** Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters of Gilmore Girls. If I were that all powerful then Jess would be staying put! So, in summation... Please don't sue me!**

Lorelai_Leigh: Hey.

Jmariano: Hi.

Lorelai_Leigh: Thanks for coming on to chat.

Jmariano: No problem. What was it you wanted to tell me, or shall I make with the small talk for a while?

Lorelai_Leigh: No, that's ok. I'll just… say it, I think.

Jmariano: Ok.

Lorelai_Leigh: We've been talking for a few months now.

Jmariano: I know. It doesn't feel like it's been that long. But I actually looked at my e-mail program today and we've managed to exchange 150 e-mails between us.

Lorelai_Leigh: That's a lot of e-mails!

Jmariano: I know. I was kinda' shocked.

Lorelai_Leigh: Anyway, we've been talking… a lot apparently. And…

Jmariano: And…?

Lorelai_Leigh: I don't know how to say it.

Jmariano: You just say it. It's me. There hasn't been much I can think of that either of us hasn't 'just said'.

Lorelai_Leigh: Ok… here goes. I… think I may… possibly… be falling in love with you.

Rory got up and ran over to her bed, burying her face in her pillow.

"Ahhhh!" What did I just do?? I think I just screwed up this whole thing, that's what!

Rory was pulled from her thoughts by the sound of an incoming IM. She slowly sat up and looked at the computer. He had replied, but she wasn't sure if she wanted to read it.

Jmariano: It's ok.

Jess looked at what he'd written and rolled his eyes. That's the worst thing you have ever written! He thought. But he didn't know what else to write.

Rory started to type a response, but when she looked up at the screen it was frozen.

"No! No, no, no, no! Not now!" She said desperately, shaking her laptop, as if it would do any good.

She restarted it. It seemed to take forever. She watched everything loading slowly. It was torture.

When she got back, he was gone.

She sighed and shut it down again. A tear ran down her cheek slowly as she decided that she'd lost him.

*****


Jess waited for Rory to come back. She hadn't responded to his 'comment', and then her username disappeared from the online user list. He paced behind his desk, trying to think of what he wanted to say. When he got back to his computer, he had been booted out of the chat room.

"No! Not now. Damnit, come on!" He yelled at his computer.

She wasn't there when he finally got back into the chat room, and she didn't come back for the rest of the evening.

It was midnight, and Jess was still pacing. He felt restless. He didn't know what to do with himself.

He sat at the computer and opened a new e-mail.

Be honest. He thought as he stared at the blank page on the screen in front of him.

Rory,

I… wish that there was a simple, painless was to say how I feel about you. I love talking to you. I think about you all the time. I wouldn't ever do anything to hurt you, and I would do anything to keep you from being hurt.

I am just afraid that if I say 'I love you', I'll be messing up your life. So… I have only said I love you as a friend. Not saying how I really feel is just as unfair to you, and hurts perhaps more.

Rory… I am really lost. I do love you. That was why I was so calm when you said you thought you loved me. But you need to be with someone who is actually there with you. I can't be that for you.

So where does that leave us? I hope we're still friends?

Always,
Jess.


He hit send. He was honest, and that was all he could be. He shut down his computer

Jess sat on his bed with his head in his hands.

*****


The light coming through her bedroom window woke her up. Rory rolled over. She had only just managed to get to sleep and now it was time to get up. It didn't seem fair. She sighed into her pillow. Then she remembered the previous evening and groaned.

She didn't know if it was worth checking her e-mail. She hoped for an e-mail from him, but at the same time she dreaded it. Dreaded not finding an e-mail that morning, or the next, or the next.

And dreaded finding one that said goodbye, or said he didn't feel the same.

She decided she may as well get it all over with, so she started up the laptop.

He had e-mailed.

She looked at the subject: Thoughts. It didn't give her much to go on.

She read it slowly. And then she read it again. Part of her was giddy. He loved her too. But that didn't mean he wanted to be more than friends. He had said that he couldn't be what she needed.

She disagreed. For the past 2 months he had been pretty much all she needed.

The knock on her bedroom door distracted her.

"Come in." She called.

"Hey!" Lane smiled, sticking her head into the room.

"Hey… I didn't expect to see you today."

"Yeah. I just… hadn't seen you much lately. Thought I'd come by and see how you were." Said Lane, stepping into the room and closing the door.

"I'm ok." Rory lied.

"Really?"

Rory looked down at her feet and then up at Lane. She could tell Lane. Lane would be rational and supportive.

"No." She sighed finally, getting up and sitting on her bed.

"Oh?" Lane said gently as she joined her.

"I met someone." She said. A smile played on her lips for a second.

"Really? Wow, who?" Asked Lane excitedly.

"His name is Jess."

"And…?"

"And I met him 2 months ago."

"Where?" Lane smiled.

"Online." Rory said hesitantly.

"Online? Like… the internet?" She frowned. "How does that work?"

"Well, I needed to talk, he was there. We've been e-mailing daily. Pages and pages some times." She smiled softly thinking about it.

"Cool." Said Lane, still a little confused.

"I think… I mean I know… I'm falling for him."

"Oh." Said Lane, cringing a little.

"And he loves me too. I think. I mean… he says he does, but… he doesn't think he can be what I need because he's not here." She sighed, picking at her quilt.

"Bummer. So… what are you going to do?"

"I don't know." Rory said, a tear running down her cheek. "I don't know."

Lane hugged her.