Here we go, kids. The last real chapter. Next chapter is the epilogue. Get ready for some SERIOUS Nagi-angst. *sniffles* I hope you like it anyway, and PLEASE review! Reviews make me smile... ^_^

Disclaimers: If you recognize the character, they're not mine. Ivy's mine. Nora belongs to Fae.

Warnings: Major angst, language, shounen ai

I sat in silence, staring blankly at the blond girl on the sofa. She stared back. This little staring contest went on for about twenty minutes before I decided to do something about it.

"What's your name?" I asked finally. Hostile violet eyes narrowed.

"What do you care? Who the fuck are you people, anyway?" I nodded to myself. She acted just like I had when I first joined. I decided to repeat what Schuldig had told me back then.

"You've got a lot to learn, but I think you'll catch on quickly." She stared at me in disbelief for a few seconds before starting to laugh.

"How old are you, kid?"

"Twelve."

"You're twelve, and you're telling a seventeen-year-old that she's got a lot to learn." She continued to laugh. I didn't see what was so funny.

"What do you find so amusing?" She stopped laughing abruptly and looked at me. Really looked at me.

"You're not like any twelve-year-old I've ever met. You seem a lot older than twelve."

"Killing people tends to do that to you." I was slightly pleased to see her jaw drop. "You'll get used to it." I suddenly discovered that I rather liked this girl. I held out my hand. "Nagi Naoe." She looked at my hand for a few seconds before shrugging and extending her own hand.

"Me llamo Ivy Mercoda. Estoy feliz de conocerlo," she said with a grin.

My first meeting with Ivy. Years ago. We became fast friends.

And now she was dead. Just like that.

I had been numb ever since yesterday, when it happened. I just couldn't bring myself to accept it.

"Ivy is dead," I whispered.

Nah, replied my subconscious. She's just shitting you. Don't let her fool you, or she'll never let you live it down.

My door suddenly opened, and Schuldig walked in. It looked like he was working hard to keep his face blank.

"Nora's gone," he said quietly. I sat up quickly.

"What do you mean?" He handed over a piece of paper. I noticed that it had tear stains on it.

Guys,

The order came. Esset said that Schwarz had become out of control because of (words that had been scratched out) what happened. I can't kill you. I just can't. You guys are the only family I've ever known. You're the only ones who have ever cared about me. I can't tell you where I'm going because I don't know. With a little luck, they won't find me. I love you all so much. Don't forget about me.

Love,

Nora

A bitter laugh escaped from my lips. Schuldig looked at me, shocked.

"Great. What the fuck else can go wrong?" I collapsed, face-down on my bed.

"Nagi, I think-"

"Schu, go away. Please, just go away." A few seconds later, I heard the door shut quietly.

How could she do this to me?

Ivy was my best friend. She couldn't just die! She wouldn't let herself die just because she pushed Crawford's buttons at the wrong time!

But she was dead.

Dead like Reiji Takatori.

Dead like her father.

Dead like my father. And my mother.

They burned so quickly...

I staggered out of bed and practically flew to the bathroom where I then vomited. After a few minutes, I flushed and leaned my head against the cool porcelain.

I think that's where it finally started to dawn on me. My whole body started to shake violently as I felt tears start to prick at my eyes.

No. No, no, no. I was not going to cry.

I raced back to my room, buried my face in my pillow, and groped frantically for the remote to my stereo. Some nice, pissed-off, angry death metal was exactly what I needed.

But apparently, God wasn't done torturing me yet.

The sounds of a soft, mellow guitar floated out of my stereo.

Ivy's music.

I'd spent years telling myself that I needed to learn English. Now that I had finally learned it, I was ready to kick myself for it. It would have been so much easier if I didn't know this song...If it hadn't been her favorite...

The drums started.

Consider the odds

Consider the obvious

The martyr is meaningless

The campaign has died

In the planning stages and the falling faces

Are the singular proof that it was ever alive

This purchased rebellion

Has been outbidded

Denounced and rescinded

And left to die

Championless

Championless

Championless

I clutched the pillow with a trembling, white-knuckled hand.

Not gonna cry...I won't do it...

I groped for the remote again. I couldn't listen to this any more.

I begged you not to go

I begged you, I pleaded

Claimed you as my only hope

And watched the floor as you retreated

Where the hell was the remote?!

I begged you not to go

I begged you, I pleaded

Claimed you as my only hope

And watched the floor as you retreated

I finally gave in. My walls crumbled, and tears exploded from my eyes like a dam breaking. I hugged the pillow tightly as the song continued to play, not knowing and not caring about my breakdown.

Hope has sprung a perfect dive

A perfect day, a perfect lie

A slowly-crafted monologue

Concealing your defeat

This purchased rebellion

Has been outbidded

Denounced and rescinded

And left to die

Championless

Championless

Championless

"I begged you not to go," I heard myself whisper along with the song. "I begged you, I pleaded. Claimed you as my only hope and watched the floor as you retreated. I beg-" I couldn't go on any more. I buried my face in my pillow again and sobbed. "Shit," I choked out as the song continued on.

I begged you not to go

I begged you, I pleaded

Claimed you as my only hope

And watched the floor as you retreated

Does it comfort you to know you fought the good fight?

Basking in your victory, hollow and alone

You boast your bitter bragging rights to anyone who'll listen

While you're left with nothing tangible to gain

The song ended abruptly, and I was left, shivering and alone, in my room. My eyes seemed dry and scratchy, and my head felt like I'd been rammed with a truck.

I suddenly felt dizzy. Apparently, my body had decided that it had been through too much. I felt myself topple forward as I sank into nothingness.

Why did you leave me here alone?

*****

"Nagi? Nagi?" I vaguely heard someone calling my name through the mist around me. I cracked open my eyes.

It was still dark even with them open.

"What...What time is it?" I muttered.

"It's ten thirty. You've been asleep all day." My eyes finally adjusted to being open, and I saw that it was Schuldig who was sitting on my bed. His cheerful green eyes were dull and dead. He looked like a lost little boy.

Then, I remembered why I felt like shit. Reality came crashing down on me like a sack of bricks.

"Why did you wake me up?" I asked quietly. "Why didn't you just kill me and put me out of my misery?"

"Don't say that," Schuldig said sharply. I stared at my bed. "Don't you even fucking think about killing yourself over her." That got my attention. Not what he said. The fury in his voice. I looked up and saw that his eyes had narrowed dangerously. "Don't you dare be that selfish. I care about you too much. So does Youji. And how do you think Omi would feel?!"

A pair of laughing, light blue eyes...

Sandy brown hair, soft as silk...

A soft laugh...

Omi. I had to keep going for Omi.

"Omi..." Schuldig sat silently for a few seconds.

"Are you going to make it?" I looked back at him.

"Yeah. I think so. It'll take time, but I'll be all right." He gave me a weak half-smile before hugging me tightly.

"Get dressed. We're going out."

"Schuldig, what-"

"Come on." He smiled slightly and stood up. "Meet me in the living room in half an hour." I sat motionless as he left.

What the hell was he doing? I didn't want to go anywhere. I just wanted to sit home and pretend that nothing had happened. That Ivy was just out at a bar somewhere...

But then I started to think...

If I stayed at home, I'd probably get lost in my thoughts. And my imagination was a dangerous place.

It was for the best.

I scrubbed at my aching face once more before trudging over to my closet, still slightly shaky on my feet.

A sharp rap sounded against my window.

"Nagi, it's me. Let me in," a quiet, unfamiliar voice said. I tried to place the voice and found that I couldn't. Who the hell was that? I yanked the window open. The owner of the voice climbed into my room, and I felt my jaw drop.

A girl in a black turtleneck sweater and black jeans stood before me. She wore glasses (A/N: Weezer glasses, to be more specific! ^_^) and bright orange high tops, and her hair was pulled into a low ponytail, a nice change from the annoying meatball things that I was used to. The bright pink lipstick was nowhere to be found.

It was Tot.

"T-T-Tot?!" She smiled sadly.

"Yeah. It's me."

"Y-You look...I mean..." I stammered for a few more seconds before trailing off.

"Different? Yeah. I finally realized that you didn't go for cutesy girls, so I decided to drop the act. See? No rabbit." She held up her empty hands. "Or I could go back to the old Tot if you want." Her eyes seemed to grow three sizes, and she clasped her hands together. "Oh, Tot loves Nagi so much! She wishes to marry him and have two adorable kids and a dog and live in a house with a white picket fence! She can't believe that Nagi didn't realize that her cutesy act was a big piece of shit!"

I couldn't help it. I smiled.

"Damn, I should have just been myself back when I had a crush on you. You seem to like the real me better," she said, reverting back to the new and very much improved Tot.

"A lot better. The old Tot was-"

"Annoying. Tell me about it." We both smiled.

"So...You're not in love with me any more?"

"Hell, no, I'm a lesbian!"

Well...That was an interesting turn of events.

"Perfect. 'Cause I'm gay." Her eyes lit up.

"Well, don't we make a pretty pair?" she grinned. Her smile faded abruptly. "Listen, I came here for a reason. I...I heard about Ivy."

"Oh..." I sat quietly on my bed. She immediately sat down next to me. It kind of looked like she was searching for the right words.

"I don't exactly know what I planned on saying to you. It's just..." Tot trailed off helplessly. "I know that you never considered me to be your friend. But I've always thought of you as one of mine. So if there's anything I can do...Just tell me." I stared at the ground, trying to force myself to seem all right. Everything was okay...Everything was fine...

A single tear slid down my cheek.

"Hey, now," Tot said gently. "That's not my Nagi. Where's the sarcasm? Where's the dry humor?"

"Dead," I said flatly. "Like Ivy."

She didn't have anything to say to that.

"I'm sorry," I said quietly. "I know that you're just trying to help." She smiled suddenly.

"I brought you something." She opened her messenger bag (which boasted patches reading "You suck and that's sad," "Give me a dollar and I'll leave you alone," "Loser," and "Boys are stupid. Throw rocks at them!") and pulled out a small green and brown book. "I'm assuming that you've learned quite a lot of English."

"They tell me I'm a natural." It was true. I was already practically fluent in it.

"Here's a little something to test you." She handed me the book. "It's called The Perks of Being a Wallflower. It's about high school. But it's different than most of them. It real." I stared down at the book in my hands.

"Thanks." We looked at each other for a few seconds before she pulled me into a hug. "You're not so bad after all." She grinned and mussed my hair.

"Thanks, Nagi." Her eyes chibified. "But don't forget how much Tot loves Nagi!" I couldn't help but crack a smile. "Come see me if you ever need anything. Okay?"

"Okay." She snatched her messenger bag, waved goodbye, and hopped out of the window.

I was left alone again with a book and my memories.

I was right. My imagination was a scary place.

*****

I must have zoned out. When I finally became aware of my surroundings, I was in Schuldig's car, and we were pulling up to the Koneko.

"What the...Schu, what are you doing?" He looked at me.

"There's only one person that can snap you out of this, and that's Omi."

"How do you expect me to just 'snap out of it,' Schuldig?" I demanded. "My best friend just died!"

"You're not the only one who's ever lost someone that you care about, Nagi!" Schuldig shot back sharply. I fell silent when I remembered his family. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I shouldn't have said that."

"Shouldn't have said that..."

"Oh, yeah, and I'm sure your feelings didn't interfere with anything back when you were fucking Schuldig, right?!"

Blank violet eyes...

Blood-stained blond hair....

"It's all right." No answer. I glanced over at Schuldig. His eyes were closed. He looked like he was concentrating.

"Jump in the back. They'll be out in a minute." I submissively struggled over the passenger's seat and collapsed into back. I didn't even look up when I heard the door open and then shut.

"Oh, God, Nagi...Nagi, look at me." I heard a familiar voice swimming through the haze of my memories that was threatening to overtake me again. Maybe I should just let it...It wouldn't be so bad...

No.

No, I couldn't do this.

I couldn't just sit back, wallowing in misery. I know it sounds corny, but that isn't what Ivy would have wanted.

I felt my brain snap back to reality. A pair of concerned blue eyes hovered over me.

"Omi..." I struggled into a sitting position and scrubbed at my face. "I swear, I don't know what's wrong with me...I feel so out of it." He smiled sadly and gently brushed his fingertips over my cheek.

"I understand. It hurts to lose someone that you love."

I remembered Ouka.

He really did understand. And he could help me.

For the first time that day, I felt coherent. I felt like me again. Well, I felt like me with a large chunk of my soul missing. But still me.

Omi carefully studied my face before brushing my sweaty bangs out of my eyes.

"I look like shit, don't I?" His face lit up.

"You still look beautiful to me." I stared at him for a few seconds before throwing my arms around him and burying my face in his neck.

"What would I do without you?" I whispered. He smiled down at me, then softly pressed his lips to mine.

"Aren't they cute?"

"Shut up, Youji." We glanced at the front seat. Youji smiled and saluted.

"Are you going to make it, kid?" I hesitated before nodding.

"I think so." We drove in silence for a few more minutes. "Where are we going?"

"You'll see," Schuldig replied. "We're almost there. Close your eyes."

"What are you-"

"Come on, do it." I sighed and shut my eyes, expecting to get a rat or other small rodent dropped on my head. "Okay, open them."

"It's just a tunnel."

"Give it a minute," Youji said with a smile. The tunnel ended abruptly and the car flew out into the night air.

"My God..." I whispered.

We were on a hill far above the city. The neon lights below us shimmered and cut through the hazy darkness. The massive office buildings shot towards the sky, reflecting more of the neon light towards us. I glanced at Omi, wide-eyed. He looked just as surprised as I did. His face was tinted with neon blue and pink and all the colors of the city's night life.

Suddenly, I felt alive again.

I felt like I could yank the moon out of the sky with my bare hands if I wanted too.

I felt...I can't explain it. There aren't words. But it was the closest that I'd been to happy in a long time. I was happy. I was beyond happy.

"Incredible, isn't it?" Schuldig asked quietly as he drove down the hill.

"How...Why...How can it make us feel like this?" Omi whispered. Almost like he was scared.

"I don't know," Youji replied. "There's something almost...supernatural about it. It makes you feel-"

"Like you exist for a reason," I finished without even thinking. Omi leaned his head against my chest as he stared out of the window. I watched as the tint on his face changed colors with the neon signs.

I needed him.

I wanted him.

I...I....

I loved him.

....Holy shit.

I stared down at him, completely shocked with myself. When the hell did this happen? Omi looked back up at me. His expression was unreadable.

I couldn't be imagining something like that. I shut my eyes.

I was in love with him.

It seemed so obvious now that I couldn't believe I had missed it. I had never really believed in love...But what else could this be? Nothing else could make me feel like this. Nothing but love.

I opened my eyes.

"Omi?"

"Yeah?" I never blinked, stammered, or hesitated.

"I love you." He looked up at me. For one fleeting second, I was afraid that he'd laugh in my face. What if I'd made a huge mistake?

"I love you, too," he replied without hesitation.

"Awwww, they're so adorable!" I gritted my teeth.

"Thank you, Schuldig, for COMPLETELY ruining the moment!"

"There's my Nagi!" Omi laughed and sat up to kiss me.

As I stared out of the window with my arm around Omi, I realized that everything would be all right some day.

*****

"See? I know what I'm doing! You feel better already!" Schuldig said triumphantly. I smirked at him.

"All right, so you knew what you were doing for once." As we walked through the living room, I noticed Farfarello sitting on the sofa. He was staring down at one of Nora's notebooks. Not blinking. "Farf?" He didn't look up. "Farf, look at me." He finally glanced at me.

"Did she...Did she really have to go?" he asked, suddenly sounding like a five-year-old who had lost his parents. Schuldig and I looked at each other.

"Yeah, Farf. She didn't have a choice." Farfarello closed the notebook and nodded.

"I know. I know that she had to go. It's just...I wish she could have stayed...I miss her." I sat next to him.

"Hey, it'll be all right. Who knows? Maybe some day you'll run into her. At least you know that wherever she is, she's safe. You know that Nora can take care of herself." Farf stared back down at the closed notebook. It looked like he was completely zoned out.

"Come on," Schuldig said quietly. "You should probably go to bed. It's almost two, and you're probably exhausted." He gave me a hug and smiled. "Congratulations with Omi." I smiled back.

"Thanks." I trudged down the hallway and collapsed into the bed without even bothering to take off my clothes.

A few minutes later, someone knocked on my door.

"Come in." The door creaked open.

Crawford walked cautiously into my room.

His hair was a mess, his suit was rumpled, and his eyes were red. Like he had been crying.

I felt empty again.

"Nagi...I know that I don't deserve to talk to you ever again. I don't deserve to live any more. Saying that I'm sorry doesn't even come close to making up for it." I snorted into my pillow.

"No shit."

"I never meant to hurt her. I just..." He waved his arms helplessly, looking for the right words. "I just exploded. I couldn't stop myself. I understand completely if you think that I don't deserve to live." He shakily pulled a gun out of his suit and placed it on my bed.

I gawked at him.

"I'm leaving it up to you," he said steadily.

I stared at the gun. He was putting his life in my hands. I could kill him and get revenge and all that shit. It would be easy. I immediately reached for it.

What the good would it do me?

I hesitated.

Killing Crawford wouldn't bring Ivy back. It wouldn't make anything better. It would just be one more life to add to the list of lives I'd taken.

I picked up the gun and handed it back to him.

He looked surprised.

"I won't kill you, Crawford. Hell, give me enough time, and I might actually forgive you. But I won't forget. I will never forget." His mouth opened and closed soundlessly.

"I understand." He looked like he wanted to say something else, but he just bit his lip and walked out of the room.

I stared at the closed door for a minute before yanking the blankets up to my chin.

I couldn't help thinking that maybe I should have killed him.

But even as I thought that, I knew that I had made the right choice.

As sleep came to claim me, I smiled.

Because I knew that wherever Ivy was now, she was proud of me.

"Madre de Dios," I whispered quietly before I drifted off.

OWARI

*sighs with satisfaction* I really like that chapter. Did it seem semi-incoherent in places? Good! It was supposed to! After all, this is about how Nagi feels, and when someone you love dies, you tend to not make sense. ^_^ The song in this chapter is called "The Good Fight" by Dashboard Confessional. It rocks. Hope you like the new and improved Tot. Anyway, this is the last real chapter. I'll write an epilogue that will have to do with The Perks of Being a Wallflower. Everyone should read that book. It's by Stephen Chbosky. Weird last name. *shrug* Anyway, hope you enjoyed it! Liked it? Loved it? Hated it? Leave a review and tell me so!