Author: RedDwarfette

Email: SpikeyVampPunk@yahoo.com.au

Rating: R - Just to be on the safe side.

Summary: Buffy's preggers and whose to blame? A certain Blonde Vampire with a little help from a Cabbage Patch Gnome. Season 6. If this sucks, at least I know there's enough Vampire in it :)

Disclaimer: The characters within this fanfiction are completely the property of Joss Whedon and UPN. I claim the situation they find themselves in & the idea of the Cabbage Patch Gnome J

The Cabbage Patch Kid - RedDwarfette

Chapter 4 – Spike, you're so…

19th/3/2002

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Buffy and Spike waited in tense silence for Hughbert to continue. He looked at the table, the goblins sitting across from them, anywhere but at them. He started to speak twice but couldn't find the right words and stopped. Buffy groped Spikes hand and nearly squeezed it off his arm trying to control her rising fear. Hughbert remained silent and she couldn't take it a moment longer.

"What is it?" Buffy shrieked unable to contain herself. The patrons of the bar looked over at their table before returning to their drinks.

"I, uh, well," Hughbert spluttered. He paused and took a breath, "You both know, that as a Cabbage Patch Gnome my specialty is fertilisation. What you don't know is that it is more to it than me picking random couples to assist," he winced on the last word remembering Buffy's previous anger at mention of his 'help'.

"Hughbert, I think you better tell us what the bloody hell is going on," Spike said in a hard voice.

"Alright sonny, take it easy, I'll explain," the Gnome said pulling out a handkerchief and mopping his brow, "When I meet potential parents, who for whatever reason can't conceive, my hands start tingling as a sign that I'm supposed to aid them. Which is what happened when I met you that night at the Bar," he said to Spike.

"Well, most of the couples I help have been trying to have children for a long time and by the time the child is conceived there are plenty of applicants waiting for the chance to be born. With you two it's different. I wasn't thinking at the time, to tell you the truth, I may have been a tad affected by the drink you brought me. The fact is, you two conceived that night, without me getting the proper clearance first."

"So what?" said Buffy in a worried voice, "What difference does it make?"

"A big one, unfortunately. There is a possibility that there won't be anyone willing to take the job and if so, the pregnancy is cancelled," Hughbert said looking green.

Buffy gasped for air, "What do you mean? This isn't like you're repossessing a house or a CD player here! I'm already pregnant, what can you do about it?"

"I can't do anything," the Gnome said, "The higher powers however can and it would mean the child will have never existed."

"You're bloody shitting me," said Spike with fire in his eyes, "They can't do this!" He continued with a frantic expression, "What do I have to do to stop it?"

"There's nothing that can be done, mate," Hughbert sighed, "We can only wait and hope that someone will chose to be your baby before midnight tonight."

"What? Why then?" Buffy said close to tears.

"Didn't I say?" Hughbert looked at them with pity before answering, "After a baby is conceived there is a two month period when the soul, personality, whatever you want to call it enters the body. If not…"

Buffy stood up and ran out of the bar, Spike followed and found her in the woods being sick. He gently wrapped his arms around her waist when she finished.

"Spike, I'm so scared. I didn't think I wanted a baby but now we are having one I know I can't give it up," Buffy turned and sobbed into his shoulder.

"Shh, don't worry, pet," he said stroking her hair, "I won't let them do anything to you or the baby. Come on, let's get out of these woods and back to your place. I don't want you to catch a cold with junior here," Spike said leading her away from the Otherworlde Bar. She gave him a weak smile through her tears and followed.

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After making Buffy a hot cocoa and settling her on the couch at her house, Spike decided to broach the subject that was so dear to his heart.

"Ah, Buffy?" he said with an innocent look.

"Yes, Spike?" she answered in a tried voice with her eyes closed. If they had of been open she would have realised what he was going to say next.

"I think we have something to discuss, don't you?" he asked her. Suddenly Buffy knew what was coming. She was surprised he been able to contain himself and his ego for this long, even with the threat of losing their child hanging over their heads. She knew what he wanted to hear and gave it to him.

"Spike, you are the sexiest Vampire, man, being I've ever met. I was a fool not to dump Angel as soon as I saw you," Buffy said eyes still closed, "You are so smart. I am overwhelmed. I drool at the sight of you. Even Willow and Tara think you're cute but I'd beat them up for looking twice at my hunk'o'love. Only bleached blonde hair on you, gives me tingles. Your poetry is wonderful. I thank you every moment for you gracing me with the product of your loins."

She opened her eyes watching his smug expression. "Anything else, sweetie?"

"Oh," she continued in a monotone voice, "Your lair is to die for. You have excellent taste. You look so hot in your duster. I may have to ban Dawn from seeing you so her crush that she had on you doesn't come back. Black nail polish sets off your hands divinely. Xander is so jealous of your sexual power. I want to be with you every moment. My life is worthless without you. Dru was crazy for leaving you. I won't make that mistake."

She watched him nod his head to every comment, "And?"

"I never thought anything good came out of Britain till I met you," she said obediently, "I love your accent. No one makes cocoa like you do. I should have married you when you proposed during Willows spell. I never wanted to have sex in a bathtub until you were chained in one. Riley was a huge mistake on my part, please forgive me. You are so charming and bad. You can shag me whenever you want. Please do!"

Buffy waited knowing that her remarks hadn't even come close to pacifying him. "Well, I know you mean all those things, luv, since they're true," he said leaning forward for a kiss.

Buffy gave a heartfelt sighed, glad he wouldn't tease her anymore and moved closer but before their lips could meet he pulled back, "You forgot the soul part, pet."

"Are you ever going to let me forget that?" she asked knowing there was no way in hell he would now that he had the advantage.

"Nope. Not as long as we live," he said with a mischievous grin, "Although I could be persuaded to drop it sometimes, if you catch my drift."

"I can't believe that's all you can think about at a time like this," Buffy said with a groan.

"Well," he said leaning closer, "Let's put it this way, what choice do I have? Here I have a hottie Slayer knocked up by me, in a vulnerable state on her couch, with her little sister out and disaster not scheduled to arrive for," he consulted the clock on the wall, "Another hour and a half. Come on, you know you want to," he said waggling his brows at her.

She sighed knowing now was not the time. What the hell? She thought, shrugged her shoulders and grabbed him.