Disclaimer - I own nothing. I repeat, N O T H I N G!!! Actually, that's not entirely true. I own the song lyrics!

A/N - Such positive feedback! Thank you! This means a lot to me! I apologise in advance if you don't like your parts! I also apologise for the song lyrics! Writing all of my own songs and music seemed like such a good idea at the time!

Audrey and Tigerlily - I warn you now... you aren't given parts in this chapter! But you will feature in chapter 5!

Chapter 4 - The one with all of the weird songs!

A sombre piano introduction begins the song as Frodo walks onto the stage.

Something died inside

On this journey to the ends of the earth

The gates of hell,

The mountain of fire.

~::~

We wept and cried

That we made it at all.

Dusty tears did fall -

That day on the mountainside.

~::~

The Ring we destroyed,

But it took away a part of our hearts,

And all of our strength

Just to...........

Frodo paused, dropping his dip pen and watching the ink blot spread across the scroll of paper. Dark and destructive, it erased the heart of the song.

"Just to..... what?"

The silence of the reply echoed around the empty room. Frodo was having what Gandalf had referred to as 'a black day.' His happiness had left him, and he felt as dark as he had on the slopes of that mountain.

Outside, people were starting to worry about him. Wild rumours were spreading throughout the rehearsals. "Oh, did you hear?" said one hobbit, "The ringbearer's been possessed with the spirit of the Dark Lord." "Nooooo," a man had replied, "I heard that he died - old wound gone bad - and they're trying to keep it hushed up."

"You complete bunch o' ninnyhammers!" Sam had said to the whisperers when he heard of their stirrings. "You'll believe anything you hear, won't you. Well that won't get you nowhere. Mr Frodo's feelin' as right as rain. He just wants some time to 'imself to write a few songs and get some peace and quiet."

The crowd gathered went silent. Then, having learnt that there was indeed nothing to worry about, they went back to their rehearsal of Helm's Deep with Legolas, Aragorn and Gimli.

"An' I can't say I blame 'im either - wantin' to get away from this lot." Sam added as he went of in search of the new cast members, who needed to be informed as to which part they would be playing.

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"No no, Pippin! You're doing it all wrong! You're supposed to look tortured - like this."

Sam walked into one of the dining rooms to discover a young, dark haired girl writhing around on the floor in what appeared to be complete agony. Bemused, he approached Merry, who was watching the scene with great amusement.

"What in Eru's name is goin' on here?" he asked his friend.

"Well," he began, "Me and Pip were wondering how to stage the scenes in which we are captured by orcs, and this girl here - Ailsa Joy I believe her name is - decided to help us out. I must say, she seems to know a thing or two about hobbit torture."

"Ah.... yes," said Sam, "Ailsa Joy."

At this, the girl looked up and smiled.

"You said my name Mr Samwise?"

"Yes. I've got your part in the show here. You will be playin' Saruman the once white."

"Cool!" said Ailsa. "Does that mean I get to inflict a great avalanche onto the Fellowship and nearly kill them, and then capture and torture Merry and Pippin? Does it? Does it?"

"Uhhhh....." Sam looked at his notes, "That's what it would appear."

Merry and Pippin suddenly looked extremely worried.

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"Ah, ahh, ahhh ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, ah, ah, ahhh." A strong elven voice rang through Minas Tirith as Celeborn practised his arpeggios in preparation for teaching his elven extras the Lothlorien song. It was a slow, melancholy tune that would be sung as the Fellowship passed through the borders of the Golden Wood, and the main vocalists would be Haldir and a female named Amy, who would be playing an elf.

Haldir stopped singing in time to notice that he had an audience.

"Ah," he said, "Haldir, Amy...... my fellow kinsmen." he addressed his audience, who responded with non committal grunts. "Today you will be learning the song of the Golden Wood: a pleasant little number that I wrote myself."

He passed out sheets of music.

"Now, if you will...... and after three...."

The elves quickly read through the lyrics.

"One."

A few attempted to hum the melody.

"Two."

A couple attempted a glance at the harmonies.

"One."

The group began.

"The trees of gold,

The leaves so fair.

Your troubled minds

Wash free their cares.

Reprieve is here....

~::~

Long you have walked,

Far you have gone.

The trees and streams,

Hear all you've done.

You shall not come."

The music began to fade.

"You shall not come.....

You shall not come...."

"That was excellent, my friends!" Celeborn applauded as the singing came to an end. "Now. I'd like to try it again, but this time with myself on lead vocals."

The ensemble groaned as Celeborn signalled for the music to begin again.

"The trees of gold

The leaves so fair....."

It's a shame that some elves can't do everything, isn't it?!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Meanwhile, Pippin was attempting to convince the rest of the 'Whole Lotta Hobbity Goodness' production company (aka. Merry, Sam and Frodo) that he needed a greater role in the show.

"But I hardly do anything..." he moaned to an amused Frodo, who had certainly cheered up from the day before's evil mood.

"Pippin." said Frodo, "You do plenty. You do not need any more lines!"

"But I don't do much near the beginning. See...." he pulled out a rolled up early draft of the script from a pocket in his breeches.

"How on earth did you fit that in that little pocket Pip?" said Merry, winking at Frodo and Sam.

"Oh it was easy," said Pippin, falling for Merry's distraction technique. "I just got Gandalf to fix it up! Like he did with your bottomless bag, Sam. Look - " he said, removing six apples, a loaf of bread, a block of cheese, two fishes and an unusually small elf from the aforementioned bottomless pit.

Merry, Sam and Frodo stared on in amazement and bewilderment. Pippin was unfazed.

"But I even wrote a song," he said, returning to the original topic, "Listen......"

Slow piano music starts up. Pippin walks to the centre of the stage.

"Why must trouble.... follow me?

It goes everywhere.... you see.

I can't escape it,

It's just a fact of my life."

The music speeds up, becoming jolly. Gandalf and Elrond appear on stage to sing the chorus parts.

"I'm just trouble!

Chorus: You're just trouble!

And I think I like it!

Chorus: We know you love it!

Fireworks, wizards, barrels of beer,

Dancing on tables - you all think I'm weird.

But it's just a fact of my life!

Oh it's just a fact of my life!

Chorus: Some people say he talks too much.

Yeah - some people say I talk too much!

(Spoken) Can you believe that? I mean, there was that one time, but - oh! Back to the song!

Chorus: Some people say he should give it up.

Oh, I'm never giving it up - I can tell you that much now!

Cos it's just a fact of my life!

Chorus: Just a little fact of his life....

I'm just trouble.......

Cue outtro.

And trouble is me, yeah!"

Applause rippled through the meeting room.

"You're right, Pip." said Frodo, "You don't have enough lines - do you?"

Pippin grinned. Victory was his! He would soon be playing all of the parts in the production.

Gandalf and Elrond exited the room in shame.

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A/N - Coming in chapter 5....... Anyone who wishes to take part but hasn't been mentioned yet will be involved! I need people for *thinks*.... Faramir (because he's playing Boromir), Gollum, Denethor, Théoden and.... ummmm.... anyone else who cannot be in the production for some reason!

Thank you for your time! I hope you will now proceed to tell me how wonderful my songs are.... or whatever else you might choose to write! Potential flamers - if you're gonna bother, then at least make it good I want Gollum set on you!

Rachel xxx

ps. Ailsa - if you're reading this - I hope I didn't offend you in any way! I just thought that it was an appropriate part for you!