Hermione woke up to the sun shining in her eyes. She was surprised momentarily that she was not resting on the chest of her husband.
And than she remembered the night before.
In panic, she jumped out of bed and threw the first robes that she found on. Putting on a pair of slippers, she exited the bedroom. She than walked to the entrance to their living quarters, but was stopped when a voice called, "Hermione."
Hermione looked back to her sitting room where Albus Dumbledore sat. "I need to speak with you." He said, gesturing to the seat in front of him.
"I need to see my husband." Hermione replied frantically.
The headmaster lowered his head slightly. "That is what I need to speak with you about." He replied sadly.
Hermione looked at Albus, feeling the tears well up in her eyes. 'No. He couldn't have died. He had to have made it. Oh Severus!' She thought. Her legs obeyed the headmaster's orders without her knowledge, and she made her way to one of the chairs in front of the fire.
"Hermione, I'm afraid that although Severus is still with us, the probability of his survival is not promising." He started, the twinkle in his eye nonexistent at the moment. He sat watching the woman, waiting for her reaction. He didn't want to mislead her, but until the final decision was made, he had to.
The tears began to flow freely down Hermione's face at the thought that her husband could die. She remembered the state that she felt and saw him in the night before. He had been physically beaten, bloodied up, hexed and cursed to almost oblivion. She could see it in his eyes. Still, she believed that he would survive this; that she would have another chance to convince him to discontinue with his spying.
It was a good thing she was sitting. There was no way that her legs would hold her up at the moment. She could barely keep her head up, and supported it in her hands. Albus stood from his chair and handed her a tissue to help clean her up.
"I need to see him." She said, and tried to get up, but stumbled back down.
"Not now, Hermione. I'll speak to Poppy about allowing you to see him later on. Right now, I'm more concerned with you." Albus replied.
"How could you be more concerned with me? My life is not hanging in the balance. I am not lying on some hospital bed with a very real possibility of death. I have not been subjected to hexes and curses and physical beatings for most of my life for "the greater good"!" She spat back at him. "How can you be more concerned for me?"
Her emotional state was very unbalanced at the moment. Nodding, he got up. "You need to calm down, Hermione. A spot of tea may help you to deal with the situation. When you are more composed, we can talk about you seeing him." Albus said, walking over to the small kitchen. He made up two cups of tea, and laced hers with another sleeping potion. Now that he had an idea as to what her reaction would be if she were told her husband were dead, he decided to inform Severus. First, he had to deal with her.
He brought the two cups of tea back to the sitting room. He handed her the one with the sleeping potion, and sipped at the other. About 20 minutes later, she was asleep once again. The headmaster carried Hermione back to her bedroom and tucked her in. Looking at the sleeping form, he left the bedroom and headed back for the hospital wing.
~@~
"It doesn't matter, Albus. I cannot allow knowledge of my survival to leave these walls." Severus said, stubborn as ever. "They know I'm a spy. They think I'm dead. Let everyone believe the same thing."
"Severus, I do not wish you to make a decision that you will come to regret one day." Albus replied sadly. "Please give this more time. Please give this more thought."
"Albus, my final decision has been made. As of right now, I am dead." Severus exclaimed. "When the war ends, and I'm sure that Hermione will be out of danger, I only hope that I can convince her that I did this for her own good. If I survive, that is."
"Severus, this could destroy her. You are her life to her. You are everything to her." Albus exclaimed passionately. "You cannot leave her like this."
"Albus, she is everything to me. Which is why I couldn't bear to be the reason for her death. She will recover." Severus said. "She will move on."
"I will go through with your ludicrous plan, on one condition." Albus said.
"What is that?"
"You will survive, you will return for her." Albus said. "And you will fight to win her back. I know that she will take your leaving personally."
"I know. Promise me this, old friend." Severus said.
"For what you have done for our side, for me. I will promise you anything." Albus replied.
"Promise me you'll watch over her while I am gone. I'd ask you to let me know how she is regularly, but there is a danger that the communication be traced." Severus said, his eyes full of regret for what he was about to do to his love.
"I promise." Came the sad reply.
~@~
Arrangements had to be made before they could announce the death of the Potion's Master. They had to come up with a shell that could fool anyone, for a time at least. They would cremate it in the end to keep anyone from discovering that it was not, indeed, Severus Snape. The only people who would know that he was still alive would be himself, Poppy and Albus. They also decided that it would be best to inform Hermione separate from the staff and students. Her reaction could reveal their secret marriage. Afterwards, it could be announced that one of her family members passed, covering for her expected detachment from the staff and giving her an excuse to grieve.
This was the task that the Headmaster was embarking on now. Approaching the Snape's chambers, Albus knocked on the door, and was let in. Hermione had not been informed any further on the condition of Severus, and would now be told that she was widowed. The sad look in Albus' eyes was genuine. 'Merlin help us get through this.' He thought as she opened the door.
When Hermione saw who it was, she was anxious. She was forbidden to go the hospital wing since Severus returned from the revel. She didn't know anything further than his chances for survival. Taking one look at the Headmaster's face, she knew what was coming.
"No." She whispered. She began to shake her head, backing into the room. "No." She repeated.
"I'm afraid so, Hermione." Albus replied softly as he closed the door.
"Severus. No." She continued to shake her head. Her knees gave out, and she landed on the floor on all fours. "Please, Merlin! No!" She began to repeat more loudly. Her head dropped down, and she began to hyperventilate. "No! Please tell me it's not true! It cannot be true!" She gasped.
Albus kneeled down beside her, and started to rub her back gently. "Hermione, just breath." He said calmly. Her body continued to shake. Helping her up, he directed her towards the sofa and conjured up some tea. He handed her a cup, but she refused to move. Sighing, he placed it on the table in front of them.
"I'm afraid there was nothing that could be done, Hermione." The Headmaster said. "He couldn't hold on anymore."
Hermione looked back at the Headmaster, angry tears filled her eyes. "You BASTARD! You didn't even let me see him one last time!" She yelled angrily. Flinging from her seat, she advanced on him. "I didn't even get a chance to say goodbye! How COULD you?" She punctuated it by slapping him across the face.
The Headmaster was taken aback, but did nothing to retaliate.
"I will never see him alive again! And it's YOUR fault! You made him spy for you so that he wouldn't go to Azkaban! You allowed him to continue! You allowed him to. . .to. . ." but she couldn't say anymore, as she ran to the bathroom and began to violently retch.
Albus got up after a few moments, and walked towards the bathroom. She was leaning her head against the porcelain, sobbing quietly. He reached for a facecloth and dampened it under the faucet. Kneeing on the floor beside her again, he moved her hair out the way, and handed her the cloth.
Still shaking, she took the cloth and wiped the fluids from her face. Silence fell for a few minutes. Finally, she whispered, "I'm sorry."
"I will not defend my actions, Hermione. I did what I thought best, and I truly regret what happened." He said. "Is there anything you need?"
"I need to be alone, Albus." She whispered again. "I just need to be alone."
~@~
A few days later, a somber tune filled the dungeon hallways of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
Spend all your time waiting
for that second chance
for a break that would make it okay
there's always one reason
to feel not good enough
and it's hard at the end of the day
In the Snape's chambers, Hermione sat in front of the fire, staring ahead at nothing at all, the ring that she gave Severus for their anniversary clutched in her hand. Although their time together was short, she had many memories to think back on. She half listened to the song playing the background, and thought it funny how it reminded her so much of Severus.
I need some distraction
oh beautiful release
memory seeps from my veins
The memorial had been beautiful. Because of the state that Poppy had said his body was in, it would be best for them to cremate him. Over the mantle were the remains of the man that, only a few days ago, she'd made love to for the last time.
Let me be empty
and weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight
Peace? Right! Not seemingly likely for her at the moment. He'd found his peace, though. He'd spent decades tortured, by himself and others. He'd done things for people that no one would believe him capable of. Even the newspapers had labeled him 'The Death Eater Who Finally Got His'. She couldn't even do anything about it. Their marriage was a secret from everyone. Albus told her that in light of what had happened, it'd be best not to expose herself to any extra attention. She shut down her thoughts for a moment to listen to the song playing.
In the arms of an angel
fly away from here
from this dark cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you fear
you are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort there
"I hope you do, Severus." She whispered
aloud. "I miss you. I'll always love you."
"As he will you." A voice startled her out of her trance. She turned and found Albus approaching the chair beside the sofa she was sitting on. Neither spoke for a few moments. Both just stared off into the fireplace.
So tired of the straight
line
and everywhere you turn
there's vultures and thieves at your back
and the storm keeps on twisting
you keep on building the lie
that you make up for all that you lack
it don't make no difference
escaping one last time
it's easier to believe
In this sweet madness
Oh this glorious sadness
That brings me to my knees
"I need to begin teaching my classes again, Albus." She finally broke the silence.
"Are you sure, Hermione? We can continue to cover them if you feel you are unable to." He replied.
"I need to get back into my routine." She said.
"Do not overexert yourself, child." Albus said. "You have more than yourself to think about." Hermione snapped her head back up to look at the Headmaster.
"Poppy told me." Is all he said in reply.
"I thought it was all because Severus was gone." She said, turning her attention back to the fire. "It wasn't until Poppy refused to let me leave the hospital wing that I found out."
Albus nodded.
"He won't even be here with me. He won't experience it all with me." Hermione continued, tears starting to run down her face, expression unchanged. "She will never know her father."
"As I said, Hermione. We don't want you to over exert yourself. You know we will all help you in this time." Albus said.
"I know. But what will I tell people when they ask? I cannot tell them that Severus and I were married. I cannot tell them that he cared for me at all." She said, truly at a loss for what she could do. "What am I to do?"
Albus regarded her sadly. "Do what is most comfortable to you." He said, standing to excuse himself from her chambers. Before leaving, he took one look back at the woman sitting on the sofa, and allowed a tear to fall for her.
A/N:
The song is Sarah McLachlan's 'Angel'. I found the lyrics at
