A/N: This is an AU fic. It's set just after Rory's turned 16 I guess. And she and Dean never met (he's not even in it).
I gotta just say... this is based (pretty closely in places) on how I met and fell in love with my husband. So it's very personal, and means a lot to me.
And therefore I would appreciate it if you were nice about things. lol.
Constructive criticism, that's fine. Love the stuff. But if you don't have anything helpful or nice to say, then please don't bother. I don't condone the things I'm writing. I don't encourage them or think they are 'right'. But they happen, and did happen to me and I think you can write well if you write from personal experience.

** Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters of Gilmore Girls. If I were that all powerful then Jess would be staying put! So, in summation... Please don't sue me!**

January, 2000

"How many?" Lorelai asked.

"I don't know." Rory wept.

"How many?!" She said desperately, tears coming to her eyes.

"I don't know, I didn't count." Rory said, sitting on her mothers bed and crying some more.

"Stay here, I'm going to go call an ambulance." She said, pulling her jeans back on quickly.

"No!" Rory cried, grabbing her arm to stop her leaving. "I don't want to go to the hospital."

"I don't care, you're going." She demanded. "Now, calm down, and just… wait here."

Rory did as I was told, after all, it was what she always did. Lorelai returned a few minutes later with a glass of water.

"Here, they said to drink this and someone will be here soon." She sighed, sitting beside Rory and putting an arm around her.

Her eyes felt swollen and sore from all the crying she had done that evening. Her cheeks, which had been damp moments before, were drying slowly. They felt tight.
She rested her head on Lorelai's shoulder and cried some more until they heard the ambulance coming, and then they headed downstairs to meet it.

Rory frowned. She watched the paramedic put the pulse monitor on her finger, and then he asked her mother some questions. She was still frowning at her finger when he addressed her.

"Miss Gilmore?" He repeated gently.

She looked up at him slowly, she felt dizzy.

"How many pills did you take?" He asked.

"I don't remember. A handful… two maybe." She said. Her lip trembled as more tears threatened to fall. She could still feel the pills in her mouth. The way they had stuck to her tongue. They were so chalky. She'd drank two full glasses of water with them. She swallowed them back until she thought she'd be sick if she swallowed anything else.

"How long ago did you take them?" He asked.

She wondered what it was like to be him. How difficult it must be to ask so many questions when you knew that the person you required answers from didn't want to talk.

"About an hour ago." She said, her mouth and throat were dry, she licked her lips and swallowed but it didn't seem to make a difference.

"And do you remember how many milligrams it said each tablet was?"

"Um… 200 maybe?" She said, shaking her head gently. "I… I'm not sure." She looked down.

"It was 200 milligrams. I have a bottle…" Lorelai dug around in her purse and pulled out a small bottle of Advil. "That's mine. They're not…" She stopped.

She didn't know how to tell the paramedic that it wasn't the bottle of pills Rory had used. As if it made her a better mother, when she felt like the worst mother in the world at that moment.

"Thanks." He said, smiling supportively at Lorelai and making some notes on a chart.

They arrived at the hospital and Rory was taken into the ER in a wheelchair while Lorelai was asked to sign a few forms.

They sat in a small quiet room for a few hours. The doctor had taken a blood sample to see how much of the painkiller was in her system, so they could figure out if she could fight it off naturally.

While they waited, Rory and Lorelai talked more than they had for weeks. Rory had hit a low period just before Christmas, and it hadn't gotten any better. But Lorelai had no idea that it was so bad that Rory would even consider taking her own life. Let alone attempt to.

They'd been at the hospital for about 3 hours when the doctor came back.

"Well, we got the results of your blood tests back, and unfortunately, there's too much of the painkiller in your system for your body to fight it off naturally." He said.

"So what does that mean?" Asked Lorelai, fearing the worst. "What… what do we do now?"

"Well, we'll keep her in overnight, and we'll put her on some IV meds which should prevent the pills she took from doing any damage."

Rory wasn't listening. She'd stopped listening after he said they were keeping her in.

"How do you feel about needles?" He asked.

"Huh?"

"Needles… are you afraid of them?" He smiled gently.

She shook her head.

She had been. She once screamed down the doctors office when she had to get a shot. But in the last few months she'd had several blood tests done. She was used to the needles, and she didn't even flinch any more.

He nodded and smiled at Rory.

When he picked up her hand, she frowned. That wasn't how they took blood. She was pretty sure of it.

She expected it to hurt more when the IV needle went into the back of her hand. She didn't realize that was the needle he had been talking about. It was bigger than the needles they used to take blood. But it was over so quickly that she barely felt it.

"We're going to take you up to the ward now… do you want a wheelchair?" He asked.

"No. I can walk." She sighed, getting up slowly and following the designated nurse through the hospital. It was late, and early at the same time. Dark. Cold. Quiet.

Rory looked down at the end of her hospital bed. Lorelai was sitting in a chair next to her. She was asleep. She was lucky.

It was lonely. Rory lay there, wide awake. She tried to shut out the sounds of the various monitors and machines around the ward. It didn't work.

She closed her eyes and started trying to listen to music in her head. It didn't stop her from feeling as alone as she did. So she imagined someone was standing beside her, holding her hand. She didn't know who it was. Just… someone. She could almost feel their hand around hers.

She fell asleep.