AWAKENING

*  *  *

Ardeth was riding on the desert again.  He thought he had gone home to his wife.  When he fell asleep, hadn't he done so upon the soft pallet next to her?  Hadn't they made love just before he closed his eyes?  He reasoned that it must have been another dream, a cruel one.  He missed his wife, the babies, and couldn't wait to get back home to them.  When he first began his journey, his men had flanked him.  However, as time passed, he realized he was alone.  He looked around him for his men, but he couldn't see any of them.  What was this?  Had he been so consumed with thoughts of his wife that he hadn't noticed as the men rode ahead?  He shook his head and went onward.  Ardeth knew it wouldn't take long for him to catch up.  They rarely rode at full gallop unless something was wrong.  In the distance, he saw a figure approaching.  He couldn't quite make out whether the figure was that of a man or woman.  He squinted his eyes, but it didn't help a bit.  Ever cautious, he rode ahead to face whatever opponent had decided to meet him.  As he drew nearer and nearer, he smiled ever so slightly.  Leven was approaching and she was donning her flowing white nightgown again.  It was the one with the billowing layers.  She wore it rarely, but he loved seeing her in it.  It never failed to arouse him just as much as laying his eyes upon her bare flesh.  He rode a little faster to get to her.  It never dawned on him to question why she was out in the desert in her nightgown.  It didn't matter.  The only thing that did matter was his love and need for her.  When he caught up to her, she had discarded the gown and stood before him completely nude.  At that time, he realized that he was unclothed as well and riding bareback.  More curious things had happened in the desert before, so he didn't bother questioning that, either.  Leaning down, he took hold of Leven's arm and swung her up to the horse.  She straddled him almost immediately, but didn't allow him to come inside.  She wanted to tease and taunt him, to drive him mad.

As she did before, she brought her lips up to his ear and began whispering into it, telling him things, saying the words she rarely spoke unless angered or fevered with want.  He responded to the words by digging his teeth into her shoulder, biting down, and drawing blood.  She didn't cry out or beg him to stop.  Instead, she begged him to continue, to bite down even harder.  He did not deny her request; he bit down again and again.  He felt the desire to inflict the same kind of agony on her that she was on him.  She wouldn't let him inside no matter what he did or said.  The agony, the sweet, horrid agony.  He drew away from her for a moment, immediately noticing that no blood poured down her shoulder, nor could he taste it in his mouth.  How could that be?  This all couldn't be a dream, could it?  It couldn't.  Oh yes, a voice seemed to say inside his head, this is a dream, Husband.  This is a dream, and I'm tormenting you, driving you mad with desire, only to deny you.  I share with others, but refuse your advances.  Is that right?  I think not.  Wake me up; I want you.  Wake me up and do what you want to do.  You are my husband, and as such, you have free reign over my body.  I am to submit to you.  Ignore my pleading, my cries, and my protests.  Think only of yourself, not of me.  I am entirely too selfish for you.  The voice belonged to that of his wife, but she was saying things that Leven had never, would never say to him in a million years.  Yet, it was her voice, and she was teasing him, taunting him with her body.  Everything she had whispered to him was so true, so right.  What else could he do but act on his impulse?  If she did not want to submit willingly, he would take her.  After all, he was her husband; it was his right to do so.  Hadn't she just told him?  Would Leven say such?  Would she?  She would, because she had just said it, he had heard it coming directly from her mouth.  He would take what was rightfully his and wouldn't let her stop him.

*  *  *

Leven had been sleeping very peacefully beside her husband.  Since he fell out from exhaustion before her, she had lain awake for a bit, unable to sleep at first.  However, her exhaustion drove her toward sleep, and it wasn't something she could fight.  Although she was asleep, it was more of a doze, and she could hear most of what was going on around her.  She listened for everything, including the babies.  She moaned a little as she felt the slight stirring movements beside her.  She figured that her husband had grown uncomfortable because of his ankle.  Of course, she couldn't blame him; it had looked painful and swollen.  He was fortunate not to have broken it.  She settled in further, burying her face just the slightest bit.  Perhaps the twins would stay quiet for at least an hour to give her back her bearings.  After that, she could resume caring for them.  She had no idea what was happening inside her husband's mind, what he was working through both mentally and physically.  She couldn't see the vacant look in his eyes as his mind became something not his own.  She saw none of this, felt none of it.  Raiyur had made sure of that.  Leven was blocked from it, as much as she had been blocked from touching his mind.  As he drew his body closer to hers, she let out a sigh, enjoying the feel of him against her.  He was home, she was happy, and what she had to share with him could wait a few more moments.  She wanted to relish the fact that he was home before completely breaking his heart.  The only thing that ruined her slumber, her sense of balance, was Ardeth's hand clamping down on her forearm.  It wasn't the gentle grip she had grown accustomed to; it was something else, a touch she had never felt before.  For a brief moment, her heart froze in her chest.  Raiyur, inside him again, possessed his mind as she had possessed his father's.

Leven's eyes flew open as he forced her body down to her back.  He was on top of her before she knew it.  She could see it all in his eyes.  This wasn't her Ardeth, not the man she loved.  He was someone else, someone encased in a lustful haze.  She wasn't altogether certain if she could reach him.  Of course, he didn't give her much of an opportunity to speak at all.  His mouth clamped down on hers and his hands ripped and tore at her gown.  He was still naked from the night before, and she felt the male part of him against her, throbbing and heated.  She managed to get her hands on his shoulders to push him off, but he was much stronger than her, with a complete advantage.  If he would only release her mouth, she could speak to him, could drive the goddess out of his mind and bring him back to reality.  However, he had other ideas.  His mouth stole her breath and his tongue invaded her.  His hand moved down and squeezed her breast painfully.  She took hold of his wrist and used as much pressure as possible, but it did nothing to dissuade him.  Prior to his rough handling of her, he had successfully ripped her gown away and he was furiously working to separate her thighs.  She clamped them shut and held them closed with all her might.  He was fighting against her, digging the fingers of his free hand into her thigh, working furiously to separate them and satisfy his need.  Finally, his bruising lips released hers and she felt the sharp sting of his teeth as they clamped down on her shoulder.  She winced, not from the pain, but from the sheer shock of the situation.  If she didn't speak now, she wouldn't be able to speak later.

"Ardeth," she said, her voice barely above a whisper.  He had continued waging battle against her clamped thighs.  "She's inside your head.  It's not me.  It's her.  She's making you do this.  If you don't stop, we can never go on."  At first, he heard nothing, listened to nothing.  His mouth claimed hers again in another brutal kiss.  His much stronger hand was swiftly winning the battle against her thighs.  She felt them separating, felt the heated aching flesh nearing her.  What other option did she have?  She could submit and hate him for the rest of his life, or she could take the best way out by waking him and loving him.  His lips released hers as he made ready to force his way inside.  "Ardeth," she cried sharply.  "Wake up."  He paused, but only briefly.  Without a thought, she brought her arm up under his chin and struck him.  "Don't submit to her.  Wake up.  Look at what you're doing."  The blow brought him around more than anything.  His wild mind pushed him to punish her for that.  How dare she strike out at him.  As he rose up, she moved her body inch by inch and wound up planting her knee against his chest.  She didn't push out hard, but just enough to knock him onto his back.  He wanted to rebound and continue to terrorize her, but she came to him, and grabbed his left wrist.  "I'm your wife, Ardeth," she said softly.  "Your wife.  I'm not who's tormenting you.  Wake up before you lose me forever."

Ardeth pulled back and away from her, wrenching his wrist out of her hand.  The odd light in his eyes died and he gazed up at her, completely horrified.  What he had done?  She was kneeling before him, her lips bruised, her shoulder red, and her gown torn to shreds.  What had he done?  What had he done?  Although she had successfully fought him off, he saw the fear just behind her eyes, and it seemed obvious that even she didn't know if she could win this battle.  He didn't know what to do or say, or how to act.  He gazed up at her helplessly, wanting so very desperately to go to her, to beg her forgiveness.  Yet, another part of him wanted to go far, far away so that he would never do this to her again.  For a very long time, neither of them moved a muscle.  They simply stared at each other, breathing heavily, wondering what had brought on this attack.  He didn't know, couldn't explain it if he tried, but it seemed as if she had the answers.  He saw the condition of her body and vaguely wondered if he'd actually succeeded in taking her.  Something inside him had shattered and caused him to do great harm to his wife.  What have I done?  Please tell me I didn't…didn't…uh, please!

She advanced toward him and he moved back an equal amount of space.  If she touched him, if she laid her hands upon him, he didn't trust himself enough to leave her alone.  Desperately, she held the tattered remnants of her gown around her.  She needed to let him know he had done nothing, but he wouldn't let her approach.  He had yet to take his eyes off her, but he wouldn't let her reach out.  She tried time and time again.  He almost didn't want to believe he had done this to her, but who else could have?  Who else was in bed with her?  She came toward him again, and again, he moved further back.  If she tried opening her mouth to speak, he'd turn away, as if ashamed to hear her words.  He wouldn't let her touch him, wouldn't let her speak, but some way, she had to get through to him.  Sighing heavily, she leaned back on her knees and grabbed a coverlet from the pallet.  Once she had it securely wrapped about her body, some of the tension inside him seemed to fade.  The sight of her destroyed nightgown was a trigger.  He focused his eyes on her again, wanting to speak, but not able to form words.

"Ardeth," she began.  He looked away at the sound of her voice, but she continued on.  "Ardeth.  You didn't force me, you didn't.  I got to you; I got inside you.  Baby, you didn't…didn't…"

"I…I hurt you…I…your gown…your body."

She shook her head.  "No," she whispered.  "It wasn't you.  It wasn't.  It's okay now, it's okay."  She held out her hand.  "Please, baby, take my hand.  Take my hand and come to me.  Please."

Struggling with himself, he held out his hand and she grasped it, holding onto it strongly.  It was just enough of a push for him to go to her.  She brought his head down to her breasts as he clung to her desperately, crying, pleading with her to forgive him.  Crying with him, she soothed him, stroked his hair, and declared her love for him in soft whispers.

*  *  *

Ardeth fell asleep against Leven.  She couldn't comfortably support his full weight on her body, so she lay back and he pillowed his head against her upper abdomen.  It wasn't that he was tired or even sleepy, but the attack had exhausted him emotionally, and he had no other outlet.  He fell asleep on her, holding her, and didn't want to let her go.  Leven stroked his hair gently and listened to his even breathing, the beat of his heart, and the soft murmurs as he dreamed.  It wasn't often that she tried to pry into her husband's mind, but today, she wanted to drive the goddess out and put good things in his head, not necessarily focusing on her, but the babies, and his happiness before this hell on earth began.  When he awoke, she had a lot of explaining to do and wasn't sure how well he would accept what she had to say, especially the news of his parentage.  She felt him stir against her, as if sensing her thoughts.  He rose up slowly; still so very afraid he would hurt her further.  He gazed up at her, the pain so fresh and evident in his eyes.  He placed a gentle kiss on her abdomen before sliding his body toward hers.  He gazed into her eyes again, once more apologizing for what he had done without speaking one word.  Her hand came up to rest on the side of his cheek and she leaned up and kissed his lips so very gently.  He didn't know how she found the love in her heart to touch him at all.  She should have shoved him out the door, shoved him away from her life forever.  However, she didn't.  She held onto him and her love.  He had a hard time looking at her with the torn gown, so she had discarded it and drew another over her body.  She had loved him enough to do that, to accommodate his needs after his vicious assault.  He wanted to speak, to say something more, perhaps apologize again, but she placed her finger over his lips. 

"No," she whispered.  "It's done.  It's forgotten.  You don't have to say anything else about that ever again."  She drew back from him slightly.  "We have to talk.  There's so much you don't know or understand.  I only hope I can keep the goddess out of here long enough to finish."

"Goddess?  What goddess?"

She sighed.  "She was the goddess who pushed you to do what you did.  It wasn't you; it was her influence.  Can you bring your leg up?  The one with the twisted ankle?"  He nodded and brought it around to her as she asked.  She gently touched the black mark below his ankle.  "This mark, Ardeth, is one both you and Adnan have.  It's not a birthmark or a mole or anything that simple.  It's the mark of a goddess.  It's the mark of Raiyur.  Adnan has it, you have it, and your father had it, as did his father before him."

Ardeth looked at her, his expression one of deep confusion.  He knew he had a mark, knew his son had it, but his father?  His father had no such mark.  "Leven, I do not understand.  My father?  He did not…"

Before he could say more, Leven placed her finger over his lips again.  "Lufti and Cantara weren't your parents, Ardeth.  Your father was Altair, and your mother, Leilah.  You were an infant when they were taken from you.  I didn't say die, I said taken.  This goddess is a jealous goddess.  She needs a Medjai Chieftain from your lineage to help her rule in her domain.  She targeted your father, lured him away from your mother, and she took them.  She killed them, but she spared your life because you have the mark.  She wanted you to live so that you could be her Chieftain.  She's making you hurt me because I won't give up."

The confused expression deepened to one of disbelief.  "My parents were not my parents?  Leven, I do not believe…"  He shook his head.  "I cannot believe this.  This goddess must have touched you as well, bringing these images into your mind."

"Ardeth, it's the truth.  I know it hurts, but it's the truth.  I would never lie to or mislead you.  Your parents are dead because of a goddess, and now she's after you and our son.  If we don't work together, she'll win, she'll take you and our children."  He said nothing.  He shook his head, murmuring 'no' under his breath.  He wasn't going to listen to her, but she had other ways of convincing him.  She clamped her hand over his forearm.  "You will see, Ardeth, you will believe.  Look into my eyes."

Struggling against the truths she was trying to tell him, he faced her and gazed into her eyes.  As if looking out into a window, he saw the flashes and images building in her eyes.  Amazed and stunned, he sat still as the thoughts swirling through her mind entered his.  She showed him everything.  It was a harsh journey, a horrible journey, but completely necessary.  It was too much, but not enough.  He wanted to release her, to get away from those images, but he was helpless to stop it.  He saw the man so much like him that it seemed as if he were looking into a mirror.  He laid his eyes on the woman, his mother, who had given him the lips Leven loved kissing.  Finally, he saw the image of an infant laid at the door of Lufti and Cantara.  It was he; there was no doubt.  When the images and light died in Leven's eyes, he was able to release her arm.

"I'm sorry I had to do that, baby, but it was the only way to make you believe," she whispered.

The goddess Raiyur had been the one tainting his dreams, turning him against the woman he loved.  She had forced him to assault his wife.  If she could get to him once, she would get to him again.  Then he thought of his parents, people he had never seen or known.  He had been cheated out of so much.  "She wishes for me to be hers?"

She nodded.  "Yes, just as she wished the same with your father.  He chose to sacrifice his soul rather than take that route."

"There is no way to defeat her," he said, his voice taking on a solemn tone.  "I will not let anything happen to you or the children.  I will give myself to her before I do that."

"No," she said as her hand came up to his cheek.  "We don't have to do that.  We don't have to take the way of your parents.  It was different for them.  I can block her, very temporarily mind you, but I can.  If I explore my grandfather's books, perhaps I can break the chain.  You, Adnan, and Azizah are mine.  No bitch, human or otherwise, will come between us.  Do you understand?"

Ardeth felt his heart aching from the truth of his parentage.  However, in that, he had made a decision.  "I cannot allow what happened today happen again.  If she invades my dreams, I will be successful in my attempt at hurting you.  I will go and stay away.  Not far, but I cannot risk harming you again."

She shook her head.  "Ardeth, no," she cried.  "That's what she did to your parents.  Don't you understand?  She separated them and they were vulnerable to her."

He cupped her face in his hands.  "No, my love, you do not understand," he said.  "I am vulnerable to her.  I will not stay here knowing that at any moment, I could hurt you, force myself on you.  Let her take me.  Let her.  If she does, you and the children will be safe."

"No," she moaned.  "No!"

"There is no other way.  She can take me whenever she wants me, but I will not sacrifice you or the children for any selfish reason I have inside me.  I never want to hurt you again, Leven, and here I will."

"No," she whispered.  "No."

He kissed her lips briefly.  "Yes, my love.  Yes."