Miss Congeniality
By: Naeginnie6
Rating: PG13 Because of language, violence, and that's what the movie is rated anyways.
Summary: "Let me tell you something, pal. It ain't easy bein' in the FBI." The meanest, toughest, prettiest woman field agent in the Auror Division A is on a mission. Terrorists have been targeting the Miss United States pageant. And she, Lily Evans, is the only one who can nab the bad guys and save the 49 young women who are in this beauty pageant- I mean, uh- scholarship program.
Disclaimer: Now, let me put it to you straight. I don't own the rights to the movie, FBI, Miss United States, or anybody else pictured in this story!! Oh yeah, and I'm not J.K. Rowling, therefore, I do not own Harry Potter and/or any of the other characters associated with him and the books.
Let me tell you something, pal. It ain't easy bein' in the FBI. You know what I mean? For example, my first mission as a field agent, Ihave to parade around in a bikini like some palm, tree, showing off ripened coconuts. I'm very clumsy. Heels and I are never working together greatly. I don't always exactly follow orders. It's not my fault. I do have morals, ya know! I have shoulder length red hair, and piercing emerald eyes. I am a Federal Agent. I am Lily Evans.
However, I suppose I should start from the beginning.
I really am not a United States Federal Agent. As a matter of fact, I'm not even American. I'm 18 years old, I'm British, and I just graduated from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Yes, I am a witch. And this was one mission where I couldn't use my wand.
As you recall, I was talking about a mission? Yes. Well, here's how it started, really.
The American Auror Association (Otherwise known as AAA, Triple A, disguised as a car repair shop) was lacking forces to protect their civilians. The police weren't up to the strain of this mission. So, they naturally called in us. What was going on, was a civilian terrorist had been targeting this beauty pageant thingy. Miss United States. Well, I don't really care. A bunch of blondes walking around in bathing suits with fake racks- how appealing. (And, yes, people, that was sarcasm!). Dumbledore did a search for female field agents under 35. There were four on the list, excluding me.
They were: Patricia Cromwell, age 28, on maternity leave; Katrina Blue, age 17, recently injured; Anita Fern, age 33, getting married; and Cassie Black, age 16, in training.
That left me.
I wanted absolutely nothing to do with it. But, they got me to do it. The first thing they had to do was have James and I go see the people down at the "Miss" and see what was goin' on.
~*¤*~
"And that's why we want to send one of our agents under cover in this pageant," James explained to the woman, Kathy Morningstar, who was running the pageant, and her co-director, Gilderoy Lockhart.
Kathy looked outraged. "This is not some FBI parade, I'll have you know!" she shouted. "I will not have any of this. ANY of it, you hear?"
"Ma'am, we've already talked to the network and they won't cancel it. This is the end of my very frayed rope, you hear? VERY frayed. I wouldn't be doing this if I didn't have to." I said. Of course, I forgot to mention I was the agent to be substituting.
Kathy looked from me to James.
James said, "The safety of the women- girls- uh… people are in our hands! We need someone undercover here."
"Nothing is more important than the safety of my girls." She sighed. "So, yes, I suppose we will have to. Do you have an agent in mind?"
James colored and nodded at me.
"Her?" She recoiled in disgust. "I mean, her? Oh-" she cleared her throat "lovely."
I didn't look that bad. Well… maybe, I did. My hair was its usual frizzy self. I was trying to get out a piece of steak from I between my teeth, and I looked as if I'd been through Hell and back. Actually, I was looking quite nice that day.
"Well, who would she be substituting for?" Lockhart asked. "We already have 50 girls!"
I laughed. My laugh is… strange. It's me! I laugh, but I snort.
"Well," I laughed, "We found out about New Jersey. She was starring in a little film called Armagedonon and, huhsnorthuh, we figured she'd be dropping out quite quickly, if you know what I mean."
Gilderoy looked dumbfounded. "That was her?" he said grinning "I should go into that business, too!"
"Well, fine." Kathy snapped. "Let me call Lucius, my assistant." She called him over a PA system. Lucius Malfoy, a blonde, skinny man, came running in.
"Yes?"
"Tuck in your shirt, you slob!" Kathy snapped. She smiled fake-ish and said, "This is Lucius, my assistant. He will get you the number of Vick Diggory. He can fix you up fine."
James and I stood up at the same time.
"Thank you for your time, Ms. Morningstar. We'll get back to you."
Lucius stood up and ran out of the room and came back with Diggory's phone number scrawled on it.
Well, day one was over. And I thought THAT one was bad. Well, what a day I'd be having tomorrow.
A/N: Well that's it! I know it is EXTREMELY short, but they will get longer. I don't want to give away the WHOLE movie in one chapter, now, do I?
