Disclaimer - Sadly for me, I do not own LotR or anything related to it (including the chunks of movie verse I have borrowed) ... but I do have a fair share of the merchandise. I also don't own the special guest stars/performers in this chapter - they own themselves! The only things I lay claimant on are three of the songs... which are quite shameful! So don't sue me, OK!

A/N - This chapter is dedicated to all those who took the time to review, and to all of those who appear in it! Big thanks to Ailsa Joy for contributing the lyrics to Saruman's song, the tune for which is that of Gollum's Song on the TTT soundtrack - which gives me another thing to add to the disclaimer!

Chapter 5 - Many songs of many colours...

"Preciousssss....

Preciousssss....

Hobbitses stole the preciousssss...

Nassssty hobbitses, nasssssty hobbitses...

Precioussss wantssss it back...."

"That was excellent!" said Frodo, as the song that would be Gollum's introduction ended, "You sounded just like Gollum!"

"Yes, yes - very good!" said Rosie Cotton, who had been waiting at the side of the stage to talk to the performers. "Now, if you don't mind, could you please stand up and let me measure you for your costume."

Gollum's performer stretched out slowly and stood up, muscles cramped from the time spent crouching, and Rosie saw that - instead of the young man she had expected, there was a small human girl.

"Hi!" the girl said, brightly.

"Uh... hello," said Rosie, "I thought you said we had a male Gollum, Samwise?!"

"Well we would have done, Miss Rosie, if it had not been for the complete lack of interest in the part. Tigerlily here was the only person to audition, if you take my meanin'..."

"Oh. Well, never mind dear. Now if I could just get your measurements..."

"Yessss....." said Tigerlily, moving towards Rosie. The audience looked at her strangely. Tigerlily shrugged. "What? We've been rehearsing all day..."

~~::~~

"You need people of intelligence on this mission.... quest... thing!" exclaimed Pippin, settling into his place in the group.

"Well that rules you out Pip!" said Merry.

"Nine companions.... So be it - you shall be the Fellowship of the Ring." said Elrond, choosing to ignore the two youngest hobbits.

"Right..." said Pippin, "Where are we going?"

Lighthearted music and a chorus of random Elves starts up.

Elves - Ooooh ooooooooooooh...

Pippin: Mission quest thing...

Frodo: We will destroy the ring!

Pippin: Mission quest thing...

Boromir: And Gondor will sing! For we will have great power... and, oh stop looking at me like that...

Elrond: A fellowship of nine - it'll help to pass the time!

Everyone else: What?

Elrond: Well you'll never get bored - not with eight other people to talk to!

Sam: And Bill the Pony!

Everyone else: Riggghhhht....

Pippin: Anyway........ Mission quest thing....

Legolas: Frodo will destroy the ring, and Aragorn'll be King and.... can we change the rhyming pattern yet?

Elrond: Certainly!

Pippin: We're going on a quest....

Random elves in chorus: Ooooh oooooooooh...

Frodo: And you can be my guest....

Random elves in chorus: Oooooh ooooooooooh.....

Frodo (cont'd): To go to Mordor.... or perish on the way....

The singing stops. Everyone looks at Frodo.

Frodo: What? It's true - Boromir dies, and Gandalf kind of does, and I nearly do - several times actually.

Frodo looked around the room to see that any audience they once had has gone and the music has stopped.

"I think we need to think this song through again," said Aragorn, "It's supposed to be our happy, pre quest song - not a dismal, dark one."

The Fellowship nodded and sat down on the half embellished seats that formed the set for Elrond's council chamber in Rivendell. They had been having trouble with that song all week and were already in their fourth rewrite. Trouble was, Frodo kept changing the words without telling anyone - depending on his mood of course!

~~::~~

"Sssshire.... Bagginssss...

That's all I get to say!

I blame it on the Witch King -

He never liked me anyway.

Now I'm gonna hunt some hobbit,

Which'll make me famous someday -

And give me something to tell my children-"

"Ringwraiths have children???!!!" the entire population of the rehearsal room shouted.

"Well no," said Ringwraith Number 7, "But if they did, then it'd be something to tell them. Anyway...." he said as he started to lift the heavy mask and cloak away from his face. "Mmmmpphh hjkldggwf hdbug buqgg..."

"Can you repeat that please?" said Pippin, who had moved in front of the stage to investigate the commotion, "We don't understand muffled Ringwraith speak."

Ringwraith Number 7 finally pulled himself free of his costume and emerged as, well, not a Ringwraith at all but a red faced man of Gondor. "I said, 'anyway, I have kids and this'll give me something to tell them!'"

The crowd just stared at the man.

"OK," shouted Merry, from somewhere backstage, "You've had your fun - now back to work!"

Ringwraith Number 7 reattached his costume sheepishly and continued with the scene.

"Sssshire.... Bagginssss...." he hissed to a nearby hobbit.

"N-n-n-no Bagginses round here...."

"Excellent!" exclaimed Merry, "Now keep getting it right or we cut the song!"

~::~

The lights go down. A spotlight illuminates a hastily scrawled sign on the wall that says 'Orthanc - Isenguard'. A shadowy figure walks to the centre of the stage and Saruman is revealed. He is waiting for Gandalf to arrive as the Palantir has shown he will.

"What once was white

Now colours stain.

I'm tall and chic

But not quite sane

-----

My look's updated

And "good-guys" are overrated

-----

These robes I'm in

Are quality.

Don't talk to me 'bout

Equality.

I've got new style

And it makes me look thin

Saruman- of many colours

Is in..."

The lights go down again, and Saruman the once white steps to the back of the stage. the music ends with one long, mournful note before fading.

"Was that all right?" Ailsa, the girl playing Saruman, said, "It wasn't too creepy or anything?"

"Y..Yes it was a.a.actually, Miss Ailsa," said Sam from where he had hidden himself behind a large 'rock'.

Ailsa looked positively delighted.

~~::~~

As the script and the sets under the care of the 'Whole lotta hobbity goodness' production company were really beginning to take shape at this stage it was now the manufacture of costumes that was being concentrated upon. Head of costuming was Rosie Cotton, but she was accompanied by many others - including women and female elves. Costuming was, to some extent an easy task, as many of the characters were to be played by their real life counterparts and so would simply wear their own clothes. However, for one reason or another, some characters were played by people not only different to those who participated in the quest, but of completely different stature. This had a tendency to present some difficulties.....

"Ummm... Miss Cotton?" said Faramir's actor counterpart, Audrey, "I think you're going to have to adjust this somewhat, it's a bit big."

Rosie looked over from Ringwraith Number 3, whose costume was currently held together only with pins, to Audrey, who promptly let go of the swathes of material she was clothed in. Wanting to save time, Rosie had suggested that Audrey wear Faramir's actual clothes, not considering that Audrey was almost a foot shorter than the man. After all, to a hobbit such as Rosie, all big people were the same!

A voice from the other end of the room broke of Rosie's musings. It was that of Madi, who had adopted the role of Théoden. It would appear that she had the same problem as Audrey. Rosie sighed: this job was going to be more difficult than she thought........

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A/N - So...... what did you think? Please leave me a review before you leave! Also review if you would like a part, have a song for me, want to flame (please leave an e-mail address/home phone number and make it worthwhile), or.... oh heck - just review! Please?

Also... to those people who have not done much yet - you will get to sing a song, I promise! Just be patient! Especially if you haven't been mentioned at all yet!

The next story to be updated will be The (Un)Official Olympics of Middle Earth! OK?

I'm leaving you now!

Rachel xxx