The Hokey Pokey Theorem
Attention all parents, children, and all people who consider themselves downright decent people: There is a great evil that has seeded its way into our society. This evil has been around for thousands of years, and to this day has evaded all attempts to decipher its baneful nature. This evil takes on the form of a harmless song and dance known to most as simply the 'Hokey Pokey.' Now despite the doubtfulness you may have about this, we have found concrete evidence that links the so-called 'Hokey Pokey' to Satanism. The process is as follows:
1. The 'Hokey Pokey,' as it has been called by so many doomed souls before, is essentially a list of commands. Most commands are harmless enough, such as put your right hand in, put your right hand out, etc. But the truly disturbing command comes in when the song demands that one 'does the Hokey Pokey.' Now, this sounds innocent enough, but what really is the Hokey Pokey? Looking to the dance, we see that one does each command as they say it. But when you say you do the Hokey Pokey, what do you do? You turn yourself about? Wrong, that action has a direct link to the next command. The action has simply been extended to cover for this lack of an action. The Hokey Pokey is nothing.
2. Now that we've established this much, the rest is simple. The Hokey Pokey (a.k.a. nothing) is what it's all about. Nothing is what it's all about. The dark temperament of this tune begins to show.
3. If nothing is what it's all about, then one lives in the moment with no fear of burning in an infinite oblivion in some sort of afterlife. There is no more fear of punishment from a Supreme Being, and thus one lives only for themselves and what they want.
4. For those of you unfamiliar with modern Satanism beliefs, let me fill you in. See step 3. Yes, that's right. Satanism is all about living for the moment. However, there is another philosophy that revolves around the same ideal. Taoism. Taoism and Satanism are of course completely different things. So the Hokey Pokey could fall under either category. But one fact betrays the true purpose of this devil song: Roller rinks. That's right, the temples of the dark lord himself. The odd lighting, awkward disco music, and uncomfortable skates all add to the wearing down of one's spirits just enough to fall victim to anything. And at a moment when everyone in the rink is known to be vulnerable to hypnotism, they play the Hokey Pokey.
The fact that children are especially susceptible to the hypnotic catchy verses of such a tune is especially disturbing. Children can be found chanting to Satan with these ancient twisted devil worshiping words in large circles. With this tool, Satan hooks our young and gathers new followers everyday below the ever-watchful eye of society. Unfortunately, it may be too late. We are now led by a generation of men raised by the Hokey Pokey. Are we so degraded that there is no breaking free of the arms of this oppressive lyric? No! Of course not! Do society a favor, and next time you hear this ditty, attack the gathering at once thereby breaking the ritual.
Attention all parents, children, and all people who consider themselves downright decent people: There is a great evil that has seeded its way into our society. This evil has been around for thousands of years, and to this day has evaded all attempts to decipher its baneful nature. This evil takes on the form of a harmless song and dance known to most as simply the 'Hokey Pokey.' Now despite the doubtfulness you may have about this, we have found concrete evidence that links the so-called 'Hokey Pokey' to Satanism. The process is as follows:
1. The 'Hokey Pokey,' as it has been called by so many doomed souls before, is essentially a list of commands. Most commands are harmless enough, such as put your right hand in, put your right hand out, etc. But the truly disturbing command comes in when the song demands that one 'does the Hokey Pokey.' Now, this sounds innocent enough, but what really is the Hokey Pokey? Looking to the dance, we see that one does each command as they say it. But when you say you do the Hokey Pokey, what do you do? You turn yourself about? Wrong, that action has a direct link to the next command. The action has simply been extended to cover for this lack of an action. The Hokey Pokey is nothing.
2. Now that we've established this much, the rest is simple. The Hokey Pokey (a.k.a. nothing) is what it's all about. Nothing is what it's all about. The dark temperament of this tune begins to show.
3. If nothing is what it's all about, then one lives in the moment with no fear of burning in an infinite oblivion in some sort of afterlife. There is no more fear of punishment from a Supreme Being, and thus one lives only for themselves and what they want.
4. For those of you unfamiliar with modern Satanism beliefs, let me fill you in. See step 3. Yes, that's right. Satanism is all about living for the moment. However, there is another philosophy that revolves around the same ideal. Taoism. Taoism and Satanism are of course completely different things. So the Hokey Pokey could fall under either category. But one fact betrays the true purpose of this devil song: Roller rinks. That's right, the temples of the dark lord himself. The odd lighting, awkward disco music, and uncomfortable skates all add to the wearing down of one's spirits just enough to fall victim to anything. And at a moment when everyone in the rink is known to be vulnerable to hypnotism, they play the Hokey Pokey.
The fact that children are especially susceptible to the hypnotic catchy verses of such a tune is especially disturbing. Children can be found chanting to Satan with these ancient twisted devil worshiping words in large circles. With this tool, Satan hooks our young and gathers new followers everyday below the ever-watchful eye of society. Unfortunately, it may be too late. We are now led by a generation of men raised by the Hokey Pokey. Are we so degraded that there is no breaking free of the arms of this oppressive lyric? No! Of course not! Do society a favor, and next time you hear this ditty, attack the gathering at once thereby breaking the ritual.
