Title: The Dark Apology
Author: Maea MacDermod
Email: maeve_aislinn@yahoo.com;
feedback is like a drug to me! Please, feed the monkey!
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: "Any society
that needs disclaimers has too many lawyers." - Erik Pepke (but just
in case… Don't sue me, please!)
Spoilers: So anything including
and prior to Heart of Mine is fair game.
Summary: This story is my
thoughts for the episode after Heart of Mine…. I'm an unspoiled Roswellian, so
it's all speculation based on CYN's preview.
Category: General
Distribution: Want
it? Take it… just let me know!
***
"Destiny is but a phrase of
the weak human heart - the dark apology for every error. The strong and
virtuous admit no destiny."
Edward
George Earle Lytton Bulwer-Lytton (1803-73)
***
By the
time I reached my room, I had pretty much gotten my sobbing under control, but
I knew my eyes must have been bloodshot which I'm sure matched my splotchy
cheeks perfectly. How did I know this? It was a dead giveaway with the welcome Sean
gave me when I entered.
Sean
stood from the bed, not even bothering to explain why he was in my room. "What's wrong? What happened?" he asked, full of
concern. In this past week, I have been
privy to a softer side of Sean DeLuca... a side I was beginning to like.
I tried
to smile as he stroked my cheek, "Nothing. Everything's fine."
He
tilted my chin up and softly met his lips to mine. "I'm getting a Max vibe from you."
"Not
everything in my life that upsets me is about Max Evans, Sean." I said, my
voice mopey at the mention of the alien's name.
"All
I'm saying is that I don't trust the guy… that whole hostage thing in the UFO
Center… that was extremely shady. And I
know shady, Liz. Aunt Amy doesn't
remember a thing…"
"Sean! I thought we agreed not to talk about that
anymore. Okay? I just had a tough day… actually, I'm having
quite a tough life. Just let it
go."
Sean
pulled me into his gentle arms and hugged me tight to his chest. "I'm sorry." As he started to lean down to kiss me, a
voice broke into the silence of the room.
"Am
I interrupting?" Our attention shot over to the window, where Maria was
half inside and half out. "I need
to talk to you, Liz…" she glanced at her cousin, "… alone."
I
crossed my arms over my chest. "He
doesn't have to go…" But Sean bent down to pick up his jacket. "You don't have to go!"
"Actually
I should. It's my night to cook
dinner. M… are you coming home? I need to know whether to open two or three
cans of Spaghetti-O's."
Maria
rolled her eyes. "Whatever, just
go."
He left
through the window she just vacated. "He didn't have to go, Maria."
"Listen,
Liz… it's Max and Tess—"
"Are
they okay? Did it not work?" a
hundred thousand scenarios flooded my head, and the room began to spin.
"Whoa! Calm down! They're fine… but I think there's something you should know. Max is planning on coming to see you. I just thought you would like some fair
warning."
"Why? I told him to leave me alone."
"That's
just it… I don't know why! After you
left, he bent down to kiss Tess, they both got these weird expressions on their
faces and then he asked for privacy. None of us know what happened, but Michael called me to tell me Max
mentioned coming to see you. I think
there was something weird about Tess's illness. Michael and Isabel said they felt something strange after you
healed her… like something was missing."
I
narrowed my eyes. "What do you
mean?"
"They
mentioned a pressure in their heads that had been present for the past couple
weeks. I don't know what it is, or was,
but they're thinking it was something alien. Liz… I think Max wants to get back together with you…"
"NO
WAY! Nuh-uh! I want him out of my life! I want to have a life again… preferably with someone who can't use the
'It Must Be Something Alien' excuse."
"Someone
like my loser cousin?" she said, her tone snappy.
"Maybe…
Sean is a good guy, Maria. He's been
here for me, when I needed him most. Max hasn't. I need—"
"You
need so much more than what he has to offer, Liz! Trust me, I'm your best friend. You need someone who is an equal to you… someone smart… someone who is
capable of loving you the way Max does… You need—"
"Normal! I need normal! Please. That's all I
want."
A light
knock on the door caused us both to look over and my heart to race. "Come in?" I answered.
My dad
pushed the door open. "Lizzie… Oh,
hey, Maria!"
"Hi,
Mr. Parker."
"Liz,
Suzie called in sick today… do you think you're up to working her shift? I really need you."
His
worried eyes searched my tired ones, for any sign of resistance. I was too drained to offer it. "Sure, dad. Let me change and I'll be right down."
I watched as a grin stretched on my father from ear to ear. I could almost see that for the first time
since Alex's death, he knew that I was going to make it through this. I wish I could be as confident as he. "Take your time, sweetie... there's no
customers right now." He turned
and exited my room and I looked back to Maria.
"You
need to find him and tell him that I want nothing else to do with him,
Maria."
"NO! I can't do that!"
I just
wanted this to be over… "You came here to tell me he's coming… now all I
want is for you to go tell him not to bother."
A
flicker of resignation crossed over her face, but only for a split second. "No… Let him come, Liz. Let him say what he needs to say, then let
it go. I'm done dealing with
this." Maria climbed out the same
window her cousin did moments earlier. "Hear him out… it might just change your mind."
**
Walking
down the stairs in full uniform seemed wrong… like life going on was just
wrong. I noticed my dad gathering his
stuff to leave the café.
"Lizzie! Hey, your mom's car broke down outside of
Hondo, so I have to go pick her up. Are
you going to be okay, alone?"
Actually,
aloneness sounded blissful. "I'll
be fine, dad."
"Great! Uh, Bethany and Erin are coming in to back
you up, and Michael is running the kitchen until Jose gets here. No customers so far, so if you could sweep
the pavement in front of the door, I'd love it." He paused, "I'm not overloading you on your first day back,
am I?"
"Daaad! Just go! You know how mom gets when you keep her waiting. I've handled this place a thousand
times."
With one
last worried glance at me, he finally jogged to the exit and left. Taking a deep breath, I grabbed the broom
and made my way towards the dining room. The breath caught in my throat as I walked through the door and was
confronted by Max.
"I
need to talk to you, Liz," he said, his eyes imploring for an
understanding I couldn't offer.
"I
said all I had to say, and I've listened to enough. Please just leave me alone."
Max
stepped closer, and I was afraid that he might try to connect with me, so I
jumped back. "I'm not going to
hurt you! I would never try to hurt
you!"
Fresh
tears stung my eyes, "Too late…"
He
continued on, "There are things that have happened recently… and both Tess
and I think something is wrong… or was wrong or whatever. We feel like we just woke up… and with that,
we have different feelings than we did before. Actually, we have the same feelings that we did before Prom, Liz. I want you to know this. I love you…"
I
clasped my hands over my ears, not waiting to hear anything else. "NO! NO, no, no, no, no! Stop it! We can't go back, Max. We can't go back because when I look at
you..." I wiped away a tear that threatened to streak down my cheek...
"When I look at you all I can see is Alex's blood on your hands."
He tore
his gaze away from mine and focused on his hands. "Liz…" Max began his apologies.
"NO! No, please… just understand – for once, just
understand. You coming here and telling
me that this has all been some sort of cosmic mistake is not going to make things
better. Saying you love me is not going
to set things right. Alex is dead! And nothing you say can ever bring my friend
back to me."
I
sharply pulled away, and ran bleary-eyed through the kitchen door, desperate
for the solitude of my room. I stopped
in my tracks, surprised to see Isabel blocking my path to the stairs. We stared at each other wordlessly for a
moment, and then a single tear fell from her eyes. She shattered the uneasy silence between us, as if she dropped a
glass to the ground.
"Don't
blame him, Liz. Don't blame Max."
I'm
uncertain as to why, but her words opened the dam of tears again and the
uncontrolled sobbing that has been my life resumed.
Isabel
talked over my whimpers. "If you
need to place blame, go ahead. Right
here…" she opened her arms wide, welcoming any emotion I was willing to
hurdle at her. My cries continued on,
as did her monologue. "He was
there because of me, Liz. Me, not Max
or Tess or anyone else. Me."
My voice
cracked. "He was so happy with
you."
"I
was happy with him. All I have to give
me comfort is that he died well."
"Alex
is gone! Who cares if he died
well? Dead is dead!"
"He
died as he lived… protecting what he loved. That was important to him and it should be to you. But what I really meant was… the assassin
was there because of me. He came to
kill me – Alex was an accident. So if
you need someone to blame, blame me."
"I
can't blame you, Isabel. You loved
him. Max should have saved him."
She
sighed, "I couldn't save him either! That weapon was pure agony, Liz. Alex knocked me out of the way to stop that… After he died –" her
voice faltered. "I incinerated the
Skin. He was dead and gone before Alex
even hit the pavement. Vengeance…"
"If
that's what you needed…"
"Killing
him drained me! If I would have just
let him go, I may have been able to save Alex. I let him down." Isabel's
cool demeanor crumbled. "If you
don't want to blame me, that's fine… cause I blame myself! I let Alex die!"
I found
my feet moving my body forward as I reached out to comfort her. Before I could make contact with her skin,
she sharply raised her hand, warding me off.
"Don't…
please! Just listen to me. Max loves you. He always has, and he always will."
"He's
with Tess now…" her name tasted like bile in my mouth.
"That's
wrong… he see it now. Hell! She sees it now. You know things have been wrong for a long time. I can see it in your eyes."
"What
I think and what's actually true are two different things, Isabel. Destiny is being served," I turned
away, unable to meet her sad expression any longer.
Her
voice spiked in anger. "That's
bull and you know it is, Liz! You know
it!"
My back
to her, she took this opportunity to leave. I listened to her footsteps fade away, and eventually heard the back
door swish shut. Once I was sure she
was gone, I turned to make the trip up to my room. Once more a person stopped me in my path, though this time I was
frozen in terror.
"Nicolas!" I
exclaimed, the air whooshing out of my lungs.
***
