This is pretty much an AU story, and the characters act out of canon! So now you know!
A/N - The reviewers! Yay! You rock - all of you!
shirebound - Eeeeeek! Oh my God - I feel so honoured! Thanks shirebound, you have officially made my week! I love your work!
Ailsa Joy - Inspiration struck, as it usually does, sometime in the middle of Sunday night.... grrrrr! :) But yay for you liking my work! Don't kill Frodo! I will set my bodyguard on you - see reviews to understand (of this, that is)!
Frodolover - Awwww! Thanks! I'm glad you are here to protect me! Yay - you got your package! But none for me yet.... :( By the way - it wasn't THAT funny!
papercrane - Thanks! I'm sure you can write poetry! Everyone's an inner poet!
Trintula - Calm down?! Actually, no - eat more chocolate!
Chapter 2 - The fun starts here!
The room was buzzing with excitement. The set builders had been hard at work over the past week and a half, and now a selection of semi finished sets sat in the citadel at Minas Tirith. In honour of this, Merry, Pippin, Sam and Frodo had worked very hard to have a first draft of a script for the early scenes ready for the first rehearsal. The characters had been cast: everyone would be playing themselves, apart from Faramir - who would be playing Boromir as well as himself, and a mystery guest, who would be portraying Gollum.
"Right, places everyone!" cried Merry. The room fell silent. "Would everyone in the Bag End scene where Gandalf reveals the One Ring to Frodo please get on set now."
Gandalf, Frodo and Sam pushed their way on to the Bag End set, followed by Pippin and Legolas, who would be assuming the roles of the chorus.
"Meriadoc," said Gandalf, "I would like you to know now that I am really not happy with all of my song...."
"Gandalf, we've been through this. You'll be fine. Now..... is everyone ready? OK, and... from the top!"
~**~
Gandalf and Frodo are sat by the fireplace in Bag End. As Gandalf hands Frodo the now cool ring from the fire, he stands up and starts to sing....
Gandalf: It is the one ring
Chorus: Ooooh, the one ring...
Gandalf: And it's gotta be destroyed
Chorus: Ooooh, she bop bop yeah!
Gandalf: It was made by the Dark Lord
Chorus: Ooooh, oooh...
Gandalf: Sauron was his name
Chorus: You don't wanna mess with him....
Gandalf: And DOOM was his game!
Chorus: Mmmmm yeah!
Frodo looked up, indifferent, "Yeah, but what does it say?"
The music stops. Gandalf looked up. "Say?"
"Yeah, it's got lots of pretty letters around it."
"Oh.... those." The music starts again, darker in tone, and more ominous sounding this time.
"One Ring to rule them all,
One Ring to find them
One Ring to bring them all,
And in the darkness bind them." He paused. "This is the one ring."
"Oh," said Frodo, "Can we just hide it away and forget about it?"
"No," replied Gandalf, firmly, "YOU have to destroy it."
"Great," said Frodo. Cue twinkly piano music.
"It's always me,
Why never Sam?
He is my best friend,
But he's a spam..."
"Hey!" shouted Sam from outside, where he was awaiting his entry cue, "I heard that!"
"Cut, cut, CUT!" said Merry, running on stage. "Frodo that was not in the script! And Sam, you don't come on until after Frodo's song - where you sing....."
Sam stood in his poetry pose (standing straight, hands clasped behind his back - you know the one!) and sang,
"I 'aven't been eavesdropping Frodo, I don't even know what they arrrrrrrrrreeeeee!
I will follow you my master, because Gandalf says I must,
We will go on together - to Mordor or to dust!"
"Well, yes," said Merry, "We will work on that song later...."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
At this point, the group broke for lunch, and the "Whole Lotta Hobbity Goodness" production company locked themselves in a cupboard to work on logistics... fun, I'm sure you'll agree!
"Do you think he would?" said Frodo.
"No way - you wouldn't get him singing that!"
"What about the dance?"
"NO!"
Ahhh, yes! I can hear you asking - 'what the hell are they on about?' Well..... the hobbits had decided that Legolas should dance! But not just that, no. He should dance on snow - whilst singing a song! I'm sure he'll agree.....
"I think he'll agree!" said Pippin, before opening the cupboard door to find Aragorn for his costume fitting.
Strange. I didn't think they could hear me!
And so the performers spent that day: singing and dancing, debating and arguing, and....
CRASH!
Gimli threw his great orc hewing axe to the ground and stamped his foot.
A great clash of symbols filled the rehearsal area. The piano crescendos, and our performer starts to sing.
Gimli stepped forward onto the stage, pushing aside the unfortunate chorus singers, who had decided that now would be a good time to practice the Rivendell music. He started to sing:
"The might of Mooooorrrrrriiiiaaa (Crash, bang!)
Is really great!
There's lots of Mithril,
And the dwarves will fill your plate.
They'll fight the orrrrccccss for you - (Crash, bang!)
In Dwarrowdelf......"
The music stopped as Gimli faltered on the words of his song. Merry took this as his opportunity to halt the proceedings.
"OK, people," he said, taking to the stage, "You've all been great, but I think we will call it a day! See you in the morning, bright and early for costume fittings!"
"Great," said Sam, "Just great." For he had read Merry's plans for his early scene costumes.
He wasn't happy.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A/N - Yeah.... so that's chapter 2! Hope you liked it! Reviews always welcome!
Coming in chapter 3.........
One script meeting to rule them all
One casting call to find them - well, Gollum!
One rehearsal to bring them all,
And in the theatre bind them!
Just because you all want to know this (actually, you don't but I'm telling you anyway).... the "Whole lotta hobbity goodness" production company is auditioning for extras! Anyone interested? I have cookies!
