part 2

Title: The Dark Apology

Author: Maea MacDermod

Email: maeve_aislinn@yahoo.com; feedback is like a drug to me! Please, feed the monkey!

Rating: PG

Disclaimer: "Any society that needs disclaimers has too many lawyers." - Erik Pepke (but just in case… Don't sue me, please!)

Spoilers: So anything including and prior to Heart of Mine is fair game.

Summary: This story is my thoughts for the episode after Heart of Mine…. I'm an unspoiled Roswellian, so it's all speculation based on next week's preview.

Category: General

Distribution: Want it? Take it… just let me know!

***

"Destiny is but a phrase of the weak human heart - the dark apology for every error. The strong and virtuous admit no destiny."

Edward George Earle Lytton Bulwer-Lytton (1803-73)

***

The phone rang again, the fourth time since Sean had brought me home from Alex's funeral. And for the fourth time, my answering machine picked it up instead of me.

"Liz… it's Maria again. Mr. Whitman is asking about you. Pick up the phone, Liz! I know you're there… Sean told me he dropped you off a half hour ago. LIZ! Please answer… we're all worried about you..."

A few more moments of recorded silence passed, then Maria finally gave up, sighed loudly and hung up the phone.

I stirred in my bed, flipping to stare out the window, and was shocked to see Future Max sitting on my balcony. He looked up when I climbed through the makeshift doorway.

"I thought I made myself quite clear when I told you to go away."

"I can't go away, Liz. We have to fix what's wrong here."

My anger was evident. "How dare you? How dare you assume that just because you're you, I'll do whatever you want. I'm done, Max."

I started to crawl back into my room, but he grabbed my foot. "You can't quit."

"Let go!" I said through clenched teeth. I stepped back out onto the balcony, challenging him. "Why? Why do you care so much? When this is all over, you're just going to disappear again. You won't have to live with the consequences of what happens!"

Max looked down. "That's not true. Since we changed the future last, I'm not connected to him anymore. When he changes, I don't."

I sat down onto my lawn chair, trying to wrap my mind around what he was telling me. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, that if this timeline is allowed to continue, the world will end. And that Max Evans will not be the only one there to watch the fall. I'll be by his side. I'm not linked to him anymore… I'm linked to you."

"Goody," I muttered mockingly under my breath. "So you're here for your own selfish survival? How noble."

He ignored my biting tone. "If Tess dies, all the things you did in November won't matter. The sacrifices you made… the pain you felt… it would have all been done for nothing."

I contemplated a moment, and then stood again to go inside. "I told you to try your sob story on someone else. I'm done." For a split second I thought he might try to stop me for a second time, but he didn't. I closed the window firmly once I was on the other side, and slid the curtains to block his view. I felt better having said that.

***

Maria was tired of crying… that much was obvious by just looking at the girl. She felt as if she couldn't remember what happiness was like. After the funeral, she simply sat in her kitchen sorting through a bunch of pictures of her and Alex. The idea for the yearbook memorial flooded into her head during the service. A bold knock at the door disturbed her organizing.

She crossed the small room, opening the door, and noticed Max standing there wearing jeans and a tee-shirt, his head covered with a baseball hat.

Maria started back to the table, calling over her shoulder, "Come on in, Max. I'm in the middle of something."

"Maria?" he spoke hesitantly.

"Yeah?" She finally looked at him closely. He wasn't the same. "Max?"

He removed the hat, and his long, dark hair fell past his shoulders. "I'm not who you think I am."

"I see that," Maria answered, her voice full of contained surprise. "Liz's Future Max, I'm guessing…"

Future Max didn't know what kind of reaction his arrival would gather from the blonde, but calm recognition wasn't one of them. "I need to talk to you… I need your help…" he turned a chair around and sat at the table, laying out the details of the current world crisis as succinctly as possible.

***

I knew that sooner or later I was going to have to go back to work, but today wasn't that day. It was only two days after Alex's funeral and I couldn't think of trivial matters like school and work. Hell, I'm barely able to think about eating, or breathing. Sean came by earlier today and forced me to eat something from the café, or else I'm sure that wouldn't have happened.

A light knock on my bedroom door startled me. Not really a new thing… I've been extremely jumpy lately. And did I mention I was ignoring all my friends? Sean is the only one I've spoken to since the funeral. The knocking continued, this time a bit louder. My parents knew that I would not come out of my room, and Sean would just climb into the window, so I continued to disregard my unwanted visitor. It wasn't until I heard his voice that I realized Max opened the locked door.

"You know you can't avoid us all forever."

I stood, and marched over to him intending on slamming the door in his face. "Try me, Max."

He stepped forward, stopping me from hitting him. "Your mom let me in. We have to talk, Liz."

"See that's where you're wrong. I don't have to do anything…"

Max ignored my commentary, continuing on as if I said nothing at all. "Maria came to see me the other day." He was staring at the floor, like he couldn't meet my eyes. As much as I told myself that I didn't care, I wanted to know what he had to say. "She told me that Tess is sick. She said that Tess is dying."

His voice sounded so somber and sad, I felt the need to speak… "I—", but he cut me off, breaking his gaze from my beige carpet to meet my eyes.

"She said that you could save her."

I held his intense stare for a beat, thinking about what to do, then turned from him. "Maria doesn't know what she's talking about," I said, my voice full of annoyance. "It's time for you to go." I began to usher him to the door, but then his hand shot out and grabbed me roughly. I felt a flash of fear shoot straight to my heart as I was forced to face him again.

"You're lying to me, Liz. I didn't believe Maria at first… I didn't believe her until Tess got sick this morning… and she's not getting better."

"What do you want me to do about it, Max?!" My voice rising in pitch. "You're the alien, not me… deal with your own people… I've got enough on my mind right at this point. Now, PLEASE let go of me," I said the last part through clenched teeth.

My arm was dropped immediately. "She won't tell me why or how she knows, but if Maria is right, Tess will die. Can you let that happen?"

I threw my arms up in frustration. "Heal her, then! That's what you do, isn't it? Heal everyone but Alex?"

His fury increased. "So we're back to this? Do you think I wanted him to die, Liz? He *was* my friend too, you know."

"You let him die, Max!" We were shouting at each other now, all sense of civility was gone.

Max's demeanor turned venomous, peaking at a level I have never seen before. "Aren't you the one who reminded me that I'm not God? I CAN'T HEAL THE DEAD!"

"Well, neither can I!"

The change in his face… his body… his whole being was sudden and shocking. It was much like the time he sobered up at the blind date concert. I don't know what was more terrifying – Max's anger or his defeated resignation. Shoulders slumped, he started to exit my room. It was exactly what I wanted him to do, but I couldn't stop myself from calling out to him.

"Do you love her, Max?" I don't know why I asked. I'm pretty sure I didn't even want to know, but I did ask and he turned back to me.

"What gives you the right to ask that?"

"As the last person you said it to before Tess, I think I have every right. It shouldn't be a hard question… she *is* having your baby."

"Is that what this is all about? Me and Tess?" he asked, his voice even and calm, but overcome with weariness. "This thing with her is weird… confusing… and so different from anything I've ever known. But the most confusing thing is you. All you've ever done since we got that message from my mother is push me away and towards Tess. Now that I'm with her, you resent us… How much crap is that?"

"Gee, Max – when you kept saying that you wanted to 'screw destiny', I didn't realize that you meant it so literally." The moment I said my last words, I immediately regretted it… mostly because I feared it would ignite his temper again. But the boy in front of me remained calm.

"Tell me, Liz. Tell me that your refusal to help isn't about me and Tess and what happened. Tell me the truth – You're not willing to let her die as some sort of payback, are you?"

I couldn't answer – my mouth was frozen shut as my mind reeled. Was that my reason? Was I refusing to even listen to Future Max because I hated the way my life was going?

It was evident Max didn't know how to read my silence. Against my better judgment, I met his sorrow-filled eyes… eyes that were haunted with the new responsibilities being forced onto him.

Fresh frustration surged into him. "I can't tell what you're thinking. I don't even know you anymore, Liz."

"Maybe the problem is that you never really knew me in the first place."

He hesitated, and I squeezed my eyelids shut trying to stop the tears from falling. "Maybe."

Focusing on the darkness, I sighed as a tear escaped down my hot cheek. "Don't come back, Max." When silence met my words, I snapped my eyes open. The room was empty… I was alone.

**