Chapter 2: The Email
His final letter was an email. He felt he needed to write an explanation. He chose an email instead of a written letter because he knew his handwriting always sucked and no one would ever be able to decipher his chicken scratch. One email would take care of everything.
From: EverwoodSux@hotmail.com
To: Brown.Andrew@EverwoodMedicalClinic.com; GroverGirl87@yahoo.com; Spaceman_ColN@hotmail.com; WildCatsRulz24@aol.com
Subject: Good-Bye Date: Wed, 12 Mar 2003 10:48:32
I'm sorry, but it has to be this way. I want to die. It was my fault. I've thought about it for a long time so this isn't just a phase. None of you seen this one coming. That's because I hid it all too well.
I've never told anyone this (then again, I never told anyone much) but in the very beginning, I actually thought moving to the middle-of-friggin- nowhere Everwood was a good thing. It would help me to forget the things I wanted to forget. Sure, I had friends back 'home' but every time I thought of them, there was the constant reminder. I realized moving away from New York was like running away from my problems. The farther I ran, the faster it caught up with me. You can't begin to imagine the amount of sadness and grief I felt and still feel. The guilt had been unbearable for the past 11 months. I thought the pain would go away within time, but it just gets worse. I don't know how to live with myself knowing it was because of me. It was MY fault mom died that night. Nobody has to say it, I just know. I've already asked myself all the what-ifs. But it was ME. I'm the one to blame. She was running late. If I hadn't asked her to be there early, she would've never gotten into that car. She wouldn't have been speeding. She would've seen the truck. She would've never been in that accident. She wouldn't have died. My stupid piano recital cost mom's life.
Don't feel too bad about all this - esp you dad. There's nothing you, Delia or anyone could've done to make me change my mind so don't go blaming yourselves. I know you were never around (that was what mom was for), so you can't possibly even know half the things I feel. I said I hated you - I didn't mean it. Somehow, it just came out. I appreciate you for trying to put up with me on a daily basis. I know I keep pushing you away no matter how you try to get to know me these past few months. I can't explain it. I know I can be a real pain in the ass sometimes. But I do love you. Tell Delia I love her and that she's the best little sister a screwed-up brother like me could ever have. She's a real tropper. Please don't let her be the one to find me. I'll try not to leave a big mess - the tub will catch it all. And don't cry. I've already cried enough tears for ten people.
Before I go, I'd like to say a few things to the other people:
Amy - I've had a crush on you for the longest time now, but you belonged to Colin. And I respect that now. I think you hold back your love for him too much. Maybe it was because of me. Maybe I was just hoping somewhere along the way, you kinda liked me too. Wishful thinking, I guess. Colin loves you. The both of you were meant to be together.
Colin - It's funny how while you're desperately trying to remember the past, I'm desperately trying to forget it. I envy you there, tho it must be tough recovering from amnesia. Just one thing you have to remember though: Amy loves you. Take good care of her.
Bright - I know we started off on the wrong foot and haven't exactly been the best of friends. But I wanted to say that once I knew you better, you're actually a swell guy. Thanks for giving the new kid on the block a chance. The team would be nowhere without you. Go WildCats!
Well, that about sums it up. I'm assuming by the time you get this email, the deed would've been done. Don't miss me too much. Think of it this way, I'll be in a better place. At least the pain will go away and I'll get to see mom again..
GoodBye, Ephram ***
He sobbed uncontrollably as he finished typing his email and quickly brushed his tears away with the back of his hands. He made the cursor arrow hover over the 'send' and 'delete' buttons for a few minutes. A slight moment of hestitation. Then the photo stared at him. It was a framed picture taken of him and his mother at a Central Park Summer Festival, which stood next to his monitor. Another flood of tears took him. He finally clicked 'send'.
Ephram picked up the glass of orange juice as he walked to the bathroom. He poured the remainder of the juice into the sink. Why? He thought. Why had I been so selfish? I wanted her all to myself. Now Delia will never know what it's like to have a mother. A rage of anger siezed himand he threw the glass into the sink smashing it into pieces.
** end of chapter 2 **
His final letter was an email. He felt he needed to write an explanation. He chose an email instead of a written letter because he knew his handwriting always sucked and no one would ever be able to decipher his chicken scratch. One email would take care of everything.
From: EverwoodSux@hotmail.com
To: Brown.Andrew@EverwoodMedicalClinic.com; GroverGirl87@yahoo.com; Spaceman_ColN@hotmail.com; WildCatsRulz24@aol.com
Subject: Good-Bye Date: Wed, 12 Mar 2003 10:48:32
I'm sorry, but it has to be this way. I want to die. It was my fault. I've thought about it for a long time so this isn't just a phase. None of you seen this one coming. That's because I hid it all too well.
I've never told anyone this (then again, I never told anyone much) but in the very beginning, I actually thought moving to the middle-of-friggin- nowhere Everwood was a good thing. It would help me to forget the things I wanted to forget. Sure, I had friends back 'home' but every time I thought of them, there was the constant reminder. I realized moving away from New York was like running away from my problems. The farther I ran, the faster it caught up with me. You can't begin to imagine the amount of sadness and grief I felt and still feel. The guilt had been unbearable for the past 11 months. I thought the pain would go away within time, but it just gets worse. I don't know how to live with myself knowing it was because of me. It was MY fault mom died that night. Nobody has to say it, I just know. I've already asked myself all the what-ifs. But it was ME. I'm the one to blame. She was running late. If I hadn't asked her to be there early, she would've never gotten into that car. She wouldn't have been speeding. She would've seen the truck. She would've never been in that accident. She wouldn't have died. My stupid piano recital cost mom's life.
Don't feel too bad about all this - esp you dad. There's nothing you, Delia or anyone could've done to make me change my mind so don't go blaming yourselves. I know you were never around (that was what mom was for), so you can't possibly even know half the things I feel. I said I hated you - I didn't mean it. Somehow, it just came out. I appreciate you for trying to put up with me on a daily basis. I know I keep pushing you away no matter how you try to get to know me these past few months. I can't explain it. I know I can be a real pain in the ass sometimes. But I do love you. Tell Delia I love her and that she's the best little sister a screwed-up brother like me could ever have. She's a real tropper. Please don't let her be the one to find me. I'll try not to leave a big mess - the tub will catch it all. And don't cry. I've already cried enough tears for ten people.
Before I go, I'd like to say a few things to the other people:
Amy - I've had a crush on you for the longest time now, but you belonged to Colin. And I respect that now. I think you hold back your love for him too much. Maybe it was because of me. Maybe I was just hoping somewhere along the way, you kinda liked me too. Wishful thinking, I guess. Colin loves you. The both of you were meant to be together.
Colin - It's funny how while you're desperately trying to remember the past, I'm desperately trying to forget it. I envy you there, tho it must be tough recovering from amnesia. Just one thing you have to remember though: Amy loves you. Take good care of her.
Bright - I know we started off on the wrong foot and haven't exactly been the best of friends. But I wanted to say that once I knew you better, you're actually a swell guy. Thanks for giving the new kid on the block a chance. The team would be nowhere without you. Go WildCats!
Well, that about sums it up. I'm assuming by the time you get this email, the deed would've been done. Don't miss me too much. Think of it this way, I'll be in a better place. At least the pain will go away and I'll get to see mom again..
GoodBye, Ephram ***
He sobbed uncontrollably as he finished typing his email and quickly brushed his tears away with the back of his hands. He made the cursor arrow hover over the 'send' and 'delete' buttons for a few minutes. A slight moment of hestitation. Then the photo stared at him. It was a framed picture taken of him and his mother at a Central Park Summer Festival, which stood next to his monitor. Another flood of tears took him. He finally clicked 'send'.
Ephram picked up the glass of orange juice as he walked to the bathroom. He poured the remainder of the juice into the sink. Why? He thought. Why had I been so selfish? I wanted her all to myself. Now Delia will never know what it's like to have a mother. A rage of anger siezed himand he threw the glass into the sink smashing it into pieces.
** end of chapter 2 **
