
Lorelai: (gently rocking Rory back and forth) Rory, sweetie, you do not have to thank me. I'm your mom and I would give up my life to make sure yours was one without pain and suffering. I just want you to be healthy and happy. We'll do whatever it takes to make that happen.
Rory: I love you so much. (she pulls away from Lorelai and turns to Jess) Jess, I just want you to know how much it means to me that you're being this supportive. Thank you, the both of you.
Jess: Ror, don't worry about anything. We'll get through this together. You are not alone in this anymore, remember that. Lorelai and I both love you so much that we will do anything to help you through this.
The three just sit on Rory's bed and hugged for a long time and think about everything that had happened that day.
A/N: Well, I'm kinda stuck with where the story should go from here. I know this chapter was supposed to be a little longer and stuff, but I didn't want it to end up dragging on so I just put the more basic things in there. Sorry if parts are repeated, but this chapter is the result of me being bored out of my mind at midnight. Please review and tell me what you think about the story so far. I don't know when I'll be able to update next since school is getting really annoying and harder since I am literally failing chemistry. Please please please review!
