Fellowship of the Dicks
By: Mika (FTLOASuzaku@hotmail.com) Co-sometimes-author: Reirei no miko (Reirei_no_miko@hotmail.com)
Notes:
1) We own nothing 2) We are Poor 3) We do this for fun- if you're offended, stop reading 4) Thought can be found between // and // k? Thank you!
Chapter 3- Soon to be Named the Fellowship of the Dicks
The food had been soft, the bath had been warm and her cuts and bruises tenderly cared for. She'd been brushed, combed, make-uped, pampered and all in all treated like a queen. When the time had come to be dressed she'd hadn't the heart to tell the Elves 'no' to the gorgeous silk dress they'd put on her and the satin slippers she was padding around in. //I am in heaven!// she sang following her escort down the hall. They came to a large set of doors and her escort knocked politely.
"Come in!" Lizzie knew the voice even before she saw the wizard seated in the airy room on a chair in front of a table set for wine. Gandalf stood to greet her even as the servant ducked out with a bow.
"You look to be in better health My Lady." Gandalf smiled offering her a seat.
"Thank you." she sat down and noticed that the table was set for two more.
"Lord Elrond and Lord Aragorn will be joining us momentarily." He offered her a glass which she politely refused choosing to stay sharp witted in such a position. Another knock, "come in!" called the wizard again rising once more. Lizzie rose to her feet and greeted the elf and man as they entered the room and sat around the small table reaching for their wine even as Gandalf lit his pipe and puffed quietly a moment. Lizzie waited for someone to say something knowing it was impolite for a woman to speak first, she cleared her throat pointedly not wanting to offend but pointedly uncomfortable and allowing it to show in her body language.
"If your friends, " Gandalf said slowly, "are emitting the same dark aura as you then I have located them in both Lothlorien and Helms Deep."
"Lothlorien? Who's there? Nickey at least understands elven custom and knows how to behave but Sierra? She'll get herself killed! And having a dark aura isn't giving either of them points! Are they alright?" nearly hysterical with fear Lizzie was leaned forward as if the closer she got to the wizard, the faster he'd answer her questions.
"They are both well. Neither have been killed, for the moment."
"For the mo-"
"Please calm yourself. I need to know if you've acquired any strange powers since you touched Saruman the White."
Lizzie stopped, "Powers?" she thought a moment. "No."
Gandalf took a long drag of his pipe, "Yet. You will soon."
Lizzie raised an eyebrow, "How soo-" she jerked as if electrocuted, a surge of power jumping into her veins and making her tingle from head to toe. The room blacked out, spun and stopped just in front of a face. "YOU!" she cried, throwing up her hand as if to hit the face- the face of Saruman, the old man from the mall. It hung in her vision a moment longer even as she scratched and lashed out at it.
It faded.
She blinked, panting. "I saw...... I saw Saruman, I saw his face right in front of mine! He was watching me! He........" she stopped long enough to see Aragorn nursing a newly shining left cheekbone. "I'm going to guess that I hit you and not him?" He nodded sourly. "Sorry." She squeaked. "Why?" she turned to Gandalf who was still in his seat and not kneeling by her chair like Aragorn, trying to help.
"I assumed that because Saruman gave you your power it would connect you with him. You were his original target right? He was after you. As such, he is tracking you, stalking you so to speak."
"You really know how to make a girl comfortable you know that?"
"Let me explain. Five hundred years ago a wizard named Tolkien lived-"
"Wait!" Lizzie jumped in, "Tolkien is an author back home! Not some wizard!"
"May I continue? Thank you. Tolkien was a very powerful wizard who could see the future. He took on an apprentice named Saruman with whom he shared a great many of his visions. But Saruman turned to Sauron and Tolkien was asked to join their side. He refused and instead left this world knowing his knowledge would only lead to harm. And so he went into the future, on your world and published his books, I do believe they are named the Lord of the Rings, correct?"
Lizzie nodded dumbly.
Gandalf continued, "Sauron kept track of all of this and I believe that he told Saruman where to find your world. Because of your knowledge and lack of will you were the ideal candidate to become a prophet for the Dark Lord. Because of the intervention of your friends I believe that the spell Saruman cast to bring you back here was fumbled. As such, you came here, to where I am, and your friends to Lothlorien where the lady Galadriel resides and people in need in Helms' Deep. You are connected with the Dark Lord and his servant now and every time they seek you out and find you, you will feel it. There is also a possibility that you will be able to reverse the process and find them as well."
Lizzie let out a great whoosh of air. "I'll sleep so well at night knowing this, thank you." she snipped sarcastically.
Elrond spoke up, "Gandalf and I have spoken and although it seems that you are aware of the future we would wish you keep it to yourself, knowing the future could complicate life for everyone. As well the fellowship will be leaving as soon as the Mirkwood Elves return. We would keep you safe by keeping you here under the guise of an Elven Princess to keep the Dark Lord from finding you."
"Wait, wait........ I have the opportunity to show up in Middle Earth right before the Fellowship takes off and you want me to stay here? This is supposed to be some grand fan fic where I get to travel! And one more thing, not only do I not LOOK elven, but I'm no princess!"
"Tell me about it." Aragorn muttered.
"Want me to punch you again?" Lizzie snapped, waving her fist around clumsily.
"I will cast a spell to turn you Elven until I remove it and you have a great deal of time to learn to become a princess."
"And my sons will help you." Elrond said.
"Willingly?"
"It took some persuading."
Aragorn choked as Elrond sent him a nasty look.
"Why can't you just send me home?"
Gandalf shook his head, "All three of you must be together and the force holding you here must be taken care of before you can return to your home."
"So, send out elven messengers to Helms Deep and Lothlorien to get my friends here and send the Fellowship to kill Saruman, bada bing bada boom, done!" at the three skeptical looks she shrugged sheepishly, "well the concept is simple enough! Um, easier said then done I suppose?"
Elrond pursed his lips, "Quite."
Lizzie sighed and placed her hands on her lap, " Fine.you do your hocus pocus and I'll stay here." // Great, I'm actually in Middle Earth and I can't even go with the fellowship, how completely unfair!// She watched Gandalf place his staff in front of her and flinched, noting his frown, she shrugged. "I've had Saruman's staff waved in front of me, sorry if I'm not jumping for joy at seeing another one." At Gandalf's nod, he placed the tip against her forehead and started to mutter an incantation of sorts.
Elrond and Aragorn backed away.
Lizzie had a distinct feeling that it wasn't because they needed to stretch their legs.
She felt a slow heat start to wrap around her body, like a snake curling around her legs, waist, arms and torso. Then, as though it had entered her, it felt as though she was being stretched. Her heart started to beat faster, her breathing had gone ragged and her eyes where losing focus.
Everything stopped.
She fainted.
The first thing she noted was that there was an annoying ringing in her ears....she groaned, well, tried to groan. The sound that passed her lips was almost musical......MUSICAL?! Her eyes snapped open and came into super focus to see Gandalf standing over her, along with Elrond and Aragorn. She through herself into a sitting position and held her head as a wave of nausea hit her once more. She'd been doing that a lot. Rivendell must be bad for her health......
" I believe it has worked." Gandalf noted with a smile. Elrond looked like he was trying to catch flies and.........so was Aragorn for that matter.
"Close your mouths." Was that *her* voice?? She placed a hand over her mouth, then, slowly, realization came over her. She squeaked and placed her hands over her ears..her pointy ears. She looked down, the elven dress was too short.....no, her legs where to long. "Holy shit!" She snapped, eyes going wide.
"?es, it is definitely her. No other female of my people would have spoken in that fashion." Elrond said dryly, rising to stand up. Aragorn, who had closed his mouth by that point, held out his hand and Lizzie quickly took it. When she was pulled up, she had to keep her hand on his arm to keep from falling back down. "Geese, not even my heels where this bad......"
All three chose not to ask what 'heels' where.
"I believe that the first part of our plan is now in motion. Now then, Elizabeth-"
"Liz or Lizzie, please. I hate when people say my full name, it's too.......formal." She shrugged and Gandalf seemed to be the only one to understand why a woman would hate for her name to be formal.
"Lizzie, Aragorn needs to know what your friends look like so he can return them to Isengard, where the spell should be performed." Gandalf said, noting with wry amusement that she was barely paying any attention to him. But as soon as her friends came up, her head snapped to attention and he her had full focus.
"Right, well considering how the gods always have a sense of humour, 'cause they have nothing better to do, I'd take a wager and say that Sea is stuck in Lothlorien." Lizzie noted two blank stares. "Riiight, so anyway, She's 5'7 with-" She got another blank stare from the ranger. "Okayyy, she's tall for a girl, has blue eyes and curly auburn hair. You'll know her cause she'll most likely jump you......no wait, that's Nickey, Sea will jump Legolas. She's partly psychotic you see, so when she jumps the elf, you catch her k?" By that point both Elrond and Aragorn where thinking that all people from the other world where partly insane, but they chose not to comment.
Gandalf was trying hard not to laugh.
Lizzie continued. "Anyway, then there's Nickey. She talks to herself, so when you see a young girl babbling curses, you'll know it's her. She'll most likely be wearing pants and a shirt, so if you're not sure it's her, just ask her to where a dress. After the person is dead, you'll know it was her. She's also very tall, has blue in her hair......no she is not a demon......last time I checked anyway......and has green eyes." Lizzie looked at the ranger and noted that he looked almost terrified.
"Surely you jest milady....."He asked, eyes hopeful. She just looked at him and Aragorn was starting to reconsider volunteering to help the young girl find her 'friends'. By Elbereth, they where mad!
"Thanks Aragorn, you sure are nice and all volunteering to help me out."
Aragorn cleared his throat and said with a clear voice, "I do believe that the royal court is waiting for you milady." Lizzie's smirk faded and she gave him a glare.
"You're joking, right?" He smirked in turn. She glared back. Elrond cleared his throat. Gandalf noticed that no one was moving. "Well, then, Lithuiel lord Elohir and lord Elladan are waiting to meet their future bride."
"WHAT!?" surprisingly it was not Lizzie who had cried out, by lord Elrond himself. Lizzie had just lost her voice, she settled for spluttering.
"You told not of such an arrangement Mithrandir! You said that it was not permanent, now you say that.......that......" Then Elrond realized that Gandalf -had- said what he had been planning, but not in those such words. In shock, the lord of Rivendell fell to his chair and shook his head. "My sons are not going to like this......by Elbereth...."
Authors comment: hehehe, can't WAIT to see what the sons have to say about this eh? Well, I love to hear what you think. -smile
By: Mika (FTLOASuzaku@hotmail.com) Co-sometimes-author: Reirei no miko (Reirei_no_miko@hotmail.com)
Notes:
1) We own nothing 2) We are Poor 3) We do this for fun- if you're offended, stop reading 4) Thought can be found between // and // k? Thank you!
Chapter 3- Soon to be Named the Fellowship of the Dicks
The food had been soft, the bath had been warm and her cuts and bruises tenderly cared for. She'd been brushed, combed, make-uped, pampered and all in all treated like a queen. When the time had come to be dressed she'd hadn't the heart to tell the Elves 'no' to the gorgeous silk dress they'd put on her and the satin slippers she was padding around in. //I am in heaven!// she sang following her escort down the hall. They came to a large set of doors and her escort knocked politely.
"Come in!" Lizzie knew the voice even before she saw the wizard seated in the airy room on a chair in front of a table set for wine. Gandalf stood to greet her even as the servant ducked out with a bow.
"You look to be in better health My Lady." Gandalf smiled offering her a seat.
"Thank you." she sat down and noticed that the table was set for two more.
"Lord Elrond and Lord Aragorn will be joining us momentarily." He offered her a glass which she politely refused choosing to stay sharp witted in such a position. Another knock, "come in!" called the wizard again rising once more. Lizzie rose to her feet and greeted the elf and man as they entered the room and sat around the small table reaching for their wine even as Gandalf lit his pipe and puffed quietly a moment. Lizzie waited for someone to say something knowing it was impolite for a woman to speak first, she cleared her throat pointedly not wanting to offend but pointedly uncomfortable and allowing it to show in her body language.
"If your friends, " Gandalf said slowly, "are emitting the same dark aura as you then I have located them in both Lothlorien and Helms Deep."
"Lothlorien? Who's there? Nickey at least understands elven custom and knows how to behave but Sierra? She'll get herself killed! And having a dark aura isn't giving either of them points! Are they alright?" nearly hysterical with fear Lizzie was leaned forward as if the closer she got to the wizard, the faster he'd answer her questions.
"They are both well. Neither have been killed, for the moment."
"For the mo-"
"Please calm yourself. I need to know if you've acquired any strange powers since you touched Saruman the White."
Lizzie stopped, "Powers?" she thought a moment. "No."
Gandalf took a long drag of his pipe, "Yet. You will soon."
Lizzie raised an eyebrow, "How soo-" she jerked as if electrocuted, a surge of power jumping into her veins and making her tingle from head to toe. The room blacked out, spun and stopped just in front of a face. "YOU!" she cried, throwing up her hand as if to hit the face- the face of Saruman, the old man from the mall. It hung in her vision a moment longer even as she scratched and lashed out at it.
It faded.
She blinked, panting. "I saw...... I saw Saruman, I saw his face right in front of mine! He was watching me! He........" she stopped long enough to see Aragorn nursing a newly shining left cheekbone. "I'm going to guess that I hit you and not him?" He nodded sourly. "Sorry." She squeaked. "Why?" she turned to Gandalf who was still in his seat and not kneeling by her chair like Aragorn, trying to help.
"I assumed that because Saruman gave you your power it would connect you with him. You were his original target right? He was after you. As such, he is tracking you, stalking you so to speak."
"You really know how to make a girl comfortable you know that?"
"Let me explain. Five hundred years ago a wizard named Tolkien lived-"
"Wait!" Lizzie jumped in, "Tolkien is an author back home! Not some wizard!"
"May I continue? Thank you. Tolkien was a very powerful wizard who could see the future. He took on an apprentice named Saruman with whom he shared a great many of his visions. But Saruman turned to Sauron and Tolkien was asked to join their side. He refused and instead left this world knowing his knowledge would only lead to harm. And so he went into the future, on your world and published his books, I do believe they are named the Lord of the Rings, correct?"
Lizzie nodded dumbly.
Gandalf continued, "Sauron kept track of all of this and I believe that he told Saruman where to find your world. Because of your knowledge and lack of will you were the ideal candidate to become a prophet for the Dark Lord. Because of the intervention of your friends I believe that the spell Saruman cast to bring you back here was fumbled. As such, you came here, to where I am, and your friends to Lothlorien where the lady Galadriel resides and people in need in Helms' Deep. You are connected with the Dark Lord and his servant now and every time they seek you out and find you, you will feel it. There is also a possibility that you will be able to reverse the process and find them as well."
Lizzie let out a great whoosh of air. "I'll sleep so well at night knowing this, thank you." she snipped sarcastically.
Elrond spoke up, "Gandalf and I have spoken and although it seems that you are aware of the future we would wish you keep it to yourself, knowing the future could complicate life for everyone. As well the fellowship will be leaving as soon as the Mirkwood Elves return. We would keep you safe by keeping you here under the guise of an Elven Princess to keep the Dark Lord from finding you."
"Wait, wait........ I have the opportunity to show up in Middle Earth right before the Fellowship takes off and you want me to stay here? This is supposed to be some grand fan fic where I get to travel! And one more thing, not only do I not LOOK elven, but I'm no princess!"
"Tell me about it." Aragorn muttered.
"Want me to punch you again?" Lizzie snapped, waving her fist around clumsily.
"I will cast a spell to turn you Elven until I remove it and you have a great deal of time to learn to become a princess."
"And my sons will help you." Elrond said.
"Willingly?"
"It took some persuading."
Aragorn choked as Elrond sent him a nasty look.
"Why can't you just send me home?"
Gandalf shook his head, "All three of you must be together and the force holding you here must be taken care of before you can return to your home."
"So, send out elven messengers to Helms Deep and Lothlorien to get my friends here and send the Fellowship to kill Saruman, bada bing bada boom, done!" at the three skeptical looks she shrugged sheepishly, "well the concept is simple enough! Um, easier said then done I suppose?"
Elrond pursed his lips, "Quite."
Lizzie sighed and placed her hands on her lap, " Fine.you do your hocus pocus and I'll stay here." // Great, I'm actually in Middle Earth and I can't even go with the fellowship, how completely unfair!// She watched Gandalf place his staff in front of her and flinched, noting his frown, she shrugged. "I've had Saruman's staff waved in front of me, sorry if I'm not jumping for joy at seeing another one." At Gandalf's nod, he placed the tip against her forehead and started to mutter an incantation of sorts.
Elrond and Aragorn backed away.
Lizzie had a distinct feeling that it wasn't because they needed to stretch their legs.
She felt a slow heat start to wrap around her body, like a snake curling around her legs, waist, arms and torso. Then, as though it had entered her, it felt as though she was being stretched. Her heart started to beat faster, her breathing had gone ragged and her eyes where losing focus.
Everything stopped.
She fainted.
The first thing she noted was that there was an annoying ringing in her ears....she groaned, well, tried to groan. The sound that passed her lips was almost musical......MUSICAL?! Her eyes snapped open and came into super focus to see Gandalf standing over her, along with Elrond and Aragorn. She through herself into a sitting position and held her head as a wave of nausea hit her once more. She'd been doing that a lot. Rivendell must be bad for her health......
" I believe it has worked." Gandalf noted with a smile. Elrond looked like he was trying to catch flies and.........so was Aragorn for that matter.
"Close your mouths." Was that *her* voice?? She placed a hand over her mouth, then, slowly, realization came over her. She squeaked and placed her hands over her ears..her pointy ears. She looked down, the elven dress was too short.....no, her legs where to long. "Holy shit!" She snapped, eyes going wide.
"?es, it is definitely her. No other female of my people would have spoken in that fashion." Elrond said dryly, rising to stand up. Aragorn, who had closed his mouth by that point, held out his hand and Lizzie quickly took it. When she was pulled up, she had to keep her hand on his arm to keep from falling back down. "Geese, not even my heels where this bad......"
All three chose not to ask what 'heels' where.
"I believe that the first part of our plan is now in motion. Now then, Elizabeth-"
"Liz or Lizzie, please. I hate when people say my full name, it's too.......formal." She shrugged and Gandalf seemed to be the only one to understand why a woman would hate for her name to be formal.
"Lizzie, Aragorn needs to know what your friends look like so he can return them to Isengard, where the spell should be performed." Gandalf said, noting with wry amusement that she was barely paying any attention to him. But as soon as her friends came up, her head snapped to attention and he her had full focus.
"Right, well considering how the gods always have a sense of humour, 'cause they have nothing better to do, I'd take a wager and say that Sea is stuck in Lothlorien." Lizzie noted two blank stares. "Riiight, so anyway, She's 5'7 with-" She got another blank stare from the ranger. "Okayyy, she's tall for a girl, has blue eyes and curly auburn hair. You'll know her cause she'll most likely jump you......no wait, that's Nickey, Sea will jump Legolas. She's partly psychotic you see, so when she jumps the elf, you catch her k?" By that point both Elrond and Aragorn where thinking that all people from the other world where partly insane, but they chose not to comment.
Gandalf was trying hard not to laugh.
Lizzie continued. "Anyway, then there's Nickey. She talks to herself, so when you see a young girl babbling curses, you'll know it's her. She'll most likely be wearing pants and a shirt, so if you're not sure it's her, just ask her to where a dress. After the person is dead, you'll know it was her. She's also very tall, has blue in her hair......no she is not a demon......last time I checked anyway......and has green eyes." Lizzie looked at the ranger and noted that he looked almost terrified.
"Surely you jest milady....."He asked, eyes hopeful. She just looked at him and Aragorn was starting to reconsider volunteering to help the young girl find her 'friends'. By Elbereth, they where mad!
"Thanks Aragorn, you sure are nice and all volunteering to help me out."
Aragorn cleared his throat and said with a clear voice, "I do believe that the royal court is waiting for you milady." Lizzie's smirk faded and she gave him a glare.
"You're joking, right?" He smirked in turn. She glared back. Elrond cleared his throat. Gandalf noticed that no one was moving. "Well, then, Lithuiel lord Elohir and lord Elladan are waiting to meet their future bride."
"WHAT!?" surprisingly it was not Lizzie who had cried out, by lord Elrond himself. Lizzie had just lost her voice, she settled for spluttering.
"You told not of such an arrangement Mithrandir! You said that it was not permanent, now you say that.......that......" Then Elrond realized that Gandalf -had- said what he had been planning, but not in those such words. In shock, the lord of Rivendell fell to his chair and shook his head. "My sons are not going to like this......by Elbereth...."
Authors comment: hehehe, can't WAIT to see what the sons have to say about this eh? Well, I love to hear what you think. -smile
