They had let him sleep in her old room. Katrina had thought he needed it.
He hadn't eaten anything by mouth in three days. When he woke again they
gave him a bowl warm soup, that of which he promptly vomited up afterwards.
Katrina worried for him, but there was nothing she could do for him, she
couldn't bring Adriana back no matter how hard she tried. The only thing
she could do was make sure he ate and wait for him to heal.
No one came to collect Adriana's belongings. There were so few of them that it didn't really matter. Katrina had the morbid job of throwing away the girls things. Then, in the drawer next to the bed, she found a journal. It was old, and beaten, bound in leather. There was no lock on it, only two strips that were tied to the front and back covers. She couldn't bring herself to throw it away, this girl who had her whole life ahead of her had written everything in this book. Her deepest secrets and her darkest pains were written within these pages.
Katrina put down the trash bag and stood up, holding the seemingly frail book in her hands. She glided to the doorway and walked into the hall. The patients were gathered in the family room watching television, Lucas was there. Katrina knew he wasn't watching the screen, she knew he was only looking at it with minimal fascination. He looked so pale to her, and he hadn't been sleeping much. When he did she could hear him wake up screaming.
"Can I borrow you for a moment Lucas?" She said this just loud enough for the boy to shake himself from his thoughts and look at her. His blue eyes were bloodshot and his blond hair greasy. He stood and walked to her, rubbing the back of his neck as she had seen him do so often. When he reached her she started walking down the hall to the door of his room, he followed shyly and stood a few feet away from her.
"I have something for you, I couldn't think to throw it away." She held the journal out to him.
"What's this?" He asked, furrowing his eyebrows and pursing the petal lips ever so slightly.
"Her journal. I thought it was only appropriate to give it to you."
He took it from her with his shaking hands, and she kissed his forehead and smiled before she began to walk back to Adriana's old room. He turned and opened the door to his room, making sure to close it behind him before he sat at his desk.
Lucas untied the straps and opened to the first page. The writing was sloppy but legible, and he began reading.
'This is my first entry in this. I'm not sure exactly what to write. I suppose I should write who I am. My name is Adriana Melia O'Henry. I was born in Galway Ireland and I am at this moment 14 years old. Well, that should do for now, considering that no one will ever read this anyway. Ha. Maybe one day thousands of years from now an alien will find it and translate it to study the life of humans.'
The page suddenly stopped with a line and another entry was made, there were no dates. Just ramblings, like she had poured out her thoughts without reason. Lucas flipped to the last few entries and his eyes caught his name on the page:
'Lucas, the new one in here. I saw him come in with one of the nurses a few years ago. I should have been asleep but I knew something was coming. He's cute, cuter than most of the guys I know. When he came in for group the first day Katrina sat him next to me, he was nervous. He didn't look at anyone for any amount of time, like he was afraid someone would hurt him or something. I can hear him thinking sometimes, late at night when everyone is sleeping except him and I. He thinks about this submarine, SeaQuest. I've heard of it, but who hasn't heard of it? I can hear him thinking of people on that ship, I only remember Ben, he thinks about that man a lot. Sometimes I see these people, they look so nice. And the way he thinks of them like a family, I wish I had something like that.'
Again there was a line and another entry was made:
'Katrina gave us an assignment. We have to find a song that symbolizes our life. Lucas is my partner; he's kinda quiet. I try to talk to him but he just seems like he's so far away. I know he likes me, I like him too. I just have this feeling about him. I went a played a song for him, one that I thought he would like. We danced to it, and I'm not sure exactly how it happened but we kissed. I heard him thinking that we could get caught and that I should not be there. I think he knows that I'm a reader. I didn't mean to but I told him he was right and I left. He hasn't said anything.'
She read minds, Lucas had thought that maybe she did. She had known him better than he thought. Slowly, he turned the page and a small disk fell out. He picked it up and read the writing on the small cover 'Lucas' He laid it onto the desk and continued reading, this was the last entry and it was probably the neatest:
'A few weeks ago I went to Lucas' room. I don't know why, I just had a sudden rush of panic and I felt as if I needed to be near him. When I got to his room he was asleep, I stood there for a moment, listening to him breathing. When I sat down on the bed he stirred, I said his name because I could hear his fear. He pulled me to him and one thing led to another. I'm pregnant; I got one of the nurses to buy a test for me. I told her it was negative. I don't know how to tell him, this shouldn't happen. I'm too thin to be pregnant, it's dangerous for me and the baby.'
The blond boy closed the journal and stood up, he slammed the door open and stormed down the hallway. Hearing the noise, Katrina came running out of the family room.
"You lied to me!" Lucas screamed, not caring who heard him, "You told me she died from her throat! You knew she was pregnant and you didn't tell me!"
"Lucas I'm sorry-"
"Tell me the truth! How did she die Katrina? How?" He was on the verge of striking her but he held it back.
"She miscarried Lucas, she started bleeding and didn't stop. Being Anorexic thins your blood, she bled to death." She looked away from him and closed her eyes, "I didn't want you to feel guilty for her death."
"I felt guilty anyway! Knowing this does not make me feel any less guilty Katrina!" He paused, taking a breath, "But now I know the truth. And I'm leaving."
Katrina opened her eyes and looked at him, "You can't.."
"I weigh 148, I think you were the one who said I could leave when I reached 145." She nodded and he continued, "I am going back to the SeaQuest. Arrange it." He turned from her and walked back to his room, closing the door loudly behind him.
As he had told her, she did arrange for someone to come and pick him up. She told them nothing about Adriana or the troubles that had occurred. The Captain informed her that Benjamin Krieg would arrive at ten in the morning to pick Lucas up from the institution and from there to a shuttle that would carry them both to the SeaQuest.
Lucas woke in the morning and bathed and dressed in a hurry. By the time he pulled his bag out of the room it was 9:45. Ben, strangely, was early. He walked the boy out of the doors and into the parking lot. Lucas closed his eyes and breathed in the warm air; he hadn't been outdoors in six months. Ben threw the bags into the back and climbed into the drivers' seat, Lucas following his lead sat in the passengers' side.
After about five minutes on the road Ben looked at him, "Are you going to tell me what's wrong or do I have to guess?" He looked back to the road, changing lanes quickly after a small white car passed.
"No. I'm not going to tell you."
"Well, you're either going to tell me or I'm going to drag it out of you. Either way, I'm going to know why you look like the whole world is on your shoulders."
Lucas shook his head, "You can badger me all you want Ben. I'm not telling."
The car swerved to the side of the road and came to a dead stop. Lucas gasped and looked to Ben who was unbuckling his seatbelt.
"What in the hell do you think you are doing?" Lucas yelled, he couldn't finish before Ben grabbed him by the shirt and pulled him close.
"I'm not good at seeing my friends hurting Luke. I'm serious, I can't handle it if you get sick again. You're going to tell me what the problem is. And we will wait here until you do. I don't have anything better to do." Ben was deadly still and his voice calm and collected.
Lucas' eyes filled absent-mindedly with tears and Ben let go. The boy opened the car door and jumped out, leaning on the side of the car. Ben stood up on the seat and climbed over the edge of the car and stood next to Lucas.
"I'm sorry Lucas. I didn't mean-"
"No. You're right. I need to talk to you. If I don't talk, I think I might explode." He took a deep breath and continued, "There was this girl, Adriana. In the institution, she made me happy Ben. I fell for her. I loved her. We were together a few weeks ago. I mean that we-"
"I know what you mean. Go on."
"Well, a few days ago she died." Lucas closed his eyes tightly and opened then again, "The nurse lied to me about how she died. I-I read Adriana's journal. The nurse had given it to me. Ade was pregnant, but she was so thin. She lost it. And she couldn't stop bleeding. She bled to death. And it's my fault."
Ben's eyes widened and he shook his head, "That wasn't in your hands. What could you have done?"
"I don't know!" He threw his hands up, "Something. I would have done something. But when I found out she died. I went insane. I couldn't think straight, I was just."
Ben put his arms around Lucas and held the sobbing boy. This boy of whom he had loved from the first time he saw him. After a while the sobbing ceased and Lucas pulled away from him.
"I think we should get going. What time does the shuttle leave?"
"Bridger said to take our time and that the shuttle would we waiting for us tomorrow morning." Ben smiled and looked up to the sky and back to Lucas, "You hungry?"
After they had eaten Ben checked them into a hotel. They were both tired even though it was three in the afternoon. The room had two beds and as soon as they had opened the door Lucas collapsed onto one. After a few minutes Ben could hear a few soft snores coming from the blond. He pulled off his own shoes and shirt and crawled under the covers quickly falling asleep as well.
No one came to collect Adriana's belongings. There were so few of them that it didn't really matter. Katrina had the morbid job of throwing away the girls things. Then, in the drawer next to the bed, she found a journal. It was old, and beaten, bound in leather. There was no lock on it, only two strips that were tied to the front and back covers. She couldn't bring herself to throw it away, this girl who had her whole life ahead of her had written everything in this book. Her deepest secrets and her darkest pains were written within these pages.
Katrina put down the trash bag and stood up, holding the seemingly frail book in her hands. She glided to the doorway and walked into the hall. The patients were gathered in the family room watching television, Lucas was there. Katrina knew he wasn't watching the screen, she knew he was only looking at it with minimal fascination. He looked so pale to her, and he hadn't been sleeping much. When he did she could hear him wake up screaming.
"Can I borrow you for a moment Lucas?" She said this just loud enough for the boy to shake himself from his thoughts and look at her. His blue eyes were bloodshot and his blond hair greasy. He stood and walked to her, rubbing the back of his neck as she had seen him do so often. When he reached her she started walking down the hall to the door of his room, he followed shyly and stood a few feet away from her.
"I have something for you, I couldn't think to throw it away." She held the journal out to him.
"What's this?" He asked, furrowing his eyebrows and pursing the petal lips ever so slightly.
"Her journal. I thought it was only appropriate to give it to you."
He took it from her with his shaking hands, and she kissed his forehead and smiled before she began to walk back to Adriana's old room. He turned and opened the door to his room, making sure to close it behind him before he sat at his desk.
Lucas untied the straps and opened to the first page. The writing was sloppy but legible, and he began reading.
'This is my first entry in this. I'm not sure exactly what to write. I suppose I should write who I am. My name is Adriana Melia O'Henry. I was born in Galway Ireland and I am at this moment 14 years old. Well, that should do for now, considering that no one will ever read this anyway. Ha. Maybe one day thousands of years from now an alien will find it and translate it to study the life of humans.'
The page suddenly stopped with a line and another entry was made, there were no dates. Just ramblings, like she had poured out her thoughts without reason. Lucas flipped to the last few entries and his eyes caught his name on the page:
'Lucas, the new one in here. I saw him come in with one of the nurses a few years ago. I should have been asleep but I knew something was coming. He's cute, cuter than most of the guys I know. When he came in for group the first day Katrina sat him next to me, he was nervous. He didn't look at anyone for any amount of time, like he was afraid someone would hurt him or something. I can hear him thinking sometimes, late at night when everyone is sleeping except him and I. He thinks about this submarine, SeaQuest. I've heard of it, but who hasn't heard of it? I can hear him thinking of people on that ship, I only remember Ben, he thinks about that man a lot. Sometimes I see these people, they look so nice. And the way he thinks of them like a family, I wish I had something like that.'
Again there was a line and another entry was made:
'Katrina gave us an assignment. We have to find a song that symbolizes our life. Lucas is my partner; he's kinda quiet. I try to talk to him but he just seems like he's so far away. I know he likes me, I like him too. I just have this feeling about him. I went a played a song for him, one that I thought he would like. We danced to it, and I'm not sure exactly how it happened but we kissed. I heard him thinking that we could get caught and that I should not be there. I think he knows that I'm a reader. I didn't mean to but I told him he was right and I left. He hasn't said anything.'
She read minds, Lucas had thought that maybe she did. She had known him better than he thought. Slowly, he turned the page and a small disk fell out. He picked it up and read the writing on the small cover 'Lucas' He laid it onto the desk and continued reading, this was the last entry and it was probably the neatest:
'A few weeks ago I went to Lucas' room. I don't know why, I just had a sudden rush of panic and I felt as if I needed to be near him. When I got to his room he was asleep, I stood there for a moment, listening to him breathing. When I sat down on the bed he stirred, I said his name because I could hear his fear. He pulled me to him and one thing led to another. I'm pregnant; I got one of the nurses to buy a test for me. I told her it was negative. I don't know how to tell him, this shouldn't happen. I'm too thin to be pregnant, it's dangerous for me and the baby.'
The blond boy closed the journal and stood up, he slammed the door open and stormed down the hallway. Hearing the noise, Katrina came running out of the family room.
"You lied to me!" Lucas screamed, not caring who heard him, "You told me she died from her throat! You knew she was pregnant and you didn't tell me!"
"Lucas I'm sorry-"
"Tell me the truth! How did she die Katrina? How?" He was on the verge of striking her but he held it back.
"She miscarried Lucas, she started bleeding and didn't stop. Being Anorexic thins your blood, she bled to death." She looked away from him and closed her eyes, "I didn't want you to feel guilty for her death."
"I felt guilty anyway! Knowing this does not make me feel any less guilty Katrina!" He paused, taking a breath, "But now I know the truth. And I'm leaving."
Katrina opened her eyes and looked at him, "You can't.."
"I weigh 148, I think you were the one who said I could leave when I reached 145." She nodded and he continued, "I am going back to the SeaQuest. Arrange it." He turned from her and walked back to his room, closing the door loudly behind him.
As he had told her, she did arrange for someone to come and pick him up. She told them nothing about Adriana or the troubles that had occurred. The Captain informed her that Benjamin Krieg would arrive at ten in the morning to pick Lucas up from the institution and from there to a shuttle that would carry them both to the SeaQuest.
Lucas woke in the morning and bathed and dressed in a hurry. By the time he pulled his bag out of the room it was 9:45. Ben, strangely, was early. He walked the boy out of the doors and into the parking lot. Lucas closed his eyes and breathed in the warm air; he hadn't been outdoors in six months. Ben threw the bags into the back and climbed into the drivers' seat, Lucas following his lead sat in the passengers' side.
After about five minutes on the road Ben looked at him, "Are you going to tell me what's wrong or do I have to guess?" He looked back to the road, changing lanes quickly after a small white car passed.
"No. I'm not going to tell you."
"Well, you're either going to tell me or I'm going to drag it out of you. Either way, I'm going to know why you look like the whole world is on your shoulders."
Lucas shook his head, "You can badger me all you want Ben. I'm not telling."
The car swerved to the side of the road and came to a dead stop. Lucas gasped and looked to Ben who was unbuckling his seatbelt.
"What in the hell do you think you are doing?" Lucas yelled, he couldn't finish before Ben grabbed him by the shirt and pulled him close.
"I'm not good at seeing my friends hurting Luke. I'm serious, I can't handle it if you get sick again. You're going to tell me what the problem is. And we will wait here until you do. I don't have anything better to do." Ben was deadly still and his voice calm and collected.
Lucas' eyes filled absent-mindedly with tears and Ben let go. The boy opened the car door and jumped out, leaning on the side of the car. Ben stood up on the seat and climbed over the edge of the car and stood next to Lucas.
"I'm sorry Lucas. I didn't mean-"
"No. You're right. I need to talk to you. If I don't talk, I think I might explode." He took a deep breath and continued, "There was this girl, Adriana. In the institution, she made me happy Ben. I fell for her. I loved her. We were together a few weeks ago. I mean that we-"
"I know what you mean. Go on."
"Well, a few days ago she died." Lucas closed his eyes tightly and opened then again, "The nurse lied to me about how she died. I-I read Adriana's journal. The nurse had given it to me. Ade was pregnant, but she was so thin. She lost it. And she couldn't stop bleeding. She bled to death. And it's my fault."
Ben's eyes widened and he shook his head, "That wasn't in your hands. What could you have done?"
"I don't know!" He threw his hands up, "Something. I would have done something. But when I found out she died. I went insane. I couldn't think straight, I was just."
Ben put his arms around Lucas and held the sobbing boy. This boy of whom he had loved from the first time he saw him. After a while the sobbing ceased and Lucas pulled away from him.
"I think we should get going. What time does the shuttle leave?"
"Bridger said to take our time and that the shuttle would we waiting for us tomorrow morning." Ben smiled and looked up to the sky and back to Lucas, "You hungry?"
After they had eaten Ben checked them into a hotel. They were both tired even though it was three in the afternoon. The room had two beds and as soon as they had opened the door Lucas collapsed onto one. After a few minutes Ben could hear a few soft snores coming from the blond. He pulled off his own shoes and shirt and crawled under the covers quickly falling asleep as well.
