Title: The Dark Apology
Author: Maea MacDermod
Email: maeve_aislinn@yahoo.com;
feedback is like a drug to me! Please, feed the monkey!
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: "Any society
that needs disclaimers has too many lawyers." - Erik Pepke (but just
in case… Don't sue me, please!)
Spoilers: So anything including
and prior to Heart of Mine is fair game.
Summary: This story is my
thoughts for the episode after Heart of Mine…. I'm an unspoiled Roswellian, so
it's all speculation based on next week's preview.
Category: General
Distribution: Want
it? Take it… just let me know!
***
"Destiny is but a phrase of
the weak human heart - the dark apology for every error. The strong and
virtuous admit no destiny."
Edward
George Earle Lytton Bulwer-Lytton (1803-73)
***
The
phone rang again, the fourth time since Sean had brought me home from Alex's
funeral. And for the fourth time, my
answering machine picked it up instead of me.
"Liz…
it's Maria again. Mr. Whitman is asking
about you. Pick up the phone, Liz! I know you're there… Sean told me he dropped
you off a half hour ago. LIZ! Please answer… we're all worried about
you..."
A few
more moments of recorded silence passed, then Maria finally gave up, sighed
loudly and hung up the phone.
I
stirred in my bed, flipping to stare out the window, and was shocked to see
Future Max sitting on my balcony. He
looked up when I climbed through the makeshift doorway.
"I
thought I made myself quite clear when I told you to go away."
"I
can't go away, Liz. We have to fix
what's wrong here."
My anger
was evident. "How dare you? How dare you assume that just because you're
you, I'll do whatever you want. I'm
done, Max."
I
started to crawl back into my room, but he grabbed my foot. "You can't quit."
"Let
go!" I said through clenched teeth. I stepped back out onto the balcony, challenging him. "Why? Why do you care so much? When
this is all over, you're just going to disappear again. You won't have to live with the consequences
of what happens!"
Max
looked down. "That's not
true. Since we changed the future last,
I'm not connected to him anymore. When
he changes, I don't."
I sat
down onto my lawn chair, trying to wrap my mind around what he was telling
me. "What do you mean?"
"I
mean, that if this timeline is allowed to continue, the world will end. And that Max Evans will not be the only one
there to watch the fall. I'll be by his
side. I'm not linked to him anymore…
I'm linked to you."
"Goody,"
I muttered mockingly under my breath. "So you're here for your own selfish survival? How noble."
He
ignored my biting tone. "If Tess
dies, all the things you did in November won't matter. The sacrifices you made… the pain you felt…
it would have all been done for nothing."
I
contemplated a moment, and then stood again to go inside. "I told you to try your sob story on
someone else. I'm done." For a split second I thought he might try to
stop me for a second time, but he didn't. I closed the window firmly once I was on the other side, and slid the
curtains to block his view. I felt
better having said that.
***
Maria
was tired of crying… that much was obvious by just looking at the girl. She felt as if she couldn't remember what
happiness was like. After the funeral,
she simply sat in her kitchen sorting through a bunch of pictures of her and
Alex. The idea for the yearbook
memorial flooded into her head during the service. A bold knock at the door disturbed her organizing.
She
crossed the small room, opening the door, and noticed Max standing there
wearing jeans and a tee-shirt, his head covered with a baseball hat.
Maria
started back to the table, calling over her shoulder, "Come on in,
Max. I'm in the middle of
something."
"Maria?"
he spoke hesitantly.
"Yeah?" She finally looked at him closely. He wasn't the same. "Max?"
He
removed the hat, and his long, dark hair fell past his shoulders. "I'm not who you think I am."
"I
see that," Maria answered, her voice full of contained surprise. "Liz's Future Max, I'm guessing…"
Future
Max didn't know what kind of reaction his arrival would gather from the blonde,
but calm recognition wasn't one of them. "I need to talk to you… I need your help…" he turned a chair
around and sat at the table, laying out the details of the current world crisis
as succinctly as possible.
***
I knew
that sooner or later I was going to have to go back to work, but today wasn't
that day. It was only two days after
Alex's funeral and I couldn't think of trivial matters like school and work. Hell, I'm barely able to think about eating,
or breathing. Sean came by earlier
today and forced me to eat something from the café, or else I'm sure that
wouldn't have happened.
A light
knock on my bedroom door startled me. Not really a new thing… I've been extremely jumpy lately. And did I mention I was ignoring all my
friends? Sean is the only one I've
spoken to since the funeral. The
knocking continued, this time a bit louder. My parents knew that I would not come out of my room, and Sean would
just climb into the window, so I continued to disregard my unwanted
visitor. It wasn't until I heard his
voice that I realized Max opened the locked door.
"You
know you can't avoid us all forever."
I stood,
and marched over to him intending on slamming the door in his face. "Try me, Max."
He
stepped forward, stopping me from hitting him. "Your mom let me in. We
have to talk, Liz."
"See
that's where you're wrong. I don't have
to do anything…"
Max
ignored my commentary, continuing on as if I said nothing at all. "Maria came to see me the other
day." He was staring at the floor,
like he couldn't meet my eyes. As much
as I told myself that I didn't care, I wanted to know what he had to say. "She told me that Tess is sick. She said that Tess is dying."
His
voice sounded so somber and sad, I felt the need to speak… "I—", but
he cut me off, breaking his gaze from my beige carpet to meet my eyes.
"She
said that you could save her."
I held
his intense stare for a beat, thinking about what to do, then turned from
him. "Maria doesn't know what
she's talking about," I said, my voice full of annoyance. "It's time for you to go." I began to usher him to the door, but then his
hand shot out and grabbed me roughly. I
felt a flash of fear shoot straight to my heart as I was forced to face him
again.
"You're
lying to me, Liz. I didn't believe
Maria at first… I didn't believe her until Tess got sick this morning… and
she's not getting better."
"What
do you want me to do about it, Max?!" My voice rising in pitch. "You're the alien, not me… deal with your own people… I've got
enough on my mind right at this point. Now, PLEASE let go of me," I said the last part through clenched
teeth.
My arm
was dropped immediately. "She
won't tell me why or how she knows, but if Maria is right, Tess will die. Can you let that happen?"
I threw
my arms up in frustration. "Heal
her, then! That's what you do, isn't
it? Heal everyone but Alex?"
His fury increased. "So we're back to this? Do you think I wanted him to die, Liz? He *was* my friend too, you know."
"You
let him die, Max!" We were
shouting at each other now, all sense of civility was gone.
Max's
demeanor turned venomous, peaking at a level I have never seen before. "Aren't you the one who reminded me
that I'm not God? I CAN'T HEAL THE
DEAD!"
"Well,
neither can I!"
The
change in his face… his body… his whole being was sudden and shocking. It was much like the time he sobered up at
the blind date concert. I don't know
what was more terrifying – Max's anger or his defeated resignation. Shoulders slumped, he started to exit my
room. It was exactly what I wanted him
to do, but I couldn't stop myself from calling out to him.
"Do
you love her, Max?" I don't know
why I asked. I'm pretty sure I didn't
even want to know, but I did ask and he turned back to me.
"What
gives you the right to ask that?"
"As the last person
you said it to before Tess, I think I have every right. It shouldn't be a hard question… she *is*
having your baby."
"Is
that what this is all about? Me and
Tess?" he asked, his voice even and calm, but overcome with
weariness. "This thing with her is
weird… confusing… and so different from anything I've ever known. But the most confusing thing is you. All you've ever done since we got that
message from my mother is push me away and towards Tess. Now that I'm with her, you resent us… How much crap is that?"
"Gee,
Max – when you kept saying that you wanted to 'screw destiny', I didn't realize
that you meant it so literally." The moment I said my last words, I immediately regretted it… mostly
because I feared it would ignite his temper again. But the boy in front of me remained calm.
"Tell
me, Liz. Tell me that your refusal to
help isn't about me and Tess and what happened. Tell me the truth – You're not willing to let her die as some
sort of payback, are you?"
I
couldn't answer – my mouth was frozen shut as my mind reeled. Was that my reason? Was I refusing to even listen to Future Max
because I hated the way my life was going?
It was
evident Max didn't know how to read my silence. Against my better judgment, I met his sorrow-filled eyes… eyes
that were haunted with the new responsibilities being forced onto him.
Fresh
frustration surged into him. "I
can't tell what you're thinking. I don't
even know you anymore, Liz."
"Maybe
the problem is that you never really knew me in the first place."
He
hesitated, and I squeezed my eyelids shut trying to stop the tears from
falling. "Maybe."
Focusing
on the darkness, I sighed as a tear escaped down my hot cheek. "Don't come back, Max." When silence met my words, I snapped my eyes
open. The room was empty… I was alone.
**
