Title: Complete Chaos

Author: Kris Andersson
Shanna_se@yahoo.se

Summary: Sequel to The Gods Must Be Crazy. The Chaos stone is bored… This is an edited version for ff.net. Rated R incase I missed something. The complete NC-17 version can be found at my site.

Big hugs and thank you's goes out to my betas, Christine. Without her this wouldn't be a pleasant reading-experience…

I really should dig up my old English Grammar books…

And Em who had some great comments and observations who made this fic a lot better. Thanks for all the help with stubborn sentences and commas.

Any mistakes left are mine and only mine.

This is for Scorpio who asked for a sequel in a very inspiring feedback mail. Sorry, Scorpio. The naked scene just didn't want to be in this story. Maybe next time…

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Complete Chaos
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Up in the mountains, not far from Delphi, was a beautiful valley with soft green grass and a waterfall. Once upon a time it might have had another name, but now it was simply called the Valley.

The Valley had been a sanctuary for the wildlife for centuries. Maybe even millennia. Only one knew for sure and she wasn't telling. No animals were ever slain here. Be it predator or prey. The ruler of the Valley forbade it.

No mortals or domesticated animals had ever set foot in the Valley. They just didn't see it or got a strange urge to leave, the residents didn't want visitors.

The only building in the Valley was a little cottage with a thatched roof. Looking as cute as little cottages with thatched roofs usually do. Although, little cottages usually don't change color several times each day. The cottage in the Valley did. Sometimes it turned blue, sometimes yellow, and sometimes it turned into colors not invented yet. It all depended on its owner's mood.

The cottage was decorated comfortably with wooden furniture and radiated coziness

A light blue crystal laid on the fireplace mantle. Unlike most crystals, this one was sentient and it was bored.

It cast out its mind, searching for something entertaining.

Wasn't that…? Yes it was. The Chaos stone rejoiced as its mind encountered the being it liked the most. But what is he doing? The crystal suddenly became bright red. Oh, he was doing *that*…

The front door opened and Gaea entered her cottage. She sighed in relief. Sitting and listening to Zeus was so boring. But she endured; the boy was her grandson after all. It always felt so good to be home after a visit on Olympus. This was her real home, not that marble monstrosity that Zeus had made for her on Olympus.

She threw a look at the blushing stone and said, quite amused, "So you were bored, huh." The stone became even redder. "Oh, go on. I can't blame you. He is adorable and entertaining after all." She grabbed a scroll on the desk and went into the bedroom and closed the door. She really needed some downtime.

The Chaos stone continued to blush and look at something far far away.

*****************

Joxer sat on the bed in Ares bedroom on Olympus, running fingers through Ares hair. "You are so beautiful, do you know that?" he asked his sleeping lover. The fact that Ares allowed himself to sleep in Joxer's presence showed his great trust in the man. Joxer just hoped that he would be worthy of that trust this time.

"You're strong, loving, gorgeous, a great warrior and a God worshipped by millions." He gently traced Ares' features with his fingers. "And yet, You love me, Me. Joxer the not so mighty. When you look at me it's like I'm the only thing in the world that matters to you. I've noticed that whenever I enter a room you're in, you smile."

He continued to stroke Ares' hair, "You have the most wonderful smile, my love. Although you don't use it much. Have you any idea how special it makes me feel to know that I am one of the few people who can make you smile?"

He sighed, "And I almost threw it all away. Not believing it could be true love, being so scared of it that I convinced myself I loved Gabby just so I wouldn't have to deal with this. This, the greatest gift of all."

He smiled as Ares sighed in his sleep and leaned his head up against his hand, "I guess Gabby is right, I am an idiot. But you forgave me, and now, we have forever."

He still had a hard time believing that this was real and not a dream. Of course, this was better than any dream ever could be.

He lay down beside his love; "I'm going to spend eternity with you, my beautiful. "He snuggled closer to Ares." I just wish I could give you a child. I've seen you with Cupid and Bliss. Yeah, a child with your smile," he mumbled and then drifted to sleep.

He never noticed the shimmer that surrounded him for a couple of seconds.

******************

If the Chaos stone had lips, he would've pouted. This was no fun at all.

Gaea had left the Valley, tending to her Godly duties elsewhere. Since Hera needed some down time after the deity swap ordeal she had offered her granddaughter to stay in the cottage while she was gone.

Hera had gratefully accepted. Having to be Goddess of Love and act sugar sweet and ditzy had been a great trauma for her. And it didn't get better when she realized what havoc Poseidon had created as Goddess of Marriages and Childbirth.

Fainting during a hard labor and hitting on both husbands and wives where the least of his actions.

It took a lot out of Hera to sort out the mess Poseidon had made of things. Not to mention getting back her respect from the mortals. The Sea God had really hurt her reputation.

Gaea's invitation came in just the right time. If Hera 'd stayed on Olympus much longer, she would've been so tempted to kill Zeus, for starting the whole swapping fiasco in the first place.

She'd been told very sternly by Gaea to protect the wildlife, to heal any hurt animals that arrived and to take good care of the flowers and vegetables that Gaea was growing as a hobby.

Gaea liked to try different crossings with fruits and vegetables from the entire world that no one ever had thought about before, like banana carrots (Great as a midnight snack) and lettuce grapes (Made Bliss throw up).

Gaea had also asked Hera to take care of the Chaos stone.

But Hera didn't really understand what the Chaos stone really was. She didn't talk to it like Gaea used to. Or listened to its song. She didn't read out loud to it or allowed it in her mind.

She just dusted it once in a while.

The Chaos stone missed Gaea. She made it feel good. This 'woman' just made him feel lonely and unwanted and ignored.

Without Gaea and decent company, there was no reason for it to stay in the Valley, it reasoned. Why not see how Best Friend was doing? The crystal disappeared with a shimmer.

Hera didn't notice it was gone until it's energy trace was long faded.

****************

Joxer entered the Hall of War looking for Mjau, the kitten Ares had given him. Joxer had been hesitant at first; he didn't have the best track record with pets, after all. But now he adored the little black kitten.

It was Bliss who'd named the cat Mjau. Claiming that that was what the kitten said his name was. It stuck, and Joxer thought it was rather cute.

But instead of hearing meowing or the familiar racket that always accompanied Mjau's playing, (Falling armors, marbles flying over the floor, that sort of thing) he heard someone crying.

He went closer.

In a dark corner sat Bliss. Rocking back and forward, clinging desperately on to Mjau, with red eyes and tears running down his cheeks and sobbing heartbroken.

"But, sweet Bliss, what's the matter?" Joxer asked worried.

"Oh, Unc' Joxer!" Bliss sobbed, hugging Mjau more tightly than it could be comfortable for the cat. But Mjau probably sensed Bliss distress and stoically endured. "Mommy doesn't luw Bliss anymore!"

Joxer sat down next to the young Love God. "Oh, sweetheart… What ever gave you that idea?"

"Mommy did!" Bliss cried. "Bliss was hiding behind the door in Daddy's temple to surpwise Mommy with a new drawing Bliss had made. But Mommy was talking to Unc' Nysos about the 'vorce' thingy."

"Unc' Nysos? 'Vorce' thingy? Oh I get it! You mean uncle Dionysos. Don't you?" Joxer asked.

"That's what Bliss said! And you know, the 'vorce' thingy. 'Mommy and Daddy not living together with Bliss like family anymore cause Mommy and Daddy has grown up problems. But still luws Bliss very much,'" he quoted.

"Oh, Psyche's and Cupid's divorce," Joxer said finally figuring it out.

"But that's not true! Mommy lied to Bliss! Bliss heard Mommy and unc' Nysos talking about the 'vorce thingy and Unc' Nysos told Mommy not to forget the meeting with Grandpa Zeus and Grandma Hera cause if Mommy didn't show up they would take Daddy's side." Bliss hiccuped, "And then Mommy said she wouldn't miss it for the world. That she'd waited a long time for a reason to 'vorce Daddy without being the guilty party and that she would take Daddy to the cleaners." Bliss gave Joxer a confused look, "Bliss doesn't understand, Daddy's always clean. Mommy doesn't have to give him a bath."

Joxer smiled sadly, "It's a grown up expression that you don't need to know yet."

"Oh," Bliss continued, " And then Mommy said that Daddy would have to pay dearly to get the brat. Not that she wanted the brat but that Daddy would do anything for it." Bliss sobbed, "I am the brat. I know that, 'cause Unc' Stwife calls me that sometimes." His chin shivered, "When Unc' Stwife calls me brat it feels nice, but when Mommy said it, it felt bad. Real bad!"

"Oh, baby!" Joxer scooped up both Bliss and Mjau in his lap and hugged them tightly. "Sometimes grown ups say things they don't mean. I'm sure your mother didn't really mean what she said. Both your parents love you very much. Don't you know that babies are made of the love their parents have?"

Bliss shook his head; "No they're not! Babies gets made when you dance."

"When you dance? Who told you that?"

"Grandma 'Dite told Grandpa Hephy that some queen had gotten pweggers by doing the horizontal mambo with her husband's best friend," Bliss told Joxer seriously. " Bliss knows that pweggers mean that a lady is going to have a baby. Auntie Eris told me. And mambo is a dance. Bliss not sure about horizontal though."

Joxer sighed. People really had to start watching what they said in Bliss' presence.

He rose from the floor, still holding on to Bliss. "Why don't we try to find your Daddy?" he asked.

Bliss mumbled, "'Kay," and snuggled closer leaning his head on Joxer's shoulder.

As they left Joxer thought some nasty thoughts about Psyche. How could a mother talk about her only child like that? He should have realized that the hurt facade Psyche showed was just that, a facade. He'd only been on Olympus for a week when he first heard the rumors about Psyche's affairs. He wasn't surprised that Psyche used Cupid's behavior during the deity swap as a reason for divorce. Even though Cupid only did it because he thought it was one of Zeus' Godly duties. If she was the hurt party there was a good chance that Zeus and Hera would let her keep her Godhood. And she really played the hurt and suffering spouse right now. Cupid had never been so unpopular on Olympus. But using Bliss as a pawn was low.

Psyche might be pretty as a flower on the outside. But on the inside, she was a real thistle.

Joxer sighed again. He wished that Psyche would show the rest of Olympus her real side.

As Joxer and Bliss found Cupid, Psyche gave out a scream in Hera's garden. Hermes heard the scream and went to check it out. But the only thing out of place in the garden was a large thistle.

The God of Thieves shrugged, Hera's choice of flowers was getting stranger and stranger for each year.

*****************

"Are you sure about this?" Ares whined, standing on a road a few days away from Corinth. "You wouldn't rather stay on Olympus?"

Joxer sighed, "Olympus is no fun without you, Ares."

"Why? Is someone treating you bad?" Ares growled, "If they are, you just tell me and I'll beat their brains out."

"No! Everyone's been real nice to me," Joxer said hurriedly. "But I would just go around missing you all day. Besides, I really want to see Iolaus again. He is a good friend."

Ares nodded, "He's too good for that idiot of a brother I have, that's for sure!"

Joxer ignored him, "And you need to spend some time completely concentrating on getting your worshippers at ease again. Building up the reputation that Hestia almost ruined for you."

Ares moaned, "Don't remind me! She wore an apron to battle!"

"So while you travel all over Greece, spending time with your warriors, it's a perfect time for me to be out on the road again. I've been traveling since I left home, and I sort of miss it." Seeing Ares' hurt face he hastily added, "Not when I'm with you, but when I'm alone. So when you are out doing your War God thing, it's a good time for me to do some walking."

"Yeah. I don't want you to be bored," Ares admitted.

"And you can find me anywhere, and I can call for you all the time. Right?"

"Yes."

"And hopefully, I'll be with Hercules and Iolaus, they can help me if I get in to trouble," Joxer continued.

Ares gave him a concerned look, "Joxer, we really have to work on your self esteem. I'm not worried you can't handle it. You have a unique talent of getting out of trouble all right. And your fighting skills have improved a lot during our sparring. And you're immortal now. I'm sure you can handle everything the fates might throw at you. I just can't understand how anyone would spend time with Jercules voluntarily."

Joxer laughed at Ares' sour face when he mentioned his brother. "Herc isn't that bad. He just sees everything in black and white and has a hard time seeing the gray areas. But he's learning. And he did seem to take the news about our relationship good." He suddenly looked sad. "Not like another of my so called 'friends'," he added bitterly.

Ares gave him a hug. "Are you sure you don't want me to give her a little visit to Hades?" he asked hopefully.

Joxer smiled at his lover's eagerness. "No thank you. Xena would be destroyed, and Gabby *was* my friend at one point. She just… changed," he said.

Ares was doubtful, "If you say so," he said unbelievingly.

"Don't worry, I'll call for you if I need you."

"Oh, I almost forgot," Ares said and snapped his fingers. Mjau appeared in his arms. "Take Mjau with you. He'll just be bored on Olympus without you, and with him around, you won't forget about me."

Joxer went closer and gave Ares a light hug and kiss, "Like I could ever forget you. You've been a main part of my life ever since Father took us to your temple for the first time." He laughed, "But I must say that worshipping you is a lot more fun now when it's more personal."

"I bet," Ares leered and gave his love a new kiss.

Mjau jumped down on the ground and sighed. Two legs always fooled around like this. Too bad they couldn't conduct themselves with dignity, like cats.

Oh, well, he had time to train them later. They were fast learners. Pet had already learned to bring him food when needed and Black Leather really knew how to cuddle…

Ares and Joxer's kissing was rudely interrupted by someone who cleared his throat, loudly.

When they looked up they saw an uncomfortable Hercules and an amused Iolaus.

"Hi guys!" Joxer said cheerfully and then shoved a discreet elbow in Ares' ribs when he saw his lover's scowl.

"Iolaus, Hercules." Ares gave them a curt nod.

"Hi Jox. Nice performance there," Iolaus laughed.

Joxer leaned on Ares' chest, "I'm glad you liked it. We've been practicing a lot," he joked.

Hercules gave Joxer a smile, "It's nice to see you again, Joxer. How is life on Olympus?"

Joxer had a satisfied smile on his face, "It's been wonderful," he replied with a dreamy sigh.

"I'm glad you're happy." Herc looked at Ares, "Are you here on business?" he asked weary.

"No," Ares said and looked at Joxer. "I have to spend some time with my warriors and sort out the chaos Hestia made, and Joxer wanted to spend some time with you guys."

Hearing the unsaid 'I can't understand why, and I don't like it,' all Herc said was, "Oh."

"That is, if you guys won't mind me around for a while?" Joxer asked shyly.

"Of course not!" Hercules said hurriedly and gave Joxer a reassuring smile.

He wasn't so thrilled about Joxer's relationship with Ares, but Joxer was a friend and that was what mattered. And after the things Gabrielle had said, Joxer needed to know that he still had friends in the mortal realm. Hercules still couldn't believe that Gabrielle had given Joxer that ultimatum when she'd recovered from her 'donkey ears daze'. Forcing Joxer to chose between his friends and his lover was just wrong. And Joxer looked so much happier with Ares than without him.

"We'd love to spend some time traveling with you," Iolaus said. "Are you staying too, Ares?" he asked hesitantly.

"No, I have to go to my temple in Thrace and sort things out with my priests," he shook his head, "That month of deity swapping destroyed years of work for most of us." Ares gave Herc a look, "Daddy dear is not the most popular God on Olympus right now. Athena chased him around with a battle-axe. Apparently, 'Dite told a couple of her philosophers to go stuff themselves until they started using a language people could understand. Preferably Greek. 'Tena didn't like that."

"I wonder why?" Iolaus murmured.

"Anyway, I need to be off," Ares gave Joxer a quick kiss. "You know how to call me, and I'll probably come and visit." He looked at his brother, "Hercules, a word, please."

They walked away from Joxer and Iolaus and Ares leaned close. "I don't like you, Jercules. As a matter of fact you're pretty high on my hate list. But for some reason Joxer likes you. So here is the deal. I won't attack you or use Joxer to get to you; you won't attack me or use Joxer to get me. We only fight if you try to stop a war I think is necessary. Deal?"

Hercules nodded, "Deal."

"Good, just one more thing," Ares came even closer and threatening, "If you and Curly hurts Joxer like the blonde twit did, not even Zeus can protect you."

"That goes without saying, Ares. Joxer is a friend, and you don't treat a friend like Gabrielle treated Joxer. Even if said friend's boyfriend is an asshole."

"Just remember what I said. You've never seen me really angry. It's not pretty."

The War God disappeared and Hercules started to walk back to the others shaking his head a bit amused. When Ares showed that protective streak, he was almost bearable. Almost.

******************

Hera growled and continued to shake the tree. "Where are you, you little shit?"

Her hair was a mess and her dress was dirty. The look on her face was almost desperate. "I have to find you," she murmured, "Have to find you before Grandmother comes home."

She'd looked everywhere in the Valley. She'd almost teared the cottage apart, and had digged up most of the front yard. But still no Chaos stone. She knew no one had entered the Valley, so the stone must have moved on its own.

And it wasn't here. Maybe on Olympus? She could search there without being noticed, if she was discrete.

*******************

"So, have you guys heard about Psyche?" Joxer asked as they were walking towards the closest village.

"No, what about Psyche? Is something wrong?" Hercules asked concerned. He liked Psyche; she was a sweet girl.

"Apparently she's missing. Her and Cupid's divorce hearing was yesterday and she didn't show up."

Hercules stopped, turned around and stared at Joxer, "Cupid and Psyche are getting divorced?" he asked incredulously.

Unfortunately Joxer looked at another direction and didn't notice that Herc had stopped, he walked right into the hero's broad chest.

After getting his balance back and apologizing to Mjau, who didn't like the collision one bit, he answered, "Yeah, didn't you know? Psyche asked Hera and Zeus for a divorce based on Cupid's actions during the deity swap. You know, acting like Zeus with the ladies and so on." He gave Herc a bitter face, "Which is a bit strange since Poseidon says that she visited Zeus'… er… Cupid's office a least once a day encouraging him to do exactly what Zeus did. To prove himself worthy in case of a career move."

"Wait a minute!" Iolaus interrupted, "How come Poseidon knew about Psyche visiting Cupid?"

Joxer sighed, since Hercules always had an opinion on everything the Gods did, Joxer had always believed that some God filled Herc in about Olympus' gossip. This was clearly not the case. "Because Poseidon spent that month as Hera, Queen of the Gods," he explained patiently.

Iolaus exploded with laughter.

Hercules tried to glare at him but wasn't successful. It's hard to glare and try not to laugh at the same time. After getting his posture back in order, he asked, "And now, Psyche is missing?"

"Yeah. Some people suspected that Cupid had something to do with it, but he spent that whole day with Hephaistos and Strife on Lemnos." Joxer started to walk again, "I can't say that I like her, but I hope she'll turn up. For Bliss' sake."

They had now entered the outskirts of the village. As they passed a small run down farm they heard frightened screams and angry shouting.

At the courtyard a man stood, beating and slapping a woman. Holding her by the neck, shouting things like, "This will teach you not to disrespect me again, Bitch. You worthless piece of crap! When I say that dinner should be ready when I come home from the fields, the bloody dinner better be on the table when I enter the door!"

The woman wailed, "But Evol, the fire went out of the hearth. I'm so sorry…" Another stroke stopped her apology.

"Excuses will get you nowhere, Slut! Consider this a lesson. If you don't start to respect my authority, this will seem like a picnic!"

As he raised his hand for another blow to the woman's head, Hercules caught his arm. "Excuse me, "He said politely. "But respect has to be earned not forced."

Evol glared at Hercules, who was this man who dared to interfere in his family business? "This is none of your business, Bastard!" he said and tried to hit Hercules.

The hero easily ducked and gave Evol a stroke that sent him all the way to the front door of his scrubby house.

Evol, a bit groggy, touched his chin, gave Herc a frightened look and ran into the house.

Iolaus and Joxer helped the woman back up on her feet. Her face was covered with bruises and her dress was torn. "Thank you," she mumbled. "He's usually not this bad."

Iolaus gave her a comforting smile, "You're welcome, I'm Iolaus, this is Joxer and that big lug over there is Hercules."

The woman's eye's widened, "*The* Hercules?" she asked.

"Yes," Herc said with a nod and a smile. If he got a dinar every time someone asked him that… "Do you want us to get you something from the house before we all go to the village and report this?" he asked.

The woman frowned, "Report this?" she asked and then shook her head, "No that's not necessary, he really didn't mean it. And it was my fault. I should have watched the hearth more closely, and then dinner would've been on time."

"This was all about a late dinner?" Joxer asked incredulously.

The woman shivered, "It was my fault really. He loves me, he does. He just has a bit of a temper and I should have watched…"

"Listen, …?" Joxer interrupted.

"Oh, I'm Mera." The woman answered.

"Listen Mera, I think your husband can be really dangerous. This time he just beat you up. But what if he kills you the next time? You really should get away from him. Maybe stay with your family for a while?"

Mera shook her head; "There is no need. He loves me. He couldn't manage without me."

"But he hurt you. How can someone who beats you up love you?" Joxer asked upset.

Mera just continued to shake her head, " I love him, he loves me. He's really not a bad husband…"

Hercules sighed, "Are you sure you don't want to leave?" he asked.

"Yes!" Mera nodded vigorously, "Please, he's all I have…"

She jumped as a yell was heard from the house, "Meeeraaa!!!!"

"You better leave now," she said.

"Well, if you're sure…" Herc sighed again.

Iolaus took Mera's hand and gave it a squeeze. "Take care, you hear. And if things get too bad, I'll leave some money at the Inn in the village so you can rent a room there if needed."

"Oh, It won't be necessary, he's really a kind man, it's just been a lot the last year…" Mera objected.

Iolaus gave her a sad smile, "Just in case," he said.

She nodded weakly and watched the men leave.

Joxer didn't say goodbye.

"How can she let him treat her like that?" he asked upset.

Iolaus sighed, "She can't face the problem. She is more afraid of the world outside than of her husband. And she's probably afraid of what he'll do if she leaves him. She hasn't come to the breaking point yet." He sighed again, "I just hope it comes before he kills her."

"But can't we report it?" Joxer asked.

"Yes," Hercules answered, "and we will. But chances are that she'll deny the whole thing and take her husband's side. Besides, in most places, beating your wife isn't considered a crime, but a right."

"This sucks!" Joxer said. "I wish she would march right into that house and let the creep taste some of his own medicine. He was pretty small, I bet she could take him if she wasn't afraid of him."

"Yeah," Iolaus agreed and then sighed again, "But if wishes were horses…"

They never saw how Mera, still standing out on the courtyard, too scared to go inside; suddenly straightens her shoulders, turns around and walks into the house and starts to beat the living daylights out of her husband.

But they do report the incident at the village elderman, who sighs and says it isn't the first time Evol's beating Mera, and that there is really nothing anyone can do about it.

A couple of weeks later the gossip grapevine of the village talks about how mellow Evol has become lately…

END PART ONE