**** I didn't own the song on the last post. It was "Bleed" by Cold. The
one in this chapter is "You Owe Me Nothing In Return" by Alanis Morissette.
"Lucas. It's your turn sweetheart." Katrina smiled and Lucas reluctantly made his way to the CD Player. He quickly dropped the CD into it and sat back down. The song started:
"I'll give you countless amounts of outright acceptance if you want it
I will give you encouragement to choose the path that you want if you need it
You can speak of anger and doubts your fears and freak outs and I'll hold it
You can share your so-called shame filled accounts of times in your life and I won't judge it
(and there are no strings attached to it)
You owe me nothing for giving the love that I give
You owe me nothing for caring the way that I have
I give you thanks for receiving it's my privilege
And you owe me nothing in return
You can ask for space for yourself and only yourself and I'll grant it
You can ask for freedom as well or time to travel and you'll have it
You can ask to live by yourself or love someone else and I'll support it
You can ask for anything you want anything at all and I'll understand it
(and there are no strings attached to it)
You owe me nothing for giving the love that I give
You owe me nothing for caring the way that I have
I give you thanks for receiving it's my privilege
And you owe me nothing in return
I bet you're wondering when the next payback shoe will eventually drop
I bet you're wondering when my conditional police will force you to cough up
I bet wonder how far you have now danced you way back into debt
This is the only kind of love as I understand it that there really is
You can express your deepest of truths even if it means I'll lose you and I'll hear it
You can fall into the abyss on your way to your bliss I'll empathize with
You can say that you have to skip town to chase your passion I'll hear it
You can even hit rock bottom have a mid-life crisis and I'll hold it
(and there are no strings attached)
You owe me nothing for giving the love that I give
You owe me nothing for caring the way that I have
I give you thanks for receiving it's my privilege
And you owe me nothing in return."
Katrina reached over and stopped the CD. The room was so quiet that Lucas thought his head would burst.
"Could you tell us why you chose this song?"
He sighed and looked to Adriana and then back to Katrina, trying to ignore all the eyes that he felt on him. "I looked for a song that I could connect with." He paused, letting his own words sink in, "But I realized that I was looking at all the wrong songs. I looked at all the songs that talked about pain and regret and-and disappointment. But not about what I really feel. I chose this song because. All my life, people have taken me for granted. They all expected my to deal with their problems, to listen to them and to help them, or to just shut up. No one ever thought I had problems of my own, or if they did no one wanted to hear about it. But I never said anything, I kept it all in because I was afraid. I thought that if I said anything they didn't like they'd leave me. Some of them left me anyway."
"Honey, you are sweet and kind and smart. People think that since you are kind that nothing is wrong." Katrina crossed her legs.
"I'll I've ever wanted was to be loved."
Katrina stood and walked over to him, kneeling on the floor in front of him, "It's not love if you have to be a completely different person to have it."
It had been 2 months, Lucas weighed 115, his weight wasn't climbing like it should but he was trying. Sometimes he felt as if he couldn't try anymore. Katrina called the SeaQuest and scheduled a group therapy session. They were all coming, Bridger, Wendy, Piccolo, Ford, and O'Neill.
When Katrina came to get Lucas, she smiled and told him not to worry. She brought him out the doors and into the front office, he caught a glimpse of the sun through the windows. She brought him into a little room, and he couldn't breathe as he saw them. She sat down on a chair and motioned for him to sit on another one by her side opposite of them.
"Lucas." Wendy sighed, trying to make him look up at her. When he didn't she sank back into her chair and quieted.
"We are here today to begin to heal any anger and hurt between all of you." Katrina smiled, "Lucas has come a long way in the past few months, I'm very proud of him. You should be too."
"We are." Bridger looked to her, "We always have been."
"Why did you do this?" Tony demanded, "Why in the world would you make yourself so sick? We've all worried about you so much."
"WHY? You want to know why? Because of that! Because the moment I show that I feel anything you all accuse me of doing it just to spite you!" Lucas retorted, Katrina put her hand onto his to calm him.
"I think what Piccolo is trying to say. badly.. Is that we're worried, and that we're angry with ourselves." O'Neill tried to explain, "We were just so busy with ourselves that no one even noticed that you were unhappy."
"No one ever notices anything I do except the bad."
Ford shook his head, "When you invented the vocorder, didn't we all notice? We all care about you Lucas, we named the Stinger after you!" He closed his eyes and seemed to regain his calm, "We just want you to get better, we miss you."
"Yeah, I don't have anyone to fight with anymore!" Tony chimed in and smiled, "Everyone acts like their eighty-years old. Me and Dag have to figure things out by ourselves. Face it kid, you're the brains in our operation."
Lucas smiled and nodded, "I'm trying. It's just hard."
"Just do your best, we'll always be there if you need us. Even if we're oblivious." Bridger laughed.
"Am I late?" The door swung open and one Benjamin Krieg slipped in, "I know I wasn't invited but a little birdie told me where to find you."
"Ben!" Lucas cried and ran to him, throwing his arms around his neck.
"Hey Kid, I hope I'm not intruding cuz I can see this is a SeaQuest group and I'm not exactly in the club any more."
"No, it's fine. But ah. Time's almost up.." Lucas looked at his friend, "I missed you Ben."
"Missed you too. I'll write okay?" he smiled and opened the door again.
"Yeah, ok." Lucas tried to smile as Ben left, followed by the crew who all hugged him and told him to 'Get better soon'
Katrina brought Lucas back just in time for dinner. Adriana looked up and smiled as he walked in. She motioned for him to come and sit near her.
"So how'd it go?" She had gained weight too, but not nearly as much. She just now was at 93 pounds.
"Okay. I-I think it went okay."
"Lucas. It's your turn sweetheart." Katrina smiled and Lucas reluctantly made his way to the CD Player. He quickly dropped the CD into it and sat back down. The song started:
"I'll give you countless amounts of outright acceptance if you want it
I will give you encouragement to choose the path that you want if you need it
You can speak of anger and doubts your fears and freak outs and I'll hold it
You can share your so-called shame filled accounts of times in your life and I won't judge it
(and there are no strings attached to it)
You owe me nothing for giving the love that I give
You owe me nothing for caring the way that I have
I give you thanks for receiving it's my privilege
And you owe me nothing in return
You can ask for space for yourself and only yourself and I'll grant it
You can ask for freedom as well or time to travel and you'll have it
You can ask to live by yourself or love someone else and I'll support it
You can ask for anything you want anything at all and I'll understand it
(and there are no strings attached to it)
You owe me nothing for giving the love that I give
You owe me nothing for caring the way that I have
I give you thanks for receiving it's my privilege
And you owe me nothing in return
I bet you're wondering when the next payback shoe will eventually drop
I bet you're wondering when my conditional police will force you to cough up
I bet wonder how far you have now danced you way back into debt
This is the only kind of love as I understand it that there really is
You can express your deepest of truths even if it means I'll lose you and I'll hear it
You can fall into the abyss on your way to your bliss I'll empathize with
You can say that you have to skip town to chase your passion I'll hear it
You can even hit rock bottom have a mid-life crisis and I'll hold it
(and there are no strings attached)
You owe me nothing for giving the love that I give
You owe me nothing for caring the way that I have
I give you thanks for receiving it's my privilege
And you owe me nothing in return."
Katrina reached over and stopped the CD. The room was so quiet that Lucas thought his head would burst.
"Could you tell us why you chose this song?"
He sighed and looked to Adriana and then back to Katrina, trying to ignore all the eyes that he felt on him. "I looked for a song that I could connect with." He paused, letting his own words sink in, "But I realized that I was looking at all the wrong songs. I looked at all the songs that talked about pain and regret and-and disappointment. But not about what I really feel. I chose this song because. All my life, people have taken me for granted. They all expected my to deal with their problems, to listen to them and to help them, or to just shut up. No one ever thought I had problems of my own, or if they did no one wanted to hear about it. But I never said anything, I kept it all in because I was afraid. I thought that if I said anything they didn't like they'd leave me. Some of them left me anyway."
"Honey, you are sweet and kind and smart. People think that since you are kind that nothing is wrong." Katrina crossed her legs.
"I'll I've ever wanted was to be loved."
Katrina stood and walked over to him, kneeling on the floor in front of him, "It's not love if you have to be a completely different person to have it."
It had been 2 months, Lucas weighed 115, his weight wasn't climbing like it should but he was trying. Sometimes he felt as if he couldn't try anymore. Katrina called the SeaQuest and scheduled a group therapy session. They were all coming, Bridger, Wendy, Piccolo, Ford, and O'Neill.
When Katrina came to get Lucas, she smiled and told him not to worry. She brought him out the doors and into the front office, he caught a glimpse of the sun through the windows. She brought him into a little room, and he couldn't breathe as he saw them. She sat down on a chair and motioned for him to sit on another one by her side opposite of them.
"Lucas." Wendy sighed, trying to make him look up at her. When he didn't she sank back into her chair and quieted.
"We are here today to begin to heal any anger and hurt between all of you." Katrina smiled, "Lucas has come a long way in the past few months, I'm very proud of him. You should be too."
"We are." Bridger looked to her, "We always have been."
"Why did you do this?" Tony demanded, "Why in the world would you make yourself so sick? We've all worried about you so much."
"WHY? You want to know why? Because of that! Because the moment I show that I feel anything you all accuse me of doing it just to spite you!" Lucas retorted, Katrina put her hand onto his to calm him.
"I think what Piccolo is trying to say. badly.. Is that we're worried, and that we're angry with ourselves." O'Neill tried to explain, "We were just so busy with ourselves that no one even noticed that you were unhappy."
"No one ever notices anything I do except the bad."
Ford shook his head, "When you invented the vocorder, didn't we all notice? We all care about you Lucas, we named the Stinger after you!" He closed his eyes and seemed to regain his calm, "We just want you to get better, we miss you."
"Yeah, I don't have anyone to fight with anymore!" Tony chimed in and smiled, "Everyone acts like their eighty-years old. Me and Dag have to figure things out by ourselves. Face it kid, you're the brains in our operation."
Lucas smiled and nodded, "I'm trying. It's just hard."
"Just do your best, we'll always be there if you need us. Even if we're oblivious." Bridger laughed.
"Am I late?" The door swung open and one Benjamin Krieg slipped in, "I know I wasn't invited but a little birdie told me where to find you."
"Ben!" Lucas cried and ran to him, throwing his arms around his neck.
"Hey Kid, I hope I'm not intruding cuz I can see this is a SeaQuest group and I'm not exactly in the club any more."
"No, it's fine. But ah. Time's almost up.." Lucas looked at his friend, "I missed you Ben."
"Missed you too. I'll write okay?" he smiled and opened the door again.
"Yeah, ok." Lucas tried to smile as Ben left, followed by the crew who all hugged him and told him to 'Get better soon'
Katrina brought Lucas back just in time for dinner. Adriana looked up and smiled as he walked in. She motioned for him to come and sit near her.
"So how'd it go?" She had gained weight too, but not nearly as much. She just now was at 93 pounds.
"Okay. I-I think it went okay."
