Xenogears: Remembrance

By: Melissa McClendon

melissa_mcclendon@yahoo.com

Note: Characters thoughts are color-coded due to telepathic conversations with certain characters. However, just in case these don't show up, I also used a different symbol to identify telepathic conversation. Regular character thoughts are signaled by this *~* whereas telepathic thoughts are **. I hope that doesn't cause too much confusion, enjoy!

Chapter Four

The light was blinding, an enormous white sphere looming over the examination table where the tiny form of a child laid, the only movement being the steady up and down motion of her breathing. She struggled to blink, the light threatening to burn through her very being, but it was useless. All she could do was lay there as it etched its mark upon her very soul, breathing the only movement her body allowed. Unblinking as the space surrounding the light began to form a deep amethyst ring around the sphere, the little girl could sense somebody approaching her. *~*Momma…Where are you…?*~*

            "The girl would make a very fine specimen, if she were just a few years older." It had been a man who reached the girl's side, but she could no more see him than blink as he twisted her honey colored cherubic curls between his fingers.

            "Well, we have the mother until she matures." The shrill voice of woman chimed, jotting some notes down on her data pad. "She'll prove an excellent source of data until then."

            "Yes, the mother is full of spirit, but like most Lambs, will be easily broken." The man flashed a feral smile down at the girl, running a cold finger across her cheek. "And this one is young enough to develop to the precise specifications of the experiments."

            "Indeed." The woman replied, moving to his side to take a closer look at the girl. "Spindly little thing, isn't she?" She lifted the little girl's arm up, examined it, and promptly dropped it back to the side of the 'specimen'. "I think we should bring the mother in now." The woman moved back to her chair as she motioned for the guard to bring in the "mother".

            For what seemed like an eternity to the little girl, the doors slowly swooshed open and a slender young woman was brought in, her hands bound tightly behind her back. Her dirty blond hair was pulled back loosely, exposing the bloodshot golden orbs that were her eyes, dark circles underscoring what was once their brilliance. She had once been beautiful, but the situation she had been subjected to had taken its toll on her. Glancing around the room, her eyes widened in surprise for a brief second as they rest upon the child spread out along the examination table. "Yui!" She called out, struggling to move to her daughter's side only to be pulled back by the two guards.

            "Calm down." The man turned away from the child Yui and faced her mother, crossing his arms over his chest. "The child is unharmed."

            "For now." The woman quickly added.

            **Momma… My eyes burn…I can't move…** The prisoner masked her anger behind those golden eyes upon hearing her daughter's anguish. Keeping her gaze focused on the man leaning against the examination table her daughter was placed on, she touched Yui's mind with her own in an attempt to comfort her. *~*Everything will be alright, sweetheart. I'm here now…*~*

Seven Years Ago

            "Momma… My eyes burn… I can't move…" Yui gasped out, punching into the air with her clinched fists at some invisible phantom as she kicked the covers off the bed.

            *~*She is having another nightmare…*~* Hyuga thought quietly as he watched Yui move restlessly on the bed. This was the third time in a row that he had woken up in the middle of the night and came into her room to find her having a nightmare. *~*Something terrible must have happened to her as a child…*~* They had got progressively worse each night as the Solarian watched her toss and turn about in the bed, conversing with specters and struggling to get away. Each night he found it more difficult than the last to fight the strange stirrings within him to gather her into his arms and comfort her, soothing away all of those nightmares. He had resisted so far, instead sitting in the chair near her bed and watching her until she settled down into agitated slumber.

            "Where's Daddy…?" Her soft voice filled the room again, now filled with terror whereas its former song brought joy to Hyuga's ears.

            His dark eyes watched as one of her hands fell lifeless to the side of the bed, seeming to lose the will to fight its unseen adversary. His hand trembled to clasp hers, yearning to feel its smooth texture if only once. Hyuga clenched his fist in resistance to reach out for hers. *~*I need to go… I think she is settling down now…*~* He knew he was just running from his own inadequacies, but that did not matter. He could not give in.

            Easing himself up, Hyuga stealthily moved towards the open door to return to the makeshift bed in the next room before he woke her up. Finally reaching the doorway, a subtle change in her breathing caused him to stop dead in his tracks and turn around to gaze upon her again in surprise. *~*Is she… crying…?*~*

            "Mommy… make them stop… Please… make them stop…" Her voice quivered along with her body as the tears began to flow down her cheeks and onto the pillow, Yui herself still trapped in her nightmare.

            Without so much as a second thought, Hyuga was back by her side, looking down at her intently. Hesitantly, he eased his weight onto the bed and clasped her hand, entwining her slender fingers with his as he gently pulled her into his arms. Surprisingly, Yui still did not awaken and Hyuga began to doubt there would be any chance of that until she "lived" out the nightmare. With the young Shevite woman clutching to his chest as she continued to cry, Hyuga closed his eyes in contentment as he slowly stroked her soft honey-gold hair with his free hand.

Present Day

            Citan recognized that look, the detached gaze of unbridled fear that looked on past what was in front of the eyes and searched for something that was not there, the mind trapped in its own prison. His stomach turned over in remembrance of who had bore this look before when he finally found her and now that his own daughter expressed it, he knew he was going to be sick. "Midori…?" The doctor whispered as he sat hunkered in front of the chair his daughter was hiding under, his large hand extended out to her.

            They were alone in the abandoned vestibule; Billy and Maria were waiting a couple of floors below with an unconscious Yui. Jessie, Sigurd, and Ramsus had moved Anna and the children onto the Yggdrasil and returned to Nisan on Citan's insistence since Yui was too ill to move for the time being. He only prayed her condition greatly improved before they returned.

            "Midori… come here, sweetheart. We have to go and help your mother… She is not well and needs our help." Citan inched closer to the chair, entreating Midori to take his hand. He had no idea how long they had been like this, but he knew Yggdrasil must have been well on its way to Nisan by now.

            Midori's eyes suddenly flashed, almost in anger as she looked at her father. "Is it her…?" She whispered.

            "I… believe so." If she had been trying to catch him off guard, she definitely succeeded. The woman Billy and Maria were now with certainly looked like his wife, as well as sounded and fought like her. Was she really Yui though? Or was it just the wishful thinking of a man who was still in mourning?

            "She does not talk to me, Daddy…" Midori sighed, still stubbornly refusing to crawl out from under the chair.

            Citan had to think for a moment before realizing she meant with her mind. Yui and Midori were both telepaths, so not only did they have the bond between a mother and daughter but one of the mind as well. "You have tried talking to her then…?"

            Midori nodded sadly. "She can't hear me..." Her tiny nose scrunched slightly as she sniffled. "She can't be Mommy… Mommy wouldn't ignore me…"

            "Maybe it is because she is ill…?" Citan suggested, sighing in relief as Midori finally crawled out from under the chair and into his outstretched arms.

            "Maybe…" Midori replied before burying her face in his shoulder and beginning to cry.

            "Shh… It is alright, sweetheart…" He soothed, gently patting her back as he stood up with her clutching to him tightly as she continued to weep.

            Maria winced as she slowly exposed one of Yui's open wounds, moving away the bandage soaked in blood as she began cleaning the area around it with a damp cloth. Billy watched the young Shevite girl thoughtfully, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest. "Is there anything you need help with?"

            Maria shook her head despondently, noting the state of disrepair that the Ethos Headquarters was in. "I don't think so… There's not much here that could help her…" She calmly replied, continuing to clean Yui's wounds.

            Billy could sense the despair in Maria, the grief that had come over her when she finally laid her eyes upon the woman that they had went through all this trouble for. *~*I think this was one of the old medical wards… Maybe there is something of use left.*~* He moved across the room and began going through the drawers without a second thought, hoping to find medicine to aid Maria.

            "What are you doing, Billy?" Her eyes flew up in surprise to meet his as he knelt down beside her with a small jar in his hand. "What's that?"

            "Use this on her wounds… It was all I could find, but it should help…" Billy opened the jar and handed it to Maria before standing back up to return to his position against the wall.

            Maria smiled to herself despite the situation, setting the jar down on the nearby stand before scooping some of the salve up with her fingers. "Thank you…" She whispered while lightly rubbing it across the gash she had been attending.

            "Did you know Citan's wife, Maria?" Billy inquired curiously.

            Maria nodded, securing a fresh bandage over the wound before moving on to the next one. "Yes… Yui and my father were very close. I stayed with Yui and Citan for awhile in Shevat. They took care of me… I've always looked up to her like a big sister, but she was really more like a mother to me…"

            Billy took a deep breath, a brief remembrance of his own mother blinking through his mind. "I never knew…"

            "Most people don't…" Maria concluded with a shrug, her tone telling Billy she didn't want to discuss the matter further.

            Billy concealed his disappointment, respecting Maria's privacy. "Do you think that this woman is really Citan's wife? Didn't—Didn't she fall with Shevat…?"

            "I…" Maria's melancholy gaze rest upon Yui then, her eyes examining the unconscious woman with close scrutiny. *~*Is this really Yui? Kind, sweet Yui?*~* Reaching out with her hand, Maria tucked away the stray strands of sweat-soaked hair from Yui's face. A faint smile crossed the teenager's lips, remembering a time when the woman would sing her a lullaby before bedtime as she gently stroked the honey-gold locks between her fingers. "Dan and Midori… They were the last people with her before the fall… Dan says she saved their lives, but got trapped as the building collapsed and broke away… Midori, naturally, does not speak of it."

            Billy tried to ignore the fact that Maria completely avoided the question of whether she believed this woman really was Yui Uzuki, but it was difficult. He knew it was stupid for such an issue to bother him. Why did it matter to him that Maria did not confide in him? That she kept things bottled up inside her. Did he not do the same thing? "I know this probably isn't what you want to hear right now. I can see that you loved her very much… but with you, Citan, and Midori… It's up to me to be the voice of reason here… I just don't see how she could have survived the crash."

            "I have prayed, as I'm sure Citan and Midori have, for a miracle… That somehow, she was spared… And I think god has answered me with this woman. I believe she is Yui, she just doesn't remember."

            "Maria, haven't you learned anything?" Billy cut her off scornfully. "There is no god to hear your prayers." His hand resting on one of the guns strapped to his hips, the former priest closed his eyes in thought. *~*We killed him…*~*

            Maria swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat, slowly turning away from Billy and returning her attention to Yui. *~*What has happened to you, Billy…? You've changed so much…*~*

Seven Years Ago

Hyuga Ricdeau was silent, only the slightest movement was evident on his body, caused by the even intake of oxygen into his lungs. His brown eyes were fixated on the tiny hands that were busy moving back and forth, as their owner continued to speak to her dinner partner. They were soft hands, gentle in their care, providing no evidence to the fact that these were the hands of a highly skilled sword master, Lady Yui Gaspar.

          Over the past few weeks, Hyuga had concluded a few things about his 'captor'. She was beautiful and intelligent, not the simpleton that she had claimed he thought she was. She was the kindest person he had ever met. The day they had fought each other, Hyuga had intended on killing Yui and would have done so had she not bested him in combat, and he was sure she knew this. Yet, she took him into her home and nursed him back to health from the wounds she had inflicted. Somehow, she knew he had wanted to leave Solaris, maybe that's why she lied to Queen Zephyr. Yui was a mystery to him, a mystery he was intent on solving if it meant he spend the rest of his life in Shevat. Although, that wasn't a bad idea, he knew those golden eyes of hers would haunt him for at least that long.

            Hyuga tore his gaze from where she sat at the bar across the room from him, deep in conversation with the woman beside her, when her smile elicited warm feelings within his very being. Looking down to his third drink of the evening, he sighed. *~*What am I doing here…? I could have remained at home and formulated my next course of action… Instead, I am here stalking her…*~* The Solarian completely ignored the fact that he referred to Yui's apartment as 'home', although it seemed so natural to do so. So many things about her seemed natural to him. "What am I doing here…?"

            "So things with Jedda are completely over…?" Yui's friend Aliane questioned curiously, taking a sip of the wine in her glass as she looked to her friend with her big blue eyes.

            "There never was anything with Jedda, Ali. You know that." Yui replied, slightly in aggravation. If she never saw that man again, it would be too soon.

            "Well, if he had had it his way, there would have been." Aliane teased with a smile, setting her glass down. "But I'm glad; I never did like him… What about that man living with you? He may be a Solarian, but—"

            Yui's eyes grew wide. "Aliane! You know it's nothing like that…" She trailed off nervously, avoiding her friend's intense gaze while taking a drink of water.

            Aliane smiled knowingly, not missing Yui's slight blush. "I know, Yui… but I can also tell you're attracted to him. And who can blame you—"

            Yui frowned, the conversation reminding her of how much Aliane liked to ramble. "Yes, he… is nice looking, but he is a Solarian… a very dangerous Solarian…"

            "Yui, given your past history with the Solarians, I don't blame you at all for your feelings towards them." Aliane placed a comforting hand on Yui's shoulder when her friend instantly tensed up. "But even though they are our enemies, I know they aren't all bad. Many of them are probably just like us, normal human beings just fighting for survival and a place to call our own in this world. Not all of them are egomaniacs; we just have the knack for meeting the ones that are." She concluded with a wink and gentle smile, removing her hand from Yui's shoulder and returning to the wine glass.

            Yui was quiet for a moment, focusing on shutting out all of the emotions flowing through her mind from the people around her. Aliane's speech brought back memories of Yui's mother, the painful reminder opening the mental shielding she kept up from the people around her for her own protection and nearly caused a sensory overload. Yui had learned from a young age that in order to keep from going insane, she had to lock up her telepathic abilities. By maintaining a constant vigilance in blocking out the thoughts and emotions from the people around her, she not only preserved her well-being but their privacy as well. She had grown quite adept at sustaining the mental barriers of her mind over the years to where she was almost used to it, the only time she lost control was during times of extreme emotion. Memories of her mother definitely fell into that category. "Yes… but he is still extremely dangerous…" She whispered, barely audible due to the crowd.

            "Obviously not too dangerous or he wouldn't be breathing right now." Aliane giggled.

            *~*If only I could be that carefree…*~* Yui looked to her friend for a minute, gently massaging away the pain in her temples as she did so. "He's probably sitting in my living room right now contemplating on how to get back to Solaris and launch another invasion fleet." She suggested cynically, the only response she could come up with in light of everything.

            "He'd be dead if you believed that for a minute. You trust him and it scares the hell out of you, Yui." Aliane took one last drink from the glass before standing up and gathering her things.

            "You're leaving…?" Yui inquired, trying to ignore Aliane's last statement while continuing to shut out the thoughts and emotions attacking her psyche.

            "Yeah, I have an early start tomorrow morning. Some of us have to make sure everything is running properly after the invasion." Aliane downed the contents of her wine glass.

            Yui blinked in disbelief for a moment. "Things still aren't in order? They've had plenty of—"

            Aliane grinned, her friend's panic being the effect she was going for. "Things are fine, Yui. We just continue to run diagnostic tests to assure that they didn't leave us any surprises. Don't worry."

            "Ugh… Good night, Ali." Yui rolled her eyes, turning away from her friend so she could leave.

            "Good night, Yui."

            *~*Something is wrong… I saw it wash over her… What did that woman say to Yui that upset her so much…?*~* Hyuga watched Yui's friend saunter out of the bar with a detached glare. They had been discussing him that much he knew. *~*Is that what upset her…?*~* He closed his eyes in careful contemplation, trying to remember if he had done anything that would have troubled her but nothing came to mind. A sick feeling had developed in the pit of his stomach at the thought that he was the cause of her pain, which only added to his own confusion. *~*Why should it matter if I did or not? The situation we find ourselves in almost demands such tensions. But why should it matter to me so much that she is upset and more appropriately, that I may have caused this?*~* Hyuga knew it was something more complex than simply she was his link here, but beyond that, he didn't know. Opening his eyes to look upon her again, he was shocked to find that she had left the bar in that short time. "What the…?"

            Yui whimpered in pain as she collapsed against a nearby bench on the walk back to her apartment, clasping her hands to her throbbing head. "Please… just let me get home…" She whispered aloud, a few rogue tears streaking her flushed cheeks as she struggled to take control of her mind. A hole in the dam that was her mental shielding had appeared when Yui consciously thought of her mother and the hundreds of voices from the bar quickly spewed forth into her head, trailed by the invasion of thousands of thoughts and memories. They were all fighting for her attention now, begging to find a new way to torment her as she fought to close everything off again. She had known it was only a matter of time before something like this happened again. She had been having the nightmares again. Memories of her mother and father and the nightmare that was Solaris.

"No, I can't think of them…" She ordered herself, praying her subconscious would comply.

            Hyuga had to use every ounce of control to not run to Yui's side when she fell onto the bench, obviously in a great deal of pain. He feared how she would react to his presence, to his fumbling attempts to comfort and alleviate what pain was afflicting her. Most of all, he feared his own feelings towards the woman; he didn't understand them. At least the scientist, the observer in him found watching the Shevite somewhat curious. Something had deeply affected her in there and he wanted to know why. He wanted to stop the ache, the emptiness in his own soul as he watched her crumpled form sob as she struggled with its internal demons.

            Yui could feel it beginning, their filthy Solarian hands all over her body, examining her with little regard to her privacy. She was not a human being to them. She was a test subject. Something they wanted to understand, to control, to manipulate to their needs. The sharp pain of the needles puncturing her delicate skin was etching out across her entire body, roughly taking her life's essence with some while pumping her body full of drugs with others. She could feel her muscles beginning to cement, crying out from the violation as she lay there helplessly. Their hands were on her body again, her shoulder, her arm. They were warm, not the ice-cold ones she was accustomed to feeling. They were gentle against her skin, almost caressing her. Yui trembled, her mind screaming to break free as this new sensation added to her confusion of living in her present and her past. Something finally snapped in her, she was beginning to gain control again. Why wouldn't they stop touching her?

            Hyuga jumped back in shock when Yui jerked away from him, screaming as she did so. Reaching for her instinctively, she quickly pushed him away from her with all the strength she could muster, no longer knowing who or what she was fighting. Her only instinct at this point was survival, and she was being attacked. "Yui." He called soothingly, wanting to calm her down before this grew more out of hand. She slapped his hand away, kicking at him to get as far from him as she could. She was a trapped animal, instincts in complete control. "Yui, calm down. I'm not trying to—"

            "Get away from me!" She wept, drawing her legs close to her chest protectively, resting her head on her knees. Her soft honey-gold hair had come out of its clip during the struggle and was now covered her body like a silk cocoon, swaying with the breeze in the cool night's air as she gently rocked back and forth. She closed her eyes, trying desperately to shut them out. The voices in her head had begun to recede but only because she was falling further into the abyss of suppressed memories. She didn't see Hyuga knelt beside her, his face masking his need to comfort her. She only saw Solarian scientists looming over her, as she lay helpless on an examination table.

            "Yui, calm down." Hyuga tried again, his voice providing an anchor in the storm stirring within the depths of her mind. All of the hundreds of voices fighting for attention and ultimately control within her delicate psyche were slowly dying out to whispers as the warmth of Hyuga's voice began to dominate. "I will not hurt you." Where she had barely recognized him before and he was just another Solarian hell bent on dissecting her, his rich voice was now fighting through the levels of her nightmare to provide her the comfort her mind and body so desperately needed. Hesitantly, he gently laid one of his hands on her slender back.

            Her body was on fire, the drugs flowing through her veins were causing adverse, excruciatingly painful effects throughout her being, the intense blood loss only aiding in the affliction. The scientists were looming over her, making minute incisions in various parts of her body while others sat at a glowing computer terminal, analyzing the blood they had abstracted from her. Her golden eyes caught sight of another syringe filled with a dark, murky liquid. It already felt like thousands of needles were relentlessly stabbing into her small frame, she couldn't take another one.

            Yui screamed in pain, pulling away from Hyuga's comforting grasp, her terror-filled eyes only seeing a Solarian scientist holding her down for another injection. This was not the serene, cunning warrior Hyuga had first met and admired or the tender, compassionate woman he was developing strange feelings for that he did not entirely understand yet. Something terrible had happened to Yui. It was causing her nightmares and he was fairly certain it was what she was reliving now. A sick feeling was developing in the pit of stomach as he could feel his anger rising, wanting to only help her and seek revenge on who had done this to her.

            Yui's body had grown completely limp, collapsed on the cold street of Aphel Aura as brokenhearted tears racked her entire body. Why wouldn't they leave her own? She hadn't done anything wrong. "Momma… make it stop… Please make them stop…" She whispered aloud as she used her reticent telepathic abilities to reach out to the comfort of her mother's mind, only to find a dark, empty void.

            Hyuga couldn't bare it any longer, watching her lie there in a crumpled heap as she cried out for aid. Preparing himself for her to lash out again, he slowly grasped her arms and pulled her to him, holding her close. Instead of fighting back as he had expected, she lay complacently in his arms as she continued to cry. Tucking her hair back with a tender touch, his dark brown eyes suddenly found themselves locked with her bloodshot golden orbs. Catching a semblance of the real Yui in those eyes, he gently smiled to reassure her. "It will be alright, Yui…" He whispered.

            Her lower lip trembled slightly as she gazed up at him and Hyuga had to refrain from wanting to run his thumb across it. "…Hyu…" She struggled to speak, her gaze never leaving his. She was starting to come back to him.

            "I am here…" He reassured, unsure of what else to say.

            "…Hyu… Ahh…" Her eyes shut tightly as her body grew tense; pain shooting through her entire body. The nightmare would not let go of her.

            "No, Yui… Come back—" He was cut short as the acute psychic episode grew too much for her and she was overcome by darkness, collapsing in his arms in a restless state. A hurt look washed over Hyuga's face, feeling as if he had failed. Glancing around, he was surprised to see that they were still alone despite her screams. "I need to get her home…"

To be continued…

Dedication:  I normally don't dedicate fanfics and if I do, it is when the fanfic is completed, not a work in progress like this. However, I'd like to make an exception this time for my aunt. She has been very ill lately and is in the hospital right now about to undergo surgery. She has always had a special place in my life. She's always taken care of me and was there for me no matter what. She fulfilled the role that my mother left vacant when I finally got to live with my dad. She also is my first fan, having the only copy of the first story I wrote when I was three, and has always nurtured my romantic side. So the fans of my romance fics owe it all to her. ^_~ So the renewal of this romance fic is in dedication to her. She is in my prayers and I only hope everything goes well.

I'd also like to give a special thanks to Ferrum. I hope she continues to read this story. ^_^ She was a main catalyst that got me writing this last week when I saw her threat to kick me on a YKYPTM list for not finishing this fic. On a special note, she is also the one that got me to start writing things other than romance. One of her reviews inspired me to quit focusing on it because that was all I wrote. ^_~ I love how things go round. Three cheers and hugs for Ferrum! ^_^

Author's Notes:

I bet a lot of people think "what the hell…?" when they see I've actually updated this fic when I've been working on The Wise Man Chronicles for so long. Well, hmm… a few thoughts. I have been intending to come back and finish this fanfic for some time now, just finding the time to is so difficult and on top of that I have The Wise Man Chronicles, which is simply a huge project… Ugh… Anywho, I have not forgotten the many people who loved this fic and were so kind to me when I began writing it. I had just started fanfic writing when I started this fic, so the first three chapters are definitely interesting, and I owe to myself and you to finish it. So, here is the first update, long overdue. This story is going to turn up slightly different than I originally intended and I may or may write the second fanfic to it like I had planned, only time will tell. Just bear in mind this was a romance fic and although I haven't done a total romance fic in awhile, I am trying to keep it in that light. Just bear with me, it has been awhile. ^_^ I hope you enjoyed this chapter, it is a little short compared to what I've been writing, but that means I update faster if I have the time. I am working on the next chapter for those of you who love this fic and for The Wise Man Chronicles fans, Fanfic Seven will be out soon, just no promises how soon. Oh, for those wanting the address for the website, check my fanfiction.net bio.  ^_^ Everyone take care and feel free to contact me! Enjoy!

~Dei