Still Holding Out For You
By Lady Trunks
Part 19
Woo Hoo, it's almost a decent sized chapter. And I found a way to put the song in. Now it doesn't follow it word for word, but then that would be redundant (plus, that if I did that it would pretty much guarantee that Rogue dies). Anyways, it's the meaning behind the song anyway, so…
J.Dax- See I updated and it's actually a chapter. ^_^
UntouchableHeart- That's too bad. I have to force myself to write, just because I procrastinate so much. Maybe what you need is a muse to torture. ^^
Lucky439- I've been thinking that I need to write a short lil' marriage fic just for you. Is humor okay, or would you prefer it to be all all sappy and romantic. And I hope you are feeling better. My next story... I actually have two that I'm debating which one I want to work on next. One is a Pietro/Rogue/Remy fic, called A Night To Remember. Rogue wakes up in bed with both guys, then remembers the events leading up to it. And also Narcissists Anonymous, where Rogue absorbs Pietro's power and ends up with a lasting side effect, his ego. Both are humor fics. I think I want to finish A Night to Remember first.
Kat Xcelmen- I hope this is soon enough. ^^
X-DarkHorizon-X- Well, it's not really a cliff hanger this time. Mostly.
HoneyBug16- Excellent chapter. I just love your fics.
Mori- So it really was sad? I never know, I don't do angst well, but I do try. Now this chapter I tried even harder. We'll see.
Roguechere - How can you say that I'm evil after what you just sent to me. You did it on purpose to torture me, that's a teaser if I ever read one. And I have to *FORCE* myself to update. I can't go to sleep at night until I type the next chapter. I was up until 5 a.m. last night. As for the Todd romance, normally I would agree, but after reading Sugar and Spice by Todd Fan... (How can you not like anything she writes? Even though she did break Rogue and Pietro up and made me cry. I have definite issues over that one!) And I sent you one of my cupid-Todds. And thanks for the permission to kill... Even if it is only Jean. ^_^
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Pietro looked up towards the door for the millionth time before his gaze dropped once more to the floor in front of his chair. He ignored the looks of concern that were directed his way as he continued alternating his glance between the door and the floor. After Kitty had told everyone what had happened, he had sat down in a chair in the corner and proceeded to completely shut everyone out as they all waited for news.
It had been over an hour since Rogue had been taken into the surgical room of the medical ward, and as yet no one had come out. Kitty was sobbing in a corner of the room, where a tearful Jean was trying her best to comfort her. The rest of the students as well as Ororo and Mystique were in various positions around the room while the other adults (Professor Xavier, Hank, and Logan) were in the med lab.
Finally, after what seemed an eternity to the anxious mutants, a weary Professor Xavier exited the room and came to them. He gave them all a reassuring smile, though it fell slightly flat.
"How is she?" Mystique asked quickly, before the others had a chance.
"We have her stabilized for now. The fall broke several ribs, one of which punctured a lung, which we repaired. She also has a broken leg as well as a broken wrist, which have been set. Now all we can do is wait." Though his words were reassuring, there was a bleakness in his eyes that caused them to question if it was in fact worse than he was making it out to be.
"Couldn't Wolverine touch her, and help her heal?" Jean suggested. The others, having not thought of that began to brighten, but there hope was dashed as Professor Xavier mournfully shook his head.
"We tried that, but somehow this power that she absorbed is blocking her normal absorption powers."
"But she's going to be alright, right?" Kitty asked pleadingly.
But once again the professor gave them bad news. "It was a very long fall, and there is the possibility that there was some brain trauma and that kind of thing is always tricky. Her condition is critical… There's not much more that we can do until she wakes up. And the longer she's unconscious…"
His voice trailed off, and Pietro finished the sentence for him in a flat voice. "The less likely she is to wake up." Xavier nodded. Several hands reached out to comfort the boy, but he brushed them all aside.
"Can we see her?" Mystique asked.
"One at a time, and only for short periods." He turned his attention to Pietro. "Would you like…" His voice trailed of as the boy disappeared up the stairs, away from the room where Rogue was staying. He sighed deeply and said softly. "This isn't going to be easy for him."
"For any of us." Ororo added gently.
~*~*~*~
Pietro raced up the stairs and into his room, where he shut the door and laid down on his bed staring up at the ceiling. His mind was racing but he refused to think about her, instead forcing his mind into a self-induced daze. His reasoning, if you don't think, you don't feel. He wasn't sure how long he stayed there, but eventually the sun sat and darkness enfolded the room.
Never thought I'd be in this place
It's someone else's life I'm living
Wish I were living a lie
The hardest part is when the bough breaks
Falling down and then forgiving
You didn't kiss me good-bye
I'm choking on the words I didn't get to say
And pray I get the chance one day
Though his plan had been working, as the light faded away and darkness invaded the room, he couldn't keep the thoughts of her away any longer. One thought was at the forefront, 'If I had been there…" But he hadn't been there for her, not when she needed him the most. And to top it all off, he knew that something had been bothering her earlier, and he had never got the chance to talk to her about it.
I still run, I still swing open the door
I still think, you'll be there like before
Doesn't everybody out there know to never come around
Some things a heart won't listen to
I'm still holding out for you
The worst part of all was that he had an idea of what she had wanted to tell him. Or at least what he hoped that she was going to tell him. The same thing that he had wanted to tell her for a while, but couldn't quite get up the nerve. And the thought that he might never get the chance to tell her was almost more than he could bear.
I can hear you smile in the dark
I can even feel you breathing
But daylight chases the ghosts
I see your coat and I fall apart
To those hints of you I'm clinging
Now's when I need them most
I should get up, dry my eyes and move ahead
At least that's what you would have said
Pietro pushed the thought aside and rolled over in the bed. He could almost see her lying there, as if she had come to him after a nightmare. How he wished that that were the case. Only this time it was his nightmare, one he desperately wished that he would wake up from and find her lying beside him.
I still run, I still swing open the door
I still think, you'll be there like before
Doesn't everybody out there know to never come around
Some things a heart won't listen to
I'm still holding out for you
There was a soft knock on the door and with a frustrated sigh he rose and went over to answer it. "What?" he hissed into Kitty's tearstained face. Her eyes widened and her bottom lip trembled.
"I just wanted to see if you were alright."
"Of course I am. Just Peachy. Thank you for stopping by." He said sarcastically, while trying to shut the door in her face.
Of course by definition of who she is, Kitty was able to phase right through the door and into the room. "I know you're not alright. I just wanted to see how you were holding up. And obviously not well."
"Well thank you, Doctor Freud, for that wonderful analysis. Now could you leave?"
"Not until I'm sure your okay."
"LEAVE! NOW!" He ordered her.
"Look, I know how you feel…"
"You know how I feel?" He asked, voice dangerously soft. Though moments before all he had felt was despondent, that was quickly changing to anger and he welcomed it. "You have no idea how I felt."
"I think I do! She's my friend too!" Kitty was starting to get angry now too.
"YOU WANT TO KNOW HOW I FEEL?! I'M PISSED!" Reaching out, he grabbed the nearest item, which in this case happened to be a lamp, and flung it across the room where it hit the wall and shattered. "WHAT WERE YOU THREE THINKING TO TRY TO TAKE HER ON YOURSELF? WHY DIDN'T YOU CALL FOR HELP? WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST LEAVE? WHY DID SHE HAVE TO ABSORB HER? WHY…" His voice trailed off there, before he continued in a much softer and uneven voice, "Why wasn't I there when she needed me?" He fought to keep the tears that were threatening to fall back.
"I was there." Kitty said wretchedly, "And I couldn't do anything but watch as she fell." Her shoulders shook as she once again started weeping.
Fighting down his own emotions, he tried to deal with the hysterical female. "Don't blame yourself Kitty. It wasn't your fault."
"How can you tell me not to blame myself when you're doing the same thing?"
"It's different. Look, I appreciate your concern and all, but I would really like to be alone, if you don't mind." She gave a small nod and turned and left the room, leaving Pietro alone once again.
Faithfully, I trace your name while you sleep
It's the only true comfort I feel
After Kitty had left, he tried to once again return to his daze, but it was impossible now. He had to do what he had been putting off all day. With that knowledge in mind he left the room and silently slipped down the hall into the elevator, which he took down to the sublevel.
I still run, I still swing open the door
I still think you'll be there like before
He arrived at the med labs and taking a deep breath to steel his resolve he entered the room that he knew Rogue was being stayed in. Despite his attempts to prepare himself, he was still brought up short at the sight of Rogue before him. She lay on the bed with monitors all around her and tubes going into her, and her pale skin, normally a flawless white, was covered with bruises and all swollen.
He pulled a chair up beside the bed and sat down. He reached his hand out, and after hesitating for a second gently picked her uninjured hand up; her uninjured, ungloved hand. Pietro was actually touching Rogue skin-to-skin for the first time.
And for Pietro, that was the final blow. For the first time, he let go of his restraints and let the tears fall.
I still run, I still swing open the door
I still think, you'll be there like before
Doesn't everybody out there know to never come around
Some things a heart won't listen to
I'm still holding out for you
Holding out
Holding out for you
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The song is Still Holding Out For You by SheDaisy. If you haven't heard it I would recommend it. The whole CD's pretty good. This fic is actually based on the song, only it got a bit of track. Which is probably a good thing in the long run.
BTW: It is possible to put yourself into a daze where you go through the motions of everything, without it actually registering. It's how I got through Middle School. ^^ Unfortunately I forgot how, so I had to do High School the hard way.
