Title: Double Take
Chapter: 6: Tacking into the Wind
Author: Alkalphiel and The Scribe
Summary: Legolas' version of "First Sight"
Feedback: Yes, please! Post reviews or email alkalphiel@yahoo.com
A/N: The Scribe: The Lord of the Rings and all its accompanying parts, characters and mythologies are not mine. This fanfiction is intended as a work of respect for and tribute to J. R. R. Tolkien's creations.
For those not familiar with the term, "tacking into the wind" is a nautical term. If anyone out there is an expert in nautical terminology or actually sails, or whatever, please correct me! My impression is that the definition goes something like this: one cannot sail directly into the wind and must therefore turn one's boat, through the wind, and sail at an angle to it. This gives the appearance of turning around and going the wrong way, but actually leads to progress.
To ola: I remind you of Mercedes Lackey? Thank you. I read most of her books in my earlier years, and I greatly admire her light sense of humor and love for her characters.
Alkalphiel: I've never sailed. Legolas knows his way around a canoe . . .
~*~
Alkalphiel jumped right into evading me. She began, "My lord, I'm sure that you wish to speak to me about the life bond that you believe we share. I must assure you, it is still just as false as it was when this ordeal began. Now please, with your leave I will be on my way . . ." I could almost see her edging toward the door.
I blocked her verbally. If she would not listen to her own heart or even to mine, perhaps she would listen to pragmatism. "No, you do not have my leave and you will not be on your way. Lady Alkalphiel, we do not know where Quellepaural is and for that simple reason alone - your protection - I must insist that you remain here. However, you must also stay here to give testimony as our investigation requires it."
I took a deep breath. I had to say what must be said, and Alkalphiel had to listen to it. Reaching inside myself for the truth, hoping against hope that she would finally and truly listen, I spoke. "And there is the matter of the bond between us. Lady Alkalphiel, I do not know much about you. We have exchanged our names and the names of our fathers, and little else. Never the less, I trust what my heart tells me. Now I will tell you what it sings, and if you can still turn and walk away forever when I have finished, then so be it. I hope with all my being that you choose to remain, to learn me as I learn you, and eventually to stand by my side." I did not tell her that my heart would surely break in two if she left, part of it lingering with her for eternity.
"What I do know of you: you possess a strong inclination toward the protection and aid of others. I do not think I am mistaken when I surmise that you never thought to blame Quellepaural for the false life bond. You also do not hold yourself in high regard, probably because you are not as fair as many of our race. There is also something about you - a feeling of restraint, perhaps. I did notice that you were not eager to meet me, and you may indeed have been the only elf in the room not to approach me. Many are eager that I should be their match and would hurry this along by chasing me down if necessary. I, on the other hand, have always felt that my soul mate would be one I found, one I had to pursue and court. You see I am well prepared for you, Lady Alkalphiel. As long as you doubt, I shall continue to believe.
"I know what it is to be hounded. Rest assured that I shall not actually pursue you. Whatever your decision, I will respect and honor it. If your heart of hearts cannot rest easy and persuades you that we are not soul mates, I will accept this. Do you wish to hear what my heart of hearts tells me?" I wasn't sure where the strength to proclaim these things was coming from. The words of the wind echoed in me: ~The wound that does not kill may still scar. It is enough. You will overcome.~
Alkalphiel stood frozen before me. She nodded slowly, eyes widened and soul open.
"I look at you and know without any sure reason that you will stand by my side to the ends of time and beyond. I see our children and the future of Mirkwood in your eyes. I close my eyes and hear your heartbeat, soft and slow while you sleep or racing powerfully as you sprint with me down the forest trails of our realm." As I spoke the words, it was true. Her heartbeat began to sound in my ears, steady and loving and softer than a lullaby. "I feel the songs you have yet to sing, songs you have yet to know, but I know them and I feel your soul as well. I know your empathy and eagerness to aid others. And your fierce independence - Mellaithwen informs me that you live alone and seldom meet others or venture out, not because you dislike other elves but rather because you are sufficient for yourself." The vision I wove was entrancing me as well as her, and I found myself wondering how I could know these things. This was never mentioned in life bond training.
"I know the ugly parts of you, too. The way you look down tells me that you lack self-confidence, and as I said before I would attribute this to your appearance. I suspect that you are a bit too accommodating as a result, allowing yourself to be intimidated. And from the independence - the determined cast to your mouth as you withheld that Quellepaural had sought you out and threatened you - I can see that you are the kind to refuse to lean on another. Too proud? That I do not know, for as I have said before I do not yet know you, Lady Alkalphiel." My sudden font of knowledge was spent; her heartbeat was fading from my hearing, and in it's place came a nagging voice that asked me if I was sure that it was enough. I wondered, had I said enough? Had I spoken the right words to coax this hawk back down on to my arm?
Alkalphiel looked surprised about something. I waited for the inevitable questions, the suspicions I was sure would come: How do you know these things? Have you been spying on me? What are you, a voyeur?
She opened her lovely mouth to break my heart, shatter my soul with her distrust. Out came the words "How did you know about Quellepaural?"
How did I know about Quellepaural? My lady was beyond belief. "This is my father's palace. Little takes place here that is not noted by someone, often a servant. Fortunately for you, many of my oldest friends work here. You are a pragmatic lady. Almost hopelessly so. Faced with a declaration of love, you fix on an irrelevant detail." I fixed a look of exasperation on my face and sighed. Rising bemusement forced me to turn away and gaze out the window instead. A inappropriate smile tugged at the corners of my mouth.
"Is that what this is? A declaration of love?"
I couldn't understand how this could surprise her so. Fears crept into my amusement - perhaps she was not the one, after all. Turning back to Alkalphiel, I steeled myself for what was to come. "It is. I have told you what I have seen, and what I know without seeing or hearing. I now await your response." I gazed into her eyes, looking for her reaction.
"Your Highness, I cannot do this. Not yet, perhaps not ever. My heart speaks to me, I am certain, but I will not hear it. My faith in the age- old soul bond of our kind has been deeply shaken. Your words have moved me, do not doubt that, but I am not sure that it is enough. Possibly, with time . . . I don't know."
She was not sure that it was enough. A tiny, high-pitched sound like a fine wine glass hitting the cold stone floor, somewhere within me. To be royal is to make many hard choices, and always to place others above yourself. To be true to myself, I must do nothing less. I felt my chest tighten. And yet, through it all, there was a thread of sorrow not for myself but for Alkalphiel. To be so wounded that one would reject the promise of eternal love and companionship . . . it was unfathomable.
"Lady Alkalphiel, here is what I would say to you: When one wanders through the darkness, be it the depths of a cave or the plains on a moonless night, it is easy to believe the black to be endless. Do not doubt that I know this. However, more often than not it is the darkness that allows even the tiniest light to shine forth all the more brightly. My wish for you is that you allow someone, that you allow me, to light a candle.
"I will depart now and allow you to retire. You shall remain a guest here until we are certain of your safety, and thereafter for as long as you desire. I urge you to think upon my words. Whatever your choice, I will stand by it and defend it to any who would question."
She was puzzled by my words. "Why, my lord? You would defend my decision to have nothing further to do with you, if I so chose?"
"I would defend that right against all comers, my lady. I have absolute faith that whatever you choose will be the right decision. Please know that whether or not I have a place in your life, I will always respect you. And love you." My heart ached for her, for the innocence and trust she had lost; my heart ached for me, for the light and laughter and love I feared I had just lost. I turned away from her, every inch a prince, and moved quickly to the door. Unable to stop myself, I paused near the door and looked over my shoulder for a last glimpse of her. She was silhouetted against the window, outlined by the flickering torchlight reaching in from the gardens below. I opened the door, stepped through, and pulled it closed behind me.
Spent, I slid down the wall to the floor. I sat there, knees drawn up to my chest, heedless of the inquiring looks of passing servants. Unbidden, an image came to my mind: a great ship, unable to make headway through the wind, slowly turning. Although it appeared to be retreating in the face of the gusts, I knew that this was the wisest course and that the ship would eventually move forward all the more because it gave ground now. The words for this came to me then - "tacking into the wind."
Chapter: 6: Tacking into the Wind
Author: Alkalphiel and The Scribe
Summary: Legolas' version of "First Sight"
Feedback: Yes, please! Post reviews or email alkalphiel@yahoo.com
A/N: The Scribe: The Lord of the Rings and all its accompanying parts, characters and mythologies are not mine. This fanfiction is intended as a work of respect for and tribute to J. R. R. Tolkien's creations.
For those not familiar with the term, "tacking into the wind" is a nautical term. If anyone out there is an expert in nautical terminology or actually sails, or whatever, please correct me! My impression is that the definition goes something like this: one cannot sail directly into the wind and must therefore turn one's boat, through the wind, and sail at an angle to it. This gives the appearance of turning around and going the wrong way, but actually leads to progress.
To ola: I remind you of Mercedes Lackey? Thank you. I read most of her books in my earlier years, and I greatly admire her light sense of humor and love for her characters.
Alkalphiel: I've never sailed. Legolas knows his way around a canoe . . .
~*~
Alkalphiel jumped right into evading me. She began, "My lord, I'm sure that you wish to speak to me about the life bond that you believe we share. I must assure you, it is still just as false as it was when this ordeal began. Now please, with your leave I will be on my way . . ." I could almost see her edging toward the door.
I blocked her verbally. If she would not listen to her own heart or even to mine, perhaps she would listen to pragmatism. "No, you do not have my leave and you will not be on your way. Lady Alkalphiel, we do not know where Quellepaural is and for that simple reason alone - your protection - I must insist that you remain here. However, you must also stay here to give testimony as our investigation requires it."
I took a deep breath. I had to say what must be said, and Alkalphiel had to listen to it. Reaching inside myself for the truth, hoping against hope that she would finally and truly listen, I spoke. "And there is the matter of the bond between us. Lady Alkalphiel, I do not know much about you. We have exchanged our names and the names of our fathers, and little else. Never the less, I trust what my heart tells me. Now I will tell you what it sings, and if you can still turn and walk away forever when I have finished, then so be it. I hope with all my being that you choose to remain, to learn me as I learn you, and eventually to stand by my side." I did not tell her that my heart would surely break in two if she left, part of it lingering with her for eternity.
"What I do know of you: you possess a strong inclination toward the protection and aid of others. I do not think I am mistaken when I surmise that you never thought to blame Quellepaural for the false life bond. You also do not hold yourself in high regard, probably because you are not as fair as many of our race. There is also something about you - a feeling of restraint, perhaps. I did notice that you were not eager to meet me, and you may indeed have been the only elf in the room not to approach me. Many are eager that I should be their match and would hurry this along by chasing me down if necessary. I, on the other hand, have always felt that my soul mate would be one I found, one I had to pursue and court. You see I am well prepared for you, Lady Alkalphiel. As long as you doubt, I shall continue to believe.
"I know what it is to be hounded. Rest assured that I shall not actually pursue you. Whatever your decision, I will respect and honor it. If your heart of hearts cannot rest easy and persuades you that we are not soul mates, I will accept this. Do you wish to hear what my heart of hearts tells me?" I wasn't sure where the strength to proclaim these things was coming from. The words of the wind echoed in me: ~The wound that does not kill may still scar. It is enough. You will overcome.~
Alkalphiel stood frozen before me. She nodded slowly, eyes widened and soul open.
"I look at you and know without any sure reason that you will stand by my side to the ends of time and beyond. I see our children and the future of Mirkwood in your eyes. I close my eyes and hear your heartbeat, soft and slow while you sleep or racing powerfully as you sprint with me down the forest trails of our realm." As I spoke the words, it was true. Her heartbeat began to sound in my ears, steady and loving and softer than a lullaby. "I feel the songs you have yet to sing, songs you have yet to know, but I know them and I feel your soul as well. I know your empathy and eagerness to aid others. And your fierce independence - Mellaithwen informs me that you live alone and seldom meet others or venture out, not because you dislike other elves but rather because you are sufficient for yourself." The vision I wove was entrancing me as well as her, and I found myself wondering how I could know these things. This was never mentioned in life bond training.
"I know the ugly parts of you, too. The way you look down tells me that you lack self-confidence, and as I said before I would attribute this to your appearance. I suspect that you are a bit too accommodating as a result, allowing yourself to be intimidated. And from the independence - the determined cast to your mouth as you withheld that Quellepaural had sought you out and threatened you - I can see that you are the kind to refuse to lean on another. Too proud? That I do not know, for as I have said before I do not yet know you, Lady Alkalphiel." My sudden font of knowledge was spent; her heartbeat was fading from my hearing, and in it's place came a nagging voice that asked me if I was sure that it was enough. I wondered, had I said enough? Had I spoken the right words to coax this hawk back down on to my arm?
Alkalphiel looked surprised about something. I waited for the inevitable questions, the suspicions I was sure would come: How do you know these things? Have you been spying on me? What are you, a voyeur?
She opened her lovely mouth to break my heart, shatter my soul with her distrust. Out came the words "How did you know about Quellepaural?"
How did I know about Quellepaural? My lady was beyond belief. "This is my father's palace. Little takes place here that is not noted by someone, often a servant. Fortunately for you, many of my oldest friends work here. You are a pragmatic lady. Almost hopelessly so. Faced with a declaration of love, you fix on an irrelevant detail." I fixed a look of exasperation on my face and sighed. Rising bemusement forced me to turn away and gaze out the window instead. A inappropriate smile tugged at the corners of my mouth.
"Is that what this is? A declaration of love?"
I couldn't understand how this could surprise her so. Fears crept into my amusement - perhaps she was not the one, after all. Turning back to Alkalphiel, I steeled myself for what was to come. "It is. I have told you what I have seen, and what I know without seeing or hearing. I now await your response." I gazed into her eyes, looking for her reaction.
"Your Highness, I cannot do this. Not yet, perhaps not ever. My heart speaks to me, I am certain, but I will not hear it. My faith in the age- old soul bond of our kind has been deeply shaken. Your words have moved me, do not doubt that, but I am not sure that it is enough. Possibly, with time . . . I don't know."
She was not sure that it was enough. A tiny, high-pitched sound like a fine wine glass hitting the cold stone floor, somewhere within me. To be royal is to make many hard choices, and always to place others above yourself. To be true to myself, I must do nothing less. I felt my chest tighten. And yet, through it all, there was a thread of sorrow not for myself but for Alkalphiel. To be so wounded that one would reject the promise of eternal love and companionship . . . it was unfathomable.
"Lady Alkalphiel, here is what I would say to you: When one wanders through the darkness, be it the depths of a cave or the plains on a moonless night, it is easy to believe the black to be endless. Do not doubt that I know this. However, more often than not it is the darkness that allows even the tiniest light to shine forth all the more brightly. My wish for you is that you allow someone, that you allow me, to light a candle.
"I will depart now and allow you to retire. You shall remain a guest here until we are certain of your safety, and thereafter for as long as you desire. I urge you to think upon my words. Whatever your choice, I will stand by it and defend it to any who would question."
She was puzzled by my words. "Why, my lord? You would defend my decision to have nothing further to do with you, if I so chose?"
"I would defend that right against all comers, my lady. I have absolute faith that whatever you choose will be the right decision. Please know that whether or not I have a place in your life, I will always respect you. And love you." My heart ached for her, for the innocence and trust she had lost; my heart ached for me, for the light and laughter and love I feared I had just lost. I turned away from her, every inch a prince, and moved quickly to the door. Unable to stop myself, I paused near the door and looked over my shoulder for a last glimpse of her. She was silhouetted against the window, outlined by the flickering torchlight reaching in from the gardens below. I opened the door, stepped through, and pulled it closed behind me.
Spent, I slid down the wall to the floor. I sat there, knees drawn up to my chest, heedless of the inquiring looks of passing servants. Unbidden, an image came to my mind: a great ship, unable to make headway through the wind, slowly turning. Although it appeared to be retreating in the face of the gusts, I knew that this was the wisest course and that the ship would eventually move forward all the more because it gave ground now. The words for this came to me then - "tacking into the wind."
