part 3

Title: The Dark Apology

Author: Maea MacDermod

Email: maeve_aislinn@yahoo.com; feedback is like a drug to me! Please, feed the monkey!

Rating: PG

Disclaimer: "Any society that needs disclaimers has too many lawyers." - Erik Pepke (but just in case… Don't sue me, please!)

Spoilers: So anything including and prior to Heart of Mine is fair game.

Summary: This story is my thoughts for the episode after Heart of Mine…. I'm an unspoiled Roswellian, so it's all speculation based on CYN's preview.

Category: General… hitting on the angsty side

Distribution: Want it? Take it… just let me know!

***

"Destiny is but a phrase of the weak human heart - the dark apology for every error. The strong and virtuous admit no destiny."

Edward George Earle Lytton Bulwer-Lytton (1803-73)

***

Twenty minutes later, I found myself on the DeLuca's front door stoop. In the million times I'd been there in my life, I can't say that I had ever really been as mad at Maria as I was right then. I needed information from my 'best' friend so that I could get the answers I needed from the future version of my ex. How confusing is that?

She wasn't surprised to see me. "Is he right? Can *you* save her?"

I wanted to scream… I was so tired of being asked that. "You're supposed to be my best friend, Maria."

"I AM! I went to him for you! You… you're Liz Parker – perfect in everyway. I hate that about you sometimes, but if you let Tess die… if Tess dies because you couldn't get over yourself and help her… you might as well die too!" Her tone was full of anguish, a river of tears cascading down her features, blurring makeup. "You won't be Liz Parker anymore… and you won't be my friend."

Wanting to get out of the public area I was standing in, I pushed past Maria and into her house, settling onto her worn couch.

"I keep thinking about Alex and Las Vegas."

Maria was visibly thrown off balance by the subject change. She wiped away the fresh tears, and in the process successfully smeared her eyeliner. "Yeah, he had a great time…"

"No… not that Vegas. When Future Max first came to me, he told me all about our wedding…"

"I know, you told me… you guys eloped to Vegas and tied the knot surrounded by Elvi. So?"

"To celebrate, you guys met us on our way back to Roswell. Everyone: You, Michael, Isabel *and* Alex. In that future, Alex lived. He was at my reception." I noted the shocked expression on her face. "He didn't mention that, did he?" I asked, a tinge of scorn carrying a heavier weight to my words.

She took a moment to absorb the information I just hurdled at her. "Liz, we all died when the aliens came. Everyone."

"I can't think of it that way. My friend is gone… Tess's life for his doesn't seem like a fair trade."

"I'm sorry you feel that way."

"Don't be… I'm not." I paused. "Where is he?"

Maria sank into the couch next to me. "Why? So you can go yell at him too? This is his purpose now, Liz. He has to save the world – save the future."

I exhaled sharply. "Every time I turn around I have someone… something… pushing the weight of the world on my shoulders. I'm seventeen, Maria! Do you even realize how hard this is for me? I had to give up everything! Everything… and now you say that if I don't try to save the world again, I'll be dead to you? Maybe I already am… have you thought of that?"

She placed her hand over mine. "I've already lost one of my best friends. Please don't make me lose another."

"I need to find him. I have to tell him not to come back, to leave me alone. I have to… can you help me?" there was desperation in my voice and I hoped that she would feel how I was feeling. I so wanted this to all go away.

Shaking her head, I watched as her blonde tendrils of hair cascaded over her shoulders, though I noted a hint of uncertainty in her action.

"Maria?"

My friend sighed, mentally fighting with herself over the decision to share her information. "He has no where to go, Liz – he can't leave…"

"Please!" I urged, leaning forward.

"He… he pulled some things from his pocket when he was here… I saw a motel key – uh, Tumbleweed Inn, I think. I don't know which room…"

I jumped up for the door. "Thank you, Maria!" I called out over my shoulder. I was halfway down the front walk when she reached the still open exit, and barely heard her last words.

"Be easy on him, Liz!"

**

Future Max was not as expecting as Maria. In fact, he was outright surprised. He stood in the partially opened doorway of the motel room, blocking my entrance.

"I should have known you'd find me."

Getting down to business, I spoke. "Don't pull her into this, Max. Maria, me… the Valenti's… we're all out of this, okay? Stay away from us."

"You didn't leave me choices,,, I need help. I need *your* help, and I'll do whatever I can to get it. There's more at risk than you know."

"Find other options!" my voice raised in volume. "Humans are off limits now… got it?" He tried to shush me, but I knocked his hand away. "What? Afraid the Feds are listening? Or you don't want your neighbors to know all about you?" I threw my hands up in desperation. "Trust me! They don't want to know your secret… It'll just ruin their lives, too!"

Max stepped forward, in a move I presumed was meant to quiet me, so I put my hand on his chest to block him. He immediately jumped back as if my touch burned, but in that short contact, the single flash I saw explained his motivations. I barreled past him into the cool air of the room, and he was too stunned to obstruct my entrance. The knowledge of what I saw paralyzed him.

Inside the room was a mirror image of the vision I just experienced. On the gaudy flower bedspread laid a child curled into a fetal position, her arm draped over a worn purple teddy bear. A child – no, wait… my child. The flash from Alex's funeral replayed. Claudia Grace… Gracie, he called her. Gracie Evans.

As I felt Max's hand on my back, the slight pressure of his touch blocked out my ability to see the room any longer, and the future played out in the darkness of my head.

FLASH:

Future Max and Future Liz were running almost blindly through the thick desert underbrush to the Pod Chamber, the resting place of the Granolith. Their purpose was urgent, and when he reached the entrance first, Max turned to implore his wife to move faster. As she reached his side, Liz looked out to the distance and to the faint outline of the old military base they had called their home for so many years. The alien craft hovered just out of range of the bases defenses – not that there were many defenders still alive in the burning building – sending destructive blows into the main compound. So many people were dying… people who were the last hope for a resistance against the Skins… people like Michael and Maria, who died together just minutes before. Now that rebellion force was reduced to the Royal Pair on the cliff. King Max and his human queen.

Even in the pressure of the situation, Max took the time to stroke his wife's face, trying to comfort her. "Serena knows… she'll take care of her."

A final blast shook the complex. "Do you think they made it out?"

"I don't know," Max's dirty, worn face was full of honesty, "but I can hope. And if this works, it won't matter."

The Skin attack vessel broke off, their new course set to pursue the escaping couple. "It won't matter because she won't exist…"

He pulled her close, waving his hand over the key in the cliff side. The silver handprint appeared, but he paused to kiss Liz passionately. "She'll always exist in us. All eternity, Liz."

A rock exploded just below them causing their hearts to beat even more wildly than before. "All eternity, Max."

The young king slammed his palm into the rough rock, the entryway sliding open with a grinding swoosh. They rushed in, the last two with the ability to save the world.

END FLASH

The scene faded to black, and then eventually my view of room twelve in the Tumbleweed Inn returned. Gracie lay perfectly still on the king sized bed, her peaceful sleep echoed in her rhythmic breathing.

Max stepped to my side, both of our eyes transfixed on the cherubic form; Grace's chestnut hair splayed out almost perfectly over the motel pillow.

"I don't know how… or why, but when I materialized out of the void this time she was by my side. Her memories of the fall are minimal."

I fought to find my voice, and when I did, spoke in a whisper. "Why? Why didn't you tell me?"

"I wanted to, but I was afraid… to tell you too much." I could read his eyes better than a book. He was holding something back. Taking his hand, I led him over to a table set away from the bed. I didn't have to prompt him any further. "You're right… before, you know. I was being selfish. I wanted you to do this for the wrong reasons... I wanted you to do this for me – because *I* asked you… because you love me. I'm sorry…"

"What makes –" I began, but my query was cut off by a small musical voice.

"Momma?"

We both looked over to see the sleepy five-year-old form of my future daughter standing a few feet away, clad in footed pajamas. My gaze shot to Max for help, and he nodded somberly.

"Yeah, sweetie…" I opened my arms to the precious little girl, blinking back the tears swelling in my eyes. Both Gracie and her teddy climbed onto my lap and settled to resume her nap.

"I like your hair long, Momma," she commented softly, running her tiny fingers over the ends. I felt a slight tingle from were she touched me. As she closed her dark brown eyes and snuggled in to sleep, we heard her speak again. "See, daddy… I told you she would find us."

Max smiled at us both. "Yes, you did, Princess… you sure did."

We sat in silence until I was certain our daughter was asleep again. "She knew?"

Nodding, Max leaned close and smoothed Gracie's hair. "Part of her powers. Prophetic dreams… she can also heal and sometimes mindwarp and dreamwalk." He spoke with fatherly pride. "So smart Gracie…" he said tenderly, then turned to me. "She's gifted, Liz… more powerful than any of us ever thought imaginable."

"Our hope for the future," I recalled, and then remembered my question from earlier. "What even makes you think that I can heal Tess, especially if you – the younger you – can't."

He stood, peeling off his cheesy tourist tee shirt I assumed he must have bought on Main Street. I stared on intently but saw nothing than unbroken skin. The alien moved over to where I was sitting, taking my hand into his, and guided it over his muscled abs. A faint glow formed under our hands and soon a small handprint identical to the one he left on me so long ago appeared. Wait, no… it wasn't identical… this one was smaller. He lined my hand up with the shimmering mark; they matched.

"You healed me, Liz… I was dying and you saved me."

I was mesmerized by the print. Tracing the edges with my fingers, I observed as the glow intensified. "But Max… I was your wife…"

"After that day, you had the ability to heal others… you became our doctor on the base. I know you can do this. I know it with everything I am."

Dropping my hand back to my side, I studied the little girl that fit perfectly in my lap. This was something that was meant to be… she was something that was meant to be… but changing the future will take it all away from me. 'How could I let this go away,' my heart cried out… she's so right…

Max settled back into the dinette chair, studying us both intently. I got the feeling from his gentle gaze that he was accustomed to watching me hold our daughter. Gracie shifted and a stray lock of hair fell into her eyes. I gingerly brushed it away, though when my fingertip made contact with the skin on her forehead, a series of flashes overtook me.

FLASH: In the middle of labor, Max at my side.

FLASH: Holding my precious child for the first time.

FLASH: Watching her take her first wobbly steps.

FLASH: Max teaching her to ride a bike, and me having to heal her scrapes when she fell.

FLASH: Kissing her dirty face for the last time, leaving her with Serena, and being pulled away by Max… the pain of that moment filled my heart, but the happiness of the others pushed it away.

My vision cleared and the current appearance of Claudia Grace Parker-Evans filled my sight. I finally raised my gaze and met Future Max's eyes.

"Tell me what I have to do."

**