I hadn't thought about continuing this, but I've got some requests and I figured, "Hey, why not?" All of TCMUWOSCAFC's insanity is starting to get to me. I need to be able to sit down and have a nice ficcie for me to scribble some angst in. ^_^ So, the first part was kind of like a prologue. Oh, and Ivy and Nora will continue to show up, as it seems that nobody hates them. Enjoy!
Disclaimers: Sita-chan does not own any of the Weiß Kreuz characters. If she did, there would be a lot more SchuldigxYouji fics. ^_^;;; She does, however, own Ivy Mercoda. Nora is the property of Sita-chan's good buddy and partner in crime, Fae-chan.
Warnings: Language, I guess. Teenage angst. ^_^
blah= thought
//blah\\= Schu's telepathy
*~*~*~* blah *~*~*~*= something in Nagi's journal
*~*~*~*
Journal of Nagi Naoe
8/01
You know what song really describes my life right now? "One Song: Glory" from Rent. This guy has AIDS, and he's trying to write one awesome song before he dies. ...Okay, so I don't have AIDS, and I have no intention of writing a song. Still, the way I see it, I don't have very long to live. I mean, I'm an assassin. I face death every day. One of these days, I'm going to be in a predicament that my telekinesis can't handle, and I'm going to die. I want a chance to do something really great before I die so that people will remember me. Maybe I'll kill Tot. That may not idolize me, but Schwarz would probably be worshipping me.
Well, that was a depressing way to start off my journal. This was Ivy's idea. Most other kids my age deal with their angst by punching a wall or bitching to their friends all night. All the walls in our apartment are Farfie-proof (two layers of steel), and I have no friends. So, she figured that it'd be better for me to write everything down. Every now and then, Ivy gets these little bursts of maternal instinct. This was one of them. School's going to be starting in a little while, which means back to getting the crap beaten out of me. If I didn't have some way to get all this negative crap out of my system, the entire football team would be found dead in their beds with their hearts ripped out and nailed to the wall above them.
We had a mission last night. It was supposed to be easy and non-violent. We were told to meet Schrient at the docks to discuss the upcoming progress report that we had to send to Esset. Of course, Weiß showed up, seething with righteous indignation and all that shit. I'm getting a bit sick of their righteous indignation. Things didn't go so well. Siberian left a nice set of gash marks in Schuldig's back, and Bombay pegged Ivy in the shoulder with one of his darts. I think they beat the shit of Schrient, too. I wasn't watching. I don't particularly give a damn about what happens Schrient. I finally managed to pick Balinese up and throw him in the water. When they went to help him out, we ran.
It's amazing how a mission can get fucked up so easily.
I'll write more later. I'm gonna go check on Schu and Ivy.
*~*~*~*
I closed the black book and slipped it into my bedside drawer. After making sure that the drawer was securely locked, I trudged down the hall into Schuldig's room. He was sitting on his brand new bed (he'd insisted on a new one after I'd hurled on his old one) with no shirt on. Nora stood behind him putting peroxide on the gashes.
"Shit, Nora! That really hurts!" he yelled. She smiled.
"Schuldig, for a professional assassin, you certainly are a big baby."
"I am not!" Schuldig whined, purposely attempting to sound childish. Nora broke into giggles. Even I had to crack a smile.
"How are you feeling, Schuldig?" I asked. He plastered his trademark smirk on his face as he tugged his shirt back on.
"I'll live, chibi." Again with the "chibi." "It's Ivy I'm worried about."
"Ivy?" I echoed. "Was the dart poisoned or something?" He shook his head.
"No. She's been acting funny, though. She hasn't called me a derogatory name since we've been back," he replied, puzzled. That did strike me as odd. I immediately walked down the hall to Ivy's room.
"Ivy?" I said quietly. She was sitting on her bed, a bandaged wrapped around her shoulder. "Ivy, Schu said you were acting weird." Ivy glared at me and faced the wall. "Are you mad at me?" She nodded. "Are you going to tell me why?" She shook her head. "Ivy, you're acting like a three-year-old. Ivy turned back to face me.
"You could have killed him," she said with a snarl on her face.
That woman can be cryptic when she wants to.
"Killed? Killed who?" It finally dawned on me. "Oh. Balinese."
"He might've drowned if I hadn't have pulled him out of the water! Do you-"
"YOU PULLED HIM OUT?!" I cried. This was not a good thing. Her little Balinese obsession was starting to interfere with our missions. I sighed and sat down next to her. "Ivy, listen to me. He's your enemy, okay? He wants to kill you. Does your brain comprehend this?"
"Get out."
"What?"
"Get OUT of my FUCKING ROOM!" she yelled. Not wanting to make her angrier, I got up and left. Ivy in a bad mood is not a pretty sight. I was royally pissed off, so I decided to make myself a sundae. Ha! I can be a normal teenager sometimes! I can picture it now: a dad, a mom, a little brother, and me, all eating sundaes around the dinner table. Maybe chatting about our day at work/school/home.
That sweet, homely little picture was ruined when I saw Farfarello cheerfully jabbing the back of the coffee maker with a fork.
Ah, yes. Reality can sneak up on you when you're not looking and bash your skull in with a baseball bat.
"Crawford, Farfarello's stabbing the coffee maker with a fork!" I yelled as I trudged back down the hall. I didn't feel like being Farf's caretaker. Let Crawford stop the lunatic from electrocuting himself for once.
Nora and I are stuck doing EVERYTHING with Farfarello. We keep him in line and stop him from killing people almost every day. Every now and then, Crawford will help out, but not very often. He's such a jerk. I'm seriously beginning to believe Schuldig's story. The one about how Crawford went camping one day and a raccoon crawled up his ass and died, which is why he's such an uptight bastard.
I heard little snippets of Crawford arguing with Farf as I unlocked the drawer and pulled my journal out. For a few seconds, I wondered if Farfarello would give up on the coffee maker and poke Crawford with the fork. I sure as hell would like to poke the bastard with a fork. I don't hate Crawford. I respect him. He's almost like my father figure. But, dammit, I don't have to like him, do I? I pulled a pen out from my desk and began to write.
*~*~*~*
An interesting development. Ivy is pissed at me. She told me that she pulled Balinese out of the water after I threw him in. She also screamed at me for almost killing him. What the fuck?! I'm supposed to kill him! That's what I get paid for! I'm debating whether or not to tell Crawford about this. Having a minor crush on the guy is fine, but this is starting to evolve into a bloody, raging obsession. I'm sick of writing. Maybe I'll do more tomorrow.
*~*~*~*
I closed my journal and locked it back in its drawer. With nothing better left to do, I clicked up the internet to see if anybody I knew was online. Almost immediately, I got an instant message.
SomeRandomGuy322: Hey!
I'd been talking to this guy for a few weeks now. He seemed pretty cool. He had a lot of the same problems that I had. Okay, not the whole "I kill people for money" problem, but other stuff. We usually bitch to each other about our problems.
KissMyAssAuthority: Hey. How's life?
SomeRandomGuy322: Okay, I guess. You?
KissMyAssAuthority: My dad sucks.
I've designated a position for all the Schwarz members, just in case something weird happens, like a parent-teacher conference. Thank God that hasn't happened yet, and it probably never will. I refer to them as my family when I'm online. It'd be pretty weird for me to say "This guy that I live with sucks." Sounds odd, not to mention kind of suggestive. Crawford's my dad. Ivy refused to be "married" to Crawford, so she's my aunt. Schuldig is my uncle (Ivy's not too thrilled to be "married" to him either, but she figures it's the lesser of two evils). Farfarello is my cousin, and Nora is my sister. My mother died in a tragic accident involving a fork lift and several boxes of manure. Don't ask. Why? I haven't made it up yet. Back to the conversation.
SomeRandomGuy322: I know what you mean. My dad's all like, "Social life? Why do you need a social life? Your life is the business!"
KissMyAssAuthority: You've got a business?
SomeRandomGuy322: Yeah, it's like a family thing. My dad and my uncle and my brother and me. We have a shop.
KissMyAssAuthority: Sounds like fun.
SomeRandomGuy322: Chuckles a-plenty. LOL.
KissMyAssAuthority: LOL. My aunt is so pissed off at me right now.
SomeRandomGuy322: Why?
Shit...Think, Nagi, think!
KissMyAssAuthority: She says I'm antisocial and that I spend my whole life on the computer. Basically, I told her off.
SomeRandomGuy322: Nice. Hey, I gotta go take care of my uncle.
KissMyAssAuthority: What's wrong with him?
SomeRandomGuy322: He's got a cold. I'll talk to you later.
KissMyAssAuthority: Okay. Bye.
He signed off. I glanced at the clock. It was only midnight, but I was vaguely considering going to bed. Ivy suddenly walked into the room without knocking.
"You know, there's a gesture of politeness in this country that we use sometimes. It's called knocking." Ivy sighed.
"Look, Nagi, I'm sorry about before."
"You damn well better be," I muttered. Ivy winced like my comment had stabbed her. It probably did in the emotional sense.
"It's just....I really like this guy, and he doesn't like me. Not to mention the fact that he'd like to see my head mounted on a stake. Do you know how that feels?"
"I do, actually. I get the same feeling when I go to school and realize that everyone hates me," I replied. Sure, I was being a bit harsh. Hey, I was pissed. I get like that when I'm pissed.
"God dammit, Nagi!" Ivy yelled. "I'm trying to apologize! I said I was sorry!" She seemed to calm down. "What else do you want me to do?" I couldn't think of anything to say, so there was a nice little awkward pause.
"I forgive you." I can never seem to stay mad at Ivy for very long. She seemed relieved.
"I'm glad. Listen, I'm gonna go get drunk. Want to come?" I rolled my eyes.
"I think I'll pass."
"Your choice. Bye, Nagi."
"Bye." She left. I leaned back in my chair and began to think.
Ivy and I are fighting a lot more than we used to. And I know why. It's all Balinese's fault. I'm starting to hate that guy on a personal level now. I really am. It's like he's stealing away my best friend without even trying! I felt like my head was going to explode, so I yanked out my journal again.
*~*~*~*
Okay, I lied. I'm writing more. Ivy apologized. I wasn't planning on forgiving her, but I can't stay mad at the girl. I'm not in a good mood. Ivy and I aren't as close as we used to be. It's all because of her stupid infatuation with that Weiß guy, Balinese. Oh, well. She'll get over him. I mean, he can't possibly last much longer now that I'm personally pissed at him. She'll have to get over him once he's dead.
I'll never be able to kill the guy, though. I couldn't do it, knowing how much she likes him. I'll leave it to someone else.
Farfarello's been unusually sane lately. So he was stabbing the coffee maker with a fork. Who cares? He hasn't attacked a priest in ages. We should have let Nora handle his medicine from the start. None of us could seem to get exactly the right dosage. When we didn't give him enough, he'd have a psycho attack and randomly kill someone on the street. When we gave him too much, we'd knock him out for days. Takatori wasn't too happy with that. Not that he particularly cared about Farf. He just didn't like having one less bodyguard. At least that bastard's dead.
*~*~*~*
A sharp rap on my window jerked me out of my thoughts.
"What the hell?" I muttered to myself as I trudged over to the window. "Who is it?"
"Nagi! Tot is here! Let her in!" an annoyingly cheerful voice said. I groaned. Tot was the last person that I wanted to deal with. Unfortunately, I have to be nice to the bitch in order to keep Schwarz and Schrient working well together. I plastered a smile on my face and opened the window. The blue-haired bimbo clambered into my room. "Nagi, Tot missed you!" I quickly swept my journal into the drawer.
"It's nice to see you," I lied. She giggled and proceeded to glomp the crap out of me. I gritted my teeth and stood my ground. I was a trained assassin. I could handle one annoying girl with a stuffed rabbit.
"What did you put in the drawer?" she asked innocently, clutching her rabbit.
"Nothing."
"But Tot saw it!"
"It was my journal," I said, thoroughly exasperated. Any other person could tell by the tone of my voice that they weren't wanted. But no, Tot was a social moron. She wasn't very good at interpreting facial expressions or voice tones. She just squealed cheerily.
"Can Tot read it?"
"It's my journal, Tot. No."
"But Tot needs to know everything about Nagi if she's going to marry him!"
"Look, you can't-"
Wait....
What'd she say?
MARRY ME?!
"Since when do you want to marry me?!" I yelled, jumping backwards and falling on to my bed.
"Tot is in love with Nagi! People in love get married," she said with a definitive nod.
Okay, this was not a good thing....
"Look, Tot, you don't love me. I'm positive you don't."
"Yes, she does! Doesn't Nagi love Tot?" She put on a cutesy pout that had no effect on me whatsoever. I couldn't just say what I wanted ("No, you stupid bitch" followed by a quick push out of the window), so I had to think fast. If I screwed up the Schwarz-Schrient connection, Crawford would have my head. "Doesn't Nagi want to marry Tot?"
"Tot, look, it...Um...It wouldn't...It wouldn't be fair for me to marry you!" I blurted. She cocked her head to the side.
"Not fair? What does Nagi mean?"
Well, Naoe, you got yourself into this...
"Well, since...since we're assassins and all. I...I have too much blood on my hands. I'm not worthy of you."
....Jesus Christ, I can't believe I said that with a straight face. Fuck, I can't believe I said that, period. Ivy's soap operas are starting to get to me.
If possible, Tot's eyes got bigger and shinier.
"Nagi is so sweet, thinking of Tot that way! But she doesn't mind at all!" I don't think I'll ever get over what happened next.
She kissed me.
The bitch kissed me.
Stuck her fucking tongue in my mouth and everything.
It took every ounce of willpower I had not to telekinetically rip her head off right then and there. I had one chance and one chance only.
//Schuldig, get your ass in here NOW and help me!\\
//What's the matter?\\
//GET IN HERE NOW!\\
A few seconds later, the door opened.
"What the....Oh, fuck! There will be no sex in this house unless I'm in on it, got it?!" Schuldig yelled. Tot glared at him. She hates Schuldig with a passion.
"Tot will go now, Nagi, since some people will not be nice to her!" she said looking pointedly at Schuldig. The said German clutched at his heart.
"That hurts me, Tot. It really does." Tot thrust her rabbit in Schuldig's face.
"Rabbi-chan hates you!" He promptly pulled it from her hands and tossed it over his shoulder.
"Well, good for your fucking rabbit. It can't talk anyway, you psycho. "Can, too!" Tot contradicted as she scooped up her precious "Rabbi-chan." Schuldig snorted.
"You're as crazy as Farfie. Maybe we'll lock you in his room for the night."
That got her going.
"Good night, Nagi," she said and blew me a kiss. When the door was firmly shut, I proceeded to scrub my mouth out with my pillow.
"What took you so long?" I grumbled.
"Like I knew what was going on. I thought Weiß was attacking. I didn't know that it was this serious." Schuldig grinned at me. "She wants your ass, chibi."
"No fucking kidding," I muttered. "What the hell am I supposed to do about her? She says that she loves me and that she wants to marry me!" The very thought of marrying Tot disgusted me. "I don't love her. Hell, I don't even like her!" I collapsed on to my bed. Schuldig sat in my computer chair.
"Why don't you just tell her that you don't like her?" I snorted.
"Are you kidding? Then she'll go whining to her psycho bitch partners. I'll have Hell, Schoen, and Neu on my ass, not to mention the whole part about Crawford kicking my ass for screwing up the Schwarz-Schrient alliance." Schuldig appeared to be thinking. "Got any advice?"
"I do actually," he replied thoughtfully.
"What?"
"Change your name and move to America." I glared at him.
"You're not helping."
"Come on, Crawford could teach you English! I hear the food's great over there."
"Shut up, Schuldig." He snickered and messed up my hair.
"I think I'll watch a little bit of T.V. It'll still be a few hours before I have to go pull Ivy's drunk ass out of a bar. Good luck, kid." He smirked and walked out. I sighed and walked over to my desk. For the last time that night, I removed my journal from its drawer.
*~*~*~*
I can't believe this. Tot kissed me. That's definitely at the top of my "Things That Scare Me" list, assassin or not. It was the most disgusting moment of my life. Luckily, Schuldig managed to piss her off, and she left.
Nora thinks that I should at least try to like the girl. I tend to have a lot of Tot-centric conversations with Nora, considering that she's the only Schwarz member who will get within a ten foot radius of her. Tot gives Nora cute little messages to deliver to me. Nora only does it because she's so nice. I don't think that she likes Tot either. Hell, who does? Anyway...
I'm starting to get a little confused. People can see why I don't like Tot. She's loud, obnoxious, and annoying. But it's not just her. When I first started at school, a lot of the girls devoted their time attempting to talk to me. Apparantly, I had that "Oh, he's shy, let's get him out of the shell and let him show his inner beauty" shit going on. I didn't like any of the girls. Not one. Come to think of it, I've never had a crush on a girl. Never. All teenagers have a "Hey, maybe I'm gay" phase. The past year or so of my life have been that phase, and I think I came to a conclusion last week: I believe I am.
It's no big deal. Crawford and Schuldig are, too, so I don't have to worry about the whole parental rejection thing....not again, anyway. I figured that I'd just skip the whole denial thing that most people go through and face it. Homosexuality isn't something that you can just pick and choose. You're either straight or you aren't. Apparantly, I wasn't. Oh, gasp. How will I ever be able to live a normal life now? Amusing, isn't it? It's not like my sexual orientation is my biggest problem these days.
All right, I'm done writing. For real, this time. More tomorrow. Or maybe not. I'm just rebellious that way.
*~*~*~*
I'd been wanting to put that down on paper for awhile. It felt good to write it. Now I see why journals are so popular. You can say whatever you want about whoever you want, and if you keep it well-hidden, nobody has to know.
I considered telling Ivy about my little revelation before remembering that she was out getting drunk. Her and her alcohol. She's almost as bad as Schu. I glanced at the clock, which informed me that it was 2:13. I suddenly felt exhausted. With a yawn, I crawled into bed, not bothering to get undressed. My epiphany could wait until morning to be told.
OWARI
This is an interesting change. Writing angst, I mean. I don't think it's half bad though, considering that I'm used to writing insanity like TCMUWOSCAFC. I'm trying to keep it light on the angst and add some humor in there. Have you figured out who Nagi's online buddy is? Probably so. If not, it'll become a lot more obvious later. Please review! Pleeeeease? *big chibi eyes*
