Disclaimer - I don't think I own them. I'm not sure though, I'll just go check.... *runs upstairs to the bombsite that is bedroom and looks under bed. Runs back down*..... Nope! I haven't got them. Damn, I must have lost them again.... Frooooddddoooooooo? Where are you? Oh, hang on.... no, I was right before, I don't own them!

Yeah, so, uh, none of the characters are mine - I'm just playing! Don't sue!

A/N - So I think I just set a record for the longest disclaimer ever on ff.net......

To the reviewers! Hello! Thanks at the end!

Oh yes.... I use movie verse when it suits me, and book verse when it suits me! So now you know!

Chapter 3 - One script meeting to rule them all....

The script meeting began innocently enough - a group of the performers gathered together in the main hall of the citadel to discuss the musical. However, everything involving Merry and Pippin begins innocently, it just doesn't end that way.

Sure enough, after ten minutes of relative normality and sensibility in discussing how the journey to Rivendell would be portrayed, a fight broke out between the Merry, Pippin, Frodo, Sam and Aragorn over the staging of the Midgewater Marshes scene. Aragorn argued that it was largely unnecessary to the plot of the play - a view that was backed up by Sam and Pippin, whereas Frodo and Merry believed that it should be included because it was important - and they had received rather a lot of irritating midge bites on that part of the journey. The fight raged on for nearly fifteen minutes before they came to the conclusion that, if a good scene was written, it would be included. Needless to say, Merry then set about writing a draft. Not that the other members of the group noticed - they were too busy arguing Tom Bombadil's case, or lack of!

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"Done!" cried Merry, half an hour later, halting the proceedings and silencing the group. They glanced his way expectantly.

"What have you done now?" enquired Gandalf, "No, wait, that's usually only to be said when Master Took's involved!"

"Hey!" said Pippin, brandishing his notebook at the wizard and watching in dismay as the loose sheets of paper fluttered to the floor.

"I," continued Merry, ignoring his friend scrambling around by his feet, "have just completed the Midgewater Marshes scene. Would you like me to read it?"

"Do we have a choice?" muttered Sam. He, for one, was not keen to relive the arduous and frustrating time they had spent in the boggy ground. Not that that was the only, or worst, stretch of marsh he had been forced to cross.

"No." said Merry. He stepped into the middle of the throng. "Now, Frodo, Sam, Pippin and Aragorn - I need your help."

The aforementioned beings stood up reluctantly and joined their friend.

"All you need to do," directed Merry, "Is pretend to be walking through the marshes. Nothing else. OK?"

His friends nodded and began their task.

Grasping his script, Merry began slapping his face to demonstrate the presence of the midges. "What do they eat, when they can't get hobbit?"

Then he sang:

"Hobbits.... are not food,

To eat us... is just rude.

These Neekerbreekers.... are really getting us down

Not to mention the marshes - which made Pippin nearly drown!

Ooooh ooh oooh...

We've just got to get out of heeeeeeeeere

And get to Weathertop!

Oooh ooh oooooh..... and get to Weathertop!

Oooooh ooooh oooooohhhhh!!!"

His song finished, Merry stopped his fellow performers and ushered them back to their seats.

"What did you think?" said Merry.

The 'audience' cheered in response. I think Merry will get his way after all!

On with the script meeting.....

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"Now," said Frodo, having adopted the role of leader, "Does anyone have any questions?"

About half a dozen hands were raised.

"What about participants who are no longer with us - like Boromir - who will be playing them?" asked one of the Gondorians.

"Well," began Frodo, "In tribute to-"

"I will be playing Boromir," spoke up Faramir, "I believe it will be an apt tribute to a brave and loyal man who's beauty was marred only by the temptation of evil."

"Well met my friend." said Gandalf.

"As for the others who are no longer with us, or had no desire to participate, we will be holding auditions later today," said Frodo.

"So make sure you have the relevant pages of my -" Pippin gave Merry a sharp kick, "... sorry - our, wondrous script drafts ready to practice with!"

And so the script meeting ended!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The other main issues of the day were, of course, the auditions to find Gollum, Saruman, Denethor, Théoden, and assorted other minor characters - including Uruk-hai. The auditions were run by Haldir, and were attended by a small crowd consisting mostly of girls who desired to act with Legolas. Once Haldir had commented that, since all of Legolas's companions were still alive or willing to participate, and that very few extras to act with Legolas would be required, however, most of them went home - muttering something about Legolas not having a love interest throughout the entire quest. Incidentally, most of the girls shared one name: Mary-Sue.

Despite this, there were some beings who attended the casting call genuinely interested in acting. Not many though. There was surprising interest in taking on the role of Gollum, well, it was surprising to Sam, who had popped his head round the door to enquire how many wanted refreshments. He hadn't thought that anyone would want to play that treacherous, biting, little footpad. But, then again, he hadn't thought that his Mr Frodo would participate in something like this...

"Next!" called Haldir, jerking Sam back to reality. A girl, who was either a very tall hobbit or a pretty short human, walked into the room, shaking like mad and looking very, very nervous. She introduced herself as Audrey. Sam left the room, and the auditions, to attend to Frodo. Observing the considerable sized queue, he looked to see who else was auditioning - several hobbits, a few of the Rohirrim, what looked to be Gondorians, two or three of the 'big folk', and a group of young girls, one of which looked strangely similar to the one he had just left in the auditioning room.... Must stop drinking that White City's Best, Sam thought to himself, shaking his head to stop himself seeing double.

For the remaining auditionees, the wait was soon over, they all got to perform, and they all got to go home. They would not find out the results until the next day.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "I solved the riddle!" said Frodo.

"No, I did," argued Merry.

"No, it was definitely me. I said to Gandalf, 'It's a riddle - what's the elvish word for friend?' and he said, 'Mellon!' and the doors opened."

"You're wrong. It was me."

"Was not."

"Was too."

"Was not."

"Was too!"

"Was not................."

"SILENCE!!!" the residents of Middle-earth shouted collectively at the arguing pair, who had been holding up the rehearsal for the 'doors of Moria' sequence.

"But....." said Merry and Frodo, crossing their arms in protest.

"Can we just get on with it?" said the man of Rohan, who was playing the part of the Watcher in the Water, "I can't feel my feet anymore....."

"Nobody cares," said Merry.

"That wasn't very nice." said Frodo.

"Yeah, well neither was stealing my scene."

"But I solved the riddle!"

"No. I did."

"Me!"

"Me!"

"Actually," said Pippin, "I can't remember who solved it. Why don't you solve it between you?"

"How would we do that?" said Merry.

"Well," continued Pippin, "You could say 'What do you suppose that means - 'speak friend, and enter'?"

"But what about me?" asked Frodo.

"You could say, 'You're right Merry, it is a riddle. Gandalf - what's the elvish word for friend?'"

"Pippin." said Frodo, "You are a genius."

"I never thought I'd hear that one!" said Sam.

"He's right though," said Aragorn, "It's the most intelligent thing he's said for weeks!"

Well.... like I said - it all STARTED innocently enough!

I think they're all confused between book verse and movie verse too.....

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A/N - Coming next chapter...... the results of the auditions announced! If you would like to play one of the parts then please yet me know! You can write it in review or you can email me! I like people who email me!

For anyone who doesn't know - neekerbreekers were what the hobbits called the midges in the Midgewater Marshes! It's in the books..... go read. Now.

To my beautiful reviewers:

Fiction-Addiction2004 - Hi Jenn! Glad you liked it! It will be very funny to hear them all sing - shame Peter Jackson won't be making LotR: The musical!

AudreyArwenStrider - You can be an extra! As if I'd say no.... find out who in chapter 4! :) So you like my guinea pig, huh?

Tigerlily Baggins - No flamers yet! Woohoo! So pleased that you're not in trouble with your mum and dad! We umm.... kinda extended a 20 minute transatlantic phone call into a one hour and eight minutes one.... oops! By the way, Audrey's decided you want to audition too!

Trintula - Of course they are chocolate chip cookies! Just so you know - they are practicing! You will definitely know when it's the real thing because I will type it out.... in full! Oh yes!

shirebound - It's OK, Ailsa didn't kill Frodo - but she's torturing him again in Trials of Lorien! I think I will have to email you again because I STILL can't review... :(

Thanks again everyone!

Rachel xxx