Flying over the Pacific Ocean was depressing. He couldn't sleep, even though spending three years grabbing whatever sleep he could on that peace of cloth the army called a mattress, Hawkeye just couldn't sleep. Which left plenty of time for thinking. He tried to feel excited, and, granted he was happy to go home to Crabapple Cove, he just didn't feel as happy as he should. The kids that were over there fighting for their lives were going home. No more senseless deaths! No more war! For now, until the US decides to be a hero again. But for now, the world was peaceful, but he just wasn't happy.

The handsome surgeon sat his in little seat next to other soldiers who were celebrating, but he just wasn't in the spirit. He absentmindedly ran his hands through his Black with gray hair. Just three years ago it was jet black. There were more wrinkles around his face. Rather than 33, the young man looked a little more like 40. The war had taken a toll on everyone; at least his did actually harm him. Apart from a few scars from falling over in the Officer's Club, he had no other injuries. He considered himself lucky. Well, physically anyway. Most of these guys were going home to their sweethearts, their wives, or both. He had nobody home. He dated just about every girl in Crabapple Cove that wasn't married or a child, but he never felt right with any of them.

Margaret. A simple kiss from her fulfilled him more than anything he'd done with another girl. When he kissed her that last time it was as if his soul left his mouth, and into her, and she drove off with it. He just couldn't get her out of his head. Why couldn't he tell her how he felt? Now it's too late. Sure, he told her if she was ever in Maine to look him up, but why would she? Hawkeye was sure she'd want to forget the war and everything about it as soon as possible, and didn't need him to help stir up the bad memories. She would be impossible to look up. She might go back to the States, that is what she wanted to do, but her father suggested Belgium, or Tokyo. He'd never find her, and she would probably like it best that way.

After hours of being lost in his thoughts, the plane finally lands in San Francisco. He gets off looks around, watching all these soldiers returning home, giving their lovers hugs and kisses. He scanned the crowd, silly to do, since everyone he knew was on the East Coast. Although he couldn't really help it, he was a head taller than just about everyone else. One other head stood out. White hair, a few wrinkles, other than that just like him.

"Dad?" He thought aloud. He walked closer and realized it was him and started running. "DAD!!!!" He grabbed the older Pierce and gave him a huge hug. "What the hell are you doing here??"

"You know, a hello would be more appropriate since you've been gone for three years. You think I'd miss the first time you step on American soil for the first time in three years?"

"Dad, sorry, it's just, I didn't expect you here that's all. God, I really don't know what to say! I must look and smell horrible" "Well, you could use a shave, shower, haircut, brush your teeth, brush your hair." "I get it I get it.I'm a mess. I can't wait to get home and scrub this layer of Korea off of me."

Daniel looked at him. He looked a lot the same. Same hair cut, just a little longer, a little grayer and a few wrinkles.a fair amount for a 33 year old, but the war was probably to blame. After a while back he'd look better. Once he got a decent sleep. He was smiling.well his mouth was, but his eyes, looked different. Maybe it was because of the horrors he'd seen but it didn't seem like it. He seemed to be missing something. His deep blue eyes that could tell so much looked lost.

"Dad? Dad. Where are you?? We'd better get going the flight was just called"

"Oh. Yeah. Sure son. Is there anything you need to talk about? You know you can always talk to me. I might not understand it-"

"Dad I'm fine, okay. I know, my cheese slipped off it's cracker for a bit, but Sydney helped me pick it up and put it back on. I'm fine now. Let's go."

He picked up his bags started to walk through the crowded airport while Daniel followed him. "Hawkeye, Ben.I just want you to know that, well, maybe not here, but when we get home."

"Yeah yeah. We gotta get going. Com'on"

****

Hours later the plane landed in Portland. The two tall doctors got up and stretched. The planes weren't equipped for people with as long legs as theirs. Hawkeye and Daniel got their bags and headed out to the car, Hawkeye's '47 Desoto.

I don't know what a Desoto is besides car, so bare with me. I'm saying it's a convertible but hey I could be wrong

"Hey hey!!! I didn't think it'd still be running when I got home. Thanks for taking care of it dad"

"No problem. It was kind of a hobby for me. Every now and again, especially Saturdays, I'd drive it into town, keep it in check. I'd drive it down to the beach with the hood down, the breeze in my hair. No wonder why you loved this car so much, Hawk. This thing is great for picking up girls! You have no idea how many women in Crabapple Cove would wave to me when I was driving in this thing. I was sitting in it by the beach one day, and Ruth Patterson, you know, widow, always had her eye on me, she came over and we started talking. Well, next thing you know she's in the car on the way back to my place-" "Dad! Enough said!! I don't wanna.ewww. DAD!!! I'm never gonna be able to drive this around town anymore! Thanks for keeping it in check, but you're never using to get girls anymore! EWW!!"

"Don't worry son. The backseat was never touched once"

"EWW!! I don't even want to THINK about that! How could you tell me this! I'm your son."

By this time Daniel was just having fun laughing at his son and his embarrassment. He thought he'd have a bit more fun first. "Com'on Hawk! You and I both know that I'm a man. So are you. Men with needs. Needs that need to be fulfilled from time to time. You're a doctor, and I know you learned about it in medical school. I'm sure you knew from experience before that though."

"Hey dad. Come on. I am a doctor, but still I can't talk about this stuff with you!"

"We had our talk when you were 16, sure. About protecting yourself?! We've talked about it before"

"The scientific part of it, yes. Not this stuff"

"What, my sex life? What's wrong with that? How do you think you got here?"

"Dad, don't mention sex life and you in the same sentence again. This is just disturbing. I'm gonna have to sell this car. I mean, every girl has seen you driving it around. They'll all think I need my dad's car to score- um.ahem. Well, let's go home, shall we?! What's for supper?"

Daniel got in the passenger side for the first time ever so Hawkeye could drive home. Besides, he was laughing so hard he had tears in his eyes and couldn't see clearly. Once Hawkeye got his stuff in the backseat, he got in and started the car. He looked over only to see his dad suppressing his laugh as best he could but was shaking and dying to burst out.

"What's so funny?" Hawkeye knew what he said, but he wanted to pretend that he hadn't said that, and that his dad never heard him.

Daniel lost it then and laughed the same boisterous laugh that both of the men had. Between breaths he managed to get out "You.said.You won't.be.able to score!" And he started all over again.

"Anyway, dad, it sure is great to be back in Maine. Hmm, hasn't changed a bit. Can't wait to go get some lobster down to Nan's with some of her famous chocolate cheesecake for dessert. What are we having for supper anyway Dad?"

By now Daniel had gotten his laugher under control and was able to tell him that that was exactly what he was planning. The father and son, who were more like brothers laughed about old times the rest of the way home and all through dinner.

***

That evening, the men sat in their living room, Daniel in his chair and Hawkeye sprawled out on the couch. Since it was July, they didn't have the fire lit, but Hawkeye was staring off into the fireplace, as if mesmerized by it. They each had a drink in hand, and were just enjoying each others company.

"Look, Benjamin."

Hawkeye looked up. "Great. The "B" word. What's coming now?"

"I've noticed you're not the same. I know war can do that, but it doesn't seem to be it. I don't know. It's just, you're acting the same, but you're eyes look different. Empty even. Not haunted, like with memories, but you actually seem like you're missing something. Or somebody. I know I wasn't there, and can't understand, but

"You're right." Hawkeye interrupted. "You weren't there. You wouldn't understand. Sure I got the memories, but there is something else." He started pacing, it scared him that he was this obvious.

"Does this have anything to do with a certain Major?"

"Charles? No. He's not my type"

"There you go again son. Joking about it, like with the car. Every time I mention girls or dating you either joke about it or change the subject. I've read your letters, and I can read between the lines. I may not know about the war, but I certainly understand how it feels when your heart is with someone else. For 23 years I"

"Dad, don't bring Mom into this. I don't want to talk about it. I'm tired. I'm going to go to bed. Goodnight."

Daniel sighed. "Goodnight, son. Your bed is all changed out and your clothes are washed so they're not musty. Get out of that olive drab and we'll burn it, okay?"

Hawkeye climbed the stairs and went into his bedroom. The same bedroom he's had since he was born. 33 years and it remained unchanged. Well, 32 if you count the first year in a crib. The same quilt on it. He used to use it for making a tent in when he was little. He'd read his comic books until his Mom came in and tucked him in. When she died, he spent night after night using the quilt to muffle his sobs. He also remembered once in high school when his Dad was gone fishing for the weekend. He had a girl over, for the first time. That was the first and only time he'd made love in his own bedroom. He thought about how for most of his life his dad was right down the hall so he couldn't sneak girls in. For the past three years he had to use the supply room because he shared the same small place, no bigger that his bedroom with two other guys at a time. His quilt had seen so many things. Things that no other person knew were between him and that quilt. His quilt knew everything about him up until 3 years ago. He had changed.

He realized that he had been just staring at his bed for a long time and decided to get a long hot shower first. He went into the bathroom, shaved, took off his clothes and got an hour-long shower, just soaking in the warm water. He started to drift off into his own little world again. He thought of Margaret. He couldn't get that kiss off his mind. Hmm the warm water is nice, but maybe I could use a cold one right now. He turned the water cooler, and felt a little better. When he was done he got out and just looked at himself in the mirror. It was the first time he'd gotten a good look at himself in three years. The only mirrors at camp were just large enough to look into to shave. God, he was skinny. All that mess tent food. He wasn't quite as muscular as he was at one time. He put on his boxers and a shirt. Ahh, civilian clothes. How nice, he thought.

He got into bed and just stared at the ceiling. The while ceiling. Not olive drab canvas. The solid walls around him, the comfortable bed. It was just so nice. So quiet. Normally he could hear everything. Charles snoring, BJ having dreams about Peg, the still, the jeeps in the compound, choppers, Margaret singing as she brushed her hair. Margaret. He couldn't get his mind off of her.he was going to go crazy!! Finally, he drifted off into a deep, dreamless sleep.